Sense and Sensuality ("Loving" Spinny)

[RegaLady]

I started reading Sex Secrets of An American Geisha. It's the scribd one though so I can only read it on my laptop. I skimmed through the later chapters because I was curious and couldn't wait to get to the sex secrets.

Are the sections about how to find and marry a man still worth a married woman reading?

Also, I tend to always want to read books about strengthening relationships and/or pleasing my husband when I know I should really work on myself first. While I always appreciate learning ways to get more out of my sex life, I want to start with me. Which, if any, of these books is more about the transformation/improvement of the woman? (I hope that question made sense). I really need to serve myself first and stop trying to please and/or change others.

Last question (for now-- I have so many). My husband has complained about what I wear around the house/to bed a few times. I'm not working this year, so I'm not inclined to put on a "real outfit" just to cook, clean, and chill in. I think that's the real problem for him, which I guess is easily fixable. However, what should I wear to sleep? I can't imagine myself walking around the house in "sexy" pajamas. What is everyone wearing to bed (especially if you have kids) and do you put it on right before you go to bed? Maybe I'm wearing my pajamas too early or too long.

YES!

As a married woman, Mama Gena's Secrets of Womanly Arts as well as others taught me alot when reading the catch a man/marry a man sections. I think those sections empower women and let them know how to communicate with men.(Sometimes married women lose this when we get married) When I am an empowered, confident, sexy woman, I am secure in myself and my husband senses this as well. I don't become a needy wife or wife who is feeling like my husband is my identity, if that makes sense. I am my own individual in a marriage and he respects this. Then we can conquer the world together.

Powerful and Feminine does the same thing. For understanding men as a wife I like to read "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhann. She gives good insight on how to please your husband in a healthy way. I say this because I don't care for "desperation pleasing" books

About the what to wear around the house, I had the same conflicts you had. So instead I wear a sexy, long maxi gown around the house in a vibrant color. It is modest enough to wear around the children and sexy enough where Dh can appreaciate it. I want to wear dresses as often as possible, even when at home. The material feels close to my skin and lightweight and it is functional at the same time.

 

[FemmeFatale]

RegaLady, I didn't know you had kiddies too!

 

[daviine]

Thanks @RegaLady. Can you provide a link showing what you bought or share a store? When you say gown--we mean pajama gown right? I had one that I bought from Target a few years ago and I tried wearing it a few months ago. It no longer fit so I finally got rid of it this week. I think we're talking about the same thing but I think mine was made of cotton. I have a teenaged boy so I sometimes I think he'll notice the change. Maybe he won't but I guess I have to convince myself that there's nothing wrong with what I'm doing. I just feel so guilty but really I'm just trying to be more feminine, right? It seems so simple but I don't know why it isn't for me.

Thanks again. I'll be checking those books out soon. Deciding if I want them from the library or on my kindle app.

 

[TracyNicole]

I started reading Sex Secrets of An American Geisha. It's the scribd one though so I can only read it on my laptop. I skimmed through the later chapters because I was curious and couldn't wait to get to the sex secrets.

Are the sections about how to find and marry a man still worth a married woman reading?
Yes! I still found it very helpful. I agree with Regalady. For example, when she talks about prioritizing your time if you want to get a man. Those priorities also hold true for keeping a man. Like she details how your career should allow enough time for self care and dating...that is true for women looking and married ones too. Other examples but that's what pops immediately into mind.

Which, if any, of these books is more about the transformation/improvement of the woman? (I hope that question made sense). I really need to serve myself first and stop trying to please and/or change others.
Mama Gena's, Mama Gena's, Mama Gena's...of all the books I read, this one focused the most on putting yourself first as being the most important step for transforming your life.

My husband has complained about what I wear around the house/to bed a few times.
I'm in the same boat. My husband told me he didn't like some of my things so I told him if you can find the funds in the budget to purchase items we both like we can let some things go. Well he found it really quickly. We spent an afternoon pulling some items to donate and then talked about what he liked. I got to go shopping and then he got a private viewing
I love flylady's methods because although you don't think it's important, I noticed an improvement in my husband's disposition when I get up and get dressed every morning. I am asking him to consider homemaking as work but I can't get dressed for work? That's crazy. At night I wear a silk dressing robe until bedtime and now I sleep nude with the robe at my bedside. DH calling my nightgown nursing home gowns cured me of the desire to cling to them

Did this make sense? HTH!

 

[RegaLady]

Thanks @RegaLady. Can you provide a link showing what you bought or share a store? When you say gown--we mean pajama gown right? I had one that I bought from Target a few years ago and I tried wearing it a few months ago. It no longer fit so I finally got rid of it this week. I think we're talking about the same thing but I think mine was made of cotton. I have a teenaged boy so I sometimes I think he'll notice the change. Maybe he won't but I guess I have to convince myself that there's nothing wrong with what I'm doing. I just feel so guilty but really I'm just trying to be more feminine, right? It seems so simple but I don't know why it isn't for me.

Thanks again. I'll be checking those books out soon. Deciding if I want them from the library or on my kindle app.

LOL, I had the same issue. I have a son and I cannot lie, I wasn't sure if I could express femininty and raise him along with Dh. I felt some of the conflict.

I don't have a store in mind, but there are a few examples on ebay.I'll see if I can get some examples.

Just simple. Every woman is different, you have to find style that works for you.

 

[BK Bombshell]

TracyNicole
FemmeFatale

I went to a Mama Gena orientation about 3 years ago for a story. From what I saw (and the graduates I spoke with), I wouldn't pay $5,500 for it. There was a lot of rah-rah going on and the women seemed to be enjoying themselves, but it didn't feel "real" to me. When I spoke with a few graduates, they all gave glowing reviews (but they were also recruited to be there for that purpose, so I took that with a grain of salt.) Overall, if it was maybe $200-300, I might do it just for fun, but $5k+ is way too much. I think you'd probably be better off just concentrating on the exercises in the book and maybe get a few friends to meet once/week to work through it with you.

OAN, I did get a pink feather boa that's still hanging on my closet door.

 

[daviine]

Thanks RegaLady. Those are much nicer than the one I had.

 

[daviine]

Thanks TracyNicole. I will definitely read Mama Gena's first. I'm going to request it from the library. But if I find that I'm wanting to highlight a lot, I will get the kindle version, if there is one.

DH said he would buy something and make me throw stuff away, but he hasn't yet. Which is good for me because I know exactly what he will throw away first and I'm not going to let go so easily. DH talks ish about my pjs and my robe all the time but I'm not yet ready to ditch them. I'm definitely going to look for some new gowns though! I like the way you and your DH approached it though.

How did I know Flylady was going to come up? I finally decided to try it her way but I haven't actually done it yet.

Thanks again.

 

[ladysaraii]

YES!

As a married woman, Mama Gena's Secrets of Womanly Arts as well as others taught me alot when reading the catch a man/marry a man sections. I think those sections empower women and let them know how to communicate with men.(Sometimes married women lose this when we get married) When I am an empowered, confident, sexy woman, I am secure in myself and my husband senses this as well. I don't become a needy wife or wife who is feeling like my husband is my identity, if that makes sense. I am my own individual in a marriage and he respects this. Then we can conquer the world together.

Powerful and Feminine does the same thing. For understanding men as a wife I like to read "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhann. She gives good insight on how to please your husband in a healthy way. I say this because I don't care for "desperation pleasing" books

About the what to wear around the house, I had the same conflicts you had. So instead I wear a sexy, long maxi gown around the house in a vibrant color. It is modest enough to wear around the children and sexy enough where Dh can appreaciate it. I want to wear dresses as often as possible, even when at home. The material feels close to my skin and lightweight and it is functional at the same time.

RegaLady

Which books do you think fall into the category of "desperation pleasing"

 

[RegaLady]

@RegaLady

Which books do you think fall into the category of "desperation pleasing"

ladysaraii

I can't think of any on the top of my head, but I have browsed some books and magazines while I was looking for femininity, relationship, etc books. I just don't care for the "please your man because you are lucky to have him" idea. It is nothing against pleasing your man, but when I get hints of desperation (jumping through hoops to keep him) advice, I don't care for it. I believe men should be jumping through hoops and women should just be-well feminine.

 

[Enyo]

Behold, Ladies. It is amazing at how different one movement can be. Here's a short lesson on the subtleties of sensual movements.

Let's start with Michelle. If I didn't know better, I'd think she was just wiping her brow because of the flames. While her hand is the most elegant out of the three, just floating it across her rather stationary head doesn't do much. Hang in there, Michelle. They'll turn the fire off in a moment.

On to King Bey. She is in full diva mode here. Notice how her fingers are spread wide apart so that her whole face is fully visible for the entire movement. Also, she gives a rather crisp toss of the head and push of the hip right before she transitions into the next step. In doing so, she's turned what should be a silky upper body move to that of a well-finessed full body step. Kind of runs against the smooth harmonies that are happening at the moment. Oh, well.

Kelly clearly is on a different tip than the other two. She is flawless. Notice how she traces her head, neck, shoulders, and top of breasts with her finger tips? That draws attention to how nice that combo is. She also closes her eyes and tilts her head sensually as she traces her fingers down her body making it seem like she's in her own little world - very sexy. Me gusta.

Thanks to blackmaven for letting me snatch her siggy!

 

[PeaceFlow]

I don't dress for men, although I've been complimented on my style by some men. I don't dress for women either, although I have been complimented on my style by some women. I dress for me. I wear things I love, fabrics I love, clothes that celebrate my body, shapes that make me feel good etc..

When I make my choices they are a true representation of my womanhood. When I walk into a room of people I feel I am just me. I don't care what any studies say, what their ideals are, ideal body type what women think ect.. If you are truly comfortable in your own skin and connected to your sensual power, men attract like a moth to a flame. Enough men and quality guys to have your pick. I'm not talking about stereotypical outward displays of femininity, more about the internal aspects of feminine energy, confidence and sensuality. Sink into who you are.

That's my experience anyway. Before and after I refocused on myself I pretty much had the same dress sense, although sometimes with my new found comfortability I wear more things that really emphasize the strengths I now perceive.

Honestly though, there are certain outfits that are "favourites". I wear certain pieces fairly regularly through the years. So after I identified, accepted myself and focused on what I wanted I could be wearing exactly the same clothes/make up, but the amount of admirers increased 10 fold. Seriously, it was ridiculous. I'm guessing when feeling 100% comfortable and connected with my energy it may have affected my expressions, personality, aura, posture, magnetism and more. It wasn't my styling that held me back at all.

I respect the study of stereotypical feminine presentation . I love people like Dita Von Teese and the pale skin, waist training, feminine dresses. However, I feel there is the power to captivate and radiate feminine energy in many different guises. The great myth is that we have to bend towards what some men most popularly request when put on the spot, when the real truth is men find it difficult not to bend to us when we are truly connected with our sensuality IMO I'm very interested in the energy, sensuality and inner goddess sides of this topic I do believe my outward signs of femininity came through after my epiphany and self/body acceptance, but I didn't concentrate or teach myself that. It's like something was blocking my flow before, but once it was opened those things just blossomed. All that stuff about "what men like" just created noise in my head and self doubt when younger. I'm glad that's gone now.

 

[RegaLady]

Deleted...

 

[RegaLady]

I don't dress for men, although I've been complimented on my style by some men. I don't dress for women either, although I have been complimented on my style by some women. I dress for me. I wear things I love, fabrics I love, clothes that celebrate my body, shapes that make me feel good etc..

When I make my choices they are a true representation of my womanhood. When I walk into a room of people I feel I am just me. I don't care what any studies say, what their ideals are, ideal body type what women think ect.. If you are truly comfortable in your own skin and connected to your sensual power, men attract like a moth to a flame. Enough men and quality guys to have your pick. I'm not talking about stereotypical outward displays of femininity, more about the internal aspects of feminine energy, confidence and sensuality. Sink into who you are.

That's my experience anyway. Before and after I refocused on myself I pretty much had the same dress sense, although sometimes with my new found comfortability I wear more things that really emphasize the strengths I now perceive.

Honestly though, there are certain outfits that are "favourites". I wear certain pieces fairly regularly through the years. So after I identified, accepted myself and focused on what I wanted I could be wearing exactly the same clothes/make up, but the amount of admirers increased 10 fold. Seriously, it was ridiculous. I'm guessing when feeling 100% comfortable and connected with my energy it may have affected my expressions, personality, aura, posture, magnetism and more. It wasn't my styling that held me back at all.

I respect the study of stereotypical feminine presentation . I love people like Dita Von Teese and the pale skin, waist training, feminine dresses. However, I feel there is the power to captivate and radiate feminine energy in many different guises. The great myth is that we have to bend towards what some men most popularly request when put on the spot, when the real truth is men find it difficult not to bend to us when we are truly connected with our sensuality IMO I'm very interested in the energy, sensuality and inner goddess sides of this topic I do believe my outward signs of femininity came through after my epiphany and self/body acceptance, but I didn't concentrate or teach myself that. It's like something was blocking my flow before, but once it was opened those things just blossomed. All that stuff about "what men like" just created noise in my head and self doubt when younger. I'm glad that's gone now.

Vanthie,
I LOVEEEEE this post!!!! You are on target!!

 

[FemmeFatale]

Vanthie I agree with your post but I don't want it to be misconstrued, while I love all the stereotypically feminine and post about it in here (I like everything lush, soft, radiant and sultry) I'm definitely more interested in cultivating and nurturing my inner sensuality.

 

[PeaceFlow]

Vanthie I agree with your post but I don't want it to be misconstrued, while I love all the stereotypically feminine and post about it in here (I like everything lush, soft, radiant and sultry) I'm definitely more interested in cultivating and nurturing my inner sensuality.

Hey Femme

This is such a big topic and long thread. Have been eyeing up it up for a while
I was thinking about Regalady's question about men liking different types, the issue of presentation when it comes to captivating men and the feminine power. I think my feelings about myself, body type, presentation ect.. were quite integral to my journey, so I thought I'd comment on that aspect of it from my approach .

I can see a lot of interest in the feminine energy and sensuality side in here which is great, but I'm also loving other femininity inspired daily topics.

 

[Enyo]

Hey Femme

This is such a big topic and long thread. Have been eyeing up it up for a while
I was thinking about Regalady's question about men liking different types, the issue of presentation when it comes to captivating men and the feminine power. I think my feelings about myself, body type, presentation ect.. were quite integral to my journey, so I thought I'd comment on that aspect of it from my approach .

I can see a lot of interest in the feminine energy and sensuality side in here which is great, but I'm also loving other femininity inspired daily topics.

I agree with pretty much everything you said. What I appreciate about this thread is that it shows that we are all in different parts of our journey towards our personal ideal. I've always been able to attract men, but I had time learning to focus that energy in order to maintain their interest. I was either way too eager or completely cold. It's like someone who has lots of money but buys nothing but foolish things. My feminine wiles still need a bit of refinement, and it's good to see other ladies who are looking to do the same.

I've also been enjoying listening to other women talk about their experiences because it helps me with my office daughter/intern. I watch this thread to see what other ladies struggle with and why to get a better idea of what may be going on in her head.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Hey Femme

This is such a big topic and long thread. Have been eyeing up it up for a while
I was thinking about Regalady's question about men liking different types, the issue of presentation when it comes to captivating men and the feminine power. I think my feelings about myself, body type, presentation ect.. were quite integral to my journey, so I thought I'd comment on that aspect of it from my approach .

I can see a lot of interest in the feminine energy and sensuality side in here which is great, but I'm also loving other femininity inspired daily topics.

Oh ok, I understand

 

[Kiadodie]

OK so I've been thinking about this for a while and luckily I saw this thread.

So this is hard to explain but in my attitude and personality I tend to make men feel small (their ego). I don't know how and why I do it but I do. I want to be more feminine in my ways as in stroking a man's ego etc etc. I never learned any of that. I just want to be bring out my inner sesuality/feminity. If you understand what I mean, can anyone help?

 

[Lucie]

OK so I've been thinking about this for a while and luckily I saw this thread.

So this is hard to explain but in my attitude and personality I tend to make men feel small (their ego). I don't know how and why I do it but I do. I want to be more feminine in my ways as in stroking a man's ego etc etc. I never learned any of that. I just want to be bring out my inner sesuality/feminity. If you understand what I mean, can anyone help?

Italiano Good morning!

I think the first step is to avoid making men feel small. Have you ever had someone do it to you? Did you like it? I think perhaps a part of you might have been or is (still) hurt and you dish it without merit at times. In order for you to stop, you have to understand why you do it, so that when the desire arises, you see the signs and stop. Does it make you feel powerful? I ask because I was always put down while growing up, so it made me feel empowered to cut a person down (especially men) before it was done to me.

I think in order for you to bring out your inner sensuality/femininity you need to work on yourself first. When you do that, things will be easier and more natural for you dealing with men.

Now once you get to the bottom of why, changing your approach, it gets very easy. Men are simple. And not in a bad way. When they say something they usually mean exactly what they say, nothing more, nothing less. And they will tell you exactly what they like or SHOW you exactly what they like by the way that they do things. Also, men like a woman they can feel comfortable with and not judged. Someone they can joke around with without fear of things possibly escalating or getting ugly. While they are very visual creatures, comfort trumps looks.

Let me know if you need me to expound on anything. All the best!

 

[Kiadodie]

@Italiano Good morning!

I think the first step is to avoid making men feel small. Have you ever had someone do it to you? Did you like it? I think perhaps a part of you might have been or is (still) hurt and you dish it without merit at times. In order for you to stop, you have to understand why you do it, so that when the desire arises, you see the signs and stop. Does it make you feel powerful? I ask because I was always put down while growing up, so it made me feel empowered to cut a person down (especially men) before it was done to me.

I think in order for you to bring out your inner sensuality/femininity you need to work on yourself first. When you do that, things will be easier and more natural for you dealing with men.

Now once you get to the bottom of why, changing your approach, it gets very easy. Men are simple. And not in a bad way. When they say something they usually mean exactly what they say, nothing more, nothing less. And they will tell you exactly what they like or SHOW you exactly what they like by the way that they do things. Also, men like a woman they can feel comfortable with and not judged. Someone they can joke around with without fear of things possibly escalating or getting ugly. While they are very visual creatures, comfort trumps looks.

Let me know if you need me to expound on anything. All the best!

Good morning Lucie . No, I"m not aware that I do it at all. I just do. I"m not sure why either. I remember this guy told me that his confidence was a 10 and I pulled him down to a 2. I was like huh? How did I do that??? UGH. I don't like that either. But I remember my cousin told me that I can make people feel stupid. I dont know how I do it tho nor why??? How did you get over this???

 

[miss cosmic]

Good morning Lucie . No, I"m not aware that I do it at all. I just do. I"m not sure why either. I remember this guy told me that his confidence was a 10 and I pulled him down to a 2. I was like huh? How did I do that??? UGH. I don't like that either. But I remember my cousin told me that I can make people feel stupid. I dont know how I do it tho nor why??? How did you get over this???

I have the exact same problem. I cant figure it out either. I feel misunderstood a lot of the time, people see offence where none is intended. I've also been told i make people feel stupid and a couple of guys have told me i'm too 'big'/too much (not physically) for men so i'll stay single

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy Slll mini using LHCF

 

[Lucie]

Good morning Lucie . No, I"m not aware that I do it at all. I just do. I"m not sure why either. I remember this guy told me that his confidence was a 10 and I pulled him down to a 2. I was like huh? How did I do that??? UGH. I don't like that either. But I remember my cousin told me that I can make people feel stupid. I dont know how I do it tho nor why??? How did you get over this???

Italiano

I say this with no disrespect just love and concern but when you feel good about yourself and do not feel the need to compete, it is not possible to make another person feel small. Now, just to be your advocate perhaps the men you speak to feel intimidated by you. It could be your beauty, your intelligence or a combination. When you speak to people do you discuss uplifting things? Do you allow a person to save face when they are completely wrong? Though this is not a book on sensuality, might you consider reading, "How To Win Friends and Influence People" It is written by Dale Carnegie. I have 2 copies. I can send you one for free, if you like. It can get more into depth about the questions you asked. Though it is really old I think he wrote it in the 30's and uses many famous people of that time as an example; the nuggets of wisdom still apply. PM me an address you feel comfortable using if interested.

 

[Lucie]

I have the exact same problem. I cant figure it out either. I feel misunderstood a lot of the time, people see offence where none is intended. I've also been told i make people feel stupid and a couple of guys have told me i'm too 'big'/too much (not physically) for men so i'll stay single

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy Slll mini using LHCF

miss cosmic, look at your face in the mirror. Sometimes we look different than what we perceive. I am a very friendly person but on occasion I am so deep in thought a man will tell me to smile. When I look at my face, I realize that my face is scrunched up and mean looking. Have a conversation you would have with others in the mirror. It could be discussing the weather, politics, what you had for dinner and truly look at yourself. If you have a camera that records that would be even better. Perhaps, another person can critique it with you and give you an honest opinion.

As I told Italiano it could be NOTHING wrong and you just really are an amazing woman that makes men feel out of your league. In that case, keep being yourself and the right men will appreciate you as you are. For some reason I think I might even have a 3rd copy of How to Win Friends and Influence People. If I do, I'd be more than happy to send it to you.

All the best!

 

[RegaLady]

Good morning Lucie . No, I"m not aware that I do it at all. I just do. I"m not sure why either. I remember this guy told me that his confidence was a 10 and I pulled him down to a 2. I was like huh? How did I do that??? UGH. I don't like that either. But I remember my cousin told me that I can make people feel stupid. I dont know how I do it tho nor why??? How did you get over this???

Maybe it is a defence mechinism? You are on "guard" so no one can have a chance to hurt you. You are probably not aware of it because it is an energy you carry.

 

[Kiadodie]

@Italiano

I say this with no disrespect just love and concern but when you feel good about yourself and do not feel the need to compete, it is not possible to make another person feel small. Now, just to be your advocate perhaps the men you speak to feel intimidated by you. It could be your beauty, your intelligence or a combination. When you speak to people do you discuss uplifting things? Do you allow a person to save face when they are completely wrong? Though this is not a book on sensuality, might you consider reading, "How To Win Friends and Influence People" It is written by Dale Carnegie. I have 2 copies. I can send you one for free, if you like. It can get more into depth about the questions you asked. Though it is really old I think he wrote it in the 30's and uses many famous people of that time as an example; the nuggets of wisdom still apply. PM me an address you feel comfortable using if interested.

Hmmm, I do tend to point out their weakness or keep harping on it. I don't do it to be mean though BUT I guess it can come off harsh? UGH.
I totally agree with you on teh bolded and most of my life I was NOT in a good place with myself therefore of course it showed in my relationships. I"m in a better place now and I want to KEEP getting better by uplifting others which I think I'm doing better with and being LESS competitive. I'm going to get that book on my Kindle, thanks for the recommendation. My brother used to tell me I'm in competition with myself . Not sure what that means tho.

 

[Kiadodie]

Maybe it is a defence mechinism? You are on "guard" so no one can have a chance to hurt you. You are probably not aware of it because it is an energy you carry.

Yes, I've been on guard all my life. It is due to how father treated me (aloof and like I wasn't there). I don't even let people get close to me,. Hmmm..now that I think of it, it may be a defence mechinism. erplexed

 

[CarLiTa]

I think voice and tone are also important to consider. A roommate and I had a conversation a while back, giving each other very frank feedback about how others perceive us.
I was hesitant to tell her, but I eventually admitted that she often sounds pedantic. She teaches very young children, and from time to time you can tell she is using her teacher voice with adults. If you know her profession and you notice the change in tone, it is not surprising that one might get turned off by that. She is dating a younger guy, for example, who is very confident and somewhat nerdy, but still very thoughtful. Having spent time with both of them, I could not help but notice that she sometimes talks down at him. It is subtle, but evident to me. I notice she occasionally does it to me as well, and that turns me off immensely.

In contrast, there is a small group of people whom you can tell she admires and respects a lot, and her tone is vastly different with them. It is complimentary, upbeat, always positive, and without the pedantic tone.

I think it's important to allow oneself to feel impressed when a guy is trying to impress us. While it makes sense to convey that your standards are high, you should also help people feel comfortable around you... meaning, in the case of a guy, that his jokes will be well received, that you'll smile and laugh when he makes an effort, that you'll give gushing thank-yous if he brings you a gift or does something exceptionally sweet. If you have to give tough love, still give it nicely. (Always have to remind myself of that). In my opinion, that's part of creating an environment where around where people feel comfortable and want to be.

 

[kweenameena]

Note sure if this was posted yet but I found a PDF for "For Women Only"

http://www.apwin.org/wp-content/upl...need to know about the inner lives of men.pdf

 

[greight]

Yes, I've been on guard all my life. It is due to how father treated me (aloof and like I wasn't there). I don't even let people get close to me,. Hmmm..now that I think of it, it may be a defence mechinism. erplexed

I've been there. And I think the best way for you to get immediate results is to actually think positive things about the person or to look at them with "new eyes" as you are talking to them. I think our emotions often dictate how we deal with people. Pretend as if he/she is your favorite person in the world and you can't wait to see him/her. Even if we feel that we are masking our nervousness/trepidation, there is always something that gives us away. Humans can quickly detect micro-aggressions (facial movements that are too quick for the eye) and follow the vibe extending from them.

And this is not to say that you do not feel positively about other people already. But it may be that your mind isn't fully engaged with them at the moment and you might inadvertently give miscues while having a conversation. And it most of all, it could be the habits that you've already formed that dictate your reaction.

I completely agree also with Carlita that voice, tone are also important.