wtf is this?
Lhcf Taboo Topic..black Women Who Are Done Checking For Black Men
- Thread starter FemmeFatale
- Start date
wtf is this?
gabulldawg
Well-Known Member
I don't think that's wrong and it makes more sense IMO.
meesch
yeezytotme
i agree with you. but this is my thing.
i like richard
ok? thats my bottom line... i love guys... hardly anything is a more fun time to me than guys... so im coming from a place of NEVER saying anything so stupid as "im only attracted to this or that"... you got the goods... you meet my physical criteria... your race aint gonna stop me.buuuuuuuuuuuuuuut my problem is longevity. its that same argument about how you can date a woman, but that doesnt mean she can be your wife. i can have the best time in the world with a black man, but if you arent where i need you to be at this stage in your life, theres no future for us. that includes things like education and professional what have you, but also the mentality of dating around and trying to slore yourself out and generally not interested in being in the kind of relationship i need. to be upfront, i need you to have at least a bachelors, and no kids. and that wipes out a lot of black men. im not working with you. sorry. no.
i refuse to cosign some sort of argument as if black men are naturally inferior... and that is why they dont have these things. i reject that, because i reject the idea that any group of people is inherently born with a certain characteristic. but, im not going to ignore the reality of socialization either. and there are large groups and portions of black men socialized in a certain way that causes these outcomes... ultimately, it's about choice... you can choose to rise above your station, and walk a different path and lead a different life. a lot choose not to. cuz they know, largely, black women aint going nowhere
even if nobody else wants them. no matter how effed up they are, theres still going to be at least a black woman around who finds him a gem in some way, if for no other reason than he is black and he wants her its too much effort for me to wade through trying to discern which is which... when so many choose choices that veer opposite from where im trying to go. someone said something upthread like "im not going to the black watering holes trying to find a black man." and thats how i feel about it... its like, going out of my way. and for what? a commonality of race? it doesnt hold that much weight for what is, to me, an unnecessary amount of effort.
i think there is a very productive conversation going on in this thread ladies, btw.
Simply_elle
Well-Known Member
I have found less quantity of BS from White men and foreign black men..YMMY!
im an equal opportunist and to be quite honest why should i restrict my dating options to only BM when BM are out and about dating becky,ming-ling, and dem and openly letting everybody know theyre not checking for BW anymore(and if they are checking for BW most of the time its the mixed/exotical looking/light skinenened type)
ive only dated black men but to be honest im having an extremley hard time finding a black men who are on the same level as me more particularly in terms of education/school since im a college student. and most of the BM on campus that do try to talk to me come at me with the whole "the only black girls i date are lightskinned w.long hair so thats the only reason why im even considering your black as$" attitude as if i should be grateful that theyre even trying to talk to me...uhhm negro please.at this point im super annoyed with it.
of course ideally id love to date a BM(especially caribbean BM) but at this point im opening up my options.if i meet a good BM then yes i'll date him. if i meet a good WM then yes i'll date him.same for hispanic man.idk bout asian though
THAT in college made me
Like, Ni**a you ain't go a pot to pizz in but I should bow down and suck on something because of WHAT?!?See this is totally believable, I NEVER had some of the headaches my GF's who exclusively dated BM. Sorry you can't call my experience dumb...or misguided it is what it is. I really enjoy my black guys because they are everything my white guys were but....black.
Smart,SECURE IN HIMSELF,educated,loving, and polite... Most black guys around here?!? Gwannnn......
Again y'all YMMV! If we had our princes and they were white so be it! Id they were black..so be it!! I'm happy to see other BW happy
No matter who the pick,love,mate, or distaste...
Simply_elle
Well-Known Member
Forgive me if i'm misguided...
But why can't we just be happy with whoever!! If we like who we like..Why side eye someone for it?
i'm from the NY metro area. when i'm home, i see a lot of black men with slender, ruler shaped, black gfs and no-butt-having gfs(and sometimes white gfs with no butt
)
I rarely see bm with ruler/skinny bw!! Whenever I do, I give a triple take.
Usually in my experience, if a bm is with a skinny bw, she has a skinny girl pass because she "makes up for it" with other physical requirements (skin, hair, eyes, face, other body parts..). I'm not saying it's right, but I can see why some bw almost exclusively date nonbm. As others have said, if you want an educated bm that dates bw, you are already limited and even more, many bm will look over you if you don't have certain physical characteristics. So it might be smart to open yourself to all races to widen your pool to increase your chances of finding more men that might be more appreciative of your look.
Though, I don't think it's right to exclude men of certain races as a whole without looking at the individual.
PinkyPromise
Well-Known Member
Like I said, IM SPEAKING FROM MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCES. The only other time I've dated a white guy was back in fourth grade. I'm positive that there are just as many white guys that are jerks but I just haven't seen it yet. I'm not saying that white men treat bm like queens is the exception and the rule . .but in my current situation it kind of seems that way. I've dated bm my whole life. .some great guys, and while they've treated me well and acted like gentlemen it's still a difference that I've noticed.
qchelle
Well-Known Member
i agree with you. but this is my thing.
i like richard
Haaaa!!
I didn't read the rest of your post yet, but I just wanted to comment on this right quick. That's slick that's slick! I like that! 
NaijaNaps
Well-Known Member
I'm sorry but this sounds like the same mentality of "white women are happier" that's currently being discussed in that other thread.
I guess black people are just angry, sad, overweight and aggressive, kangs and quains...??
Unless your sample size is huge, let's stay away from making sweeping generalizations about how happy or sweet other races are.
gabulldawg
Well-Known Member
Forgive me if i'm misguided...
But why can't we just be happy with whoever!! If we like who we like..Why side eye someone for it?
When you have to put down your own race to justify your choice that's when you get a side eye. Date who you want, but don't say you're dating a wm cuz bm ain't ****. Believe it or not there are plenty of bm who have it together. Just because you may not have met one doesn't mean they don't exist. My ex was probably one of the worst bm on this planet!
no degree, couldn't keep a job, liar, more than likely a cheater, and the list goes on. But never once did I consider writing off all bm because I dated one fool.
nappystorm
Well-Known Member
carcajada
Well-Known Member
What was your intent?
loolalooh
Well-Known Member
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Theo
New Member
I really dont care who you choose to date, but I find it interesting when ppl rationalize dating nonblack guys b/c they're surrounded by crappy black guys. Like is that what's in your circle? Crappy black guys and fine upstanding white dudes? I didn't even know those two groups rolled together.
I mean its just interesting to me b/c all the men I'm surrounded by are generally of a similar caliber, black, white, Asian whatever. And ppl generally date in their social circle right? So I think funny that those are the only type of guys you come across... Like is there affirmative action for friends now?
I mean its just interesting to me b/c all the men I'm surrounded by are generally of a similar caliber, black, white, Asian whatever. And ppl generally date in their social circle right? So I think funny that those are the only type of guys you come across... Like is there affirmative action for friends now?
Simply_elle
Well-Known Member
i agree with you. but this is my thing.
i like richard
buuuuuuuuuuuuuuut my problem is longevity. its that same argument about how you can date a woman, but that doesnt mean she can be your wife. i can have the best time in the world with a black man, but if you arent where i need you to be at this stage in your life, theres no future for us. that includes things like education and professional what have you, but also the mentality of dating around and trying to slore yourself out and generally not interested in being in the kind of relationship i need. to be upfront, i need you to have at least a bachelors, and no kids. and that wipes out a lot of black men. im not working with you. sorry. no.
i refuse to cosign some sort of argument as if black men are naturally inferior... and that is why they dont have these things. i reject that, because i reject the idea that any group of people is inherently born with a certain characteristic. but, im not going to ignore the reality of socialization either. and there are large groups and portions of black men socialized in a certain way that causes these outcomes... ultimately, it's about choice... you can choose to rise above your station, and walk a different path and lead a different life. a lot choose not to. cuz they know, largely, black women aint going nowhere
its too much effort for me to wade through trying to discern which is which... when so many choose choices that veer opposite from where im trying to go. someone said something upthread like "im not going to the black watering holes trying to find a black man." and thats how i feel about it... its like, going out of my way. and for what? a commonality of race? it doesnt hold that much weight for what is, to me, an unnecessary amount of effort.
i think there is a very productive conversation going on in this thread ladies, btw.
I see what you're doing
Good point.I Honestly think (myself included) that us ladies who dig white guys don't ABHOR black guys..It's just what our experiences have shown us...I don't discount any race!! I just know what I know...and what works for..me.
Don't flog me..a BM is currently giving me the good wood.
JKWhen you have to put down your own race to justify your choice that's when you get a side eye. Date who you want, but don't say you're dating a wm cuz bm ain't ****. Believe it or not there are plenty of bm who have it together. Just because you may not have met one doesn't mean they don't exist. My ex was probably one of the worst bm on this planet!
I'm sure that there is...I don't think anyone is "justifying" JMHO..Just sharing experiences...
Sorry I just think that majority of BM are not on the level that they need to be..We outpace our men in SO many ways. I see NOBODY sticking up for our shortcomings, moving mountains to be with US... particularly other BM. So if brothas are lacking they are lacking,. It's not my job to weed. I'm a nurse not a gardener. If amazing BM/WM/AM/others
look:) Come into my life...All is considered.
gabulldawg
Well-Known Member
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
this thread is really weird with some of the responses....like really confusing....
nappystorm
Well-Known Member
I've been wondering this for some time now but where are yall finding these dudes that don't pay, open doors, and all that jazz? Even the kangs I've dated did all that. And where are these "greatwhitehopesupersaveablackwoman" type of white men at? I haven't run across any of those either. I've dated interracially and white men are just men.
meesch
yeezytotme
When you have to put down your own race to justify your choice that's when you get a side eye. Date who you want, but don't say you're dating a wm cuz bm ain't ****. Believe it or not there are plenty of bm who have it together. Just because you may not have met one doesn't mean they don't exist. My ex was probably one of the worst bm on this planet!
i think this is interesting too... lets all have the unicorn discussion again
here is my example... i went to a prestigious school that was pretty much surrounded by a bad neighborhood... without going into an alternate universe discussion about the numbers of black men in advanced education, my experience was that there were not many, and they were outnumbered like 10 to 1 by non black men (if not more, but for the sake of being generous, considering the audience).
so it would be like im surrounded all day by nonblack men who are at the same place in life as i am...
and as soon as i leave, all the black men (who live in the surrounding areas) come out the woodwork and stand in stark contrast to what im experiencing while im at school...
so i think, from my experiences, im one of the ones who feels like i "havent met them" yet... if i hadnt started dating nonblack men, i would probably be sitting in some corner somewhere talking bout "WHERE ARE THE GOOD BLACK MEN" because, where are they? of course, this is also subjective about whats good enough for one woman
may not be good enough for another. but i dont know that i managed to find the... unicorns i'm sure it's me. i'm sure im just not pretty enough and the excellent black men out there just wouldn't want me and that's the reason why i never found any. i know that's part of the problem
but *yeshrug* idk where they at. and like i said, from my experience, once you get into certain circles, even if there are black men around, theyre just outnumbered. (and to me whats the point in swimming only in the smaller pool, but i digress.) it may be relative - some women may feel that the smaller circles, or even just their presence in general, is not so restricting. but that hasnt been my experience, and wherever the unicorns roam in abundance - i aint there, and i aint moving
so to all the bw who are out there swimming in class A black men, you go girl! i look forward to the marriage announcements.eta: i think a lot of women are (rightly) afraid of just coming right out and saying that they feel it's a quality issue. if you say that, youre gonna get jumped on. but i aint one of them. i definitely feel as if it's a problem of quantity vs quality, thats just what my experience as been, hate it or love it. the second someone brings that up, then women who only date black men exclusively get defensive over the implications and want to say "its because YOURE not good enough and they dont want YOU" and then we all get into a pissing match to see who is really the ugly one with the crap quality man
and it's like, lets just talk about the fricking realities of the situation here. it is a statistical reality that black men are not as prosperous as nonblack men on average.
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PinkyPromise
Well-Known Member
nappystorm said:
Idk. They did pay and open doors but didn't go out of their way to do it EVERY SINGLE TIME. It's not even about race, shyt I'm just glad I'm finally happy and being treated well. I hate when race gets brought into it because it wasn't my intentions to make it seem like one is better than the other. Maybe it was me attracting the wrong men.
Simply_elle
Well-Known Member
i think this is interesting too... lets all have the unicorn discussion again
here is my example... i went to a prestigious school that was pretty much surrounded by a bad neighborhood... without going into an alternate universe discussion about the numbers of black men in advanced education, my experience was that there were not many, and they were outnumbered like 10 to 1 by non black men (if not more, but for the sake of being generous, considering the audience).
so it would be like im surrounded all day by nonblack men who are at the same place in life as i am...
and as soon as i leave, all the black men (who live in the surrounding areas) come out the woodwork and stand in stark contrast to what im experiencing while im at school...
so i think, from my experiences, im one of the ones who feels like i "havent met them" yet... if i hadnt started dating nonblack men, i would probably be sitting in some corner somewhere talking bout "WHERE ARE THE GOOD BLACK MEN" because, where are they? of course, this is also subjective about whats good enough for one woman
i'm sure it's me. i'm sure im just not pretty enough and the excellent black men out there just wouldn't want me and that's the reason why i never found any. i know that's part of the problem
but *yeshrug* idk where they at. and like i said, from my experience, once you get into certain circles, even if there are black men around, theyre just outnumbered. (and to me whats the point in swimming only in the smaller pool, but i digress.) it may be relative that to some women, that may consider the smaller circles, or even just their presence in general, not to be so restricting. but that hasnt been my experience, and wherever the unicorns roam in abundance - i aint there, and i aint moving
When thanks is NOT enough!!!
Valerie
Well-Known Member
Black women have to do what is best for them, black men do it all the time and no-one has a problem, if black women like white, hispanic or other non-black men good for them. Everyone has their preferences and they shouldn't have to give an account why they like a. b or c. It is not about self hatred, if they are not interested in black men, it is not the end of the world, the world is still turn. God is not going to come off his throne. These women are healthy, and in their right minds and exercising their free will, whatever anyone says.
nappystorm
Well-Known Member
@1st bolded. To be clear, I wasn't targeting you specifically but I've heard that sentiment on here numerous times. All the men I've dated have. I don't consider that "special" treatment, IMO that's the bare minimum. I've been on some hell dates but still I didn't even touch a door or open my wallet. Even my platonic friends, associates, family members treat if they are male. I've just always assumed that's what men did so I'm just baffled when I hear about those that don't.
@2nd Bolded Someone mentioned it but I think that should be the underlying goal at the end of the day. I don't think BW should only limit themselves to BM but they shouldn't exclude them either. Date who make you happy and treats you well
White, black, or green.FemmeFatale
Well-Known Member
It's deeper than the availability of eligible bm, there are a good number of them available but they aren't interested in dating at all. Prime example..a good number of my friends who attend HUSL complain that the bm there are not trying to date, all they want to do is screw the girls and KIM. A lot of the women there are trying hard to get their MRS along with their JD and it's just not working, so a number of them have decided to go the other route.
RocStar
Well-Known Member
Why you yellin tho?
reeko43
Well-Known Member
I believe that people should not restrict themselves to certain races/cultures when dating. Excluding races because of stereotypes and self hate is the problem.
Stereotyping is silly and ignorant to me. As BW we have been subject to negative stereotypes and therefore know that it is wrong. Why then would someone feel justified in stereotyping others?
People who have this mentality have the problem, not the ones they are stereotyping. There are obviously some self hate, low self esteem issues that need to be addressed and maybe these women and men need to refrain from dating anyone until they get themselves together.
Stereotyping is silly and ignorant to me. As BW we have been subject to negative stereotypes and therefore know that it is wrong. Why then would someone feel justified in stereotyping others?
People who have this mentality have the problem, not the ones they are stereotyping. There are obviously some self hate, low self esteem issues that need to be addressed and maybe these women and men need to refrain from dating anyone until they get themselves together.
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