What a latin guy told me about black couples.....

[loverofnaps71]

I'm also "learning" to CONSIDER the option of dating non-black men. I'm noticing that as you let your guard down, I find that non-black men ARE attracted to black women. The ones I've spoken to just refuse to approach us because they feel that we'll just reject them for a black guy...

Gee, our steadfast loyalty to black men does do ourselves damage, whether we realize it or not...

 

[pebbles]

[ QUOTE ]
but goodness gracious, the Black man bashing is so old and tired, already. When I hear women talk about the Black man, I have to question...where are your fathers, brothers, and uncles? Because if any of them are worth a darn, how is it so easy to talk about them with such disdain? Clearly a man doesn't deserve praise if he is not a good man, but is everyone really having all this drama with Black men...or are sisters getting caught up in the hype because they had a sleazy ex? If you are continually having trouble with Black men (or women, according to some other threads), please take a long hard look at what you are and how you come across. No matter what people want to believe, you really ARE what you attract. Like attracts like, and all that jazz.

[/ QUOTE ]

Because I had a responsible and loving father, I do wonder what happened between his generation and mine. Something went desperately wrong, and for the life of me, I can't pin-point it. /images/graemlins/ohwell.gif

I don't really think that 'like attracts like', at least not all the time. Opposites attract more often, in my humble opinion, and in this day where men are less responsible and growing up without fathers to teach them to be men, it's no wonder sisters are having problems with black men.

Many, not all, but many of them are lazy, and have not learned a sense of responsiblity. They want what they want, when they want it, how they want it, and if they don't get it, they're moving on to the next conquest with no regards for what they may be leaving behind. It's a shame. I'm sorry, but to me, the general population of black men have earned the lousy reputation that they have, and the desparate black women who don't want to be alone or won't consider dating outside of their race, make these losers more difficult to deal with.

I cannot hold a black man in the same esteme as I hold my father simply because they share the same skin color. Earn the respect. You don't inherit it. /images/graemlins/cool.gif

 

[dreemssold]

Pebbles, of course I am not saying that you ought to hold some Joe Schmo off the street in the same esteem that you hold your father simply because both are the same gender and race. I never said that and I never would. What I am saying, and what I did, in fact, say is how can you say and believe there are no good Black men out there if they exist in your family? That is a very different statement. I see what you are saying about the men of today, and the fact that many Black men are now being raised without their fathers. That is why, for me, I do not date men unless their father was in their life. I can't deal with the hassle of raising someone else's child.

We just have to disagree on like attracting like. I should, however, extend it to include not only what you are, but what you appear to seek. People may not want to believe it, because it forces us all to do some real self-examination, but I'm sorry it's true. If your last 3 partners cheated...it's not that everyone cheats, it's that you either cheat or you radiate something that lets a cheater know that he/she should/can be with you. As much as I love Halle Berry...she is the problem. Look for the common denominator, I say. Rarely are your problems someone else...for the most part, we have problems with other people because of what we are ourselves. If half the time you leave the house, you have a disagreement with someone, your behind is confrontational, etc, etc.

 

[ladylibra_30]

keep it coming ladies...i am learning so much today.

 

[atlien]

Somebody somewhere said all men (all races) treat woman bad in general, that statement is so true. I was looking at this reality show Miami Slice (about cosmetic surgeons in miami) and my god the white doctors on that show was treating them women so bad they would not commit to any of them, they was calling them dumb blondes and bed post,they was dropping them like flies and moving right along. One girl the guy wouldn't even get her anything for her birthday and he was a well established surgeon /images/graemlins/nuts.gif(he was arguing with her about putting gas in the car) Another girl just kept hanging on to this man no matter what he did in hopes that he would come around and settle down with her. There was a lot of verbal abuse going on /images/graemlins/nono.gif.

I know it was a TV show but it was supposedly a reality show /images/graemlins/ohwell.gif. So I think it is men in general it just depends on what and how much we as women will tolerate /images/graemlins/smirk.gif.

 

[pebbles]

[ QUOTE ]
Pebbles, of course I am not saying that you ought to hold some Joe Schmo off the street in the same esteem that you hold your father simply because both are the same gender and race. I never said that and I never would. What I am saying, and what I did, in fact, say is how can you say and believe there are no good Black men out there if they exist in your family? That is a very different statement.

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh, I agree! I don't think anyone is saying that there are no good black men, it's just that so many of them running around are users, and they don't care who they hurt.



[ QUOTE ]

I see what you are saying about the men of today, and the fact that many Black men are now being raised without their fathers. That is why, for me, I do not date men unless their father was in their life. I can't deal with the hassle of raising someone else's child.

[/ QUOTE ]

/images/graemlins/up.gif I tell you, young black boys being raised without positive black male role models is a big problem and, to me, this is the #1 contributing factor of the low self-esteem, abusive men running around our communities.

[ QUOTE ]
We just have to disagree on like attracting like. I should, however, extend it to include not only what you are, but what you appear to seek. People may not want to believe it, because it forces us all to do some real self-examination, but I'm sorry it's true.

[/ QUOTE ]

I have to agree, particularly with the highlighted portion of your post.

[ QUOTE ]
If your last 3 partners cheated...it's not that everyone cheats, it's that you either cheat or you radiate something that lets a cheater know that he/she should/can be with you. As much as I love Halle Berry...she is the problem. Look for the common denominator, I say. Rarely are your problems someone else...for the most part, we have problems with other people because of what we are ourselves. If half the time you leave the house, you have a disagreement with someone, your behind is confrontational, etc, etc.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think it's true that men will do to you what they think you will allow them to do. Many women are cheated on, not because they are cheaters themselves, but because some men can smell a desparate woman, and when they sense that you will do and accept anything to be with them, they will push the envelope as far as they can. And most times, they have a woman pegged right.

I agree Halle Berry is her own greatest problem. You will get no argument from me on that. Again, I think it stems from wanting to be in a relationship so badly, you'll accept bad behavior just to have a relationship you can talk about. /images/graemlins/cool.gif

 

[LondonDiva]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Another interseting point. He feels black women have too much faith in black men. In terms of being reluctant to date outside their race.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree with this, but not for the reasons most people usually bring up.

It's one thing for a black woman only to date black men because that's who she finds most attractive or because a black man shares her culture. I understand that.

But what bugs me (and what I only see in BW, not WW, HW, AW) is that BW are practically at the point of worshipping BW and it's almost pitiful. We call them kings, write songs and write poems, etc., just based on the fact that they're black men!

Black men are my brothas, definitely, but you gotta work to get me to call you a king or a prince!

I don't hear white women or other women calling their men white kings, Latin kings (well, outside of the gang, lol), and Asian kings!

I am not too keen on the idea of this undying devotion to any group of men. Men are men and black men don't deserve all this praise just because they were born black men! (same goes for men of other races).

It's ironic that black women are doing all of this verbal worship of black men and we're getting dissed in return.

[/ QUOTE ]

Bunny you're on point. That's one of the reasons I was pissed off with that Brotha song by Angie Stone.

 

[Tracy]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I attest that us black women aren't the only ones who are pretty fiesty...

[/ QUOTE ]

TRUE DAT!! Black men use that lame *** excuse because THEY"RE not up to par. Not us. It's just a friggin cop-out y'all. Don't belee the hype.

[/ QUOTE ]true.. But with latina women they are passionate. Black woman are angry and agressive. *roll eyes*

[/ QUOTE ]

Actually "passionate" is how latinas describe Latinas...

Most MEN of color consider latinas LOUD, TRASHY and EASY. They may think they'd be a hot roll in the hay, but that's about it. Not exactly a positive characterization.

 

[Chyna Red]

I think men are men..No distinction between races. All men have the capability to be a dog...and then what happens after the white, Asian, latina guy cheats on you, uses you for money and a place to stay, refuses to call you back,stays out all night? Who is left to turn to?

 

[dreemssold]

oh ok, Pebbles, I guess we are on the same page after all /images/graemlins/grin.gif.

 

[Dreamn]

its quite comical because we do exactly what the blk men do to us and then complain about it. we say i cant find a blk man because of x,y,z, so its time to stop limiting myself. blk men say, im tired of blk women because of x,y,z, so im going to find another chick of another race. i wish ppl would just make their own decision based on what theyre attracted to, rather than putting down one race by generalizing. as dreem said, it is tired. its frustrating trying to find a good blk man, but they do exist, on the other hand if im attracted to a man of another race then so be it.

 

[Bunny77]

I really think all of us are in agreement here, just saying it in different ways.

 

[dannie]

Well, I didn't start this thread to bash black men/women. I just found his answers really interesting, and I wanted to share since we talk about it alot here. I don't blame anyone for anything except for being themselves.

Yes, I find this guy very interesting and would like to spend more time with him. Would I date him simply because he's not black..no. Do I have ill thoughts towards black men..no. He's very intelligent and funny and respectful, that's why I would date him. I've stopped trying to read why a black man would date outside the race. Yes, some have their lil' motives, but I know I will find somebody who loves me one day, so it don't matter to me. I just lift my head up and keep stepping...

 

[pebbles]

[ QUOTE ]
oh ok, Pebbles, I guess we are on the same page after all /images/graemlins/grin.gif.

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL! /images/graemlins/laugh.gif I think we agree on some basic points, but differ in opinion on whether black men, in general, are deserving of the criticism leveled against them by black women. I say they deserve it because of their behavior and the "player" mentality that's so readily accepted in our community, and I think you feel, in general, they do not. Is that correct? /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[dreemssold]

Hmmm...no, it's not that I think they are above reproach--I certainly don't. I just think, in discussing our issues with Black men, we need to be cognizant of the fact that the number of Black men we hear about and/or have had drama with are relatively small in comparison to the number of Black men out there. As with any group, there are both good apples and bad, and I think FAR too much emphasis is placed on the bad. I think I am just feeling like I don't see enough balance on here, that's all.

 

[pebbles]

Fair enough. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[AudraChanell]

I agree, almost no one does... and that's it (lol)

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Just my opinion...I know we need to discuss these issues becasue they are important. But I feel like hey we have already established this so what are the solutions?

It seems like we are asking for permission to move on with our lives as black women already. We don't need permission to do anything. If you find a nice guy and he happens to be of another race you don't have to justify your actions...IF you feel like dating him do so and say the hell with what the world thinks beacause I am happy. I think sisters need to get over it and move on.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good point. I think this is the bigger underlying issue. Whether it has to do with dating or anything else, I feel that black women don't feel the same freedom to do certain things without our "loyalty" being questioned. That can range from constantly loaning money to trifling relatives, moving away from our families to dating.

My concern is not with the black women who choose to date black men exclusively because that's their preference. That's 100% cool with me.

My concern is hearing black women (and I hear this on the board a lot as well as when I was in college, etc.) who will say they only date black men because they were taught it was wrong (from their families) or that they would be sellouts or that other races only use black women for sex and don't marry them or that they didn't want to get dirty looks on the street from black men... the list goes on.

I think those reasons are just as unhealthy as saying, "Well, I date white men because they treat me better, have more money, etc." Cause that sure as hell ain't true either!

I know there are good black men out there, and in an earlier post, I said that my dad and my brother were two examples in my own family. I believe that my dad's presence in my life is the reason that I haven't thrown myself at no-good men because he set a GREAT example of how a man should be and that I DON'T have to settle for anything else.

Dreemsold, I'm glad you don't see some of this "excess devotion" as I call it, in your daily life. But I've heard it quite a bit from some of my acquaintances -- who have general issues anyway and that's forced me to limit my contact with them -- and I remember the whole "finding a black man" thing to be a big deal when I was in college. It seemed like every week, one of the black student groups was doing some debate about interracial dating and it all ended up degrading into BW yelling at BM for dating white women. It really just made BW look incredibly pitiful.

And I may not subscribe to Ebony or Essence, but I know a lot of folks who do and who buy into this whole thing. Shoot, my own mother even will go on about "Woe is today's young black woman... black men don't want her..."

Enough already!!!

I'm just tired of this whole issue period. I say BW need to just do what's best for us for once and stop worrying about what BM are doing.

[/ QUOTE ]

 

[Puddles]

[ QUOTE ]
Another interseting point. He feels black women have too much faith in black men. In terms of being reluctant to date outside their race.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree with this, but not for the reasons most people usually bring up.

It's one thing for a black woman only to date black men because that's who she finds most attractive or because a black man shares her culture. I understand that.

But what bugs me (and what I only see in BW, not WW, HW, AW) is that BW are practically at the point of worshipping BW and it's almost pitiful. We call them kings, write songs and write poems, etc., just based on the fact that they're black men!

Black men are my brothas, definitely, but you gotta work to get me to call you a king or a prince!

I don't hear white women or other women calling their men white kings, Latin kings (well, outside of the gang, lol), and Asian kings!

I am not too keen on the idea of this undying devotion to any group of men. Men are men and black men don't deserve all this praise just because they were born black men! (same goes for men of other races).

It's ironic that black women are doing all of this verbal worship of black men and we're getting dissed in return.

Say that girl.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

I'm just going to put this out there. Please forgive me. I am tired right now, I don't have my usual control over my fingers.

I agree with your friend, but I think his statement points to a bigger issue. PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE! There are no more black men who are players than white men (they might go about it differently though), there are no more black women with attitude than white women (they may just sound different while telling you off). I believe an equal number of jerks, stupid ppl, lazy ppl, etc.etc. exist in every race. For various reasons, environment, media and personal experience it may appear that all black men [fill in] or all black women [fill in], but it's all so damn subjective.

I am all for racial debates because race is still a huge factor in the politics and the distribution of wealth on our planet, however I am SICK and TIRED of debating and reading about what white people think of us. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. A white man liking a black women is not going to put money in my bank account, it's not going to help me grow my hair or fix my ragged cuticles or change the amount of racism in the world. Knowing that purple men find black women sexually attractive is not going to increase my stock value, make my house magically increase in size or make the tiny pimple on my chin disappear any faster.

I'm tired of discussing how [ghetto, poor,loud,angry, etc.] ppl make racism worse. Black, white or asian men (or women0 suddenly deciding they MUST, HAVE TO, CAN'T BE WITHOUT black women is not going to decrease, increase or alter how I feel about myself as black women or how I feel about other black people.

If you (black men) are that easily swayed by the media and quick to generalize an entire group of women based on your (black man's) crappy dating selection then you (black man, white man, white woman, purple people) can kiss mah'..................

I'm tired!!!!!!!!!




Btw, was your Columbian friend cute? I'm kidding..........

 

[Farida]

I don't know about S.Americans being less racist than Americans are. Perhaps not as openly. I've heard that Colombians frown on interracial relationships with black people and basically in Colombia the lighter you are, the better it is.

 

[thiccknlong]

I had a really interesting convo with a Columbian guy today who says he prefers Black/Asain women, but dates all kinds. He was raised in Coulmbia until he was 5, and says racial attitudes are more hostile in America. I thought he'd be a good person to ask a few questions to. My first question was "do you find black women attitudy and hard to get along with". He said not more than any other type of women he's dated. I then asked him how he feels about what many black men say about us, in reference to the above. He responded that it's all a bunch of b.s and they have a tendency to either treat non-black women better, or run over them and use them, either way it has nothing to do with black women at all, and rather their own personal attitude. He believes there is a problem with the way black people treat each other in realationships and in social life period.

Another interseting point. He feels black women have too much faith in black men. In terms of being reluctant to date outside their race.

Of course I'm not saying he's right or wrong, but I just found his answers very interesting and wanted to share since this has been a hot topic around here lately. We aren't the only ones who notice this in our community. These are just his personal experiences, we each go thru life differently.

Sounds like he knows us better than some of us. Very insightful and rudementary all at the same time.

 

[blaqbarb]

I have a Colombian friend that prefers AA females as well. That's all he's dated since I've known him.

 

[BAP28]

so other races dont have faith in their men..

latin---caribbean---european--asian....

i have faith in my whole race if we are gonna take it there..

i disagree with columbo dude in that retrospect...

having faith in YOUR OWN RACES men women or children to me isnt A BAD THING...

 

[cocoberry10]

I had a really interesting convo with a Columbian guy today who says he prefers Black/Asain women, but dates all kinds. He was raised in Coulmbia until he was 5, and says racial attitudes are more hostile in America. I thought he'd be a good person to ask a few questions to. My first question was "do you find black women attitudy and hard to get along with". He said not more than any other type of women he's dated. I then asked him how he feels about what many black men say about us, in reference to the above. He responded that it's all a bunch of b.s and they have a tendency to either treat non-black women better, or run over them and use them, either way it has nothing to do with black women at all, and rather their own personal attitude. He believes there is a problem with the way black people treat each other in realationships and in social life period.

Another interseting point. He feels black women have too much faith in black men. In terms of being reluctant to date outside their race.

Of course I'm not saying he's right or wrong, but I just found his answers very interesting and wanted to share since this has been a hot topic around here lately. We aren't the only ones who notice this in our community. These are just his personal experiences, we each go thru life differently.

Sounds interesting. I think there are a lot more men like him (that don’t have hostility towards Black women). And this includes Black men and non-Black men, IMO! I think finding men that don’t have hostility towards women is not an easy feat, but congrats. Looks like you did.

Okay, I just realized this thread is like 3 years old. Who bumped it???

 

[cocoberry10]

That's pretty funny, because I see many Latinas putting up with the same kinds of foolishness white AND Black women do.

This is definitely true. I have many Latina friends who complain about the same things from their men that we do. In fact, pretty much all of my friends have problems. It’s definitely not reserved just to black men.

 

[cocoberry10]

I'm just going to put this out there. Please forgive me. I am tired right now, I don't have my usual control over my fingers.

I agree with your friend, but I think his statement points to a bigger issue. PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE! There are no more black men who are players than white men (they might go about it differently though), there are no more black women with attitude than white women (they may just sound different while telling you off). I believe an equal number of jerks, stupid ppl, lazy ppl, etc.etc. exist in every race. For various reasons, environment, media and personal experience it may appear that all black men [fill in] or all black women [fill in], but it's all so damn subjective.

I am all for racial debates because race is still a huge factor in the politics and the distribution of wealth on our planet, however I am SICK and TIRED of debating and reading about what white people think of us. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. A white man liking a black women is not going to put money in my bank account, it's not going to help me grow my hair or fix my ragged cuticles or change the amount of racism in the world. Knowing that purple men find black women sexually attractive is not going to increase my stock value, make my house magically increase in size or make the tiny pimple on my chin disappear any faster.

I'm tired of discussing how [ghetto, poor,loud,angry, etc.] ppl make racism worse. Black, white or asian men (or women0 suddenly deciding they MUST, HAVE TO, CAN'T BE WITHOUT black women is not going to decrease, increase or alter how I feel about myself as black women or how I feel about other black people.

If you (black men) are that easily swayed by the media and quick to generalize an entire group of women based on your (black man's) crappy dating selection then you (black man, white man, white woman, purple people) can kiss mah'..................

I'm tired!!!!!!!!!




Btw, was your Columbian friend cute? I'm kidding..........

I totally agree with this! (Even the bolded part)

 

[cocoberry10]

I don't know about S.Americans being less racist than Americans are. Perhaps not as openly. I've heard that Colombians frown on interracial relationships with black people and basically in Colombia the lighter you are, the better it is.

This is true. It’s also true in Argentina, Chile, and Brazil (and probably everywhere else in the world).

 

[CoCoRica]

I am just "learning" to date outside of my race. It was a taboo for me but I am slowly learning to deal with my inner demons. I love black men and would love to marry one but I am not going to cut myself short because love is blind so if i end up marrying a purple guy as long as he treats me good then i guess we will be having some purple babies /images/graemlins/smile.gif

Cosigning. It's good not to put all the eggs in one basket

 

[sky_blu]

His response was interesting.

 

[Evolving78]

I'm tired of black men thinking we have attitude problems and that women of other races are better to deal with. Any woman that has good self esteem and confidence won't let a man treat her any kinda way and will tell him about himself. I have seen some black women put up with a lot and keep their mouths shut just like other races so what do black men have to say about those type of women.