Interracial Dating or Marriage

[JamericanGurl]

Bensonhurst = Italians
Crown Heights = Hasidic Jews

...and a good many of the Hasidic Jews also enjoy the Labor Day Parade. One-on-one relationships are generally good. It's when yeast starts messing up the batch of bread that we have problems.

I forgot Bensonhurst was the Twana Brawley abduction...right? Umm I forgot refresh my memory because this all happened around the same time. Crown heights was there a beating?

 

[Blossssom]

Yeah I dated several white men/other.
Now that I have children-i'm like 'don't bring nothing home that don't look like me or your father'.
Dated white and other/ Married Black.

Yea, white men are good to date but not marry

Good girl

 

[aprilbiz]

I had a big crush on a white dude for a minute. I would never rule it out. I think some Hispanic and Indian men are fine.

 

[EbonynIvory]

Re: I definitely prefer black men

5. Prejudice and racism still exist. Maybe not in social constructs, but in the psyches of people. Notice that when you spy someone recoiling, regarding with suspicion, looking away, ignoring, or crossing the street when blacks approach. Race is not my point of reference for living. I wish I lived in a world where it wasn't an issue. But until that happens, if something occurs and I need comforting (or he does) I want to go home to someone who instantly relates and can understand where I'm coming from.

My husband and I have been married for seven years. We met in one of the racist counties in Alabama (Cullman) and we endured some hateful looks, comments and actions, together. And at the time we were just friends, not seriously dating. What I saw in my husband was a man that would stand by my side no matter who or what came against us. In my book, all it takes is a MAN that can comfort me and listen to me and relate to what I am saying or going through. He proved that to me just when we were friends and to this day we've never looked back and regretted our decision to take our relationship to the next level no matter what kind of racist comments we got from both sides.

 

[jrae]

Re: I definitely prefer black men

I am indifferent. But, I agree with many of Synthia's points.

Here are my 7 reasons why:

2. They have endured a lot and have an edge.

4. Aesthetics. I personally am mesmerized by shades of brown skin and find the millions of hues intriguing and beautiful.

5. ... I want to go home to someone who instantly relates and can understand

6. I like the familiarity of being with someone of like culture.

My earliest impressions of black men came from my father and grandfather: strong, intelligent, responsible, respectful, handsome, kind, men of character.

...so black men are definitely my preference.

 

[frankie]

I went on a date with an older white man, but he was whack! Our first date was our last. But, I'd try it again. I've met some cool non-Black men that I'd go out with if they asked. A beautiful man is a beautiful man, race doesn't change that.

 

[trinigul]

I forgot Bensonhurst was the Twana Brawley abduction...right? Umm I forgot refresh my memory because this all happened around the same time. Crown heights was there a beating?

You're right. It gets so confusing!

Twana was upstate NY, I believe = Al Sharpton
Bensonhurst = young black dude went to buy car and killed = Al Sharpton stabbed
Crown Heights = Hasidic Jew (Yankel Rosenbaum - Australian) stabbed in retaliation = the end of David Dinkins (rioting on Eastern Parkway)

 

[Porsche19]

Anyone who jusdges anyone else based on race alone is an idiot in my eyes. Anyone who dates someone based ONLY on thier looks (color of the skin included) is shallow. Anyone who dates someone BECAUSE of the color of their skin has a mental complex.

In the ideal world, interacial dating wouldn't even be an issue. People are people, no matter how tanned their sklin is.

 

[atlien]

Re: I definitely prefer black men

I dated a white young man once. We had incredible conversations about literature, philosophy, and culture that stand unmatched to this day.

But as much as I enjoyed him, something was missing. The connection was incomplete. I eventually told him I preferred to date black men.

I hope he didn't feel that was racist. I stand by my preference to this day.

Here are my 7 reasons why:

1. The myth that white is superior and black is inferior still exists. I don't want to participate in any choice that would endorse that. I don't want to signal to the world (or myself) that if given a choice, I'd prefer white. That I would prefer "other" over what I am.

2. I believe black men have a stronger masculinity. They have endured a lot and have an edge. I prefer a raw, strong expression of manhood (and I'm NOT talking about thugs.)

3. Society demonizes black men. Sees them as criminals, dumbasses and dead-beats. I want to support and nurture a good strong black man in a society that tears him down.

4. Aesthetics. I personally am mesmerized by shades of brown skin and find the millions of hues intriguing and beautiful. I like myself and my beauty so by extension I'm naturally attracted to my attributes in others. I can appreciate a different brand of beauty but I think its natural for people to love what they are ...that's why you'll see people who choose mates who look a lot like them/match them.


5. Prejudice and racism still exist. Maybe not in social constructs, but in the psyches of people. Notice that when you spy someone recoiling, regarding with suspicion, looking away, ignoring, or crossing the street when blacks approach. Race is not my point of reference for living. I wish I lived in a world where it wasn't an issue. But until that happens, if something occurs and I need comforting (or he does) I want to go home to someone who instantly relates and can understand where I'm coming from.

6. I like the familiarity of being with someone of like culture. We can recite Countee Cullen and Maya Angelou to each other and have it deeply resonate. If I quote some obscure passage from The Colored Museum or a speech by Huey Newton or Malcolm X, he gets it-- in his soul -- without explanation. And that's kewl to me. It's beautiful. I love it and want that.

7.Lastly, I am first and foremost an individual. However, I descend from a line of black ancestors who were devalued and stripped of their dignity in this country. They were ridiculed, turned into beasts of labor, sold by the dozens, taught to hate their Negro features and despise their skin color. Let my living say that I will not run from my blackness but that I will embrace it and defy all those who tried to malign it.

I hope no one thinks I'm saying this with a racist heart.

I really enjoyed reading your post.

 

[LaNecia]

I don't think interracial dating is any different from dating someone of your own ethnicity. As far as I am concerned, the color of skin or ethnic background is irrelevant, a man is a man, it's his intrinsic qualities that make him special to me (or not in some cases), not his color.

My family is a very varied mixtures of nationalites, we see people, not colors. It's awesome! Broadens the playing field a bit!!

 

[Sistaslick]

black, white, yellow, purple, and in my case Sri Lankan it doesn't matter to me. I will always agree with a wise man that once said . . . a man should be judged by the content of his character.


jmho.

 

[sweetascocoa]

sista, i dated a sri lankan boy when i was in nigeria. damn, that boy was hot and his name was VERY long. lol!

 

[Country gal]

Did anyone read the article in USA Today ealier this week on Interracial dating? They referenced it on the View but I can't find it. The article was discussing if society was more accepting of Interracial couples since we see more in T.V.

 

[Chromia]

Did anyone read the article in USA Today ealier this week on Interracial dating? They referenced it on the View but I can't find it. The article was discussing if society was more accepting of Interracial couples since we see more in T.V.

Here's the article:
http://www.usatoday.com/life/television/news/2005-12-20-interracial-couples_x.htm

Love is no longer color-coded on TV
By Ann Oldenburg, USA TODAY

One of the sweetest scenes to unfold on recent television was the long-awaited reunion of Bernard, the scruffy old survivor from the tail section of the downed Lost plane, with his calm and loving wife, Rose.
Rose is black. Bernard is white.

And one of the spiciest relationships on TV right now is blossoming between feisty, attractive Grey's Anatomy doctors Cristina Yang, who is Asian, and Preston Burke, who is black.

Interracial pairings suddenly are integral to several of today's top-rated TV shows, including Grey's, Lost, My Name Is Earl and ER.

But these on-screen pairings no longer draw the kind of attention and reaction they did in the '60s and '70s. Romances between people of different colors are being handled more offhandedly, with race being neither an issue nor much of a plot point.

"Honestly, we really don't even talk about it or consider that it's an interracial couple," ER executive producer David Zabel says of characters Neela Rasgotra, who is of Indian descent, when she married Michael Gallant, who is black.

Younger people today don't see the couple as different races, he says. "They don't draw those lines. Watch MTV, and you'll see videos with all kind of people interacting."
On Grey's Anatomy, the race difference between the lovers has not been addressed. Instead, other differences have been highlighted. Sandra Oh's character is messy; Isaiah Washington's character is tidy. She's Jewish; he's not; he's spiritual; she's not.

The pairing stems from "casting whoever we thought was best for the part," says creator/executive producer Shonda Rimes.

Washington, who plays Dr. Burke, didn't want to talk about his character's romance, saying through his publicist that drawing attention to the races takes away from the fact that it's quietly and happily existing without being an issue.

His sentiment echoes that of Morgan Freeman, who said on Sunday's 60 Minutes that the whole idea of a month for black history is "ridiculous" because it separates black history from American history and is part of a labeling process that abets racism.

But does this reflect a real maturing of public opinion, or is it the view through Hollywood's rose-colored glasses?

"The reality is that interracial couples still deal with discrimination and hate," says Carmen Van Kerckhove, co-director of New Demographic, a diversity training company. "It's a positive thing that we're seeing less of a tragic element. Television models for us what we should think about people, really determines our taboos and what's acceptable. The more people see positive and normal representations, that will lessen the fear and taboo."

Although the television industry long has been accused of not casting and portraying enough actors and actresses of different races and ethnicities, Zabel says that has slowly been shifting, and ER has been a front-runner.

Mixed couples have been on at least since black Dr. Peter Benton (Eriq La Salle) and white Dr. Elizabeth Corday (Alex Kingston) were hot and heavy in the late 1990s. "This show has always tried to have a broad range of backgrounds — ethnic, religious and cultural backgrounds," Zabel says.

Parminder Nagra, who plays Neela, says it would be more of an issue if ER suddenly cast an Indian man for her to love. Her story line with Gallant works, she says.

"Why wouldn't these two people get together? They're very passionate about life and each other. On a bigger level, it gives people hope." And the romance, she says, sweeps viewers away, making them forget about race.

What will come later might be a story line that addresses race through family, Zabel says. That's where a clash may come as tradition is broken, and race will play a role.

"I knew certain people would look at it and go, 'An Indian girl is going out with this black guy.' "

But what they should notice is the passion, Nagra says. "It's important to have this on screen. There are so many mixed relationships. I don't think it's portrayed enough on television."

Racism is often reflected on television through hate crimes and other violent stories, Nagra says. "We know racism exists. Let's show people getting on. Let's be positive about it."

Mixed-race romances on television have never been plentiful, as the mass medium has been fearful of alienating viewers and advertisers.

In 1957, on Alan Freed's weekly rock 'n' roll show, black singer Frankie Lymon was seen dancing with a white woman. ABC promptly canceled the show.

On Star Trek, when Lt. Uhura and Capt. Kirk kissed (against their will) in 1968, it was heralded as the first interracial smooch on television.

And when Norman Lear featured a black woman and a white man as married neighbors to 1975's The Jeffersons, it was considered groundbreaking.

In real life, the gap slowly is narrowing. According to the most recent Census, interracial marriages grew from less than 1% in 1970 to nearly 6% in 2000. And as more of the world becomes a melting pot, interracial relationships have popped up more frequently on TV as well, though often tangentially. Some examples:

• Debra Messing's Grace dated guest star Gregory Hines on Will & Grace in 2000.

• David Schwimmer's Ross character fell for Aisha Tyler's Charlie on Friends in 2003.

• Gary Dourdan's Warrick has a history with Marg Helgenberger's Catherine on CSI.

So as the TV landscape has evolved, the issue now is less of whether mixed couples are featured on top shows, but when, how and if the writers will make their race part of the story line.

As Lost's Hurley observed soon after he saw Bernard, in the show's sole comment, "So Rose's husband's white. Didn't see that one coming." Jack, annoyed, quickly changed the subject.

The producers decided that acknowledging the couple's racial differences was necessary.

"The thing we love most about Hurley is he's somehow able to say what people are saying in their living rooms just about the time people are saying it," says Lost executive producer Carlton Cuse. "We thought everyone's expectation would be for her to have a black husband. We wanted to confound everyone's expectation. Everyone would be looking for the 50-year-old black guy."

In the case of Rose and Bernard, a story line of an older black/white couple could provide an interesting back story as they coped with segregation and civil rights issues. Executive producer Damon Lindelof says, "That's something we're planning," but it won't be before next season.

L. Scott Caldwell, the actress who plays Rose on Lost, says she didn't want to see or meet her on-screen husband for the sake of the authenticity of the reunion scene, so she and the actor, Sam Anderson, took pains not to ride in the same van to and from the set and avoided having their paths cross while filming in Hawaii.

"At this point, because I didn't know that Bernard was white, I was only playing a woman whose husband was missing and what that would be like. In my mind, I was using my real husband, who is 6-foot-5 and a black man. I was playing from my own reality."

When she found out, "I wasn't shocked, but I was surprised."

Viewers "immediately responded to it," she says. "Mostly it's been positive. There have been people who say, 'What's up with that?' "

She thinks that not having any nod to it in the show's dialogue would have been unrealistic. "Because the idea of an interracial relationship still matters somewhere to somebody, it is ultimately much better to explore it than ignore it."

Hurley's remark made sense, she says, "because if you're looking at Lost as a microcosm of society, somebody in that society is going to make note of it. It would be odd if nobody did. It still is an important issue."

Anderson says, "It was perfect that Hurley said it. It was perfect that Jack ignored him."

To him, personally, fans have been positive. "People respond to the humanity of it. People don't stop me to say, 'Oh, my God, you have a black wife.' They say, 'If they didn't let you two get back together, I was going to turn off my television set forever.' That supersedes anything else."

In the NBC sitcom Earl, race is treated with irreverent humor. Earl's ex-wife, Joy, is white and has just married Darnell, who is black. She didn't want her father to find out, fearing he'd be furious. As it turns out, he loves black women — literally.

Greg Garcia, executive producer/creator, says the characters simply fit the situation. "They're calling it like they see it and talking like real people talk."

 

[sugaplum]

black, white, yellow, purple, and in my case Sri Lankan it doesn't matter to me. I will always agree with a wise man that once said . . . a man should be judged by the content of his character.


jmho.

ITA Sistaslick In my area you get looks and attitudes weither you are in an interacial marriage or not.

 

[Country gal]

Thanks for posting the article, Elizabeth.

 

[blueabyss333]

I just posted a thread on this. I'm going to read through what people say here.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I have THOROUGHLY enjoyed reading through this thread.

I'm gonna leave it at that.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

bumping b/c I think this is the thread I was looking for...

 

[CarLiTa]

His sentiment echoes that of Morgan Freeman, who said on Sunday's 60 Minutes that the whole idea of a month for black history is "ridiculous" because it separates black history from American history and is part of a labeling process that abets racism.

I actually thought the same thing yesterday while watching the commercials about Black history on television. Why can't it just be part of American history... why does it have to be one month that they celebrate it???
i'm starting to think that it is not helping us move forward, although the purpose was to help us move forward, but I don't see that it has helped anybody. I think they should stop making it as something completely separate, talking about "Your History"... it should just be "History" period. The fact that they're emphasizing it so much and making it seem like everytime a black person does something great is SO OUT OF THE ORDINARY is just making it hard for us to become accepted, IMO.

 

[trinidarkie1]

I just started reading this thread, it's very interesting.
I'm responding based on the earlier pages though about the interracial dating.
Ive never dated any guy other than a black man, because those are the only guys that have ever approached me.
I lived in MN for about 4 years and none of the white guys ever tried to go out with me. I told my gf's the first white guy to have the courage to ask me out, I would go.
I have no issues with it though, a man is a man.

 

[sky_blu]

See I think when black history month was introduced it wasnt intentionally done to cause race separations in history but just to recognize that black history did exist and black americans did achieve and contribute to America. Along with giving black people something to be proud of. Personally, I celebrate black history and history period all year long.

 

[Synthia]

See I think when black history month was introduced it wasnt intentionally done to cause race separations in history but just to recognize that black history did exist and black americans did achieve and contribute to America. Along with giving black people something to be proud of. Personally, I celebrate black history and history period all year long.

I agree about the original intent. It was so necessarily because all history is subjective based on who's telling it and selecting the information.

For years, all black children read about was about how they came to the country as slaves and then Lincoln liberated them. Can you imagine the psychological impact of only seeing yourself in mainstream history books in that capacity.

But I don't care for the black history month and the pseudo histories and firsts that are celebrated now. Some of the stuff is ridiculous. It's nearly outlived its usefulness. The separate celebration should have been a temporary thing ....while inclusion was created in mainstream history.

There is more inclusion now but not so much that the month should be taken away. And that's a damned shame.

(this topic should totally be a thread in and of itself.)

 

[SweetNic_JA]

I just started reading this thread, it's very interesting.
I'm responding based on the earlier pages though about the interracial dating.
Ive never dated any guy other than a black man, because those are the only guys that have ever approached me.
I lived in MN for about 4 years and none of the white guys ever tried to go out with me. I told my gf's the first white guy to have the courage to ask me out, I would go.
I have no issues with it though, a man is a man.

What if he's BUGLY? You should always remain as selective as you'd be with the men you have always dating. You don't want to date a country bumpkin trailer park trash just for the sake of dating or experimenting with something different. You deserve the best.

 

[Southernbella.]

I actually thought the same thing yesterday while watching the commercials about Black history on television. Why can't it just be part of American history... why does it have to be one month that they celebrate it???
i'm starting to think that it is not helping us move forward, although the purpose was to help us move forward, but I don't see that it has helped anybody. I think they should stop making it as something completely separate, talking about "Your History"... it should just be "History" period. The fact that they're emphasizing it so much and making it seem like everytime a black person does something great is SO OUT OF THE ORDINARY is just making it hard for us to become accepted, IMO.

I agree with your post, but the bolded part stood out to me. I have realized that we will never be fully accepted. No matter what we do or don't do, there are just some people in America that won't look at us as equals. To that end, I think we should move forward with the understanding that we need to better our own communities and stop worrying about whites accepting us. Black history may very well have to remain seperate because even the most liberal of white folks don't really want their own kids learning it in school. So, lesson learned. We need to look out for ourselves, whether it's seperate or not.

This topic does need its own thread!

 

[Valerie]

Interracial Dating is as old as the hills, there is nothing new about it. You only have to come in my local tesco and you see the many different hues of interracial couples.

Personally I think that people should look for husband or long term material instead of dates. If you like black men look for a black king, there are plenty out there, if you like non-black kings, there are plenty out there also. The world is far bigger then we think despite what the media may tell us and many of us have to be honesty with ourselves, of what we want in a relationship that is the key. A men is a men, regardless of his skin colour. However those of us ladies who love black men, we must only go for the very best, because we deserve the best, those of us who love non-black men, we must also go for the best also. It is also important to be specific on what you want in a man and who ever you are with, you should not care what anyone thinks, to hell with them, you will have to give account of your own life at the day of judgment. Your life does not belong to your sister, mother, grandfather, brother or father, it belongs to you and at the end of the day, you have to be honest with yourself about what you like and what sort of relationship you want.

 

[facets]

Great thread.

the key is how the man treats you.

I'll add that we(i'm black American from multi-ancestry...my husband is white French w/ some distant Asian ancestry) get far more stares here in the US but in Europe people don't seem to notice much.
****
i do think it's *hilarious* that so many black women accepting overtures/dates/proposal from white men seems to be trendy... i thought i'd *never* see the day. hell must be freezing over! i'm still the only one in my family that i know of tho'. i remember when it was not even cool. i must be out of the loop. are we copping to oral **x now too? let a sista know.

looking back, (i'm 35yrs. old) my dating/courting history has been mostly white men. i'm not 100 percent sure why this is. i don't think my parents stood over my crib and chanted "white boys white boys white boys" as i slept.

my ex-husband was a white american (so yes, white men *can* suck! a fool is a fool is a fool).

one weirdness is that many black men that i've been super attracted to went for non-black women.

even as a youngling i had crushes on all colors of boys at school. i 'heart'ed michael jackson & andy gibb. and now michael's white.. i'm sure that's my fault somehow ...i stopped chasing boys so much after high school, so i chose from the ones that approached me. honestly, i probably put out some sort of nutty-vibe and maybe this accounts for the pale-pickins'.

i'm not sure what the problem/thing is.. i can be in the produce section minding my bizness, other black women around(better looking, well-dressed) and they zoom in on me and start talking a blue streak.
***
okay i'm recanting my 100% indifference... there is this tiny part of me that wonders what it would be like to be married to a black american man. it's so insane that i'm sitting here imagining this but i do wonder. lol. a friend of mine's mom(white) once asked me what black men were like sexually(she had this flirtation going w/ a black co-worker and was considering escalating it) i could honestly say i didn't know. i wanted to tell her to ask her daughter cos she'd been w/ at least 5 black guys. i'd been getting details from her!
***
it doesn't bother me to see black men with non-black women. what i don't like is when they're overly defensive and all funny-acting about it. as if every black woman is waiting to pounce. they need to chill and enjoy whatever they have goin.

also and Sandra Oh+Isiah Washington together on grey's anatomy are ****** hot, so were Sarita(sp?)Choudry and Denzel in Mississippi Masala. <lick finger touch sizzle gesture>

miscegenation now, miscegenation 4ever!

 

[Parvathi]

Great thread.

the key is how the man treats you.

I'll add that we(i'm black American from multi-ancestry...my husband is white French w/ some distant Asian ancestry) get far more stares here in the US but in Europe people don't seem to notice much.
****
i do think it's *hilarious* that so many black women accepting overtures/dates/proposal from white men seems to be trendy... i thought i'd *never* see the day. hell must be freezing over! i'm still the only one in my family that i know of tho'. i remember when it was not even cool. i must be out of the loop. are we copping to oral **x now too? let a sista know.

looking back, (i'm 35yrs. old) my dating/courting history has been mostly white men. i'm not 100 percent sure why this is. i don't think my parents stood over my crib and chanted "white boys white boys white boys" as i slept.

my ex-husband was a white american (so yes, white men *can* suck! a fool is a fool is a fool).

one weirdness is that many black men that i've been super attracted to went for non-black women.

even as a youngling i had crushes on all colors of boys at school. i 'heart'ed michael jackson & andy gibb. and now michael's white.. i'm sure that's my fault somehow ...i stopped chasing boys so much after high school, so i chose from the ones that approached me. honestly, i probably put out some sort of nutty-vibe and maybe this accounts for the pale-pickins'.

i'm not sure what the problem/thing is.. i can be in the produce section minding my bizness, other black women around(better looking, well-dressed) and they zoom in on me and start talking a blue streak.
***
okay i'm recanting my 100% indifference... there is this tiny part of me that wonders what it would be like to be married to a black american man. it's so insane that i'm sitting here imagining this but i do wonder. lol. a friend of mine's mom(white) once asked me what black men were like sexually(she had this flirtation going w/ a black co-worker and was considering escalating it) i could honestly say i didn't know. i wanted to tell her to ask her daughter cos she'd been w/ at least 5 black guys. i'd been getting details from her!
***
it doesn't bother me to see black men with non-black women. what i don't like is when they're overly defensive and all funny-acting about it. as if every black woman is waiting to pounce. they need to chill and enjoy whatever they have goin.

also and Sandra Oh+Isiah Washington together on grey's anatomy are ****** hot, so were Sarita(sp?)Choudry and Denzel in Mississippi Masala. <lick finger touch sizzle gesture>

miscegenation now, miscegenation 4ever!

Funny thread!

I can totally relate to your experience. Even though I am only 22, I have preferred dating white men and have only had experience dating two black men. I really try to be optimistic but I find myself comparing the two experiences and I always tend to see a pattern (white men willing to do everything for me; black men tend to be more stingy and reserved with their feelings; anal about pleasing me, etc.) I know its wrong of me to make huge generalizations just based on these few interactions but I find myself doing it. And when speaking to other black females who undergo the same problems with black males (my mother included) my generalizations turn factual. I am still open to dating men of all types, but I think my preference still are with white males. This in no way implies I believe they are ALL saints, because losers come in all shades. Its just based on my experience I guess, and experiences do shape your outlook on life....both in a good and bad way

Desite my preferences, I am simply looking for a soulmate..MY soulmate

BTW, I love your family. You both make a beautiful couple!!!!!

 

[facets]

Funny thread!

I can totally relate to your experience. Even though I am only 22, I have preferred dating white men and have only had experience dating two black men. I really try to be optimistic but I find myself comparing the two experiences and I always tend to see a pattern (white men willing to do everything for me; black men tend to be more stingy and reserved with their feelings; anal about pleasing me, etc.) I know its wrong of me to make huge generalizations just based on these few interactions but I find myself doing it. And when speaking to other black females who undergo the same problems with black males (my mother included) my generalizations turn factual. I am still open to dating men of all types, but I think my preference still are with white males. This in no way implies I believe they are ALL saints, because losers come in all shades. Its just based on my experience I guess, and experiences do shape your outlook on life....both in a good and bad way

Desite my preferences, I am simply looking for a soulmate..MY soulmate

BTW, I love your family. You both make a beautiful couple!!!!!

thanks so much Parvathi!!

As far as attraction/fantasies go I'm 'omnivorous', but the pattern in my real life has been 'white' men. I haven't been seeking this consciously or approaching the men, so I chalk it up to destiny so far.

Years ago, I was sort of bumming about this and complaining to my hairdresser and she said "You know, K, maybe everyone's not meant to be with a brother" At the time, I thought she was being silly but maybe there was something to it.
**
I do think that there's a perception(kinda like the view of weave-as-cheating) that dating or marrying a non-black is weaseling out of something. out of what exactly, i'm not sure. can't be racial stuff because i haven't found that life as a colored gal is any easier for me with a 'white' man than without one.

...maybe circumventing the color/features/hair texture grading matrix that some 'black' american men still hold to. yah, it's a huge relief to not have to worry about that particular BS.

other than that i can't imagine why a white man is much different than any other.

 

[felicia]

i'm in an interracial relationship, but sometimes im not sure if i can deal with the negativety. it only comes from his family, but i'm not sure if i'd even want to put up with that for the rest of my life. although we aren't close to marriage, we have talked about it and their disapproval does play a role in it(for me).