Interracial Dating or Marriage

[landakaye]

I would say for some I just happen to be in the right place I guess and they asked me out or a friend would hook us up. My dh and I worked on the watch floor when we were in the Navy and we had PT together and a friend of mine saw him checkin me out and introduced us formally. We have been together since '97 and got married in '99.

 

[CarLiTa]

LoL this is all very funny. I haven't dated a white guy... then again i've only dated one person lol i'm still young. I did have a Hispanic boyfriend though. But yeah the guy I dated, he's Jamaican but his mother is like an Indian person who's born in Jamaica... something like that. I don't really consider him of a different race or anything, neither does he. He sees himself as a red-skinned black guy with "good" hair
I go to a Hispanic school and white people are a minority there too... I've liked some of them but how do you let a white guy know you're... "down"?? It's kinda weird cuz even if they too are interested, they think you'll reject them because of the race issue. I wouldn't, if i was interested but I can't just be like "uh... by the way... i do like white guys too"... that would sound a little desperate.

to answer the girl who asked if the other races treated them right, I think so... some might disagree, but as far as I see, Hispanic boys treat their girlfriends so nice! Sometimes with a black guy comes all this drama, his crazy, ghetto ex-girlfriends, his fascination with being in a gang, his "aspirations" of being... a rapper , and a few other things. I'd prefer a smart guy overall, if I'm smart and have goals, so should the guy. Those Hispanic boys are so affectionate and caring towards their girls, i'm like "i want myself one too, shoo!"

 

[Tiffany]

For the people who dated outside their race, how did it come about? Were y'all just friends and it happened? Did you meet each other in school? Or did you place yourself in certain situations or places (say a hangout where mostly white guys would go).

I'm extremely curious about how to get out there and let guys of other races know that I'm,er, "down."

Men of other races started approaching me when I entered college. It happened at stores, bars, clubs, etc. I am not sure why. I was not flirting or anything. I think they are really bold these days. My sister used to say that I must have something written on my face.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Thanks for the replies ladies!

I'm not the kind of girl to go "manhunting" and especially when it comes to guys outside of one's own race, you have to be cautious because you don't know if the guy is open minded or not. But the concensus seems to be that by just living life, things will happen naturally.

 

[CatSuga]

Well, I'm now "talking to on a higher level" to my friend of 2yrs who is Indian.
I didn't want to "talk" to him like that at first because I believed (and I told him this) that Indians/Arabs/Africans only holla at black girls just to get some sex. So we got into this big fight and he was but we made up and now it is all good.

 

[NessaNessa]

LoL this is all very funny. I haven't dated a white guy... then again i've only dated one person lol i'm still young. I did have a Hispanic boyfriend though. But yeah the guy I dated, he's Jamaican but his mother is like an Indian person who's born in Jamaica... something like that. I don't really consider him of a different race or anything, neither does he. He sees himself as a red-skinned black guy with "good" hair
I go to a Hispanic school and white people are a minority there too... I've liked some of them but how do you let a white guy know you're... "down"?? It's kinda weird cuz even if they too are interested, they think you'll reject them because of the race issue. I wouldn't, if i was interested but I can't just be like "uh... by the way... i do like white guys too"... that would sound a little desperate.

to answer the girl who asked if the other races treated them right, I think so... some might disagree, but as far as I see, Hispanic boys treat their girlfriends so nice! Sometimes with a black guy comes all this drama, his crazy, ghetto ex-girlfriends, his fascination with being in a gang, his "aspirations" of being... a rapper , and a few other things. I'd prefer a smart guy overall, if I'm smart and have goals, so should the guy. Those Hispanic boys are so affectionate and caring towards their girls, i'm like "i want myself one too, shoo!"

LAWD!!!!! Last time I looked, drama can occur with any race of man. Have you seen any talk shows lately? I happen to be engaged to a black man who is very educated and SMART. There are loads of smart, educated black men out there. I hope you aren't generalizing black men based on your experiences and those you have encountered. I can also state, I have several Hispanic friends who have Hispanic boyfriends/husbands who treat them in ways most of us would not accept. Lastly, I don't know of any black men who have a fascination with being in a gang...LOL

Now back to the topic, I "talked" to a white guy once in high school briefly. I let that ish go when he thought he was cool enough to use the "N" word!!! He hung around black guys, was on the footbal team, and was popular. No matter how cute he was, I couldnt handle it. I am CONSTANTLY approached by white guys, but I've never given it a second thought to actually date one now...besides, I'm engaged to a smart black guy. I have nothing against IR dating as long as it's out of true love and not for "other "reasons.

I prefer black men because like a previous poster said, I need someone I can relate to. Yeah the hypothetical situation given was an eye opener for some, but, for example, on days where I am racially discriminated against, I need someone who "knows" what I am going through. Not someone who "understands". I need someone who knows what struggles I have to endure and whom can give me the support I need. I am not saying this is true for all, I AM SPEAKING ON MY FEELINGS!!!!

Go with your heart...

 

[CarLiTa]

Hey, sorry, I didn't mean for my statement to be interpreted the wrong way... I'm not talking about grown men, i'm talking about the much younger ones. I'm in high school, and at my school, those fascinated with being in a gang or being a rapper, are all I see. They're always looking to get into a fight, do this, do that, and talk about unrealistic goals of being the
next ::insert rapper's name here::

I'm not generalizing. In fact, I'm waiting for college to meet goal-oriented black guys. Meanwhile, most of them do not seem to be doing anything, and are always so puzzled to find black girls who are interested in school. My two cents...
I know there are smart black guys out there. I know quite a good number, but they too sometimes have crazy drama. I love my race though, but I'm open to other races too.

 

[Country gal]

Carlita that sounds as bad as when black guys say Black women fill in the blank. We need to put out the energy we want back to us. If we sit around bad mouthing black MEN and women than that negative energy will come back to us.

 

[toronto_chick]

Curious: Why is it always black and white - what about those of us dating people that dont fall into those races fo example - Asian, Indian, Arabic, Persian, Chinese, Japanese, Native... sometimes when these discussions about interracial dating come up (a lot) its always about black and white but there are so many "others" in between.... JMO

 

[scorpiogirl112184]

i doesn't bother me at all went i see any interracial couple i'm very proud of the progress american (most anyway ) have made brothes have been dating outside their race for years i'm glad more sisters are embracing the idea and doing it themselves, if have crossed that line yet, cuz i love a dark skin man but i wouldn't reject someone of a different race if they met everything else i was looking for and treated me good, shoot let me see Colin Farrow with his sexy self i'd be all over him or Justiin Timberlake

 

[nchristina]

For the people who dated outside their race, how did it come about? Were y'all just friends and it happened? Did you meet each other in school? Or did you place yourself in certain situations or places (say a hangout where mostly white guys would go).

I'm extremely curious about how to get out there and let guys of other races know that I'm,er, "down."

I met my hubby in an aol chat room in 1995. We have been married 6 going on 7 years. He told me the was 1/2 chinese 1/2 white, I thought hmm interesting. Then he said he was 6'2'' and 185lbs, I was like 'I gotta see this'.
The rest is in the making.

Aside: This is not to imply that the beginning was an easy road. First were the stares, then his mom was another issue. Long stories...

ETA: As for availibility, most guys can tell when a woman has that 'i'm available look'. If they can't, just give them the 'eyes'.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I met my hubby in an aol chat room in 1995. We have been married 6 going on 7 years. He told me the was 1/2 chinese 1/2 white, I thought hmm interesting. Then he said he was 6'2'' and 185lbs, I was like 'I gotta see this'.
The rest is in the making.

Aside: This is not to imply that the beginning was an easy road. First were the stares, then his mom was another issue. Long stories...

Thanks for sharing!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Thats understandable but cn also be debated at the same time. So lets just say hypothetically there was a white guy who lived next door to you your entire life, same neighborhood/upbringing, values, morals...okay cool? And then you meet a black guy who was raised the total opposite of you: Fresh Prince Style...Beverly hills house, prep school, glee club, the whole nine...would you still say the black guy relates to you more just because he is black or no? I believe that relating to someone totally depends on environmental surroundings and circumstances more so than just race alone.

BINGO!! You hit the nail on the head Ayeshia. Relationships go FAR deeper than "race" or "color". When you relate to someone, you just relate...period. It doesn't matter what race, or color, or ethnicity the person is. I don't know ANY of you nice wonderful women on this board, but even if I didn't know your skin color, I would still enjoy posting on this board because many of you share the same thoughts/views that I do. Even when people don't have EVERY single thing in common you can still appreciate the many things you DO have in common. Plus, if you ask me, it's kind of boring to have someone who is exactly like you who likes exactly the same things you do.

There have been many times when I have felt just as distant from my fellow black "sisters" as I have from white "sisters". I learned this to an even greater degree after I moved. Many times upbringing/environment/ and even what you are EXPOSED to can make a HUGE difference on whether or not you will "click" with someone.

I think that people in general spend WAAY too much time trying to figure out if they will "click" with someone based on their race, age, or gender, when in reality...if more people stepped out of their comfort zone, we might just ALL find that maybe (just maybe!) we have more in common with people of other ages, genders, races, social economic status' than we think!

 

[lovechic]

I'm cool with it! Besides my Sweet chocolate Brothers, I like Latino men! That's just my personal Prefrence!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've never been into white guys though! Ah well!

 

[Ayeshia]

BINGO!! You hit the nail on the head Ayeshia. Relationships go FAR deeper than "race" or "color". When you relate to someone, you just relate...period. It doesn't matter what race, or color, or ethnicity the person is. I don't know ANY of you nice wonderful women on this board, but even if I didn't know your skin color, I would still enjoy posting on this board because many of you share the same thoughts/views that I do. Even when people don't have EVERY single thing in common you can still appreciate the many things you DO have in common. Plus, if you ask me, it's kind of boring to have someone who is exactly like you who likes exactly the same things you do.

There have been many times when I have felt just as distant from my fellow black "sisters" as I have from white "sisters". I learned this to an even greater degree after I moved. Many times upbringing/environment/ and even what you are EXPOSED to can make a HUGE difference on whether or not you will "click" with someone.

I think that people in general spend WAAY too much time trying to figure out if they will "click" with someone based on their race, age, or gender, when in reality...if more people stepped out of their comfort zone, we might just ALL find that maybe (just maybe!) we have more in common with people of other ages, genders, races, social economic status' than we think!

Hey we could be best friends I feel the EXACT same way. I live next door to BLACK drug dealors and it would be a cold day in hell before we can "relate" to anything

 

[LookieLoo]

BINGO!! You hit the nail on the head Ayeshia. Relationships go FAR deeper than "race" or "color". When you relate to someone, you just relate...period. It doesn't matter what race, or color, or ethnicity the person is. I don't know ANY of you nice wonderful women on this board, but even if I didn't know your skin color, I would still enjoy posting on this board because many of you share the same thoughts/views that I do. Even when people don't have EVERY single thing in common you can still appreciate the many things you DO have in common. Plus, if you ask me, it's kind of boring to have someone who is exactly like you who likes exactly the same things you do.

There have been many times when I have felt just as distant from my fellow black "sisters" as I have from white "sisters". I learned this to an even greater degree after I moved. Many times upbringing/environment/ and even what you are EXPOSED to can make a HUGE difference on whether or not you will "click" with someone.

I think that people in general spend WAAY too much time trying to figure out if they will "click" with someone based on their race, age, or gender, when in reality...if more people stepped out of their comfort zone, we might just ALL find that maybe (just maybe!) we have more in common with people of other ages, genders, races, social economic status' than we think!

^-- In total agreement with the above statement. Thanks to Crystalicequeen123 for articulating so eloquently all of the thoughts that came to mind as I read this thread.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

^-- In total agreement with the above statement. Thanks to Crystalicequeen123 for articulating so eloquently all of the thoughts that came to mind as I read this thread.

Aww...thanks Ayeshia and Lookieloo for your kind comments. I have always felt this way for the longest time. I'm just glad someone finally brought this up.

 

[esoterica]

BINGO!! You hit the nail on the head Ayeshia. Relationships go FAR deeper than "race" or "color". When you relate to someone, you just relate...period. It doesn't matter what race, or color, or ethnicity the person is. I don't know ANY of you nice wonderful women on this board, but even if I didn't know your skin color, I would still enjoy posting on this board because many of you share the same thoughts/views that I do. Even when people don't have EVERY single thing in common you can still appreciate the many things you DO have in common. Plus, if you ask me, it's kind of boring to have someone who is exactly like you who likes exactly the same things you do.

There have been many times when I have felt just as distant from my fellow black "sisters" as I have from white "sisters". I learned this to an even greater degree after I moved. Many times upbringing/environment/ and even what you are EXPOSED to can make a HUGE difference on whether or not you will "click" with someone.

I think that people in general spend WAAY too much time trying to figure out if they will "click" with someone based on their race, age, or gender, when in reality...if more people stepped out of their comfort zone, we might just ALL find that maybe (just maybe!) we have more in common with people of other ages, genders, races, social economic status' than we think!

what she said.

 

[MissYocairis]

My husband is white and weve been together for 6 years and before him there was another white man. It was not intentional but apparently Im intimidating to other black men.(insert eye roll) White boys were the only ones with courage enough to ask me out. Strange hunh?

WOW. Really? That's an interesting social observation. Kool for you.

 

[Synthia]

I definitely prefer black men

I dated a white young man once. We had incredible conversations about literature, philosophy, and culture that stand unmatched to this day.

But as much as I enjoyed him, something was missing. The connection was incomplete. I eventually told him I preferred to date black men.

I hope he didn't feel that was racist. I stand by my preference to this day.

Here are my 7 reasons why:

1. The myth that white is superior and black is inferior still exists. I don't want to participate in any choice that would endorse that. I don't want to signal to the world (or myself) that if given a choice, I'd prefer white. That I would prefer "other" over what I am.

2. I believe black men have a stronger masculinity. They have endured a lot and have an edge. I prefer a raw, strong expression of manhood (and I'm NOT talking about thugs.)

3. Society demonizes black men. Sees them as criminals, dumbasses and dead-beats. I want to support and nurture a good strong black man in a society that tears him down.

4. Aesthetics. I personally am mesmerized by shades of brown skin and find the millions of hues intriguing and beautiful. I like myself and my beauty so by extension I'm naturally attracted to my attributes in others. I can appreciate a different brand of beauty but I think its natural for people to love what they are ...that's why you'll see people who choose mates who look a lot like them/match them.


5. Prejudice and racism still exist. Maybe not in social constructs, but in the psyches of people. Notice that when you spy someone recoiling, regarding with suspicion, looking away, ignoring, or crossing the street when blacks approach. Race is not my point of reference for living. I wish I lived in a world where it wasn't an issue. But until that happens, if something occurs and I need comforting (or he does) I want to go home to someone who instantly relates and can understand where I'm coming from.

6. I like the familiarity of being with someone of like culture. We can recite Countee Cullen and Maya Angelou to each other and have it deeply resonate. If I quote some obscure passage from The Colored Museum or a speech by Huey Newton or Malcolm X, he gets it-- in his soul -- without explanation. And that's kewl to me. It's beautiful. I love it and want that.

7.Lastly, I am first and foremost an individual. However, I descend from a line of black ancestors who were devalued and stripped of their dignity in this country. They were ridiculed, turned into beasts of labor, sold by the dozens, taught to hate their Negro features and despise their skin color. Let my living say that I will not run from my blackness but that I will embrace it and defy all those who tried to malign it.

I hope no one thinks I'm saying this with a racist heart.

 

[Blossssom]

Re: I definitely prefer black men

Synthia, just so you know... I enjoyed your post so much, and I agree 100%!

Keep the faith, baby! Hugs!!

 

[rozlips]

Re: I definitely prefer black men

2. I believe black men have a stronger masculinity. They have endured a lot and have an edge. I prefer a raw, strong expression of manhood (and I'm NOT talking about thugs.)

That's interesting, I've seen that one before, but I don't get it. I guess we all have our own definition of masculine.

 

[Synthia]

Re: I definitely prefer black men

Synthia, just so you know... I enjoyed your post so much, and I agree 100%!

Keep the faith, baby! Hugs!!

Thank you Blossom. :hug:

 

[Blossssom]

Re: I definitely prefer black men

Thank you Blossom. :hug:

I will be sharing it with others... thank you again!

 

[Chivara]

Re: I definitely prefer black men

I dated a white young man once. We had incredible conversations about literature, philosophy, and culture that stand unmatched to this day.

But as much as I enjoyed him, something was missing. The connection was incomplete. I eventually told him I preferred to date black men.

I hope he didn't feel that was racist. I stand by my preference to this day.

Here are my 7 reasons why:

1. The myth that white is superior and black is inferior still exists. I don't want to participate in any choice that would endorse that. I don't want to signal to the world (or myself) that if given a choice, I'd prefer white. That I would prefer "other" over what I am.

So true...but people try to act like it doesn't.

OT, but I as actually with a white male co-worker in the airport about a week ago, and I was hoping and praying that no one actually thought we were a couple. Does that make me a racist?

 

[Blossssom]

Re: I definitely prefer black men

No, Chivara... and Synthia's comments don't make her a racist, either...

There is still something called a preference.

I find it sad this country has not been able to accept equality for all citizens, but at the same time accept wanting to be with someone who you can identify with... and that can be anything.

For me and my house, it starts with race. Sorry...

 

[rozlips]

Re: I definitely prefer black men

So true...but people try to act like it doesn't.

I doubt there are very many people on this planet that deny white supremacy exists. Some of us simply understand that all whites aren't white supremacists and take the issue on an individual basis. Personally, I believe that within this white supremacist patriarchy white male/black female relationships tend to undermine white supremacy. But each to their own.

OT, but I as actually with a white male co-worker in the airport about a week ago, and I was hoping and praying that no one actually thought we were a couple. Does that make me a racist?

Nope, doesn't make you a racist. I don't understand why you cared what perfect strangers thought, but that probably makes you overly invested in the views of others, not a racist. IMHO folks who care what others think are better off not IRing. As I said in another forum, the first rule of successful IR dating is the ability to say fcuk you to others and mean it.

 

[Synthia]

Re: I definitely prefer black men

I doubt there are very many people on this planet that deny white supremacy exists. Some of us simply understand that all whites aren't white supremacists and take the issue on an individual basis. Personally, I believe that within this white supremacist patriarchy white male/black female relationships tend to undermine white supremacy. But each to their own.

I'm not discussing whether all whites are supremacists. I'm not saying that I won't date a white person because he feels he's better than blacks.

You've misunderstood the white superiority comments.

Esteeming whites as superior is a social condition, it's a social mind-set that goes beyond individual white people ...and frankly I refuse to feed into it. You see hints of it in magazines, product availability (flesh band-aids, flesh stockings, makeup shades), and on and on. You see hints of this social brainwashing in people with intra-racial color prejudice who only date light. I know some from older generations who brag about their grandchildren having white blood. I know some people who love to brag about having white friends...or dating white.

My apprehension isn't simply that whites think themselves superior but that the rest of society believes it and strives to crossover into a perceived Promised Land by marrying or dating white. (as if that gives them a stamp of approval by the cream of the crop)

So for you to suggest white male-black female relationships could "undermine" this mindset is naive. It could easily perpetuate it if that black female believed she was 'upgrading' for the sake of her future offspring and to better her status by marriage into a superior race. I don't doubt for one minute that this occurs -- and frequently -- and with pride But it appears you're equating white supremacy (which involves whites thinking they are the master race) with my theory of a widespread white superiority myth (which involves all races believing whites are the ideal).


Anyway...I'm an advocate of humanity. I think people of all hues and backgrounds should intermingle without regard for race, which is an exaggerated concept. But marriage and dating are different. When I am choosing one partner who will walk with me for the rest of my life, who I choose and who I reject sends a multitude of messages and underscores my philosophies.

 

[Country gal]

synthia said:

7.Lastly, I am first and foremost an individual. However, I descend from a line of black ancestors who were devalued and stripped of their dignity in this country. They were ridiculed, turned into beasts of labor, sold by the dozens, taught to hate their Negro features and despise their skin color. Let my living say that I will not run from my blackness but that I will embrace it and defy all those who tried to malign it.


I agree. I don't hide my blackness. I am blacker than black. I embrace and love my culture. I respect others who do the same.

 

[MzTami]

I have to agree with Chivara...I don't have anything against Interracial dating. I have a problem when people think they are something that they will never be. But other than that, I have NEVER dated outside of my race,(I love dark, dark, black men) I am married to a black man now and don't ever see myself dating any other race. This is My preference and I respect others preference too. Good luck to everyone regardless of who they fall in love with.