Cut Buddy

[barbiesocialite]

LHCF is so contradictory... so y'all don't believe in fwb because it cheapens sex yet you believe in one night stands and legalizing the selling of poussay?

Let me be real here - some women are playing the game wrong - a woman never needs to even kiss or hold a mans hand to be compensated for her time with gifts and financial support if thats what she desires... It's nothing to do with sex and u will probably get more from a man without sexing him if that's the game you are in - it's all about the type of man you choose.

Some men are so cheap and/or broke that you can buss it open all night every night and sing on that mic all night and get zilch. Others you will have what you want just cause he wants to make you smile, to impress you etc and that's who he is.

Same thing with marriage and relationships - if you meet a marriage minded man who is at the right time in his life and you meet his requirements he will marry you whether you slept with him on the first night or after a year, whether he was your first or your hundredth - cause your the one and he knew it from the first moment he met you - most women do not need to do magic tricks or acrobatics to get a man to marry them - the hard part, is staying married given that most pre engagement relationships are only 1-3 years and marriage is for life.

See that's where the game is effed up.

This isnt about money. This is about time, affection, commitment. REAL investment. That's the cost. That's the payment. Top dollar ish. The expensive ish. Hard to get. You can tell when some women are used to gold diggers, sluts or the women who dont get ish as their standard. Petty ish for petty chicks. There is a middle and more meaningful ground BUt unfortunately, a lot of black women havent been exposed to it so they dont know it or understand it. It took me a long tie to get the women in my life to tell the truth about their sex life. For real, I literally had to pull my gma, aunt and mama's teeth. my mama still lyin! Why? Because their real lives say they are quality women of value. None of them ever demonized sex but if I can look at their lives, just as an observer, it clearly says these are women of value who when they share themselves others value it. Ugh the following is gross to say but clearly the men in their life value their vaginas too....At the same time their are sadly other women who live lives that show they arent worth much. Their vajajays arent worth much either. And they dont care. They'll probably juust never be worth anything. If that's what some women choose to do more power to them. I support it. So they will have to settle for cut buddies and fwb instead of really determine things on their own terms---no strings--- or getting everything with all of the strings

 

[FelaShrine]

people have varying views. big surprise.

 

[Naveah2050]

You peeped that too, huh? Anyway, your post is on point.

Lol I am telling you! I can't figure this board out between the anti casual sex, anti feminist,
pro paid sex brigade who also want to slut shame women who indulge in and enjoy sex whether it's free or paid...

 

[FelaShrine]

^why do you need to understand?

at the end of the day people will do them.

some people are fie giving it up for nothing(big peen, nice body etc) and others want more out of it. Big deal.

 

[barbiesocialite]

^why do you need to understand?

at the end of the day people will do them.

some people are fie giving it up for nothing(big peen, nice body etc) and others want more out of it. Big deal.

agreed.

 

[barbiesocialite]

You're amazing.

I will say this though. I don't condone fwb or cut buddies but IF you're gonna have a cut buddy, *** buddy, one night stand or whatever we're calling it, make sure it's someone NOBODY knows or ever has the possibility of knowing. They at least have $ and you have a base line level of respect for them- should you end up pregnant. When I did my dirt, it was in another city and with a very UE WM.

I coudn't do the one night stand thing because I just don't like sleeping around. I didn't want to be sexually free or liberated...I just wanted to have normal sex after I got out of that relationship.

I think I'm a weirdo so I dont hold other to my standards. However, holding others to their standards and what seems to happen next, can most women handle a cut buddy or fwb? IME NO. Mess always ends up tragic, embarrassing and with the woman on a losing end. It VERY RARELY works out.

I do agree with the bolded tho. That's why I mentioned no strings attached. FOR REAL. LIKE IN REAL LIFE. NOT YOUR IMAGINATION.

If you keep messing with a dude and he knows your spot, how bout that oxytocin hun. Know your own spot and how to get your own rocks off then that legitimizes the whole "freespirited" "I have sex because thats-what-i-wanna-do"....

 

[barbiesocialite]

^why do you need to understand?

at the end of the day people will do them.

some people are fie giving it up for nothing(big peen, nice body etc) and others want more out of it. Big deal.

Right.

I for one do not advocate low budget black women. Be it money, vagina, affection, commitment or time. We are already treated like the bottom dog turd on someone's shoe compared to other groups of women. History and even tv shows men are allowed to rape and steal from us with no consequence. Advocating a party free for all let any ole man use our vaginas by hitting it and quitting multiple times for an extended period just because it's fun?

nah son.

I want better for my kind (black women).

 

[FemmeFatale]

It's very telling when society is more open to accepting hook-up culture than "hooker" culture (as they call it). We will quickly defend a woman's right to have multiple, short-term flings with no payoff aside from a short-lived orgasm, but we'll still chastise women who demand payment of some type in exchange for sex. Where is this "women enjoy sex, too!" argument when it comes to gold-diggers and sugar babies? Once a woman is giving it up for vacations, shopping sprees, monthly stipends, and dinners, suddenly she doesn't enjoy sex and sex is only for the man's pleasure. She's being used. She's unhappy and empty inside. But if she gives it up to Marco for free, she's a modern, liberated woman.

Back in the day I had cut buddies. It was an enjoyable experience physically but at the end of the day, I couldn't count on any of those men for anything but an orgasm. I didn't feel used, but I did feel like I surrendered my power too quickly. Sex is great, sex is wonderful, sex is enjoyable, and sex is power for a woman. It's why selling the fantasy of sex has always been more lucrative than engaging in the act. The same women gyrating on stage, singing about getting cherries turned out, anacondas, and strip clubs and dollar bills probably have fewer sex partners than the average woman. One in particular has been sleeping with the same man for over a decade.

Casual sex for women might be liberating, but it isn't always smart. I believe in women embracing their sexuality but there are better ways to do it. These days I only have sex within some type of relationship where I have the upper hand emotionally, mentally, and physically. If I give you access to my body, I'm going to expect for you to come to my rescue when I need something. I need mental stimulation, adventure, and security. Men these days think offering some D is enough. Not for me. Without those other things, it's pretty unremarkable.

OMG this is exactly how I feel in a nutshell

 

[Kurlee]

It's strange how "catching feelings" now carries some kind of implication of weakness. Like, if you were really strong or self-possessed, any random man could put his penis inside of you and it mean absolutely nothing to you. I think there's a lot to be said for the commentaries on how our culture is showing increasing signs of narcissism and emotional attachment issues--basically, a decreasing ability to truly bond with and give oneself to another. Cynicism about lifelong fidelity is another sign of this issue.

I find that quite often, those ringing the feminist bell do not actually follow those principles irl, especially not sex positive feminism. You will find the happily married woman with children, who has been with one or a *maybe* three men at most eager to affirm principles that, one, they would never follow in their own life, and two, never had to live the consequences of because they didn't follow those principles in their own lives. I know quite a few women exactly like this and, idk, maybe affirming in words what they would never actually live makes them feel like they are more open minded or accepting, or a part of something bigger despite the boundaries of their life choices.

It makes me feel sorry for the younger generation of women who actually believe what they are being told and then have to live with all the negative consequences of it while those who only paid lip service to these ideas sail off into the sunset with their husband and children in tow.

It sounds like fear to me. And posturing. And from both sexes! People are afraid to get hurt, used or rejected, so they've dismantled relationships, sex and companionship and made it a la carte. At the second bolded, it sounds like people are disillusioned with relationships and have settled for a la carte interaction to protect themselves and still get some semblance of the real thing. That way if it fails, it's not because you did something wrong, but because it was never supposed to work in the first place. It's like always having an escape hatch and options, so you never have to try, take a risk or make yourself vulnerable. It's actually quite sad. The problem is, is that the pieces that people are trying to enjoy without consequences work in tandem, so they naturally will arouse feelings that we are now being told to suppress and the consequences, disappointment, baggage will still inevitably find us.

I think it's all a futile exercise in trying to resist a natural reaction to human interaction and being asexual is really not even the issue. Some women love sex, but maybe they just want the three or five course meal (risk, expense and all) rather than a snack coming from the vending machine that is cheap and low risk, but still leaves you hungry afterwards and is never quite satisfying.

Things shift in society from not just going along with every whim and trend, but people actually going against the grain and demanding more (right or wrong).

 

[Kurlee]

There is nothing wrong with co-existing, but we live in the real world and we interact with each other. We can't pretend that the consequences of these things don't affect us all. Live and let live sounds great in theory, but in practice, it simply doesn't work.

 

[Kurlee]

Please tell me we are not being trained to rename an age old practice of flucking just for sex?

F Buddy is the old saying and it's the same. FWB is just a more PC and delusional version of saying F Buddy. Cut Buddy just sounds fashionable.

Call it what you want, it's all the same and it all ends the same.
One of you getting attached and wanting more than what the other is willing to give.

There used to be a time when men had to earn sex or buy an hour with a prostitute.
Now since the age of the sexual liberation; women are having sex with broke lazy ninja's just for peen. These men know they don't need to work for it anymore and surprise surprise many women can't get these men to court them because they have some peen thirsty chick waiting in the wings to get her rocks off.

Oftentimes there are babies made of these unions.

Not judging just noticed something.

There's consequences to all of this and ignoring/downplaying/suppressing the reality of that doesn't change that.

 

[Southernbella.]

There is nothing wrong with co-existing, but we live in the real world and we interact with each other. We can't pretend that the consequences of these things don't affect us all. Live and let live sounds great in theory, but in practice, but it simply doesn't work.

So what do you suggest as a solution?

 

[Southernbella.]

Lol I am telling you! I can't figure this board out between the anti casual sex, anti feminist,
pro paid sex brigade who also want to slut shame women who indulge in and enjoy sex whether it's free or paid...

Championing sex work is very feminist.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Championing sex work is very feminist.

Depends on the reason behind it.

Some women don't think people, men included, should go to jail or be arrested for sex.

Doesnt mean they care about the prostitutes or the ability for women to be prostitutes. what's good for other people doesnt mean it's good for you. I will fully admit that I dont care about the well being of strippers and prostitutes but I do care that my tax dollars arent wasted on arresting those who solicit such services.

 

[aribell]

There's consequences to all of this and ignoring/downplaying/suppressing the reality of that doesn't change that.

Yep. I pretty much feel like this is an emperor has no clothes situation. Everyone knows the anecdotes, everyone sees how this usually plays out. Women who are truly OK with this arent the ones who need or seek advice on how to make casual sex work for them, and the advice won't work for the majority. There are longitudinal studies showing that women are unhappier than ever, studies showing that casual sex actually produces less satisfaction for women, to say nothing of the STDs, unwanted pregnancies, etc.

It's not shaming to point out objective realities on a societal level. It simply is life. There are trade-offs for everything and discipline in everything.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Yep. I pretty much feel like this is an emperor has no clothes situation. Everyone knows the anecdotes, everyone sees how this usually plays out. Women who are truly OK with this arent the ones who need or seek advice on how to make casual sex work for them, and the advice won't work for the majority. There are longitudinal studies showing that women are unhappier than ever, studies showing that casual sex actually produces less satisfaction for women, to say nothing of the STDs, unwanted pregnancies, etc.

It's not shaming to point out objective realities on a societal level. It simply is life. There are trade-offs for everything and discipline in everything.

And this is the crux of it all.

Advocating cut-buddies, fwb and women getting their rocks off for the hell of it is very short-sighted.

 

[Southernbella.]

Depends on the reason behind it.

Some women don't think people, men included, should go to jail or be arrested for sex.

Doesnt mean they care about the prostitutes or the ability for women to be prostitutes. what's good for other people doesnt mean it's good for you. I will fully admit that I dont care about the well being of strippers and prostitutes but I do care that my tax dollars arent wasted on arresting those who solicit such services.

Feminists typically champion sex work because it benefits women, same as what some of you are saying.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Feminists typically champion sex work because it benefits women, same as what some of you are saying.

But I'm not championing the women.

I dont want one of my relatives or male friends to go to jail for paying for vagina.

I dont want my tax dollars to be wasted on arresting heauxs and those who enjoy their company when it needs to go t more important things in law enforcement like making sure schools are safe and I have a safe drive home to and from work.

I'm not an advocate of legal prostitution for gender, either sex. I just think it's petty and there are more important things to be concerned about.

Also, I think the govt can make a grip off of regulating and taxing the hell out of the sex trade.

If I were a man in another life, I'd be a pimp.

 

[Southernbella.]

But I'm not championing the women.

I dont want one of my relatives or male friends to go to jail for paying for vagina.

I dont want my tax dollars to be wasted on arresting heauxs and those who enjoy their company when it needs to go t more important things in law enforcement like making sure schools are safe and I have a safe drive home to and from work.

I'm not an advocate of legal prostitution for gender, either sex. I just think it's petty and there are more important things to be concerned about.

Also, I think the govt can make a grip off of regulating and taxing the hell out of the sex trade.

If I were a man in another life, I'd be a pimp.

Getting money for sex, like what y'all are advocating in this thread, is sex work.

 

[Southernbella.]

Yep. I pretty much feel like this is an emperor has no clothes situation. Everyone knows the anecdotes, everyone sees how this usually plays out. Women who are truly OK with this arent the ones who need or seek advice on how to make casual sex work for them, and the advice won't work for the majority. There are longitudinal studies showing that women are unhappier than ever, studies showing that casual sex actually produces less satisfaction for women, to say nothing of the STDs, unwanted pregnancies, etc.

It's not shaming to point out objective realities on a societal level. It simply is life. There are trade-offs for everything and discipline in everything.

So why champion casual sex for money? Either it's bad or it's not. Either it messes up the game or it doesn't. Either it keeps men from getting married or it doesn't.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Getting money for sex, like what y'all are advocating in this thread, is sex work.

Where did anyone advocate getting money for sex in this thread?

 

[Femmefatal1981]

Getting money for sex, like what y'all are advocating in this thread, is sex work.

Expecting a man to take you out for a a meal, lend you money for your phone bill, or pay for a new purse isn't sex work. If that's the case I've been a sex worker since I was 16 when my Aunt sat me down and gave me the best advice ever: your time is valuable, and any man who wants to spend time with you should know that & act act accordingly.

Relationships are supposed to be reciprocal. If I'm not getting something I want out of it then what's the point? And since I can get my own "happy ending" he's gonna have to do better than that.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Expecting a man to take you out for a a meal, lend you money for your phone bill, or pay for a new purse isn't sex work. If that's the case I've been a sex worker since I was 16 when my Aunt sat me down and gave me the best advice ever: your time is valuable, and any man who wants to spend time with you should know that & act act accordingly.

Relationships are supposed to be reciprocal. If I'm not getting something I want out of it then what's the point? And since I can get my own "happy ending" he's gonna have to do better than that.

I can still here my mama yelling at me as a teen about my boyfriends: he needs to drive to this house, come to the door and pick you up!

Me: mom I want to go to this concert.....
Mom: where is that boyfriend if yours? He's always here, always calling this house...why isn't he taking you to that concert?

Me: mom, I'm hungry....
Mom: Didn't you cook for him yesterday????

 

[Southernbella.]

It's been alluded to all throughout this thread. If you are ****** for meals, purses, and phone bill money, more power to you. I have no problem with it in principle. But let's call it what it is.

 

[Southernbella.]

Expecting a man to take you out for a a meal, lend you money for your phone bill, or pay for a new purse isn't sex work. If that's the case I've been a sex worker since I was 16 when my Aunt sat me down and gave me the best advice ever: your time is valuable, and any man who wants to spend time with you should know that & act act accordingly.

Relationships are supposed to be reciprocal. If I'm not getting something I want out of it then what's the point? And since I can get my own "happy ending" he's gonna have to do better than that.

I agree about relationships being reciprocal. You can get all this without sex though because as a woman, your time is valuable. But that's not what people were alluding to and y'all know it.

 

[prettywingsx]

are people really thinking they want to marry or seriously date a guy that is going to have sex with literally any willing woman?? (if women having sex freely is what you think is the problem).

every man i've been with has had close to the same number as i. men can act a fool all they want to but i will happily steer clear & know that only a reflection of him.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

It's been alluded to all throughout this thread. If you are ****** for meals, purses, and phone bill money, more power to you. I have no problem with it in principle. But let's call it what it is.

It's called dating. Since when has that ever been free? Only recently has "chilling" or "watching a movie" on the sofa been seen acceptable courtship.

 

[barbiesocialite]

It's been alluded to all throughout this thread. If you are ****** for meals, purses, and phone bill money, more power to you. I have no problem with it in principle. But let's call it what it is.

No one should be sexing for anything unless you are a hooker.

Take care of your own business and have parents and a family that loves you and you will never *need* to sex for material goods or money.


But if you are sexing, you--your time, your sex, your body--needs to be worth more than nothing and a man busting a nut in your vagina.and you giggling afterwards because it was "fun" since you like sex too.

But I get it, some women dont have families that love them some women need to fend for themselves so they need to have sex to take care of themselves. Then there are some women that dont need a man and have it all handled, Ms Independents, she dont need a man for nuttin but gettin her rocks off and an orgasm. Then there are women in the middle. Who understand they are women of value. Their time and bodies are valuable. Their time and bodies are worth more than a man showing them a good time. They are worth REAL investment--his commitment, mongamy and affection.

 

[Southernbella.]

It's called dating. Since when has that ever been free? Only recently has "chilling" or "watching a movie" on the sofa been seen acceptable courtship.

Dating is never free, I agree. We're talking about sex though. And in the latter half of this thread, there have been several posts about geisha life, p*ssy ain't free, if you're gonna have casual sex, get more than fun out of it, etc. Like I said, I agree with all of it. But I don't see how it's any less harmful to marriage than one night stands or cut buddies.

 

[momi]

[QUOTE="nicola.kirwan;] I find that quite often, those ringing the feminist bell do not actually follow those principles irl, especially not sex positive feminism. You will find the happily married woman with children, who has been with one or a *maybe* three men at most eager to affirm principles that, one, they would never follow in their own life, and two, never had to live the consequences of because they didn't follow those principles in their own lives. I know quite a few women exactly like this and, idk, maybe affirming in words what they would never actually live makes them feel like they are more open minded or accepting, or a part of something bigger despite the boundaries of their life choices. It makes me feel sorry for the younger generation of women who actually believe what they are being told and then have to live with all the negative consequences of it while those who only paid lip service to these ideas sail off into the sunset with their husband and children in tow.[/QUOTE]

^^^ This word picture is worth every dime of my $6.50.