2019 Relationship And Dating Thread
- Thread starter okange76
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ClassyJSP
Well-Known Member
Just checking in things have been going great with so. His mama still been acting up but I've been looking past that and truly minding my business. We're still putting the house in order and to my surprise we haven't been arguing at all maybe a disagreement here and there but nothing that stands out in my mind. His daughter will be here Saturday and ya'll know that normally when things start to shake up but I'm going to remain positive. We're thinking about doing a date night tomorrow before our alone time becomes nonexistent.
kimpaur
Well-Known Member
I had a "damsel and distress" situation occur and SO really came through . I really got to see how generous he can be and I'm really glad he's in my life 
I'm trying to "slow" things down in my head(we haven't even had our first fight yet!) but I think I may be getting sprung
:
I'm trying to "slow" things down in my head(we haven't even had our first fight yet!) but I think I may be getting sprung
:Saludable84
Better Late Than Ugly
OT: Is that Rico Nasty?I had a "damsel and distress" situation occur and SO really came through . I really got to see how generous he can be and I'm really glad he's in my life
I'm trying to "slow" things down in my head(we haven't even had our first fight yet!) but I think I may be getting sprung
kimpaur
Well-Known Member
Yes ma'am!
Theresamonet
Well-Known Member
I had to make some edits. It’s too much backstory to type up. The condensed version is basically, like I said in the other thread— homegirl is married. 7-8 years now. For a least the last few years she’s been dating/sleeping with a dozen or more different guys. Each one she wants to be her next husband. She wants to leave her husband, but she wants to be sure she has someone else first. She can’t be alone. Problem is her being married only attracts men who are just looking to have a good time.
Anyway, that’s just backstory. Not completely relevant to the messages. But y’all think about this situation? It’s a new something every week.
She’s in white. I’m in gray.
Their text:
Back to our convo:
The other thread made me think of this because a couple days after we had this convo, she came by my job to bring me something. I asked her what’s up with her and P now, and she gave me the exact response op of that thread gave: “thanks. We’re good”.
She says my advice is always to dump him. And I’m like, biiiiiiiiii you’re married! Who wants to keep going through emotional ups and downs with a side piece?? 
Saludable84
Better Late Than Ugly
@Theresamonet what she wants only a child can provide, but she also needs to love herself first
Covagirlm
CGB
His wife secretly impregnated herself twice? Men are their tall tales...why is he lying to a married woman? lol at her wanting a man that wants to have a child because she would be the mother
, How did we get here? Does she live in Narnia? What kind of phones do they have there? Why this Grandpa to be? Over a dozen men but she's looking for romance? She can let Grandpa go and find another one orrrr I dunno just stay with her husband? What is her husband up to?
I don't know if anyone could provide what she's looking for.
, How did we get here? Does she live in Narnia? What kind of phones do they have there? Why this Grandpa to be? Over a dozen men but she's looking for romance? She can let Grandpa go and find another one orrrr I dunno just stay with her husband? What is her husband up to? I don't know if anyone could provide what she's looking for.
@Theresamonet she needs to see a therapist.
Bette Davis Eyes
The "OG" Product Junkie
Thats a lot to process @Theresamonet
She seems to be looking for someone to love her and prove that by giving her a baby. A reflection of his love to her.
I think therapy is a good idea.
She seems to be looking for someone to love her and prove that by giving her a baby. A reflection of his love to her.
I think therapy is a good idea.
Saludable84
Better Late Than Ugly
niknakmac
Well-Known Member
Lol she has a whole husband and she is worried about having a kid with her boyfriend???? I'm done....she will never get what she wants from her side piece (s) and if she does it's just going to be a mess and she is still not going to be happy.
OAN... I have no idea how I fell into this thread.
OAN... I have no idea how I fell into this thread.
OneShinyface
Well-Known Member
She sounds delusional with a touch of narcissistic traits and maybe some daddy issues, but definitely rooted in low self esteem/love. She needs therapy, stat.
oneastrocurlie
Well-Known Member
She needs Jesus
Theresamonet
Well-Known Member
His wife secretly impregnated herself twice? Men are their tall tales...why is he lying to a married woman? lol at her wanting a man that wants to have a child because she would be the mother
She told me casually about a month before that convo that she and new boyfriend weren’t using protection, just the pullout method. So yeah... I guess he tells women that he doesn’t want kids, but it’s on them to figure out birth control while he’s raw dogging, otherwise they trapped him.
Husband isn’t doing anything other than playing video games, crying and calling around looking for her at all hours of the night.
C@ssandr@
formerly known as "keyawarren"
I caught my boyfriend cleaning my bathroom sink with my make up removing wipes. 
He only read the part that said "Cleaning" and ignored everything else. Now i'm wondering how many times he's done this 
wasting my good wipes.
Super annoyed, but I'll get over it
He only read the part that said "Cleaning" and ignored everything else. Now i'm wondering how many times he's done this wasting my good wipes.Super annoyed, but I'll get over it
LiftedUp
Well-Known Member
My DH used up my Summer's Eve because he read cleansing washI caught my boyfriend cleaning my bathroom sink with my make up removing wipes.
Super annoyed, but I'll get over it
SpiritJunkie
Well-Known Member
Agreed. I was in the same position as the OP with an ex and my cousins estranged wife. Super inappropriate. I do not talk to either one of them. They both got cut off.
Ipanema
Well-Known Member
Not sure if this should be a separate thread. I've been having problems in my relationship, and made the mistake of speaking about it with my mother, thinking I was going to get sympathy and support. Well, she called me on the phone and over the course of five minutes, she said the word "alone" at least 10 times. "You need to get a better security system because you're alone." "You need to watch your surroundings because you're alone." She even used the word lonesome of all things. She said "You're on your lonesome..." Since I practice LOA, I started getting angry and told her that she is using that word too many times, and I don't like it. I don't know if I was just overly sensitive, but it felt so negative. I want to make my relationship work. I've always heard not to speak about your relationship problems to certain people, and I've learned my lesson.
LostInAdream
Well-Known Member
So I ended it with my SO. He started acting differently and his communication was off. He never behaved this way the 2 years I've known him and it felt off. I didn't feel like a priority and I expressed that about a month ago. He changed for about a week and a half tops and started going back into disregarding my feelings. I didn't reiterate my feelings as I wanted to see how long it would be before he acknowledged it but mostly how long I could take. 5 days later here we are. I'm not heartbroken as I've noticed I don't/won't allow things to affect me to my core. I'm not sure if that's a problem or a good thing when it comes to men. I've never been dumped so maybe that has something I do with it.
We would've celebrated 2 years in 2 weeks. Crazy how life works. We were building a life together but poor communication is a deal breaker.
We would've celebrated 2 years in 2 weeks. Crazy how life works. We were building a life together but poor communication is a deal breaker.
Miss_C
Well-Known Member
I met someone recently that I think could be very interesting and has long term potential due to his personality traits and relationship goals. We’re going on a date this week and I’m excited about that.
But there are two things I’m a bit concerned about: He’s a man of modest means and doesn’t seem all that ambitious- which has been a dealbreaker for me in the past. TBH his job is basic to me and I haven’t figured out if he wants more out of life- I know I do and I’ve always envisioned myself with someone who is the same.
The second thing is that he seems a bit...focused on saving money imo. Apparently he used a groupon for a trip with the last gf and she HATED it. I’m torn about this one because it could be good in the future as we are building our own wealth but idk. He could be cheap which I can’t abide. Your money needs to be spent on me lol.
It’s so early and I’m 100% in the vetting stage but he seems different than the last few guys. Different enough that I’m willing to push past these components and give him a shot until I get the answer to my questions. I’m in my early-mid thirties and I’m ready to meet someone and have a family. It has been a tough and quiet few years relationship wise. Idk, am I overthinking it?
But there are two things I’m a bit concerned about: He’s a man of modest means and doesn’t seem all that ambitious- which has been a dealbreaker for me in the past. TBH his job is basic to me and I haven’t figured out if he wants more out of life- I know I do and I’ve always envisioned myself with someone who is the same.
The second thing is that he seems a bit...focused on saving money imo. Apparently he used a groupon for a trip with the last gf and she HATED it. I’m torn about this one because it could be good in the future as we are building our own wealth but idk. He could be cheap which I can’t abide. Your money needs to be spent on me lol.
It’s so early and I’m 100% in the vetting stage but he seems different than the last few guys. Different enough that I’m willing to push past these components and give him a shot until I get the answer to my questions. I’m in my early-mid thirties and I’m ready to meet someone and have a family. It has been a tough and quiet few years relationship wise. Idk, am I overthinking it?
sunnydaze
Well-Known Member
I broke up with someone a few years ago for a similar reason. Dude was in his late 30s, with a master's degree making $35k a year and fine with it. He said he never wanted to work as hard as his dad (who died of a heart attack at work). You think you can deal until they start making passive aggressive comments about you being "corporate" and "always busy"...and stating Red Lobster is for special occasions and then you realize...you cannot.
Anyway, I'm all about masculine/feminine energy and men who lack ambition push me into my masculine when I deal with them, so I haven't anymore.
Miss_C
Well-Known Member
I broke up with someone a few years ago for a similar reason. Dude was in his late 30s, with a master's degree making $35k a year and fine with it. He said he never wanted to work as hard as his dad (who died of a heart attack at work). You think you can deal until they start making passive aggressive comments about you being "corporate" and "always busy"...and stating Red Lobster is for special occasions and then you realize...you cannot.
Anyway, I'm all about masculine/feminine energy and men who lack ambition push me into my masculine when I deal with them, so I haven't anymore.
Whew @$35k good Lordt. Google tells me this guy is making probably double that (more or less) but in NYC that doesn’t go super far and he like called it out like hey my job isn’t as stressful as some (and shrugs). Meanwhile I’m like
. I have a professional gig and from what I know about him it seems like he just did life basically lol.He likes to go out on the town (his main complaint about ex was they never went out, even to the movies)but still is thrifty. I never really saw myself with a super thrifty for the fun of it type. I like guys who like to spoil me and let me handle the budget lol.
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Saludable84
Better Late Than Ugly
Whew @$35k good Lordt. Google tells me this guy is making probably double that (more or less) but in NYC that doesn’t go super far and he like called it out like hey my job isn’t as stressful as some (and shrugs). Meanwhile I’m like
He likes to go out on the town (his main complaint about ex was they never went out, even to the movies)but still is thrifty. I never really saw myself with a super thrifty for the fun of it type. I like guys who like to spoil me and let me handle the budget lol.
Does he live alone?
Miss_C
Well-Known Member
That I don’t know yet but I’ll make it a topic of conversation on our date.
ThePromise
Well-Known Member
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ScorpioBeauty09
Well-Known Member
I'm all for saving, but savers or not, people spend money on what they want to spend money on. Personally when I'm traveling, I like to be comfortable. I refuse to pay for grief. I can stay home instead. SO and I exploring our different spending habits as he plans to join my family for our annual vacation in August.
My SO's ambitious though. This year's been a big career year for him and he's especially focused on his finances as we talk marriage and children more.You'll have to observe him over time. Ultimately, it will come down to what you can/can't live with, and what he's willing to do to make you happy. As you said its early days. Be 100% honest about what you will accept, and keep your options open until you get your answers.
ETA: The satisfied with the status quo disturbs me more than the savings bit. Does he want to get married and have children? Can his income support that? Does he see himself as a provider?
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quirkydimples
Well-Known Member
I’m in the same boat. Mine was a little over two years.
It was hard because he didn’t do anything wrong. I just followed my gut, which I had been trying to ignore. It was hard, but I did it. This sums it up:
https://tinybuddha.com/blog/3-signs-time-break-up/
LostInAdream
Well-Known Member
That article was great!!
I'm glad you trusted your intuition, it never misleads us.
Fine 4s
Well-Known Member
The "frenemy" from the situation I posted about asked my cousin for a family member's telephone number to help with some personal matter of hers. She didn't ask me because last time instead of giving her the number, I gave her the answer she was looking for. So now, she's going around me and asking my cousin.
My feelings are that I don't want to help her and I know it's petty and the advice I'm getting is to keep it clean and let her have my aunt's number. I can't get passed it...I don't want to help her!
To be fair, I don't think she'd do the same to me but I also don't want to be a bigger person today!
My feelings are that I don't want to help her and I know it's petty and the advice I'm getting is to keep it clean and let her have my aunt's number. I can't get passed it...I don't want to help her!
To be fair, I don't think she'd do the same to me but I also don't want to be a bigger person today!
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