2018 Relationship And Dating Thread

My SO... ya'll... he just keeps with the little surprises. Yesterday, because he knew I was busy gearing up for some major meetings with my CFO today, texted me to ask what time I thought I'd be home. Why? Because he said he was bringing over all the ingredients to make dinner for me. *swoon* He arrived with wild caught salmon that he had marinated all day, saffron rice to prepare and assorted veggies that he planned to stir fry. Told me to enjoy my glass of wine and watch him work. That I did. It rather sexy watching him whip his way around the kitchen. And the meal was tasty too.

He's done so many thoughtful things over the past 8 months that we've been together that my heart is overwhelmed. I lean back and receive. This feels GOOD.
 
SO was so cute this morning. :giggle: I unexpectedly slept over at his place last night after dinner, but I'm staying over at his place for sure tonight. He kept making sure I'd be over as soon as he's done with work. He also burst out in Spanish when I woke up just after 11pm and he thought I was leaving. Adorable and hot LOL. He's been really supportive with the weird space I'm in, not passing the bar again and my recent career decision. It was wonderful to cuddle with him last night, listen to the rainfall and just talk about our deepest feelings. I'm falling in love with him. I'm not 100% there but it's only a matter of time. :cloud9:
 
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ScorpioBeauty09 said:
It was wonderful to cuddle with him last night, listen to the rainfall and just talk about our deepest feelings.
Click to expand...

That is one of the things I love most about spending time with my SO: Those late-night or early-morning soul-baring talk sessions while cuddling. I love listening to his heartbeat and feeling the vibration of his super deep voice on the top of my head while we speak in low tones.
 
Have any of you woke up and realized you don’t have boundaries with someone but have them with others?

This weekend with beta beau I realized that my boundaries with him are lax...but with other people they’re not. Now he still treats me with respect and there wasn’t anything bad that happened that triggered this, but I did notice that in certain areas (not sexual) he gets complacent. Like planning—he will wait until the last minute to communicate that he wants to spend time again so if I don’t say anything and he doesn’t, we will spend the entire weekend face-timing (to include facetiming sex smh).

My way of getting unjelly (I have a soft spot for him) is to be passive aggressive towards him and be the aggressor/dominate with my girlfriend (yes I have both—polybye). Why am I this way??? I think fear of disappointing him and I’ve NEVER had this issue before with anyone (other than my mother). I do tend to get submissive (with a man) when the walls are broken and I’m not guarded but I’m scared it will
backfire on me.

Ughhhh!!!! How do I turn this around after 3 years of dealing with him. lol
 
I went on this date with this Beta. RD-D is his name for now. He reminds me so much of my ex-husband. I don't know if it's a trigger for me or if my feelings are valid. I don't think he's the type for me because he does the things that i HATED for my ex-husband to do. First of all he complains too much. On our date he complained it was sooo cold and he hated to walk 3 minutes to the door to the place. He complained that he was tired from work. He complained that his final was sooo hard (it was 3 questions and took an hour). I pulled up and called to ask him where should I park. Instead of coming up with an answer he said, "I don't know." I asked him again and he said, "I parked xyz." Well dude where should I PARK? Well our food came and they didn't bring ketchup or napkins. I told him this and he said, 'Oh I don't eat ketchup". From my experience my ex-husband used to say stuff like this like I don't have to say anything about this because it doesn't affect me. Here's the kicker. He told me he told his mother about him (Red flag: He's an ONLY CHILD and his mama is a single parent never married and he's he only boy in the family on both sides). He told his mother that most wouldn't talk to me because I'm so short but he doesn't care about this at all. (Red Flag: I'm not like the other guys type dude or I'm the prize type dude). I told him Oh that hasn't been my experience at all. Plenty of men come up and talk to me to shut that down real quick. This is not a charity date. He started stuttering that he knew this. THEN he told me that his mother is really hard on his dates. (Red flag: He has been brought up that he is the prize). He said his mother asked the last girl where does she work, does she want to do better, how will she do better, and etc. I asked him and knowing this how would you protect me from unnecessary stress from this? He babbled about being a protector...but I bet he wouldn't. He bought me two candles and a nice gourmet cupcakes. I leaned back and accepted them graciously, but I don't think this will pan out well. I'm going to go on about 2 more dates and then probably bounce.
 
007PMP said:
Have any of you woke up and realized you don’t have boundaries with someone but have them with others?

This weekend with beta beau I realized that my boundaries with him are lax...but with other people they’re not. Now he still treats me with respect and there wasn’t anything bad that happened that triggered this, but I did notice that in certain areas (not sexual) he gets complacent. Like planning—he will wait until the last minute to communicate that he wants to spend time again so if I don’t say anything and he doesn’t, we will spend the entire weekend face-timing (to include facetiming sex smh).

My way of getting unjelly (I have a soft spot for him) is to be passive aggressive towards him and be the aggressor/dominate with my girlfriend (yes I have both—polybye). Why am I this way??? I think fear of disappointing him and I’ve NEVER had this issue before with anyone (other than my mother). I do tend to get submissive (with a man) when the walls are broken and I’m not guarded but I’m scared it will
backfire on me.

Ughhhh!!!! How do I turn this around after 3 years of dealing with him. lol
Click to expand...
I think it's never too late to reinvent yourself. Just encompass some new boundaries. But be prepared for it to come tumbling down. Usually people don't like it when you switch it up on them.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I think it's never too late to reinvent yourself. Just encompass some new boundaries. But be prepared for it to come tumbling down. Usually people don't like it when you switch it up on them.
Click to expand...

Thanks @PrissiSippi youre right about the reinventing...I will have to find ways to pull up my bra straps and say no or put structure around a few things just as a preventative measure.

I used to be a hard shell for the longest but the older and more friskier I get....well you know thats a time where my outgoing and all about a good time demeanor can get abused (only men do this crap).
 
PrissiSippi said:
I went on this date with this Beta. RD-D is his name for now. He reminds me so much of my ex-husband. I don't know if it's a trigger for me or if my feelings are valid. I don't think he's the type for me because he does the things that i HATED for my ex-husband to do. First of all he complains too much. On our date he complained it was sooo cold and he hated to walk 3 minutes to the door to the place. He complained that he was tired from work. He complained that his final was sooo hard (it was 3 questions and took an hour). I pulled up and called to ask him where should I park. Instead of coming up with an answer he said, "I don't know." I asked him again and he said, "I parked xyz." Well dude where should I PARK? Well our food came and they didn't bring ketchup or napkins. I told him this and he said, 'Oh I don't eat ketchup". From my experience my ex-husband used to say stuff like this like I don't have to say anything about this because it doesn't affect me. Here's the kicker. He told me he told his mother about him (Red flag: He's an ONLY CHILD and his mama is a single parent never married and he's he only boy in the family on both sides). He told his mother that most wouldn't talk to me because I'm so short but he doesn't care about this at all. (Red Flag: I'm not like the other guys type dude or I'm the prize type dude). I told him Oh that hasn't been my experience at all. Plenty of men come up and talk to me to shut that down real quick. This is not a charity date. He started stuttering that he knew this. THEN he told me that his mother is really hard on his dates. (Red flag: He has been brought up that he is the prize). He said his mother asked the last girl where does she work, does she want to do better, how will she do better, and etc. I asked him and knowing this how would you protect me from unnecessary stress from this? He babbled about being a protector...but I bet he wouldn't. He bought me two candles and a nice gourmet cupcakes. I leaned back and accepted them graciously, but I don't think this will pan out well. I'm going to go on about 2 more dates and then probably bounce.
Click to expand...

Girl. Don't go on anymore dates with this man. He has shown and told you what you need to know. Unless you're just using him more for practice. Your feelings are valid!!
 
I worked from home yesterday because I had so much to do that my hour commute each way would infringe on my productivity. My SO knew this and called in between his client meetings to see how my day was going. We were chatting and he asked when my next conference call was and I told him in about a half hour. So we continue chatting and suddenly, my Yorkies start barking and running toward the front door. I'm apologizing to him for the noise and he says, "yeah sounds like you must be getting more packages". He knows that Amazon delivers to my house almost daily. LOL.

I look towards the front door, which has a full-length pane of thick privacy glass and I say see someone standing there so I say to him that I must have to sign for something because the person is at the door still. The dogs continue barking. So I tell him to hold on while I open the door. And guess who's standing there? My guy with a big bouquet of flowers - roses and lilies. :cloud9: He talked to the puppies who were jumping all over him. I got a hug and few kisses :hug2:then he was off.

He's just so darned sweet. :love4:
 
Ayesha81 said:
I need to up my caliber of men the men Ive dated seem to feel a way about my choice of vehicle and home ownership so then they start putting me down in other ways. I would hope anyone at this age group even if you are a single woman should have your own place and vehicle.
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I live in an apartment and don’t drive a luxury vehicle and have still had men make off putting comments. One literally said “look at your place, you don’t need a man.” I wrote about another some weeks ago, him saying I “make him feel inadequate” and talked about how I needed a key fob to get into my building, as if that’s not pretty standard nowadays. I can’t deal with insecure guys anyway, so NEXT
 
My friend of 20 plus years stopped talking to me in June. I didn't know why but suspected it had to do with a convo her sister and I had about her. I made up this story in my head about the sister and how she may have spinned the conversation to make me look bad, about my friend and how valuable she was or wasn't to me after all and why her absence was a good thing. Fast forward to this morning...

I get a text from her telling me she was in nursing school for the semester and got all A's. Her reason for ghosting me was because she didn't want to tell anyone she was in school in case she failed. I can understand this decision but think she could have kept in touch. Whether this story is true or not, she has no idea how much she taught me during these past few months: On being dependent on people (I called her multiple times per day), on thinking the worst of people (oh the stories I told myself), on the need to give people space to manage their life on their own terms, on using friendships as a crutch and how sometimes they are distractions, on the impact of my 'complaining' to her about every aspect of my life. This will make me a better person provided that I remember the small lessons along the way. Why are there so many lessons to learn in this life? Like who can remember all of this?
 
Fine 4s said:
I get a text from her telling me she was in nursing school for the semester and got all A's. Her reason for ghosting me was because she didn't want to tell anyone she was in school in case she failed. I can understand this decision but think she could have kept in touch. Whether this story is true or not
Click to expand...
Awww.... Don't take it too personal. Haitian women do this. Once they start nursing school, they are ghost. That just means she is taking it seriously.
 
Fine 4s said:
My friend of 20 plus years stopped talking to me in June. I didn't know why but suspected it had to do with a convo her sister and I had about her. I made up this story in my head about the sister and how she may have spinned the conversation to make me look bad, about my friend and how valuable she was or wasn't to me after all and why her absence was a good thing. Fast forward to this morning...

I get a text from her telling me she was in nursing school for the semester and got all A's. Her reason for ghosting me was because she didn't want to tell anyone she was in school in case she failed. I can understand this decision but think she could have kept in touch. Whether this story is true or not, she has no idea how much she taught me during these past few months: On being dependent on people (I called her multiple times per day), on thinking the worst of people (oh the stories I told myself), on the need to give people space to manage their life on their own terms, on using friendships as a crutch and how sometimes they are distractions, on the impact of my 'complaining' to her about every aspect of my life. This will make me a better person provided that I remember the small lessons along the way. Why are there so many lessons to learn in this life? Like who can remember all of this?
Click to expand...


My closest friend moved to Florida. I was devastated . She was my rock and I was just floating adrift. I would just call her to pray for me when I felt bad. Just an amazing woman. Everything you said was exactly what I did and felt. Months later, I'm still trucking along, I didn't die ( I'm dramatic) and things are going in the direction I need it to. I'm glad she was in my life for so long. I love her like my sister. Its okay we don't get to see each other like we use to. Now we just have to plan trips! @Fine 4s
 
When you and SO both have erotic dreams about the other. :love::love::naughtycouch:

giphy_zpsquihnjt8.gif


On another note, SO brought up going to Christmas in the Park this weekend. He mentioned it a month ago but I didn't think we'd be able to go because he got busy and his family is going out of town for Christmas. Well he asked if we can go this Sunday, I said yes and I'd ask my sisters if they want to come since I told them about it earlier. Well when my dad found out, he wanted to come too. Now I have to ask my mom so she won't be left out. If we all go this means our families could meet for the first time since we're meeting at SO's parents house which is an hour or so away.
 
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POF boo and I still going on strong...8 months now...spending Christmas with my family and with his on Boxing Day. I never met anyone so attentive. We did the love language test early in our relationship and he still maintains my top language of acts of service and receiving gifts. and he loves obliging.
I maintain his naturally which is physical touch and words of affirmation.

I'm just taking it one day at a time and enjoying every moment with him.

Sounds like we're all finding our way....
 
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Yesterday SO, my youngest sister, my dad and I went to Christmas in the Park. My sister was a pain but I already vented about it in the Men-free thread so I won't repeat it here. The best part was walking around with SO and just talking with him. He knew I was annoyed at my sister and made me laugh and forget about it. :lol: He had a similar moment with his mother earlier in the day. We both have tight-knit families that we love, but that can try us at times.

The tech museum was next to CITP so we went there right before it closed and checked out the gift shop which was super fun. There were a couple of books on food and eating healthier for us and the planet, which I'm going to get on Amazon and when I noted some of the recipes I want to try with SO, he got a huge smile on his face and told me about some history museums in the area he wants to take me to since I'm a huge history nerd. :love::love: We took pictures under the mistletoe which made me happy.

I also got to introduce my dad and youngest sister to SO's parents which was great. My mom was bummed she missed it. SO's mother got me a Christmas gift. I felt bad I didn't have one for them, though SO and I exchanged gifts the day before.
 
My sweetie told me he loved me last night, it was really cute.

I have a gold necklace with an African queen charm on it, he saw it on our first date and told me he had the same African queen but told himself he wouldn’t wear it again until he found his real queen. I thought that was cute but never thought anything about it after that.

Well last night I noticed he was wearing that chain with the queen on it and started teasing him about it and said “Ooooh I thought you said you weren’t going to wear this chain until you found your queen?”.

He grabbed me tight and looked at me very seriously and said “Yes, I did say that....so what does that tell you then?” Then kissed me and said “I love you”. :2inlove:

I was blushing like a schoolgirl :blush2:
 
I'm annoyed. :mad: SO said we'd spend NYE together since we spent Christmas apart. :meme: At first plans were at his house, with his sister, perhaps his parents and I'd see about inviting my sisters. My dad met SO's parents unexpectedly just before Christmas and things went great so I was taken aback when SO said his mom was apprehensive to bring our entire families together for NYE but that my sisters were invited. :ohwell: I told SO that puts me in an awkward situation to invite my siblings and not my parents, so it would just be me coming. He agreed it was awkward and said he would talk to his mom. Then his mom asked to move NYE to their house an hour away because she invited extended family last minute and it would be easier.

As it turns out my parents have plans and so does one of my sisters. However I was not anticipating making this drive and because SO isn't sure how much space there will be at his parents house, I may have to drive there and then drive back after midnight. I'd honestly rather stay home. But I'm disappointed because I wanted to be with SO for our first NYE, during the countdown since that's what we planned on. :angry2: I get that SO's family improvises, my family plans things and that's one of our differences but IMO SO's mother does this unconsciously to keep things revolved around her. :rolleyes: She has deep abandonment issues that go back to childhood and it's affected SO in his relationships before me. I'll be respectful but I'm not going along with her BS and want to let SO know I'm not okay with this kind of behavior.
 
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