2016 Relationship And Dating Thread

My bf and I of almost 3yrs broke up the day before my birthday. I'm so emotional and having a hard time processing that this is real. We decided that it would be best for us to break up so that I can solely focus on my own healing and recovery. I have ptsd and suffer from intense bouts of anxiety and depression, which was causing a lot of issues for us. We couldn't quite find the balance between my own growth and the growth of our relationship.

We'd been living together for over a year, but our lease isn't up until May so we still have to live together for a while. It's been a really rough week for both of us and we're trying to slowly cut back on our "couplely" tendencies. We catch ourselves mid sentence trying not to call each other "babe" and resisiting the urge to kiss, cuddle, etc.

We both moved away from our friends and families to our current state to further our education/careers, so we've been each other's support system as we worked to establish new friendships. We're not ending on bad terms and we're still very much in love. We want to be together, but we just couldn't find the right balance.

We've always been really good friends first, and it feels so strange for us not to be a couple. I know everyone at one point in their lives feels their breakup is a tragedy, but I truly will miss us. We have to start setting those boundaries since we're not dating but it is hard not to fall back into what we're use to.

Still pretty sad and just needed to vent and get my feelings out.
 
Ok, chicas, have any of you ever found yourself unofficially claimed without having the exclusive talk?

For me, I feel like I have to have the chat before I fully commit . This man is 10 steps way ahead of me. According to me, he ain't brought it up so, I'm still single and available. On the other hand an outsider listening to him or observing him would think I was lying if I said he wasn't my man yet.

His work is his greatest passion. Well his office Christmas party is in two weeks and he's so excited for me to meet his boss and coworkers while I'm looking at him like "Why??!!" He sent me a text that we needed to talk and it was very important. He called and it was all about the Christmas party. He said "I want you to meet the people I spend most of my time with during the week. "

I wanted to smack him coz he had me wondering what on earth could be this important that he'd send a text to make sure I was available to chat. He has a habit of assuming that I'm automatically going with him to places and only asks after I push back. It's like I should know by now that his plans tend to include me.

All he talks about is we have to do this, we will be doing this and that next Summer and the terms of endearment have kicked in. He has a bucket list for us. He was super busy this Summer so he missed out on a few events and he's like I should have pulled him away and made him go with me. He would have figured out his schedule. I'm like "WTH?"

He has shared so much about himself without me asking. Ladies, the art of listening to a man talk about himself is a great skill to have. You pick up a great deal of info without him realizing it. I also met his BFF three weeks ago and I could tell by his behavior and body language that he had heard about me. He was a little too extra happy to meet me.

I think I may have to sit Brothaman down and pick his brain. His hypothetical situations are too couply and long term assumptionly for them just to be normal conversations between friends.

What do y'all think?
 
Most of my relationships didn't have the talk andnit was very clear we were exclusive.
If you have doubts, then I'd say you aren't in a relationship (which doesn't sound like you do) or if you're unsure about him, why bring it up? Unless you want to just flat out tell him to slow down because you aren't ready which is also fine. On the other hand :) if you're ready, I'd bring it up because clearly he's making plans...
Enjoy the attention!
 
Date Update:

So even though my date was 15 min late, the rest went pretty well. Actually, I had fun! He did appear to be flustered at the beginning because he was late, but after apologizing numerous times, he loosened up.

We went to UNOs in the Inner Harbor( he paid of course), he had a BBQ sampler, and I stuck with pasta. He just drank water, but of course I drank :laugh:

Chemistry-wise, I am surprised at how much we clicked. We talked on the phone the week before, and it's like we've been talking for years. After dinner, we walked around and eventually sat on the steps of the Convention Center. And thankfully it wasn't incredibly cold out.

He kissed me first. And his mouth didn't taste anything like the BBQ he just ate. He's a good kisser too, nice big, soft lips :yep:

My only "issue"...he is shorter than I anticipated. He said 5'9", I think more like 5'7". BUT I had on boots that had a slight heel to them.

Once the date was over, he walked me to the parking garage where my car was. And we pretty much made out several times before I actually left.


We are going out again next week.
 
SoopremeBeing said:
Date Update:

So even though my date was 15 min late, the rest went pretty well. Actually, I had fun! He did appear to be flustered at the beginning because he was late, but after apologizing numerous times, he loosened up.

We went to UNOs in the Inner Harbor( he paid of course), he had a BBQ sampler, and I stuck with pasta. He just drank water, but of course I drank :laugh:

Chemistry-wise, I am surprised at how much we clicked. We talked on the phone the week before, and it's like we've been talking for years. After dinner, we walked around and eventually sat on the steps of the Convention Center. And thankfully it wasn't incredibly cold out.

He kissed me first. And his mouth didn't taste anything like the BBQ he just ate. He's a good kisser too, nice big, soft lips :yep:

My only "issue"...he is shorter than I anticipated. He said 5'9", I think more like 5'7". BUT I had on boots that had a slight heel to them.

Once the date was over, he walked me to the parking garage where my car was. And we pretty much made out several times before I actually left.


We are going out again next week.
Click to expand...

How tall are you?
 
SoopremeBeing said:
5'6"
Click to expand...

If that's the only "issue," you'll be aight. :lol: If he passes through a thorough vetting process and makes his way from the roster to the starting lineup, you will be rocking the flats more :lol:

I had the similar concerns with this one guy I have been dating as I am 5'6" as well and he claims he is 5'8" (though when we are standing face to face I think we are even closer in height:rolleyes:) but he is doing everything so right I am over the closeness in our heights. Luckily I hate heels so it's all good.
 
So we were talking about when we first met and he said the reason he wanted to get to know me vs.the other two pretty girls that were also out with us was because I was the only one eating my crab legs with class lol!! And he said I was the only one who asked the waitress for some crab leg crackers lol
 
@okange76 well are y'all friends or all y'all talking/dating? This has happened to me and because I didn't shut it down when I should have he thought I was cool with it. Little did I know once we graduated from college he had our future together planned out! In my mind we were still free to do our own thing...but in his mind because I didn't question him claiming me we were together. I didnt think he was serious though because I never went around saying that he was my man. But he was serious I ended up really hurting him.

So I guess it just depends on how much you like/care about him and if you actually want to me with him. If you don't want to potentially hurt his feelings I would say something so that y'all are on the same page.
 
Men: always thinking that you want to **** them.
Women: always thinking every woman is competition.

My god. You cannot even go to a ****ing grocery store without this constant neverending sexualization and evaluation and being watched and being summed up. It's a very odd thing to deal with.
 
I feel like a lazy gf. He cooks, cleans etc. and I just lay in bed waiting for the food to come. I'm too lazy to do anything different though. :( My ex made a comment about his current and now I'm thinking maybe I need to step it up? He said "she cooks, she cleans and puts it on me" doesn't sound much like a partner though...

On another note, he doesn't like feeling like he HAS to call me everyday. That kind makes me feel sad because I wanna hear from him everyday. But I also suffer from bad trust issues so maybe it's cuz I wanna know what you doing. We don't usually go without talking everyday but knowing this in like...awwww boooooo!
 
We're not dating but we do spend quality time together and I do like him alot. We talk about everything except the pink elephant in the room. I don't want to hurt him but at the same time I don't want to assume that he is serious without us making things clear. I'll just have to bite the bullet and ask. The office party invitation woke me up because I know how he feels about his job. It is everything to him.

NaturallyBri87 said:
@okange76 well are y'all friends or all y'all talking/dating? This has happened to me and because I didn't shut it down when I should have he thought I was cool with it. Little did I know once we graduated from college he had our future together planned out! In my mind we were still free to do our own thing...but in his mind because I didn't question him claiming me we were together. I didnt think he was serious though because I never went around saying that he was my man. But he was serious I ended up really hurting him.

So I guess it just depends on how much you like/care about him and if you actually want to me with him. If you don't want to potentially hurt his feelings I would say something so that y'all are on the same page.
Click to expand...
 
I think I might have a conversation with him soon regarding my use of birth control pills. Since we both have very busy schedules we see each other maybe one weekend month and a random weekday if I'm off early enough. I don't see the point of putting these man made hormones in my body. I feel like we can just use a condom for the few times that we see each other.

I know he might be upset about it because One time I waited too long to refill the prescription and he whined about having to use a condom. So He's gonna whine about it but I think he will understand. It's my body and until we can see each other more often I'm done.

I don't think he will want to use condoms though. He's comfortable with the pull out method but I'm not. It's too risky. He's tried to convince me that I can trust him but I'm too scared lol. Anyway. Hopefully it goes well.
 
What happens when people's desire to be free come into a relationship? What happens when decades later they decide they want to travel, become a budhist, a monk etc. and it means you have to separate Do you hold the change of heart against them? I think of Chris Jenner learning her husband is really...well, you know. Idk, how can we predict the forever? How do you know this is really it?
 
Fine 4s said:
What happens when people's desire to be free come into a relationship? What happens when decades later they decide they want to travel, become a budhist, a monk etc. and it means you have to separate Do you hold the change of heart against them? I think of Chris Jenner learning her husband is really...well, you know. Idk, how can we predict the forever? How do you know this is really it?
Click to expand...
You don't! And that's the fun part :)
You bring another person into your life with the understanding that people always change as they learn and age. If you love someone for their interests and not their values, then you're screwed :lachen:
 
So 2nd date went very well.

We went to dinner and then we walked down to Fells Point. Sat in front of the docks, he held my hand, and we kissed a lot. I like him, he seems like a good guy.

I am nervous about the next few weeks. I am in retail and he is in the hotel industry and we are going to be working nonstop fir the next few weeks. On top of that I have finals this week and will be preparing to move after Xmas. We are going have very little time to see each other.

We talk on the phone and text daily. I think we are getting close to being official, but he did admit he's afriad of getting hurt. However, his actions and words are saying different, like he's not afraid.

We will have to see where we are after New Years.
 
I had to walk away from probably the most loved I've ever felt from a partner and I'm grateful to have experienced that with him. Wow, cooked, cleaned, gazed into my eyes, convinced me that he thought I was the cats meow and was darn consistent with it all :)
But one thing he couldn't convince me of...that he was truly ready for a commitment.
 
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