2018 Relationship And Dating Thread

Y’all ever have that one ex boyfriend (we’ll call him Pastor Good Not) from back back in the day who finds you on social media and tries to shoot their shoot off 90’s energy??? Pesses me off :lol:

Dude broke my heart too. I was a fornicating Sunday school teacher (aka very selective with whom Id slip up with). He was a youth pastor at a different church. We would hang out and when I say the lord blessed his physical abilities....chile!!! I was the only sista he was messing with. All the young beckys on the missions team jocked him.

Annnnnddd of course after a year of messing around and him telling me God said I was his wife (I was a single mom of 1 too), he comes to my house and says he was wrong and God told him that he would be compromising if he married me. Leaves me with a parting gift: a book about being pure and sanctified (no lie). He then went on to be with one if the Beckys from his church. I was devastated.

They married (courted for a couple years), had 3 handicapped kids (no lie), and 1o or 11 years later we cross each others past in FB. By this time we’ve both been married for almost the same amount of time. My ex and I had one of those joint FB pages too so as Pastor Good Not sends a request me and then a request to our joint page. WE accept it. Next thing you know exDH and him are doing most of the chatting periodically. exDH would say how dude is stressed and unhappy always seeking advice about his situation. Anyway....

Fast forward Pastor and his love are rocky. Dh and I are not rocky per se but we were going through a separation. Joint FB page removed and Pastor reaches out and asks to talk. I obliged, we talk, nothing crazy but more the best advice I could give him considering. His confliction was perception about divorce in the church...me IDGAF about church perceptions anymore. I’m divorcing this ninja.

Okay, I remove him from my FB after a while—you know the classic FB purge. Doing me, 2 or 3 years go by and boom....last night I get an IG DM....its him.

He asking the usual catchup/mustard questions. We learn we’re both divorced (me longer than him). AND this joker works for the same organization as beta beau—lives in the same city. BRUH!!! I say nothing just “oh yeah I heard thats a good company”. This joker then asks if he could take me out and that after marrying Becky he realized he made a mistake and should’ve been with me—a sista. WHAT???!!

OH so you know I was happy to report that me and beta beau are not accepting applications at this present time and ended it with a God bless you sweetie. He was like “are you serious?!”

He wouldn’t be able to handle me anyway. :lol: ughhh the nerve....im still slightly pessed by how he broke my heart.
 
Y’all ever have that one ex boyfriend (we’ll call him Pastor Good Not) from back back in the day who finds you on social media and tries to shoot their shoot off 90’s energy??? Pesses me off :lol:

Dude broke my heart too. I was a fornicating Sunday school teacher (aka very selective with whom Id slip up with). He was a youth pastor at a different church. We would hang out and when I say the lord blessed his physical abilities....chile!!! I was the only sista he was messing with. All the young beckys on the missions team jocked him.

Annnnnddd of course after a year of messing around and him telling me God said I was his wife (I was a single mom of 1 too), he comes to my house and says he was wrong and God told him that he would be compromising if he married me. Leaves me with a parting gift: a book about being pure and sanctified (no lie). He then went on to be with one if the Beckys from his church. I was devastated.

They married (courted for a couple years), had 3 handicapped kids (no lie), and 1o or 11 years later we cross each others past in FB. By this time we’ve both been married for almost the same amount of time. My ex and I had one of those joint FB pages too so as Pastor Good Not sends a request me and then a request to our joint page. WE accept it. Next thing you know exDH and him are doing most of the chatting periodically. exDH would say how dude is stressed and unhappy always seeking advice about his situation. Anyway....

Fast forward Pastor and his love are rocky. Dh and I are not rocky per se but we were going through a separation. Joint FB page removed and Pastor reaches out and asks to talk. I obliged, we talk, nothing crazy but more the best advice I could give him considering. His confliction was perception about divorce in the church...me IDGAF about church perceptions anymore. I’m divorcing this ninja.

Okay, I remove him from my FB after a while—you know the classic FB purge. Doing me, 2 or 3 years go by and boom....last night I get an IG DM....its him.

He asking the usual catchup/mustard questions. We learn we’re both divorced (me longer than him). AND this joker works for the same organization as beta beau—lives in the same city. BRUH!!! I say nothing just “oh yeah I heard thats a good company”. This joker then asks if he could take me out and that after marrying Becky he realized he made a mistake and should’ve been with me—a sista. WHAT???!!

OH so you know I was happy to report that me and beta beau are not accepting applications at this present time and ended it with a God bless you sweetie. He was like “are you serious?!”

He wouldn’t be able to handle me anyway. :lol: ughhh the nerve....im still slightly pessed by how he broke my heart.
I feel a little bad saying this, but you dodged a bullet. He could be the one carrying that gene that led to three handicapped children.
 
I went on a date. Well no I met up for a date. The dude said he was already at the lounge. I texted him to tell him I was there. I'll learn my lesson. Don't go in until he comes to get me or we lock eyes. I didn't know where to go so I went to the bar. Two dudes ended up talking to me. A new dude paid for my drink. He was so dusty. He asked for my number but didn't even offer to buy my drink. So I said oh you're asking for my number but you don't want to buy me a drink and winked. He paid for it. Dude #2 saw this guy walking me to my car and he BOMBRUSHED me lol. He didn't give no care about the other day. He was like baby I gotta know your number. How about dude 1 just left me and texted me I had to let the other guy shoot his shot. But I wanna hook up with you. Ummmm nooo.

So all of this and the guy I was supposed to meet, AS SOON AS I LEFT he texted talking about I waited for you. Boy bye. Block and delete. He was probably staring at me the whole time and saw that two other men were trying to talk to me so he came and shot his shot.
 
I spent time with SO and his parents today. :look: I'm glad I did because SO's being integrated into my family--my sisters and parents love him, and I want that too, ideally. They urged me to practice my Spanish with them, which I did in a long conversation with SO's father a few minutes later. It was great because the first time I met him we didn't speak much. My mom's asking when our families can get together. SO and I discussed it after his parents left, we think they'll get along.

ETA: I've noticed SO's gotten skinnier. And I like it. :love:

SO is FINALLY going to meet my friends this week at my birthday party and I cannot wait! :meme:
 
Is it weird that all of beta beau’s friends and our mutual associates keep asking when is the wedding date?

All weekend, no matter where we went the question was “when’s the wedding and am I invited?” Beta beau just grined most of the time and I kept a deer in head lights look. One of my responses was “tomorrow! at the gas station” — stupid but wtf was I supposed to say?

I’m not getting my girlish little hopes up for anything.
 
I just noticed today when I first met my SO I wore a size 2/3 and today I put on a size 8..smh happy relationship weight gain is something real.
Girl, me too. We went away 4 times already & the weight that we both gained. Oh my god!
We decided we’re eating healthy at home & at restaurants as well adding in exercising.
The love weight is real!!! Lol
 
Yay! I get to post in this thread.

I met my bf online (okcupid) I for sure didn't think i would like him. Thought he wasn't my type. Thought he was Dorky and we would have nothing in common. Met him on a whim and just to decide for sure if i didn't want to bother with him. And he was SOOO different than i thought . It was like fire works. He was way cuter in person and we had so much chemistry it was insane. We had so much to talk about.

After that meeting we talked non stop, went on our first real date like a week and a half later and it was magical. Something straight out of a movie.

About a week after that I met his closest friend and his friend's gf. It didn't go well.. But that was bc of something the gf said to me that rubbed me the wrong way . After that we couldn't get back on track and I didn't have a good time.
But the next day he asked me if I would be his gf and I said yes.

We have been in a rlshp almost 2 months. I'm not one to move fast but it's so interesting when you're certain. Things are so different.

Anyways I've met some of his family. I talk to his dad all of the time. His family apparently loves me. Hes crazy about me. I'm crazy about him. And I'm incredibly optimistic.

Hes coming over today for the first time to meet my parents. I've never done this before so it should be interesting
He's also coming over for Thanksgiving. We're spending Christmas together and NYE .
 
Yay! I get to post in this thread.

I met my bf online (okcupid) I for sure didn't think i would like him. Thought he wasn't my type. Thought he was Dorky and we would have nothing in common. Met him on a whim and just to decide for sure if i didn't want to bother with him. And he was SOOO different than i thought . It was like fire works. He was way cuter in person and we had so much chemistry it was insane. We had so much to talk about.

After that meeting we talked non stop, went on our first real date like a week and a half later and it was magical. Something straight out of a movie.

About a week after that I met his closest friend and his friend's gf. It didn't go well.. But that was bc of something the gf said to me that rubbed me the wrong way . After that we couldn't get back on track and I didn't have a good time.
But the next day he asked me if I would be his gf and I said yes.

We have been in a rlshp almost 2 months. I'm not one to move fast but it's so interesting when you're certain. Things are so different.

Anyways I've met some of his family. I talk to his dad all of the time. His family apparently loves me. Hes crazy about me. I'm crazy about him. And I'm incredibly optimistic.

Hes coming over today for the first time to meet my parents. I've never done this before so it should be interesting
He's also coming over for Thanksgiving. We're spending Christmas together and NYE .
Your story reminds me of how I met my SO. It was on Ok Cupid as well. I'm very happy for you!
 
I went on a date. Well no I met up for a date. The dude said he was already at the lounge. I texted him to tell him I was there. I'll learn my lesson. Don't go in until he comes to get me or we lock eyes. I didn't know where to go so I went to the bar. Two dudes ended up talking to me. A new dude paid for my drink. He was so dusty. He asked for my number but didn't even offer to buy my drink. So I said oh you're asking for my number but you don't want to buy me a drink and winked. He paid for it. Dude #2 saw this guy walking me to my car and he BOMBRUSHED me lol. He didn't give no care about the other day. He was like baby I gotta know your number. How about dude 1 just left me and texted me I had to let the other guy shoot his shot. But I wanna hook up with you. Ummmm nooo.

So all of this and the guy I was supposed to meet, AS SOON AS I LEFT he texted talking about I waited for you. Boy bye. Block and delete. He was probably staring at me the whole time and saw that two other men were trying to talk to me so he came and shot his shot.
This same stood me up dude has been BLOWING my phone up. I blocked him from my phone so he's been texting me through the app. It's so annoying. I responded something like I'm used to more decisiveness from the men I am dating. He replied that I stood HIM up and I NEVER showed up. I really do need to work on my ego because I wanted to go back and forth and argue with him. But I sat back and realized this is a red flag. Even when called out on his bull, he doesn't apologize. I think I'm done with online dating. I will try to only meet men organically now.
 
This same stood me up dude has been BLOWING my phone up. I blocked him from my phone so he's been texting me through the app. It's so annoying. I responded something like I'm used to more decisiveness from the men I am dating. He replied that I stood HIM up and I NEVER showed up. I really do need to work on my ego because I wanted to go back and forth and argue with him. But I sat back and realized this is a red flag. Even when called out on his bull, he doesn't apologize. I think I'm done with online dating. I will try to only meet men organically now.

think of it this way: online dating is a tool in your toolbox but not the toolbox itself. There will be ebbs and flows to meet new people and in the winter most people are flaky anyway. Use this time to browse and just focus on chatting with people first then see if a date will naturally occur. Don’t forget to date yourself and the winter is the perfect time to recoup and spoil yourself in preparation for spring and summer.
 
So the meeting of the parents went really well! I didnt know how it would go but i'm definitely pleased. I already knew it was going to be a big deal to have a formal sit down with the parents but to see how seriously they were taking it in preparation to meet him was nice to see. My parents dont have a lot of money but my dad went with me to buy groceries and I was under the impression I was going to pay for it but he made sure he did. And to me it meant a lot and it was symbolic of how seriously he was taking this.

So he comes over and everyone's dressed up and we all sit in the living room and the talk begins. I had to prep him before he came over bc it wouldnt be the typical meeting of the parents. In my culture, meeting the parents is a serious thing and means that you are ready for something serious and you are looking for the relationship to lead to marriage. Also, there's a bit of a language barrier there as their English is somewhat limited, which can make things awkward. But we worked together and it went smoothly enough with minimal awkwardness. I would say the meet lasted about an hr and a half before we left together. But I can say I was truly moved by how he voiced his intentions to my parents. He didn't hold back at all and clearly stated how he felt about me and that he is hoping to get married at some point down the line.

I always kind of knew that when I met the right one it would go something like this. We would just know and things would progress quickly. It doesn't feel too quick tho. It just feels right.
 
So the meeting of the parents went really well! I didnt know how it would go but i'm definitely pleased. I already knew it was going to be a big deal to have a formal sit down with the parents but to see how seriously they were taking it in preparation to meet him was nice to see. My parents dont have a lot of money but my dad went with me to buy groceries and I was under the impression I was going to pay for it but he made sure he did. And to me it meant a lot and it was symbolic of how seriously he was taking this.

So he comes over and everyone's dressed up and we all sit in the living room and the talk begins. I had to prep him before he came over bc it wouldnt be the typical meeting of the parents. In my culture, meeting the parents is a serious thing and means that you are ready for something serious and you are looking for the relationship to lead to marriage. Also, there's a bit of a language barrier there as their English is somewhat limited, which can make things awkward. But we worked together and it went smoothly enough with minimal awkwardness. I would say the meet lasted about an hr and a half before we left together. But I can say I was truly moved by how he voiced his intentions to my parents. He didn't hold back at all and clearly stated how he felt about me and that he is hoping to get married at some point down the line.

I always kind of knew that when I met the right one it would go something like this. We would just know and things would progress quickly. It doesn't feel too quick tho. It just feels right.

This is sweet :heart:
 
Hey ladies!!.. I miss this thread. Grad school is officially over and I am back to dating. I am going to try and make this story as short as possible. I met a guy back in Aug 2018 and we had a brief exchange but never met up. So low and behold, last week Thursday I get a text message from a number I did not recognize (my impatient behind usually delete numbers after a week). So we had the brief convo about me not knowing whom he is and then getting a screen shot reminder. So he goes on to tell me, he will call. He text the next day and asked when I was available, I told him we schedule to meet up Saturday (he did call Friday we had a brief convo regarding my availability and hair lol , which was so cute because he was really interested in how much time it would take, said he didn't want to cut in on my hair time). Fast forward to Saturday and we meet up at this hookah bar.. ladies I forgot how attractive he was lol I definitely appreciated the fact he was exactly how I remembered chocolate and fine.. lol. We met up at a Mediterranean restaurant, and he immediately took the lead on everything (which I love when a man takes charge). We talked about our families, careers, worldly topics... We connected immediately. The one thing that stood out, he placed an order and the food never came, I planned on asking the waiter what happened, but he insisted it was ok. We had spent about 2 hours at this particular place, actually we were the last to leave. I was insisting he eat, since he told me about his long day and he really did not have anything. We left the restaurant, and he told me to follow him. I am never usually this comfortable with anyone, We stopped to his apartment so he could grab a coat, due to the temperature dropping. Then he decided we would go to a bar near his place, so we could continue the evening (as we are walking he holds my hand the entire time). Ladies this man had me taking my guards down, for one it was past my bed time, and two I am all about personal space and on top of that he could have kidnapped me lol. Seriously we talked until about 2am at this restaurant, he fed me guess he just felt the need I that I had to try the chicken, which was actually delicious. He completely took me out of my comfort zone, I enjoyed every moment. He did want me to stay and chat some more, I declined and went home. Before I left he asked my schedule this week and gave me a hug. I did text the next day and let him know I enjoyed the time spent. I will let him take the lead.

Its so crazy because I promised myself I wasn't dating until I was finished with grad school, and here he comes literally the week after it ended.

***Excuse any typos and misspellings..
 
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I went from a 6 to a 10. I've been trying to lose it but it's so hard. :cry3:
See what I mean??? He came over tonight and brought me dinner... AND huge slice of chocolate cake, which is my favorite. And of course I had to be a good girlfriend and not let his money go to waste, so I devoured the whole slice of cake. But shame on him for bringing me cake in the first place!
 
See what I mean??? He came over tonight and brought me dinner... AND huge slice of chocolate cake, which is my favorite. And of course I had to be a good girlfriend and not let his money go to waste, so I devoured the whole slice of cake. But shame on him for bringing me cake in the first place!

LOL I resisted last night he wanted to go out to eat and I said nope I'm cooking dinner.
 
Ya'll pray for me we're spending the night at his mom's house thanksgiving night and ya'll know how she feels about her son. I called and specifically told her (in front of him) we would be there thanksgiving night after we stop at my moms. Why she call him and say what time will we be there Wednesday night. At this point all I can do is laugh it off.
 
The past few days have been so crazy. So yesterday was my birthday but my party was last Saturday. I spent most of the weekend at SO's place which is a bit tense right now because of some drama. Long story but between that and the smoke here (we're in the Bay Area) that is forcing everyone to stay indoors, things have been kinda crazy for him. Anyway my party was great. I got to introduce SO to most of my friends and they loved him though I'm hoping they can get to know him more after Thanksgiving.

I successfully waited until Monday to check bar results and I found out that I didn't pass (neither did 60% of takers this summer) and SO's been really supportive, along with my family. We had breakfast at what's becoming our favorite place close to his house and he just sat with me and let me get out my feelings, or not say anything. He said one thing he likes about me is that I've gotten him to learn how to be with his feelings. On Tuesday I went with him to his parents house and spent time with his mother. She is so much like my mom, I can't wait to get them in the same room. :look: They treated me at a nice Chinese restaurant and his mother thanked me for supporting him in the crazy drama that's engulfing their entire family and gave me some great encouragement about the bar. His mom and I watched the King's Speech and she absolutely loved it. She said she hates the movies SO picks out to watch. :giggle:

Yesterday SO and I spent the afternoon together and then went out with his mom again and they got me a chocolate cake and everyone sang Happy Birthday again. :p I feel like I've been accepted into SO's family which is what I wanted. :afro: I'm feeling really great right now. One of my sisters complained that I'm spending too much time with SO and that I have my own family and SO's mother said to tell her I'm spending time with my second family. :lachen::lachen:

I originally asked SO if he wanted to spend part of Thanksgiving with my family but his mother intervened and said they already had plans to visit extended family in another part of the state. But that fell through and now with the drama, no one knew what they were going to do, which annoyed SO because had he known, he would've just spent it with my family lol. In light of everything I think SO's mother was feeling bad about it because last night before I went home she said next year we should get both our families together for Thanksgiving. :look: She also keeps bringing up my parents lol.
 
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I promise it seems almost every man online has this whole mantra of “you call me first”. I know it seems so simple but it’s like it’s engrained that the girl should chase them. I don’t get it. You see something you like? Come get it.

Why would you text me to let me know it’s you. Wouldn’t I know that when you CALL me to let me know who you are? *face palm* lol
 

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I promise it seems almost every man online has this whole mantra of “you call me first”. I know it seems so simple but it’s like it’s engrained that the girl should chase them. I don’t get it. You see something you like? Come get it.

Why would you text me to let me know it’s you. Wouldn’t I know that when you CALL me to let me know who you are? *face palm* lol

A lot of men these days don't have balls like they used to. This is a totally new time. There are so many women chasing men that many men choose not to be men anymore. But I know for one thing, if a man expects me to chase/initiate convo in the beginning, he'll be old and gray, waiting for me to respond.lol. I love a man who can take charge, and if a man shows me from the get go that he can't take charge, I loose interest fast.
 
I promise it seems almost every man online has this whole mantra of “you call me first”. I know it seems so simple but it’s like it’s engrained that the girl should chase them. I don’t get it. You see something you like? Come get it.

Why would you text me to let me know it’s you. Wouldn’t I know that when you CALL me to let me know who you are? *face palm* lol
I do hate the ones that want us to call first.

I think they text first, so that you'll be sure to pick up. That doesn't bother me because I do not answer the phone if I don't recognize the number lol. Then they leave a voicemail and it seems like a cop out to get me to call and initiate the conversation (which I won't do, they can call again IMO).
 
A lot of men these days don't have balls like they used to. This is a totally new time. There are so many women chasing men that many men choose not to be men anymore. But I know for one thing, if a man expects me to chase/initiate convo in the beginning, he'll be old and gray, waiting for me to respond.lol. I love a man who can take charge, and if a man shows me from the get go that he can't take charge, I loose interest fast.
I'm over here like is it the food? Media? Their mammy and pappy? It seems like their testosterone is sooo low that they can't even fathom reaching out and guiding the relationship.
 
My SO surprised me and took off work so we could go to my Mom's for Thanksgiving (we live about six hours away). Well, my Mom and brother didn't think I was coming so they went ahead and spent the weekend with their friends up in Northern NJ, an additional 1.5 hours from my hometown. Good thing I called, or we would've been in for a thankless Thanksgiving.

We wound up going to his parents house, instead. He's the youngest of five and this was the first time I saw the "baby boy" thing in action. He'd told me that he was the favorite and spoiled, but I had no idea the extent. They treated him like he was a literal child! At one point his mom gave him some of the last of some shrimp that she had on her plate, and I was like "Do you not like it, [Mom]?" His dad said "Nah, he's a growing boy!" UM. SIR. He's TWENTY. EIGHT.

He got upset during a (dumb) conversation and left the table. They looked at me like I was going to comfort him. I looked right back at them and continued my conversation. His sister got this worried look on her face and ran after him telling him his opinion was right and we agree with him and blah blah blah...I'm thinking to myself "Ohhh, wow. Tantrum enablers."

They told me he was the boss of the house when he was younger. He used to tell his siblings what they could and couldn't do. The one closest in age to him is about 13 years older! Why is anyone listening to him?

We checked out family photos at the end of the night. His high-school graduation photos were like full on, stylized photos. He graduated high school in the 2000's, when matching your ball cap to your shirt to your shorts was a thing. Looking back on those are funny, right? I know I laugh at my old styles. His sister and I burst out laughing, but as soon as we did, her head whipped over to look at him, whipped back to look at me with big eyes, and then got up and gave him a hug. Um, what?!

It was a complete eye-opening experience. His reactions to some things make a lot more sense now that I see the full family dynamic in action.
 
First, let me say that you handled yourself really well! :toocool: My expressions would have given my thoughts all away.

But the rest...:babyb: is :busted: :lachen:

Sounds like you know how to handle him :cool:

My SO surprised me and took off work so we could go to my Mom's for Thanksgiving (we live about six hours away). Well, my Mom and brother didn't think I was coming so they went ahead and spent the weekend with their friends up in Northern NJ, an additional 1.5 hours from my hometown. Good thing I called, or we would've been in for a thankless Thanksgiving.

We wound up going to his parents house, instead. He's the youngest of five and this was the first time I saw the "baby boy" thing in action. He'd told me that he was the favorite and spoiled, but I had no idea the extent. They treated him like he was a literal child! At one point his mom gave him some of the last of some shrimp that she had on her plate, and I was like "Do you not like it, [Mom]?" His dad said "Nah, he's a growing boy!" UM. SIR. He's TWENTY. EIGHT.

He got upset during a (dumb) conversation and left the table. They looked at me like I was going to comfort him. I looked right back at them and continued my conversation. His sister got this worried look on her face and ran after him telling him his opinion was right and we agree with him and blah blah blah...I'm thinking to myself "Ohhh, wow. Tantrum enablers."

They told me he was the boss of the house when he was younger. He used to tell his siblings what they could and couldn't do. The one closest in age to him is about 13 years older! Why is anyone listening to him?

We checked out family photos at the end of the night. His high-school graduation photos were like full on, stylized photos. He graduated high school in the 2000's, when matching your ball cap to your shirt to your shorts was a thing. Looking back on those are funny, right? I know I laugh at my old styles. His sister and I burst out laughing, but as soon as we did, her head whipped over to look at him, whipped back to look at me with big eyes, and then got up and gave him a hug. Um, what?!

It was a complete eye-opening experience. His reactions to some things make a lot more sense now that I see the full family dynamic in action.
 
Mini rant:

I can't stand men who don't know when to shut up. Talking about "That's why I could never be with you, because you don't do enough for your man." First of all, you would never have a chance with me anyway! I don't even find you attractive, with your crooked hairline and your "I skipped leg day" look. Second of all, instead of trying to tell me what I'm doing wrong in my relationship, how about you worry about your own relationship and the girlfriend that you cheat on with a new girl every week? Maybe if you did more for her, she wouldn't have left you before you had to beg her to come back.

End mini rant.
 
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