2016 Relationship And Dating Thread

I never comment about this stuff, but I have been so unusually bubbly lately. I'm a pretty bubbly person though. Lol I just think it's this guy. Lol
He messages me during his board meeting to to tell me how bored he is, and he's just scanning through photos of us. Skypes me while biking to show me everything that's happening around him. Sends me beautiful poetry every morning, so when I wake up it's the first thing I read. Everything is happening to quick. Feel like I've been hit by a tornado. I really wasn't expecting this. Lol
 
BGT said:
Congrats! I hope to post the same thing in this thread very soon.
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Girl, you will. Military guys don't mess around about tying someone down either by commitment or marriage. You might have to slow him down. Lol.

It's kinda engrained in the culture. When I was in, it wasn't uncommon for people to marry within months of meeting/dating.
 
MzSwift said:
Girl, you will. Military guys don't mess around about tying someone down either by commitment or marriage. You might have to slow him down. Lol.

It's kinda engrained in the culture. When I was in, it wasn't uncommon for people to marry within months of meeting/dating.
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You just might be right. He planned dinner dates for this Saturday and Sunday.
 
My recurring dream about marrying the wrong person was different last night.
I still married the wrong guy but this time I told him I couldn't STAY married because I was in love with my current SO.
A little progress....I hate that dream.
 
My bf has been living with me and my son for a few months now and everything is going good however a conversation we had in the car a few days ago isn't sitting well with me. I can't remember what lead us to talking about marriage but he told me he thinks about marrying me often and knows he wants to BUT i'll be silly and want to run out and get rings and set a date as soon as he asks. For the life of me I don't know how to take this. Isn't that what your supposed to do when you get engaged?

Idk maybe i'm over reacting.
 
@ClassyJSP

What are the feelings that come up as a result of this statement? What was your response? Have you guys talked about marriage before this?
It would be a good opportunity to know if he wanted a long engagement or not. If you didn't, that would be a good time to say so.
 
@Fine 4s

Honestly at first I was confused. I kind of laughed it off simply because I didn't know what to say next. yes, we've talked about marriage before but we've never discussed if we were going to have a long engagement/short engagement etc.
 
@ClassyJSP

Where you confused because you assumed it would be a short engagement? Would you feel comfortable bringing it up again? If it made you uncomfortable and you've figured out why, then I'd ask a follow-up question. Maybe you felt uncomfortable for something completely related to the marriage or engagement. But once you figured it out, I'd bring it up.
On the bright side, at least you've discussed marriage. Me, I'm still having runaway bride dreams lol
 
@Fine 4s

I just assumed we would have a short engagement so i'll definitely be bringing the topic up again. But your right at-least there is a bright side to this whole thing lol at the runaway bride part.
 
ClassyJSP said:
My bf has been living with me and my son for a few months now and everything is going good however a conversation we had in the car a few days ago isn't sitting well with me. I can't remember what lead us to talking about marriage but he told me he thinks about marrying me often and knows he wants to BUT i'll be silly and want to run out and get rings and set a date as soon as he asks. For the life of me I don't know how to take this. Isn't that what your supposed to do when you get engaged?

Idk maybe i'm over reacting.
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What kind of discussions did you have ever prior to him moving in? Do you want to get married? Do you want to be engaged if the "wedding" will be at an undetermined time in the future? Are you okay with just living together until (with the until being you and your boyfriend break up or you and your boyfriend just live together forever)?
 
@toaster

Prior to him moving in we had a few discussions we both want to get married and both agreed we see our relationship evolving to that. What we didn't talk about was a timeline (if that makes sense) basically how long we would stay engaged or how soon he would propose after moving in. We also didn't agree where/how we would get married he wants a court house wedding I want an actual ceremony. We have random marriage conversations here and there and lately he has agreed to a ceremony with certain conditions.
 
ClassyJSP said:
...
I can't remember what lead us to talking about marriage but he told me he thinks about marrying me often and knows he wants to BUT i'll be silly and want to run out and get rings and set a date as soon as he asks. For the life of me I don't know how to take this. Isn't that what your supposed to do when you get engaged?

Idk maybe i'm over reacting.
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I don't think you are overreacting. You've opened your heart and home to this man. He is not just living with you, but also your son, and what he said was a little insulting. It's kinda like he's saying YOU would get so excited about marrying him, vs. him being grateful to be part of your life and trying to figure out how to solidify things with you. Men are believing the hype that they are the prize and women want to be married so badly. I'm sure he wasn't trying to insult or hurt you, but what he said and how he said it is a little troubling IMO. Did he actually use the word "silly"?

I think that the best plan is when a timeline is set before moving in together. Don't feel like it's too late to get clarification. You deserve to be clear about his plans. I know people like this whole surprise thing but I don't think it's worth the anxiety.
 
ClassyJSP said:
My bf has been living with me and my son for a few months now and everything is going good however a conversation we had in the car a few days ago isn't sitting well with me. I can't remember what lead us to talking about marriage but he told me he thinks about marrying me often and knows he wants to BUT i'll be silly and want to run out and get rings and set a date as soon as he asks. For the life of me I don't know how to take this. Isn't that what your supposed to do when you get engaged?

Idk maybe i'm over reacting.
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You're not over reacting. It shouldn't sit well. He's not sure if he wants to grace you with his presence and the privilege of being your husband just yet, so don't go getting all excited and giddy now :look: ....you know like you're supposed to, and like he's supposed to if he knows the value of you and marriage.
 
This man is crazy. I'm just coming here to vent, cause sometimes this is too much. Lol

So yesterday we were just talking about how I've never actually received roses from a lover. This morning we are skyping again and my doorbell rings. I was delivered a big bouquet of red roses from an anonymous sender. I'm fighting with the delivery man, telling him he's got the wrong address. I tell my guy and he's like, "Well....who do you think they're from?" He's on a whole other continent doing this stuff. Lol
 
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Prior to this for weeks he's been trying to meet for lunch but I keep saying no because i just can't...and he don't give me enough notice.

So this week I said yes to dinner Met this man through one of my clients. We met at a restaurant close to my home. Then we went to a bar... Then a late night resto after that. Conversation was great! He did most of the talking... He mentioned how as a black man that he didn't feel respected in society. Him & his biz partner have same assets partner(white) but he gets more respect. He says We/black women act like we don't need him..he can't be on a white man's level (I believe he said this because i stated alot of my girls are marrying white now). Etc etc... I take all of this in. He says he wants to help me grow my Bizniz with some of his contacts..I like that..I'm always working on growing my biz. My take: he's a bit wounded, appears to be a nice guy, is successful in his new biz had a successful pro FB career..decent guy you know (or so it appears) and the night ends well. We were out from late afternoon until 2am when the restaurant closed. We had a great time.

Next day we play phone tag.., so we chat the day following. It's been almost 48 hours He wants to meet now ... I say I can't I'm working. He says so meet me after. I say I can't I have a meeting. He says so after that I start to say something.... he hangs up, before I can finish what I'm saying.

For real dude? And you wonder why we don't respect you with that behaviour? These guys i tell ya.
 
I need some communication tips because I've never been good at that part.
How do you express what you want (NEED) in a relationship without giving an ultimatum?
I don't see what's so bad about ultimatums but all of my friends say they ruin relationships.
 
PlainJane said:
I need some communication tips because I've never been good at that part.
How do you express what you want (NEED) in a relationship without giving an ultimatum?
I don't see what's so bad about ultimatums but all of my friends say they ruin relationships.
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You gotta know the person well and if an ultimatum will work.

I'll call your bluff on a ultimatum tbh. I don't like them. Better be prepared to follow through on your threat.

Maybe it would work on me in an extreme situation but definitely not as a regular thing.

Just say what you need. Explain why if necessary. Not sure why that needs to involve ultimatums especially if the other person was unaware of your needs.
 
I think ultimatums don't work because you are trying to force a person to meet your needs instead of accepting that they are not compatible with you. Trying to force a square peg in a round hole. By the time a woman wants to give a man an ultimatum she has often already asked for what she wanted multiple times, gotten angry, and been frustrated. So instead of saying a) I gotta accept he isn't going to give me this so I will just let it go or b) I'm going to move on because I really need and deserve this, she decides to try to make things work. You are basically fighting the reality of the deal breaker. Whatever it is you want is really important to you and really unimportant to him. It's sad and hard to accept once you become invested but women have to learn to see things for what they are so they don't waste so much of their precious time.
 
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Am I doing too much to expect "checking in" kind of text messages. Just simple messages to let me know you made it home safely, made it to another state safely..etc.

I had two experiences where I didn't hear from ex SO's all day (which wasn't like them). No texts back, no phone calls, no answer at the door, no nothing. And then I would later find out that something happened to them and they were in the hospital the whole time and no one in their family bothered to tell me what was going on.

Maybe those two experiences have me thinking that every time an extended amount of time passes when I don't hear from him, and he hasn't sent a checking in text something bad has happened and I start worrying.

I've already talked to him about how helpful a simple text is for me. But I think it might be time to reiterate. Or maybe my past experiences have me worrying too much and it's not that serious. Idk.
 
@NaturallyBri87
There is nothing wrong with expecting or wanting someone to check in with you daily. If it is a serious relationship why wouldn't you want that? And it shouldn't be just because you are worried but because it's common courtesy and that's what couples do for each other. Now how to proceed idk. I've learned from my personal experience that people almost always end up doing what they want to do and/or if are forced to do things another way make you pay for it in some way. I just wanted to encourage you to not doubt yourself. And again if it's a serious relationship I would expect a call not just a text. Even if other women are ok with no contact for a day or two that does not mean you have to be ok with it.
 
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