2019 Relationship And Dating Thread
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ScorpioBeauty09
Well-Known Member
@tocktick I'd be annoyed too, and I wouldn't reach out to him either. You're not tripping.
I dealt with this with my SO and I told him that one of the quickest ways to upset me is not recognizing when we have plans, and not maintaining communication on tentative plans. Not to mention it's rude. I was raised to be considerate of people's time.
Is this the first time this happened or is this a common thing for him? Either way you need to tell him how you feel. It's nice of him to invite you to join them but he wasn't fully communicating with you which is inconsiderate.
I dealt with this with my SO and I told him that one of the quickest ways to upset me is not recognizing when we have plans, and not maintaining communication on tentative plans. Not to mention it's rude. I was raised to be considerate of people's time.
Is this the first time this happened or is this a common thing for him? Either way you need to tell him how you feel. It's nice of him to invite you to join them but he wasn't fully communicating with you which is inconsiderate.
shortycocoa
Hair Weave Killer
@tocktick I agree with what @hopeful and @ScorpioBeauty09 said. You should definitely not reach out. This is his screw up and you have done enough reaching out. It's time for him to step up and apologize and make amends for his mistakes. If this is a pattern, you have to figure out if you can deal with it for the long haul. Hopefully it's not, though.
Reinventing21
Spreading my wings
@tocktick
1) I agree with the others who said not to reach out as you already reached out Saturday. Anything more could make you seem not self-respecting.
2) His invitation for you to join was an afterthought (and only because you called) and therefore not a true invitation regardless of what they were eating.
3) I am surprised that a man was cooking dinner for another man (and on a Saturday night).
4) The fact that he did not call you after all that on Sunday is a concerning red flag.
1) I agree with the others who said not to reach out as you already reached out Saturday. Anything more could make you seem not self-respecting.
2) His invitation for you to join was an afterthought (and only because you called) and therefore not a true invitation regardless of what they were eating.
3) I am surprised that a man was cooking dinner for another man (and on a Saturday night).
4) The fact that he did not call you after all that on Sunday is a concerning red flag.
@tocktick
I think wait, watch and see is the another strategy. Don't bring up the incident (since you say its the first time).
I'm saying that because my personal experience, when something seems off with a guys behavior, I have found that waiting it out, not bringing it up, and just acting as if things are fine..... will reveal alot.
If there is something going on, and he thinks you won't make a fuss.... he may start to by his actions expose how he will behave towards you.
Sometimes bringing up issues, enables them to just hide what they are doing better.
Now, nothing maybe going on, but silence and observation can expose many things.
I think wait, watch and see is the another strategy. Don't bring up the incident (since you say its the first time).
I'm saying that because my personal experience, when something seems off with a guys behavior, I have found that waiting it out, not bringing it up, and just acting as if things are fine..... will reveal alot.
If there is something going on, and he thinks you won't make a fuss.... he may start to by his actions expose how he will behave towards you.
Sometimes bringing up issues, enables them to just hide what they are doing better.
Now, nothing maybe going on, but silence and observation can expose many things.
ScorpioBeauty09
Well-Known Member
I've done the bold-italicized with SO and find it to be generally true. I've watched and waited especially the first time I'm annoyed. And either it never happens again or if it does, I bring it up and find out more than I anticipated.
Either way, it's information.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I agree with @NijaG. Men love us to do all of the talking 
— that’s how they gather information about us. And how they figure out how to talk their way out of stuff. We gather by observation, really paying attention. A lot of people think communication is everything. The thing is that people communicate how they feel in many ways, talking is only one of them. How they treat you, how they make you feel, and how they behave is another form of communication. Women often focus too much on words which sometimes mean nothing or can be used to manipulate. I finally was able to leave my marriage when I accepted that the following must be in alignment: words, action, and energy.
— that’s how they gather information about us. And how they figure out how to talk their way out of stuff. We gather by observation, really paying attention. A lot of people think communication is everything. The thing is that people communicate how they feel in many ways, talking is only one of them. How they treat you, how they make you feel, and how they behave is another form of communication. Women often focus too much on words which sometimes mean nothing or can be used to manipulate. I finally was able to leave my marriage when I accepted that the following must be in alignment: words, action, and energy.
tocktick
Well-Known Member
This was the first time this has happened.
I agree with the points you mentioned. Re: this though - not sure where you're located but it's not that unusual here (I'm in Europe if that makes any difference). I noticed he and his friends do a lot of stuff centred around food in general.
Thank you all so much for your advice; I appreciate all your thoughts. To update, he reached out earlier today to check-in. I'll take the advice suggested to not bring up the incident myself (especially given I raised my thoughts previously, he apologised - so it's not as if he's unaware) and really observe things from here. I'd generally describe things as really good between us, so this was a real side-eye moment for me
Reinventing21
Spreading my wings
BrownBetty
Well-Known Member
ScorpioBeauty09
Well-Known Member
I’m missing SO terribly right now. 
We’re only seeing each other on FaceTime because of coronavirus and the shelter in place orders. SO lives in shared housing since he rented out his house and his work was late in ordering employees to work from home. I’m afraid of being an asymptomatic carrier and possibly giving it to my dad who is over 60, has terrible asthma and will likely need a ventilator should he contract it.
SO and I watch our favorite shows together on FaceTime but there’s nothing like cuddling with him and feeling his arms around me. Our anniversary is coming up too.
We’re only seeing each other on FaceTime because of coronavirus and the shelter in place orders. SO lives in shared housing since he rented out his house and his work was late in ordering employees to work from home. I’m afraid of being an asymptomatic carrier and possibly giving it to my dad who is over 60, has terrible asthma and will likely need a ventilator should he contract it.SO and I watch our favorite shows together on FaceTime but there’s nothing like cuddling with him and feeling his arms around me. Our anniversary is coming up too.
OneShinyface
Well-Known Member
@ScorpioBeauty09 - I totally understand. My SO usually travels weekly, but he is grounded now and we thought we would be able to spend lots of time together.
As he is a company officer, he is leading the crisis team and has been going into HQ daily. While he has limited people interaction, I'm not taking any chances as I have been self quarantining since I last saw him Monday. The more I've read about the virus, the more I have hunkered down. I'm on this "at-risk" list that has like 20+ conditions and actually, he is too.
He wants to bring dinner over tonight and I'm going to tell him to stay home. This is awful.
As he is a company officer, he is leading the crisis team and has been going into HQ daily. While he has limited people interaction, I'm not taking any chances as I have been self quarantining since I last saw him Monday. The more I've read about the virus, the more I have hunkered down. I'm on this "at-risk" list that has like 20+ conditions and actually, he is too.
He wants to bring dinner over tonight and I'm going to tell him to stay home. This is awful.
OneShinyface
Well-Known Member
How are ya'll doing these days? My guy and I are both working remotely (I have been doing so for a few weeks now and finally he is too) and that helps me feel more comfortable seeing each other. We take turns going between our homes only several times a week - no interaction with anyone else. We are both extroverts so being without each other and without people has been challenging. We've talked a lot about what next year looks like. It gives me hope in such a scary time.
OneShinyface
Well-Known Member
Yes, keep them KANGS away!!!
ScorpioBeauty09
Well-Known Member
SO and I still see each other only on video. 
We met up briefly at a grocery store plaza and ate lunch in our cars. We wanted to hug and be affectionate like we usually are but we kept our distance. It was hard. We're hesitant to meet up again because his mom is getting worried about her health. SO spends most of his time at his parents house but still goes to his place to get clothes and things. My dad is high risk too. It's tough because our anniversary is this Thursday but we won't be able to do anything. We're still watching shows on Netflix together with our cameras and it's hilarious. We finished the two we were watching before social distancing, now we're on Tiger King and it makes me want to be with him even more. We're talking about our future more.
We are moving toward getting engaged but SO said he's glad we weren't planning our wedding when this happened.
We met up briefly at a grocery store plaza and ate lunch in our cars. We wanted to hug and be affectionate like we usually are but we kept our distance. It was hard. We're hesitant to meet up again because his mom is getting worried about her health. SO spends most of his time at his parents house but still goes to his place to get clothes and things. My dad is high risk too. It's tough because our anniversary is this Thursday but we won't be able to do anything. We're still watching shows on Netflix together with our cameras and it's hilarious. We finished the two we were watching before social distancing, now we're on Tiger King and it makes me want to be with him even more. We're talking about our future more. We are moving toward getting engaged but SO said he's glad we weren't planning our wedding when this happened.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I’ve been thinking about this! Women beware!
kimpaur
Well-Known Member
I know I really love my boyfriend because we can be doing the most boring things and I feel totally at peace.
The other day I came over and we had wine and pizza while we played Jenga (I won twice
) and worked on a puzzle that had wayyy too many pieces to finish in one night
So this week , whenever I come by we talk and work on our puzzle
It sounds so incredibly boring but I love it
The other day I came over and we had wine and pizza while we played Jenga (I won twice
) and worked on a puzzle that had wayyy too many pieces to finish in one nightSo this week , whenever I come by we talk and work on our puzzle
It sounds so incredibly boring but I love it
ScorpioBeauty09
Well-Known Member
Today is our 2nd year anniversary. He left a gift outside my front door. (I sprayed it.) I went out to meet him, we both wore our masks and stood more than 6 feet apart. It took everything inside of me not to give him the biggest hug. He looks like he lost weight, 
plus he was wearing a black leather jacket. I have a weakness for men in those. 
plus he was wearing a black leather jacket. I have a weakness for men in those.
ScorpioBeauty09
Well-Known Member
Same with me and SO. My favorite moments are when we're doing simple, stupid stuff. Like preparing dinner and flirting or cuddling with each other while watching something. I really miss that right now.I know I really love my boyfriend because we can be doing the most boring things and I feel totally at peace.
The other day I came over and we had wine and pizza while we played Jenga (I won twice
So this week , whenever I come by we talk and work on our puzzle
It sounds so incredibly boring but I love it
Sosoothing
Well-Known Member
I know I really love my boyfriend because we can be doing the most boring things and I feel totally at peace.
I love doing puzzles.
Puzzles and wine sounds romantic to me.
The other day I came over and we had wine and pizza while we played Jenga (I won twice
So this week , whenever I come by we talk and work on our puzzle
It sounds so incredibly boring but I love it
I love puzzles.
Puzzles and wine sound romantic to me.
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OneShinyface
Well-Known Member
@ScorpioBeauty09 - Happy Anniversary!! I pray everyone can be with their loved ones soon.
Fine 4s
Well-Known Member
I'm assuming no one made a 2020 thread?
BC (Before Covid), I remember wanting to move in together and we started to have conversations about when that would be.
Now, I'm unsure if I want that.
The way we move in the house is so different. I'm more serious, and tend to focus on work, bills, the financial nerd if you will. I can literally be in bed ALL day on my laptop doing work. He's a teacher so periodically will zoom with students and post work stuff etc. Basically, I work way more than he does. My routine is to wash up, get back in bed and let all the judge shows run in the background. He's more hippy-like free spirit personality. He goes for runs, skateboards, meditates or does tai chi etc. I'm envious of his level of activity but at the same time, I rather do work-work. It makes me seem 'too serious' to him and him 'too playful'. We've had conversations about what I do for play. (This discussion made me wonder if men tend to play more than women?)
Then, the flossing! Why does he use so much darn string?! And why is he popping the thread so? And OMG, if he he organizes one more darn thing in the house. Listen, he's helpful but it highlights how sloth-like I am and makes me feel worse. He's cooking, juicing and just banging up all kinds of pots and it drives me nuts!
I cut a good 4-5+ inches off my damage strands so have very short pieces in various areas of my hair.
I'm slowly losing it and I don't have motivation to change anything other than do more work. It's like work is my escape.
*please don't quote*
BC (Before Covid), I remember wanting to move in together and we started to have conversations about when that would be.
Now, I'm unsure if I want that.
The way we move in the house is so different. I'm more serious, and tend to focus on work, bills, the financial nerd if you will. I can literally be in bed ALL day on my laptop doing work. He's a teacher so periodically will zoom with students and post work stuff etc. Basically, I work way more than he does. My routine is to wash up, get back in bed and let all the judge shows run in the background. He's more hippy-like free spirit personality. He goes for runs, skateboards, meditates or does tai chi etc. I'm envious of his level of activity but at the same time, I rather do work-work. It makes me seem 'too serious' to him and him 'too playful'. We've had conversations about what I do for play. (This discussion made me wonder if men tend to play more than women?)
Then, the flossing! Why does he use so much darn string?! And why is he popping the thread so? And OMG, if he he organizes one more darn thing in the house. Listen, he's helpful but it highlights how sloth-like I am and makes me feel worse. He's cooking, juicing and just banging up all kinds of pots and it drives me nuts!
I cut a good 4-5+ inches off my damage strands so have very short pieces in various areas of my hair.
I'm slowly losing it and I don't have motivation to change anything other than do more work. It's like work is my escape.
*please don't quote*
Reinventing21
Spreading my wings
@Fine 4s 
Relax! Everyone handles stress differently. I have to say tho, that from the outside looking in, it seems you have the perfect setup!
1) You have a great husband.
2) Your husband knows how to entertain himself and be helpful.
3) Your husband actually wants you to have fun with him.
4) He has a great wife.
5) You are an effective business woman.
6) You make sure the household can sustain itself.
7) You both balance each other out perfectly as you both contribute equally using your unique gifts, talents and love.
Do you without feeling guilty. Take care of yourself and let him take care of you as well. Pick one or two activites to enjoy with your husband so you don't make work your only escape.
Relax! Everyone handles stress differently. I have to say tho, that from the outside looking in, it seems you have the perfect setup!
1) You have a great husband.
2) Your husband knows how to entertain himself and be helpful.
3) Your husband actually wants you to have fun with him.
4) He has a great wife.
5) You are an effective business woman.
6) You make sure the household can sustain itself.
7) You both balance each other out perfectly as you both contribute equally using your unique gifts, talents and love.
Do you without feeling guilty. Take care of yourself and let him take care of you as well. Pick one or two activites to enjoy with your husband so you don't make work your only escape.
OneShinyface
Well-Known Member
@Fine 4s - I thought about that 2020 thread a while back. I guess in light of 2020, maybe we just keep this one and at the end of the year, start a 2021. This year has been a bizarre one at best.
Popped in to say that last night my guy and I were talking and I thanked him again for bringing me dinner Wednesday night - it was enough that I had three meals out of it. He said his goal is to make me happy. And I almost ugly cried. No man I have been in a relationship has ever said that to me, let alone prove it with actions the way he has. EVER.
Popped in to say that last night my guy and I were talking and I thanked him again for bringing me dinner Wednesday night - it was enough that I had three meals out of it. He said his goal is to make me happy. And I almost ugly cried. No man I have been in a relationship has ever said that to me, let alone prove it with actions the way he has. EVER.
kimpaur
Well-Known Member
@Fine 4s
To be completely honest, none of that sounds like a dealbreaker.You two don't have to be the same people. I think this is just the pains of living together and the stress of a pandemic.
Your wording in your post is interesting , though, particularly your use of words like envy and feeling worse. I hope I'm not getting too deep but could it be your insecurities at play here?I'm noticing a lot of unnecessary self-criticism. Could it also be possible that you're using work as a distraction ?
I know for me, I struggle with being vulnerable/intimate (in a non-sexual way) with other people. I have a tendency to create distance. I feel like you may be doing the same, by using work as a way to hide and not be vulnerable with your SO. But you can't really hide when you're living together so you're panicking and picking yourself and this relationship apart.
I think you should continue working ,because that's obviously important to you, but maybe consider adding a little leisure time in there with your SO. I know these are some crazy times we are living in right now, but they don't have to be doom and gloom . Or maybe I'm just an optimist
Regardless,
, I hope things get better
To be completely honest, none of that sounds like a dealbreaker.You two don't have to be the same people. I think this is just the pains of living together and the stress of a pandemic.
Your wording in your post is interesting , though, particularly your use of words like envy and feeling worse. I hope I'm not getting too deep but could it be your insecurities at play here?I'm noticing a lot of unnecessary self-criticism. Could it also be possible that you're using work as a distraction ?
I know for me, I struggle with being vulnerable/intimate (in a non-sexual way) with other people. I have a tendency to create distance. I feel like you may be doing the same, by using work as a way to hide and not be vulnerable with your SO. But you can't really hide when you're living together so you're panicking and picking yourself and this relationship apart.
I think you should continue working ,because that's obviously important to you, but maybe consider adding a little leisure time in there with your SO. I know these are some crazy times we are living in right now, but they don't have to be doom and gloom . Or maybe I'm just an optimist
Regardless,
, I hope things get better
Fine 4s
Well-Known Member
Hi ladies-
I'm normal again...last week was a rough one for me. I borrowed a friend's dog that we both enjoy so we've been taking long hikes with it. Fun. Thank you.
Do ya'll feel pressure to make the most of this time? Like new business ideas, hair goals, body goals. I feel the pressure...since I already have a business idea that I'm working on, I feel pressure to launch NOW when I have folks attention more. Feelings are all over the place. If this continues into the summer time, I can enjoy some sun for sure!
I missed my grandmother's 105th bday but the neighbors sang happy birthday to her from the lawn far away, kids wrote on the sidewalk etc. It was sweet.
I'm normal again...last week was a rough one for me. I borrowed a friend's dog that we both enjoy so we've been taking long hikes with it. Fun. Thank you.
Do ya'll feel pressure to make the most of this time? Like new business ideas, hair goals, body goals. I feel the pressure...since I already have a business idea that I'm working on, I feel pressure to launch NOW when I have folks attention more. Feelings are all over the place. If this continues into the summer time, I can enjoy some sun for sure!
I missed my grandmother's 105th bday but the neighbors sang happy birthday to her from the lawn far away, kids wrote on the sidewalk etc. It was sweet.
Miss_Luna
Well-Known Member
I saw a tweet today that said "This is a pandemic, not a productivity exercise" or something like that.
There is so much pressure to be super productive right now, but I'm mentally and physically exhausted. I have a job where remote work is not only possible, but mandatory; there is so much work to get done, so that when we are back in the office, we can hit the ground running.
With that being said, I still have to cook, clean and do all these things on my own and it takes a lot of time. In addition to that, there is pressure to also exercise so I'm not gaining weight from being in the house. Eating healthy, which requires preparing meals for myself and cleaning up. Then I'm also supposed to continue to invest in my personal and professional relationships. I have direct reports on the other side of the world that I also need to make sure are keeping up with their responsibilities.
I still need to look presentable for work meetings via video calls...this is more exhausting than going into the office. Before this I had someone that cleaned up for me, I could order lunch and coffee, etc. And the emotional toll of dealing with this while being physically isolated from everyone is also very stressful.
I quit this rat race of productivity. I'm doing my best.
Fine 4s
Well-Known Member
Life has an interesting way of teaching us lessons huh? All the little things we didn't appreciate before. SMH.
I'm working from home doing EXACTLY what I did in the office and it takes me longer not having access to the same technology. Nothing will have been missed when we get back to the office but we sure will be happy to see each other lol (well some people)
Stay sane @Miss_Luna and I'll do the same...
I'm working from home doing EXACTLY what I did in the office and it takes me longer not having access to the same technology. Nothing will have been missed when we get back to the office but we sure will be happy to see each other lol (well some people)
Stay sane @Miss_Luna and I'll do the same...
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