2019 Relationship And Dating Thread

[LBoogie85]

Update; he's text bombing me all day :

>I wish you let me use your rental car though, instead of me putting about 1400 miles on my car.

>They gave you 2 weeks already, and I just need it for 3 days, but all is well.

>Miles, wear and tear all now on my car instead of insurance car.

>I want to use it for ubar so I'll need it to be in very good shape, but after this journey, I can't tell.

>But dont feel bad please, all is good.

He is extremely manipulative. What would he have done if you didn’t have that accident? Now all of a sudden it’s your fault that he had to put miles on his car? It’s not your responsibility to figure out his travel situation and car maintenance sis.

 

[hopeful]

@Ayesha81 stand strong. Keep him blocked. He’s the kind of guy who will only bring you down. His request to put himself on your insurance and to use your rental car is very unmasculine. The texts are manipulative and passive aggressive. You have to let him go.

 

[Browndilocks]

Not understanding why this dude is in your life. Start your year off right @Ayesha81

 

[mochalocks]

I was dating this guy for a few months went for a few dates, but he ghosted me back in September- for reasons I don’t know.
In away I’m glad it happen because I feel like I dodged a bullet. He had a lot of red flags.
Anyways out with the old, in with the new

 

[vevster]

Mercury is in retro so the crazy guy is back. Sending me some stupid DM. I didn't even open it.

Crazy man messaged me 3 times on Xmas morning... the 3rd message was just his telephone number. Only the losers and crazies persist..... I turned off read receipts so he doesn't know if I read the messages or not...

 

[lavaflow99]

I was dating this guy for a few months went for a few dates, but he ghosted me back in September- for reasons I don’t know.
In away I’m glad it happen because I feel like I dodged a bullet. He had a lot of red flags.
Anyways out with the old, in with the new

Yaaassss sister!!! Start this new decade with a clean slate!! Take that trash out.

 

[Layluh]

@SpiritJunkie - Thanks. I'm realizing what a refreshing change New Guy is. He's so kind and extremely generous. Loves to plan fun activities and trips.

He owns several luxury cabins in Oklahoma so he's blocked a weekend for us to go up and stay so I can experience it. They're usually always rented so I'm excited to go away and spend time together.

So me and my guy have this on our agenda now. We're definitely planning a weekend there as its only a 6hr drive from houston. Thanks for posting this!

 

[C@ssandr@]

I've been seeing a widower with a 6 yo DD and now we're starting to talk about me meeting her. So far he seems like an amazing guy and a great partner, and the interactions I overhear between him and DD and hearing him talk about her make me think he's a great dad as well. I don't have have any children and I'm not afraid of the challenges of helping to raise a child, but I'm terrified that this girl is going to hate my guts!

Any tips for meeting the kid(s) for the first time?

im good with kids in general. Ime they like being treated like people. Yes they are little ones with very little experience, but they are used to people constantly telling them what to do and adults asking them stupid questions ( ie "what do you like about school"...for the 100th time from the 100th person lol)

Someone already suggested that you let her lead the interaction/conversation I agree 100%. At 6 all they care about is play. If you're a good sport about it, you'll probably get along in that alone.

 

[shespoison]

Sooo I started my new year with my new man drinking wine, singing karaoke and slow dancing.

I have been single for almost 5 years it’s almost surreal that I am in a relationship.

 

[OneShinyface]

So me and my guy have this on our agenda now. We're definitely planning a weekend there as its only a 6hr drive from houston. Thanks for posting this!

Let me know if you'd like to use one of his cabins. I'll DM the links to you. It's such a relaxing and wonderful area to chill. They've got several restaurants and bars nearby so it's super convenient to have a night out or buy things to chill by the fire in the cabin.

 

[OneShinyface]

Popping back in to say all is still going well with my guy. I have to catch myself sometimes because he's such a giver who is always thinking of ways to make life easier for me or to take care of me. My friends were thinking I'd get a ring for Christmas and I didn't. But I didn't want one. I know what setting I want and he hasn't seen that yet. I'm okay with waiting until he does.

He took me to his adopted hometown of Phoenix where I met several members of his circle. He also showed me the property he is renting out until he decides to retire. I quickly realized as we drove around the city that this was his sales pitch to see if I would be interested in being co-located there at some point. We spent time in the mountains, he took me shopping as he knows that's a favorite pastime, hit great restaurants, visited his retail franchises he owns... it was great.

2020 could be a very pivotal year for us.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

SO and I made it on our NYE trip but we were late getting on the road because of some family drama on my end and a car incident that could've been a lot worse were it not for luck and human kindness. Once we got there our AirBnB was perfect and after fielding some family phone calls, I had the simple, quiet, romantic NYE I always wanted. We talked about our plans for 2020, he talked about wanting to provide for me and our children when we have them. We're both going through family drama right now and it's making us focus on our relationship and our future more.

 

[hopeful]

Thanks for the update @OneShinyface. I’ve been waiting for one from you .

 

[OneShinyface]

Thanks @hopeful. He’s kept me very busy between travel and him hosting our families over the holidays and lots of date nights.

For the first time in my life, I’m with someone who truly takes care of me rather than the opposite. He understands and manages my Type A personality and my somewhat (lol) controlling nature. And I’m learning to trust his leadership and realize that I don’t have to “wear the pants”. This is something I complained about often during my marriage.

I realize I wouldn’t have been ready for him in 2018 when we first met and that my previous relationship was necessary to help bring me forward. God’s timing is something else!

This is all good.

 

[C@ssandr@]

Can we talk about bed and comfort issues?

Fiance and I will be moving in together this year, shortly before the wedding (Oct/Nov) but we are not fond of each other's mattresses.

He feels my bed is hard while, I feel that his mattress is lumpy. We each prefer our own levels of firmness.

Anyone had this issue and figured it out? Anyone with a sleep number bed or similar?

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Sooo I started my new year with my new man drinking wine, singing karaoke and slow dancing.

I have been single for almost 5 years it’s almost surreal that I am in a relationship.

YES!!! Love this

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Thanks @hopeful.
I realize I wouldn’t have been ready for him in 2018 when we first met and that my previous relationship was necessary to help bring me forward. God’s timing is something else!

This is all good.

Same here. I met my SO in 2018 after years of wanting a relationship and frustration at not being able to but if I met him then I wouldn't have been ready. He's the right person at the right time. My mom always says "Allah's the greatest of conspirers." I certainly couldn't have conspired this.

 

[C@ssandr@]

I honestly believe that my man is wishing a baby on us. He feels that his 6th sense is telling him I'll be preggers before 2021.

Im not ready yet

His intuition is usually on point. But he's been wanting to be a father for a longgg time now, so I cant trust his little "spirit messages" Im going to buckle down on the bc because I definitely dont want to be a pregnant bride.

I'd at least like to enjoy 1 year of marriage before having the kids, but iunno. I'll have to pray on the timeline.

 

[Layluh]

So new guy is a professor. He mentioned the idea of us being Magisters at one of the residential colleges on campus. I had no clue what it was at first so I had to google it. It looks like a ton of fun, though it would probably flare up my social anxiety a tad. But the thought of becoming more comfortable with entertaining, putting on events, and socializing with various types of people intrigues me more than being scared of talking to people does if that makes sense. So I'm mostly open to the idea and should we need a babysitter, I'm sure it'd be easy to find one on campus.

 

[C@ssandr@]

One of my mentors hasn't had luck in keeping a partner. She is a bombshell in her 60's with a heart of gold...but she be doing too much.

Anyways, I suggested that she read Why Men Love Snitches (can't curse, but y'all know the book I'm talking about). She told me that she did read it but wasn't comfortable following the advice. More specifically, she mentioned the part where the author suggests you make popcorn if a dude is at your place and claims that he's hungry. She told me that she didn't have the heart to do that, and would cook or feed them the good stuff anyway. Mind you, she is not hurting for dates, so she knows how to get them, just not how to "keep" them.

The suggestions in this book are rudimentary, but spot on in my experience. I didn't understand the philosophy at first, but I didn't truly understand how being a "nice girl" was to my detriment until I was consistent.

Anyway, I want to try to encourage her. We'll see if there's an opportunity there. If not, she'll be aight.

 

[Alma Petra]

Is it true that being a nice girl reduces your value in the eyes of the person you are dating?

 

[C@ssandr@]

Is it true that being a nice girl reduces your value in the eyes of the person you are dating?

In my last post I put nice girl in quotes because it really means, "a women who be doing too much" or "doormat" or "a woman who does not have strong boundaries" or a "pick me" (or all 4)... just to clarify.

So to answer your question, yes, it does reduce your "value". A woman who has high values doesn't have issues with the above traits and men like them because they value earning a spot in your life. That's what it seems to come down to from what I observed.

I'm throwing in my 2 cents because I am a reformed "nice girl".

 

[C@ssandr@]

We've been engaged for 2 months now and haven't started planning this wedding. My bf was silent on the topic up until last night. He confessed that he doesn't have plan yet (for me moving in, and other timelines) and he wasn't ready to broach the topic.

I figured that the planning aspect was making him anxious but I wanted him to communicate that. He's neem ruminating because things are not going the way he wants them to. For example, I'm moving in once his brother moves out. His brother just lost his car and his job! That's just one issue of the few.

In my heart of hearts, I know things will work out perfectly and that we will have the wedding of our dreams.

He is deadset on getting married in September. I know that's close, but my babe is such a make it happen guy, that I'm confident that we are having a September wedding

I'm planning to go dress shopping with 2 of my "bridesmaids" next weekend. I haven't asked them to be BM's yet but I might do it in the next few days.

 

[LiftedUp]

We've been engaged for 2 months now and haven't started planning this wedding.

I got engaged in July for a December wedding and only begun planning in September...

It turned out beautifully and the dress I bought was in my size already, we changed the date by 2 days because the venue was already booked. It ended up working out perfectly and I much preferred the new date. So what is to be will be

 

[C@ssandr@]

I got engaged in July for a December wedding and only begun planning in September...

It turned out beautifully and the dress I bought was in my size already, we changed the date by 2 days because the venue was already booked. It ended up working out perfectly and I much preferred the new date. So what is to be will be

Thanks for this!

Tv makes it seems like a frenzy so I'm trying to be mindful and "realistic". Of the two of us, my dude is more likely to be a groomzilla, sigh. I'm naturally Zen so I'm cool with whatever he wants... for the most part . Not sure if I mentioned this, but he wants to "give me a wedding". He is going to foot the bill for most of it and already picked out the caterer, DJ and officiant . Anyway, I started our wedding pinterest board two years ago (after ring shopping) so I already have my list of needs lined up.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

^^Taking notes from you both. SO and I are looking to get engaged this year and while my mom's like "you need a good year to plan a wedding" I'm not on that train. We want to keep things simple anyway.

 

[LiftedUp]

Thanks for this!

Tv makes it seems like a frenzy so I'm trying to be mindful and "realistic". Of the two of us, my dude is more likely to be a groomzilla, sigh. I'm naturally Zen so I'm cool with whatever he wants... for the most part . Not sure if I mentioned this, but he wants to "give me a wedding". He is going to foot the bill for most of it and already picked out the caterer, DJ and officiant . Anyway, I started our wedding pinterest board two years ago (after ring shopping) so I already have my list of needs lined up.

My husband was a groomzilla then I turned into a bridezilla about 2 weeks before when I realized that persons delegated to do certain tasks were dropping the ball. I was there giving pep talks on "excellence" and "shooting for the moon... land amongst the stars"

I started a pinterest board but found it more effective to find actual vendors and their products and creating my own lookbook on what I can realistically get. I also attended a bridal show at the beginning of September and chose about 90% of my vendors from there. My hubby and I basically split wedding duties based on what was important to us.

My DH was like yours. He didn't want a long engagement at all.

 

[C@ssandr@]

My husband was a groomzilla then I turned into a bridezilla about 2 weeks before when I realized that persons delegated to do certain tasks were dropping the ball. I was there giving pep talks on "excellence" and "shooting for the moon... land amongst the stars"

I started a pinterest board but found it more effective to find actual vendors and their products and creating my own lookbook on what I can realistically get. I also attended a bridal show at the beginning of September and chose about 90% of my vendors from there. My hubby and I basically split wedding duties based on what was important to us.

My DH was like yours. He didn't want a long engagement at all.

Are bridal shows an expos worth it? I figured that they hike up the prices and are pushy. I have a disdain for people trying to sell me stuff.

There is someone I have in mind as a day of coordinator because she would be excellent at it (and would do it for free) but she's always doing stuff for people and I want her to be able to relax for once.

 

[LiftedUp]

Are bridal shows an expos worth it? I figured that they hike up the prices and are pushy. I have a disdain for people trying to sell me stuff.

There is someone I have in mind as a day of coordinator because she would be excellent at it (and would do it for free) but she's always doing stuff for people and I want her to be able to relax for once.

I went to one and that was it lol. The vendors were pushy but I.was able to do some price comparisons and got some deals. I was gifted a day of coordinator who ensured everything went as planned.

 

[vevster]

Crazy man messaged me 3 times on Xmas morning... the 3rd message was just his telephone number. Only the losers and crazies persist..... I turned off read receipts so he doesn't know if I read the messages or not...

Crazy man had to be blocked. #TheEnd