2019 Relationship And Dating Thread

[OneShinyface]

When he buys flannel sheets because you say you're cold, but then the sheets are too hot for both of you to sleep under. LOL

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I'm over one of SO's friends. I'd seen things before that gave me pause but tonight was the final straw. I respect their friendship but I don't care to associate more than necessary. Good thing they aren't that close and all of SO's other friends are great.

 

[OneShinyface]

@ScorpioBeauty09 - Thank goodness they aren't close. I understand when you're not especially fond of the SO's friend. I had a situation like that with my ex-h. I kept my distance when it came time for socializing. I don't have a poker face.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

@ScorpioBeauty09 - Thank goodness they aren't close. I understand when you're not especially fond of the SO's friend. I had a situation like that with my ex-h. I kept my distance when it came time for socializing. I don't have a poker face.

The downside is they have mutual associations. So they’re not close but he sees this friend frequently because they’re involved in the same things. And unlike me, SO has a poker face in social situations so until we talked about what happened, I thought they were closer than they are. Turns out, stuff like this is why and he gave me the full rundown.

 

[OneShinyface]

My guy has been hinting about my last name changing and mentioning his corporate retirement plans and asking my opinion.
If he asked me to marry him, I'd definitely say yes.

 

[hopeful]

My guy has been hinting about my last name changing and mentioning his corporate retirement plans and asking my opinion.
If he asked me to marry him, I'd definitely say yes.

Now this was an update! So exciting. I love that you continue to keep us updated .

 

[Sosoothing]

My guy has been hinting about my last name changing and mentioning his corporate retirement plans and asking my opinion.
If he asked me to marry him, I'd definitely say yes.

I did a little scream! Omg!!!! Yay!!

 

[OneShinyface]

Valentine's Day is a few days away. I remember last year the ex guy planned our evening, but admitted he wasn't a big fan of the day; still it was nice. Fast forward to this year with a new man and a fresh attitude. He has been slowly divulging plans. I have packages arriving tomorrow and Thursday but he won't say if it's flowers or something else. Then he made dinner reservations for early evening Friday and we're going to work off that meal with dancing later that night. Saturday is brunch and to the movies to see The Photograph with Issa Rae.

Anyone with plans to share?

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Valentine's Day is a few days away. I remember last year the ex guy planned our evening, but admitted he wasn't a big fan of the day; still it was nice. Fast forward to this year with a new man and a fresh attitude. He has been slowly divulging plans. I have packages arriving tomorrow and Thursday but he won't say if it's flowers or something else. Then he made dinner reservations for early evening Friday and we're going to work off that meal with dancing later that night. Saturday is brunch and to the movies to see The Photograph with Issa Rae.

Anyone with plans to share?

Dinner on Friday at a place TBD and seeing The Photograph with Issa Rae as well.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

SO gets scatterbrained when he's tired, and forgets that I told him something or he forgets to tell me something. Like that his mom is coming over tonight. Now he's begging me to come over and I'm honestly not up to entertaining her today plus, we have things to discuss.

 

[OneShinyface]

SO gets scatterbrained when he's tired, and forgets that I told him something or he forgets to tell me something. Like that his mom is coming over tonight. Now he's begging me to come over and I'm honestly not up to entertaining her today plus, we have things to discuss.

So what will you do?

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

So what will you do?

I called him on it and told him I wasn’t happy. I’m a Quality Time person so I get very irritated when our time is disrupted. He apologized and we’re going out to eat just me and him.

It’s hard for me to express negative feelings about someone’s behavior to someone I love so that I told him this is good. My fear is that the person will break the relationship. This includes family, friends, anyone I'm emotionally close to. SO said he wants me to tell him when I'm not happy with something and trust that we'll work it out.

 

[C@ssandr@]

FH and I started looking at venues yesterday. Our wedding is set for Oct 2020. He is really starting to get into the planning. When we saw the first venue he lit up. He was a different person on that tour...the happy husband maybe? Lol.

We decided to book the 2nd (and last venue) we saw. It's 99% perfect for the type of experience we want and the cost is reasonable. FH admitted that he was having a bad week, but finally picking a venue made his day. It feels good to have a man who is all in and excited about us.

We got back to the venue manager in the same day regarding our decision. Now we're just waiting for the contract so that we can make the deposit.

We still want a 1920's/ old black hollywood/Harlem nights theme. The venue we chose looks like a speakeasy (I believe it was?) and still has its vintage vibe. I want it to be a nod as opposed to a cheesy costumed kind of affair. The venue has a vintage photos hanging, so I'm considering replacing those with vintage pics of our grandparents, Dorothy Dandridge, Duke Ellington, Cab Calloway, Josephine baker, etc.

Just some thoughts.

 

[kimpaur]

FH and I started looking at venues yesterday. Our wedding is set for Oct 2020. He is really starting to get into the planning. When we saw the first venue he lit up. He was a different person on that tour...the happy husband maybe? Lol.

We decided to book the 2nd (and last venue) we saw. It's 99% perfect for the type of experience we want and the cost is reasonable. FH admitted that he was having a bad week, but finally picking a venue made his day. It feels good to have a man who is all in and excited about us.

We got back to the venue manager in the same day regarding our decision. Now we're just waiting for the contract so that we can make the deposit.

We still want a 1920's/ old black hollywood/Harlem nights theme. The venue we chose looks like a speakeasy (I believe it was?) and still has its vintage vibe. I want it to be a nod as opposed to a cheesy costumed kind of affair. The venue has a vintage photos hanging, so I'm considering replacing those with vintage pics of our grandparents, Dorothy Dandridge, Duke Ellington, Cab Calloway, Josephine baker, etc.

Just some thoughts.

I LOVE this idea, sounds like it will be marvelous

 

[kimpaur]

.

 

[shortycocoa]

@kimpaur how long have you two been together? I think you have a right to know and ask, especially if you've been together for a long time and are very serious and headed into the territory of marriage. You should be gentle when asking, and try not to judge.

It's great that he is so generous, but if the level of the generosity bothers you or is problematic, I can see why you are concerned or feel like a conversation (or several) may be in order. Do you see yourself being married and this level of financial support to family continuing once you tie the knot? Is it something you can handle? What happens if he falls short, will he expect you to fill in the gaps? These are things you need to know and find out now before things get too serious. I hope you get the clarity and answers you need.

 

[kimpaur]

.

 

[shortycocoa]

@kimpaur OMG! If this situation has caused him so much stress and caused you two to break up for a spell, then it's too much. I think you should go with the third option, but maybe frame it gentler and also try to find out why he feels such a strong obligation to help when no one else is pressed to help. That's also troubling and problematic in and of itself. Is he the oldest? Is his father around? Are his parents still together? Also, by the things you have also stated about the food truck and the fact that his mom seems to be able to take care of herself but is still reaching out to him for financial support, seems like something could be amiss. Is she bad at money? Is it ok for him to continue to contribute but do you expect all of that to stop once you two are married? I don't want to speak for you but it seems like if you're uncomfortable now, it's only going to get worse, especially if you don't speak up. You can't stay quiet on this one; you have to tell him how you feel. It's too big of an issue not to, and you could end up resenting him later if it's not addressed. That's no way to start off an engagement or a marriage.

I think it's fair to have the expectation for him to pull back after a certain time frame or maybe only contribute a certain amount that you're both comfortable with at certain intervals or time frames. But not every time someone comes calling. Especially if you have your own lives together to build and establish, have plans of your own, etc. Are your needs (individual and collective as a couple) supposed to wait because he has to give his mom a couple stacks (or however much it is) whenever she calls or is in hot water?

 

[kimpaur]

.

 

[shortycocoa]

@kimpaur I see....all the background info makes sense and puts everything into context. I can understand how he feels a tremendous amount of stress in that situation and wanting to do right by everyone and not let anyone down.

You are definitely on the right track with how you are thinking everything out and your approach of how you will bring up the conversation sounds good. You could even lead with the fact that you need to have a serious conversation with him about some things that have been bothering you lately, so he understands how important these issues are to you. It's important for you to understand his position on this and vice versa, especially if you plan on moving forward and are having the marriage conversation. I hope it goes well!

Side note: does he strike you as the type of person that would "go along just to get along" to your face but still help his mom on the low without telling you? Situations like that can happen a lot in some marriages and tend to be very hurtful for the person in the dark. Just try to pay attention to everything, see how he responds, and protect your heart.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

@kimpaur I can relate to your situation. SO helps out his mom and sister and I recently let him know my expectations moving forward. We're looking to get engaged this year after our 2 year anniversary so I remind him that I have the right to know what I'm getting myself into, and these conversations need to happen before we get engaged. Plus, I'm very transparent with him about my family situation.

If you're getting ready to make a major life transition, that is the perfect way to gently press him on his thoughts about where you two are going. You have the right to ask for clarity so you can make the best decision for you.

Feel free to PM me if you want to discuss this more.

 

[kimpaur]

@shortycocoa
I want to say he wouldn't do it behind my back but do I think he'd be capable of it? Absolutely
I will definitely keep my eyes and ears open


@ScorpioBeauty09 I will definitely be talking to you in PM land!

You ladies have been so helpful. Thanks for reaffirming my feelings. I feel like most advice says to wait for the man to bring certain topics up, but I don't have the patience lol

 

[Sosoothing]

@shortycocoa
I want to say he wouldn't do it behind my back but do I think he'd be capable of it? Absolutely
I will definitely keep my eyes and ears open


@ScorpioBeauty09 I will definitely be talking to you in PM land!

You ladies have been so helpful. Thanks for reaffirming my feelings. I feel like most advice says to wait for the man to bring certain topics up, but I don't have the patience lol

Not in this case. This is your life and your time. You don't want to keep investing time with him when you could be spending it on a better match if this indeed turned out to be a big issue. The sooner you know, the better.

 

[shortycocoa]

Not in this case. This is your life and your time. You don't want to keep investing time with him when you could be spending it on a better match if this indeed turned out to be a big issue. The sooner you know, the better.

Exactly!!! I agree with all of this. I don't think she should wait. It's better to have that discussion now and know what's what than to have it later or never have it and be hurt and waste time if their views and expectations about this don't line up.

 

[Prettymetty]

Remember best friend? We go together now?!

 

[Prettymetty]

So, what had happened was... last week he blocked me on Facebook. I realized it a couple days later and asked about it. He admitted to blocking me and said it’s because I ignored one of his comments (I didn’t even see said comment) and then he deleted it and blocked me.

I took it a step further and blocked him on Twitter, Instagram, cashapp, etc. The next day he’s miserable and sick. Says his life is empty without me in it. A few days later we meet up at our spot (hookah lounge) and he pulls me close and begs me to be his girl. It was really sweet. He kinda debo’d me into a relationship, but that’s a story for another day. I’m happy

 

[Sosoothing]

So, what had happened was... last week he blocked me on Facebook. I realized it a couple days later and asked about it. He admitted to blocking me and said it’s because I ignored one of his comments (I didn’t even see said comment) and then he deleted it and blocked me.

I took it a step further and blocked him on Twitter, Instagram, cashapp, etc. The next day he’s miserable and sick. Says his life is empty without me in it. A few days later we meet up at our spot (hookah lounge) and he pulls me close and begs me to be his girl. It was really sweet. He kinda debo’d me into a relationship, but that’s a story for another day. I’m happy

Cashapp too?? You were really not happy huh?

 

[Prettymetty]

Cashapp too?? You were really not happy huh?

Girl I was like “Bye Felicia”

 

[OneShinyface]

Heading to Rome in the fall! I found out when I checked in on the airline app for my work trip and noticed another trip there for later this year. He definitely keeps me on my toes!

 

[tocktick]

[Edit: a lot of helpful feedback received, thank you <3]