2019 Relationship And Dating Thread

[weaveadiva]

Still going strong with my boo as well. Working our way to years. this relationship has been drama free no tricks no foolishness. Just grown folk loving.

Teach me, o wise one

 

[SpiritJunkie]

A while back someone asked what a luxury cabin was. Here is a link to one of his cabins.

Beautiful!!! I would love to stay there

 

[SpiritJunkie]

Teach me, o wise one

Ha haa......

Neither of deals with trouble makers for one. Hence drama free...Most of my knowledge came from many discussions on this board, honestly.

I'm still learning...but the basis of of my new way is self love & self awareness. Know what you want. The feminine threads including discussions with recommended materials such Queens Code & Calling in the One..helped me!

 

[ClassyJSP]

SO has been taking better care of his health and i'm very happy about that given his family's medical history. BUT this new medication's side effects cause him to have a low sex drive.

 

[Nay]

A while back someone asked what a luxury cabin was. Here is a link to one of his cabins.

Wow, that's a lovely cabin in a beautiful setting!

 

[ClassyJSP]

Hi y'all

This past Saturday my bf proposed and we are now engaged.

I haven't posted too much about our rlshp, but I have posted a few stories here and there on the board.

Proposal: nothing crazy. It was at his house (we do not live together). I was doing some work on the computer when he came up to me and leaned down. I didn't know what he was doing but I said "btw, if you asked me to marry you I'd say yes"(I was referencing a convo we had earlier...). So then he pulls out a small box, hands it to me and says "ok, well hold this then". I started tearing up. He put it on my finger and we went about our evening..

We met in online in March 2017 and have been doing pretty good since. People call us "boring", but I suspect that that's because we have a similar lifestyle and hold similar values ... So the conflict has been low.

We're going to counseling before the wedding (potential September date) to learn better communication skills and to learn what we should anticipate during our marriage, which will be a first for the both of us.

OMG I missed this! Congrats!

 

[ClassyJSP]

I need to start planning SO's bday for this Feb. I'm leaning towards hosting a private dinner and taking him to a cabin.

Not sure yet.

Also thinking about squeezing a date night in this weekend. My mom is out of town visiting my grandmother so I have my niece with me all weekend even if my son leaves and goes with his dad/other grandparents. I think a date night will help with our new found "issues". He expressed feeling like he's less than a man since he can be intimate at the moment and I'm trying to show him this is short term not long term..(if that makes sense)

 

[frobellete]

...

 

[tocktick]

Hello ladies.

Need a bit of advice.

I've known this guy for a year now. We've been out together several times (and we never call them dates) and enjoy each other's company. We have a great relationship as friends. I really like him. I'm almost sure he finds me attractive. He is 5yrs younger than me (a first for me). We live in different towns but we always make plans eg festivals, concerts, meals etc.

He hasn't been overtly sexual with me. He has never explicitly (to my knowledge) made moves to be in a relationship with me.

Once in summer we met up for a 2day festival and he brought his friend (I sometimes bring a friend too) and the friend asked me if me and the guy were dating. I said nope. He mentioned that we make too much effort to hang out including travel etc for it to be just a friendship. I told him there was nothing at the moment. If he asked I'm likely to say yes, but I wouldn't ask.

In between our hang out sessions though I avoid contact with him cos I dont want to catch feelings in vain.

Now I got a job closer to him. And we were chatting last weekend, so we are meeting out for a meal next week.

Question - is it ok for me to ask if he wants to be beyond friends? And how do I ask? I like him. I know he finds me attractive. Why wont he say? I wouldn't mind giving it a go but I'm too scared of rejection. But he is moving rather slow.

Imo, it doesn't sound like he's "moving slowly". It sounds like you two have a friendship. He may well find you attractive but by your own admission he hasn't made any advances towards you. Attraction doesn't always equate to wanting something more. Likewise, other people projecting their ideas of what's appropriate within your friendship comes loaded with their own preconceived notions about what's acceptable for a platonic relationship. I'm speaking about his friend in this case. However, it doesn't necessarily mean that there's more there between the two of you just because others speculate.

With that said, only you know how things feel between you both and the vibe you get around him. If you feel that get you mixed messages/strong signals from your friend, I believe it would be within your rights to not sit in ambiguity and to get clarity so you can either see what happens next or move on. If you openly and lightheartedly express to him your observations and ask for his thoughts on what you've observed, what you're asking for is clarity and his perspective — not asking him out.

This still leaves the ball in his court. If it turns out he only sees you as a friend, then you're empowered with more awareness about what is/isn't going on, which I don't believe to be a rejection. Even if it may not be the exact outcome you may be hoping for.

However, if you reflect on this and realise that in actuality there's no mixed messages or stronger signals of him having any romantic interest in you yet, I would personally leave the topic alone (as someone who doesn't approach/ask first).

HTH.

 

[SpiritJunkie]

great advice @tocktick

 

[Browndilocks]

@frobellete

Honestly I wouldn't ask... I would slowly start to fade. These men aren't stupid. He knows exactly what he's not doing. Why would HIS friend ask YOU that? Game. You might need to change your behavior to see how or if his actions change.

 

[hopeful]

@frobellete

Honestly I wouldn't ask... I would slowly start to fade. These men aren't stupid. He knows exactly what he's not doing. Why would HIS friend ask YOU that? Game. You might need to change your behavior to see how or if his actions change.

I agree with you.

 

[OneShinyface]

Him: Who loves you, baby?
Me (caught way off guard by the question): Uh, who?
Him: Big Daddy loves you (kisses my forehead a few times)
Me: Is that your way of saying you love me?
Him: (Just a big smile and flashing those dimples that make me melt)

 

[Ayesha81]

delete.

 

[OhTall1]

I've been seeing a widower with a 6 yo DD and now we're starting to talk about me meeting her. So far he seems like an amazing guy and a great partner, and the interactions I overhear between him and DD and hearing him talk about her make me think he's a great dad as well. I don't have have any children and I'm not afraid of the challenges of helping to raise a child, but I'm terrified that this girl is going to hate my guts!

Any tips for meeting the kid(s) for the first time?

 

[biznesswmn]

Any tips for meeting the kid(s) for the first time?

I had one guy with a daughter, at the time she was 8. We didn’t last long enough for me to get to know the little girl that well. I could tell she was apprehensive at first so I let her lead. I asked basic ‘get to know you’ questions - do you like school, what’s your favorite [fill in the blank], etc. her answers sparked the convo. I just wanted her to feel relaxed enough around me to know I wasn’t there to steal her dad or replace her mom. I had my own lane. We spent two days together, played cards, hand games (miss Mary Mack) and by the time it was over she was arguing with her dad on my behalf.

She won’t hate you. Feel her out, let her lead

 

[kimpaur]

My SO, the self proclaimed Grinch who told my poor ,Christmas filled heart that NO he wasn't decorating or watching cheesy Christmas movies with me,
has so far since (several weeks and a break up later ) hung Christmas lights from every wall in his living room plus bedroom, cuddled and laughed with me on the couch while watching Jim Carey act a fool in the Grinch ,
and slow danced in the living room to my favorite holiday song "What are you doing New Years Eve" by Ella Fitzgerald .

We kept dancing to song after song until Young Thug started to play But by that time he was thoroughly excited anyway

I love that man dearly .

 

[LovingLady]

Great advice @biznesswmn

Any tips for meeting the kid(s) for the first time?

Children at that age are more open to adults (for the good and for the bad). All they want to do is have a good time and be around people that care about them. If you show that you want to play and have fun (let them choose the game) and you're not taking the dad away, everything will be fine.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I miss SO like crazy. Can't wait to see him and go out of town together for New Years.

 

[Ayesha81]

My SO is such an opportunist but it always backfires on him. Ya'll he always wants to get over.. I am driving a rental car because of an an accident with a commercial truck their insurance provided me a rental until my car is ready at the body shop from the accident all provided by the insurance of the commercial truck. Anyway my SO calls me to drive my rental to go to Canada with his kid for the next 4 days so he will leave his car with me to drive. He just lost his job on Friday and cant afford to rent a car; he does not want to drive his car he claims hes not comfortable with the tires driving long distance. Then he still insisted on me going to the rental company first thing in the morning and switch to a suv?!....Wow!!

Earlier in the week he asked if I could add his car to my insurance but it can't happen because my name would also have to be on his car. He has been in multiple accidents. He is not going to mess up my name...no maam.

Am just not comfortable with all this it adds to the mountain of things with him. I should have been stop sharing info with him he uses what I have told him and turns it around to benefit him. Ive blocked his number, I'm tired ya'll.

*Please dont quote**

 

[LostInAdream]

@Ayesha81 Keep him blocked for good!

 

[kimpaur]

@Ayesha81 this is a character flaw, listen to your feelings

Don't forget your power- whether you end things or continue, it's your choice

 

[Ayesha81]

@Ayesha81 this is a character flaw, listen to your feelings

Don't forget your power- whether you end things or continue, it's your choice

@ Kimpaur.....character flaw and more. I just don't trust him, there is an air of dishonesty. I have yet to see him show responsibility or accountability for now. Dang I just want him to handle his business.

*please dont quote*

 

[NijaG]

@Ayesha81

This has passed red flags and basically you know the truth of who he is.
He is a user. Never going to change.

Keep him block. Mourn what you had hoped for and move on.

 

[OneShinyface]

@Ayesha81 - Sounds like this leopard hasn't changed its spots. He is a total user and doesn't care how it impacts you. He only cares about how you can help and enhance HIS life.

Let him go. Keep him blocked.

There are so many more men out there who will truly cherish you and treat you with the utmost respect and kindness.

 

[kimpaur]

@Ayesha81 what you want is for him to change but that is simply who he is and you must face the reality of that

 

[mrselle]

@Ayesha81 - I'm agreeing with what everyone has said about your SO. He is a dishonest opportunist who doesn't care about anyone but himself. Its disheartening to know that he is uncomfortable driving his car to Canada, but has no problem leaving his car for you to drive. Glad you blocked him. He sounds exhausting.

 

[Ayesha81]

Update; he's text bombing me all day :

>I wish you let me use your rental car though, instead of me putting about 1400 miles on my car.

>They gave you 2 weeks already, and I just need it for 3 days, but all is well.

>Miles, wear and tear all now on my car instead of insurance car.

>I want to use it for ubar so I'll need it to be in very good shape, but after this journey, I can't tell.

>But dont feel bad please, all is good.


*Please dont quote*

My SO is such an opportunist but it always backfires on him. Ya'll he always wants to get over.. I am driving a rental car because of an an accident with a commercial truck their insurance provided me a rental until my car is ready at the body shop from the accident all provided by the insurance of the commercial truck. Anyway my SO calls me to drive my rental to go to Canada with his kid for the next 4 days so he will leave his car with me to drive. He just lost his job on Friday and cant afford to rent a car; he does not want to drive his car he claims hes not comfortable with the tires driving long distance. Then he still insisted on me going to the rental company first thing in the morning and switch to a suv?!....Wow!!

Earlier in the week he asked if I could add his car to my insurance but it can't happen because my name would also have to be on his car. He has been in multiple accidents. He is not going to mess up my name...no maam.

Am just not comfortable with all this it adds to the mountain of things with him. I should have been stop sharing info with him he uses what I have told him and turns it around to benefit him. Ive blocked his number, I'm tired ya'll.

*Please dont quote**

 

[mrselle]

Update; he's text bombing me all day :

>I wish you let me use your rental car though, instead of me putting about 1400 miles on my car.

>They gave you 2 weeks already, and I just need it for 3 days, but all is well.

>Miles, wear and tear all now on my car instead of insurance car.

>I want to use it for ubar so I'll need it to be in very good shape, but after this journey, I can't tell.

>But dont feel bad please, all is good.

I don't know you personally, but I feel like you can do better than this guy. It is not your responsibility to take care of his car.

 

[NijaG]

Update; he's text bombing me all day :

I’m sure you’ve noted how those text are low-key blaming you for any present issues that pop-up with his car and also for his lack of future earning potential (Uber) when he doesn’t want to treat you well and/or asks you for money.

Are you really and truly done with him (mentally/emotionally)? I thought you were blocking him? You wouldn’t have received those text and had your day ruined if you had.

Edited to remove quote