2019 Relationship And Dating Thread

[shespoison]

@OhTall1 try Hinge.

I just started using it but I like it so far.

 

[Kookookiwi]

@OhTall1 try Hinge.

I just started using it but I like it so far.

@OhTall1 I second Hinge! I’ve had lots of success with matching, talking to, and then progressing to meeting up and dates. It’s my favorite by far! I haven’t tried any of the for pay sites, or web-based sites in general, but I’ve tried all of the apps other than Tinder.

 

[RoseofLily]

Why do guys seem to be so good at the beginning? Then you find out who they really are later. The last guy I ended with in May after finding out some things. He asked me last month on a date but declined and block. Now I can't stop thinking of him.

Tired of these 40+ men coming in to my lives and end up being
f bois. It's already heard dating in this area especially trying to find a black man.

 

[OneShinyface]

I've been grieving the end of my relationship for a while. Some days are better than others. I try to keep busy, but nighttime is like the worst. It also doesn't help that he continues to keep in contact with me. Nothing major but he's still letting me know he's there. I blocked him, then unblocked him because I do want to continue to be in touch in some way I guess. At some point, I will be strong enough to rip off the Band Aid and go no contact.

I'm also taking steps to move on. I hopped back on Bumble (and some of the same faces from my previous run are still on there WTH?) and got on Hinge (I don't think it's that good for finding black men in my metro area just yet).

I also reconnected with the guy who was "second-runner up" in last year's race to see who would claim me. He's a super nice guy, a few years old and very well established in his career. In fact he plans to retire in a few years and he's looking for a partner to take off and see the world with him. He treats me like a queen. He's taking me to Malibu for my birthday this weekend. I'm looking forward to the distraction.

 

[Royalq]

My ex is confusing me. I’ve already determined I don’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore but he thinks it’s possible in the future. He just has too many personality and financial faults.
Anyways back in May he told me he had a problem with his card and he couldn’t use it. So he would send me money on my account and pull it out. He never took more than what he put. He stopped for a while. But today he asked me again to send me money and he’ll pay a bill on my card and that he still hasn’t gotten his new card yet. What’s confusing to me is 1) it’s been 2 freaking months, you still haven’t gotten the card yet? And 2) he’s stopped doing that for like a month now, how have you been paying for stuff this whole time?
I feel like this is a ploy to come see me under the guise of just paying a bill.

 

[Ms. Tarabotti]

My ex is confusing me. I’ve already determined I don’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore but he thinks it’s possible in the future. He just has too many personality and financial faults.
Anyways back in May he told me he had a problem with his card and he couldn’t use it. So he would send me money on my account and pull it out. He never took more than what he put. He stopped for a while. But today he asked me again to send me money and he’ll pay a bill on my card and that he still hasn’t gotten his new card yet. What’s confusing to me is 1) it’s been 2 freaking months, you still haven’t gotten the card yet? And 2) he’s stopped doing that for like a month now, how have you been paying for stuff this whole time?
I feel like this is a ploy to come see me under the guise of just paying a bill.

If you have already determined that you don't want to be in a relationship with him in any capacity. you need to close this door. He's going to keep coming back, asking for small favors, hoping that he can wear you down. Tell him the 'bank' is closed.

 

[Royalq]

If you have already determined that you don't want to be in a relationship with him in any capacity. you need to close this door. He's going to keep coming back, asking for small favors, hoping that he can wear you down. Tell him the 'bank' is closed.

Yes I definitely feel like he’s trying to occupy my time and keep me focused on him.

 

[Kimiche]

About a month ago I started talking to two guys I met on Match.

Guy #1 is a decade older but has a youthful vibe. Our first date was great. We just went on a second one today and while I like him, I'm not sure he's as into me after our lunch date. We have things in common but not that thing he's most passionate about. I'll be surprised if he goes any further with me.

Guy #2 is closer to my age but so difficult to talk to. Our initial chats felt like I had to basically interview him to get any information. He's in a field that usually attracts introverts, and I work with people in this field so I'm fully aware of how socially awkward they can be. Each conversation has fewer uncomfortable silences and he seems like a nice guy.

If I'm still actively dating by September, I think I'm going to move onto a different online dating app. Match is just OK, and I didn't have a great experience when I was on OKC. Any recommendations?

I never liked Match. My preference is to date Black men, but it seems like a lot of their profiles require their women to be White, Asian or any women other than Black. I never rule out men of other races, but I'd have to really be attracted to them. I never saw any that I was attracted to. I received messages and likes from crazy looking and non attractive guys of other races. I blocked quite a few of them.

The one Black guy that I was interested in and started talking to on Match was cool until I asked him exactly how many kids he had. The man has 5 kids by 3 different women. I would've been fine with him having 1 or 2 the most, and even that was pushing it for me.

I met the guy that I am currently dating on Blackpeoplemeet.com. I liked that site better than Match of course, because at least I know that they are into their Black women. That site is not perfect of course, but I'm glad that I gave it a try.

 

[Kookookiwi]

I am sooo confused right now. This guy and I have been texting on and off for a month and a half. Flirting, joking whatevs. He sent me a few nudes and I did not return the favor because I don't send that mess (especially to men I don't know!!!!) Wellll, yesterday we were arranging a meetup finally (strictly hook-up) and then all of a sudden he hit me with a "I don't even know if that's you in your pics" I say, "If it wasn't me wouldn't you find out when I get there?" He says, "Yea..I don't want to find out that way." And BLOCKS me. Like what the what?!! We've been messaging this long and now you block me?! For what?!

I hateeeeeeeee being blocked/ignored. I'm soooo pissed. So so so so PISSED. I wanna google voice this ninja and cuss him the heck out!!!!! But..I know that's the crazy in me and that I shouldn't be feeding into this dysfunction. I also know that I dodged a bullet because clearly this man is pretty off. Despite all that - I'm still pissed and want to give him a piece of my mind (and I was looking forward to the sex).

Oh wellll, I had already planned a date tonight with sweet Haitian man, so I'll be enjoying that.

 

[Saludable84]

I am sooo confused right now. This guy and I have been texting on and off for a month and a half. Flirting, joking whatevs. He sent me a few nudes and I did not return the favor because I don't send that mess (especially to men I don't know!!!!) Wellll, yesterday we were arranging a meetup finally (strictly hook-up) and then all of a sudden he hit me with a "I don't even know if that's you in your pics" I say, "If it wasn't me wouldn't you find out when I get there?" He says, "Yea..I don't want to find out that way." And BLOCKS me. Like what the what?!! We've been messaging this long and now you block me?! For what?!

I hateeeeeeeee being blocked/ignored. I'm soooo pissed. So so so so PISSED. I wanna google voice this ninja and cuss him the heck out!!!!! But..I know that's the crazy in me and that I shouldn't be feeding into this dysfunction. I also know that I dodged a bullet because clearly this man is pretty off. Despite all that - I'm still pissed and want to give him a piece of my mind (and I was looking forward to the sex).

Oh wellll, I had already planned a date tonight with sweet Haitian man, so I'll be enjoying that.

Don’t get mad, you dodged a whole bullet.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I’m irritated. SO has been unbelievably busy this week, and not all work stuff. I’d be more understanding if it was. I’m a Quality Time person and we haven’t had it lately. SO is joining my family for vacation in a couple weeks and I’m super excited but it’s only a temporary reprieve.

I’ll have to talk to him about this later today.

 

[kimpaur]

.

 

[C@ssandr@]

I am sooo confused right now. This guy and I have been texting on and off for a month and a half. Flirting, joking whatevs. He sent me a few nudes and I did not return the favor because I don't send that mess (especially to men I don't know!!!!) Wellll, yesterday we were arranging a meetup finally (strictly hook-up) and then all of a sudden he hit me with a "I don't even know if that's you in your pics" I say, "If it wasn't me wouldn't you find out when I get there?" He says, "Yea..I don't want to find out that way." And BLOCKS me. Like what the what?!! We've been messaging this long and now you block me?! For what?!

I hateeeeeeeee being blocked/ignored. I'm soooo pissed. So so so so PISSED. I wanna google voice this ninja and cuss him the heck out!!!!! But..I know that's the crazy in me and that I shouldn't be feeding into this dysfunction. I also know that I dodged a bullet because clearly this man is pretty off. Despite all that - I'm still pissed and want to give him a piece of my mind (and I was looking forward to the sex).

Oh wellll, I had already planned a date tonight with sweet Haitian man, so I'll be enjoying that.

He might have been a catfish or just fishing for nudes with no intention on meeting you from jump.

Some people on these sites are just trolls.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

How you gone invite someone to sleepover, but not be there when I get there? Rude arsehole.

SO is part of a big family and he's always over one sis's house. She has several kids and just had another by a married man , so no daddies around. I get that he wants to be a role model and he loves those kids like his own, but our time is our time.

I'm mad at myself for not saying it bugged me, but knowing how he is about his family I figured it wouldn't go over well

Yes, I DO have a key so I just let myself in but it's the principle. It didn't help that he didn't tell me he would be late until I got there

Sooo irritated

I don’t get why men do that. Not tell important tidbits. SO got off work late one night last week but I still decided to come over. I get there and he’s doing something with other people in the house. By the time he was done, it was time to go to sleep. Had I known, I would’ve stayed in my house and just saw him the next day.

When I come over, it’s to spend time with him.

 

[kimpaur]

I don’t get why men do that. Not tell important tidbits. SO got off work late one night last week but I still decided to come over. I get there and he’s doing something with other people in the house. By the time he was done, it was time to go to sleep. Had I known, I would’ve stayed in my house and just saw him the next day.

When I come over, it’s to spend time with him.

Right! Men are so ridiculous some times

I'm petty , if he had people over, I would have stayed for a few minutes to be polite then said "I'll see yall later " with a smile and sent a snarky text in the car

 

[OneShinyface]

Great time in Malibu with New Guy. Just what the doctor ordered.

He asked me what was one place in the US I'd never been to that I always wanted to travel to and I told him Napa Valley. He said he will make it happen.

He also hinted about the future with him handling household and vacations and my money being my own to do as I please. That was interesting. Taking it slow though because I'm still healing.

 

[Kookookiwi]

Wrong thread..

 

[kupenda]

Great time in Malibu with New Guy. Just what the doctor ordered.

He asked me what was one place in the US I'd never been to that I always wanted to travel to and I told him Napa Valley. He said he will make it happen.

He also hinted about the future with him handling household and vacations and my money being my own to do as I please. That was interesting. Taking it slow though because I'm still healing.

Awww that sounds lovely! I love a man that has no interest in spending my money

 

[Ipanema]

He's a provider and he's chivalrous, but so self-centered. Sometimes I wish I could be like that. When I practice it, people get angry around me. But I think men don't care when others get angry at their selfishness. Must be nice.

 

[kupenda]

He's a provider and he's chivalrous, but so self-centered. Sometimes I wish I could be like that. When I practice it, people get angry around me. But I think men don't care when others get angry at their selfishness. Must be nice.

Lol. It is
I look to men for their confidence and overall “idgaf”-ness. As women we need to give fewer f’s and instead show up like “yeah this what it is”

 

[kimpaur]

Anyone else struggle with codependency?


Trying to find the time to work on fixing these issues between work , classes, and everything feels so impossible

A book I was reading provided a recovery plan and it's been shockingly difficult to get myself to follow through , with so much going on

I did, however find an online coda meeting . Now I just have to make myself log in every week and participate

 

[sarumoki]

I've been pressuring him to get an AC since two summers ago. He finally got one but he puts it on 60 DEGREES! I sleep wrapped up in two blankets now and I'm still cold when I go to his place.

 

[Ipanema]

I've been pressuring him to get an AC since two summers ago. He finally got one but he puts it on 60 DEGREES! I sleep wrapped up in two blankets now and I'm still cold when I go to his place.

Be careful what you ask for, right?

 

[sarumoki]

Be careful what you ask for, right?

Lol clearly. And then he keeps the fan on too, talking about "I can't believe I've been missing out on this." Makes me so mad.

 

[Ipanema]

Lol clearly. And then he keeps the fan on too, talking about "I can't believe I've been missing out on this." Makes me so mad.

 

[kupenda]

Lol clearly. And then he keeps the fan on too, talking about "I can't believe I've been missing out on this." Makes me so mad.

You’re better than me! I’d stay home lol that’s ridiculous. I sleep with the fan on in warmer months and the AC no higher than 72, and I’ll still get goosebumps. At 60, I’d be burying his body out back with a spoon

 

[gimbap]

My AC is on 79 right now and I'm still wrapped up in a blanket! 60?? 72?? I'd turn to ice. However I also sleep under 2 blankets in the summer, 3 blankets in the winter, and use a space heater year round at work

 

[kupenda]

My AC is on 79 right now and I'm still wrapped up in a blanket! 60?? 72?? I'd turn to ice. However I also sleep under 2 blankets in the summer, 3 blankets in the winter, and use a space heater year round at work

Oh god lol. I would faint

 

[ClassyJSP]

He's been away at his parents house since Saturday morning. This was my first time sleeping alone in the house just me and the dog. Needless to say we missed him (the dog included lol).

 

[SpiritJunkie]

@OneShinyface glad to hear your moving on....