2017 Relationship And Dating Thread

ClassyJSP said:
Thank you for this advice.

yes, part of the reason he wants to go into business with me is because I have more funds and more family support. But honestly, I do need to sit down and really think about the relationship as a whole.

Part of me is upset for even allowing things to go on as long as they have. I was emotional last night during a conversation with my mother about things and she mentioned the writing has been on the wall and it was just a matter of me acknowledging it and moving on.

But how do you just up and move on after 3 years with someone.
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It must seem hard to do or almost impossible to start over after 3 years of a life you are used to. But it's better than 4 years, 10 years and even a lifetime on an unworthy man. Don't waste another day on him when you finally decide you are ready to remove him from your life.

Right now I know you are trying to process everything which is understandable. Know we are here for support and whenever you need people to talk to.
 
qchelle said:
No, I don't want a shower. And probably no engagement party either. I'm ok with a reception tho. The idea of everyone gathering to celebrate my marriage is also unappealing to me lol, but I'll have a reception. So the families can meet each other in case they need to be in contact one day. An 'Exchange contact information' reception :lol: i told SO don't be surprised if i leave early :lol: :look:

I hate the standard reception setting where the bride and groom sit at the front of the room, like the royal party, away from everyone, and the guests come up to them to talk throughout the evening, like peasants :lol:

Me and SO have talked about having a cookout style reception...or pot luck and we'll provide the weed and alcohol :lol:
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My kind of reception :lachen:I thought I was the only one who didn't want a "wedding." Whew, that's too much stress for me baby. We can have a get together, cause when I'm rets to leave, I'm rets to leave.
 
ClassyJSP said:
But how do you just up and move on after 3 years with someone.
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I can see what you mean because my mom was in the same situation, and she was with her ex for like 15 years. They had waaaay more, um, stuff going on in the background. She kept saying "it's been 15 years, I don't wanna throw it away." It's that sunk cost fallacy. You don't wanna feel like you've wasted time. But she broke up with him last year finally because of one really bad incident that broke the camels back. I'd rather you have this small blip, than to waste your life feeling the same way. You are too good for him and you guys are supposed to be a team, not you basically running the show. I'm not too good with words, but I hope you understand me :bighug:
 
ClassyJSP said:
I feel numb almost like there are too many emotions going on with me right now. I just broke up with him on my way home from work. I'm trying to hold things together at the moment while i'm in front of the kids.
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:huggle:

@bolded: This is exactly how I felt when I found out my ex cheated on me and when I subsequently ended things. We'd been together for 3.5yrs and living together for 6mos and we'd just gotten back from a vacation to Montreal the month before. And then I was smacked in the face by this horrible thing. We had to move out (re-paint, sell furniture, etc), dissolve joint accounts, dissolve our LLC, tell people, get help and more. There was so much to be done. It was so overwhelming. Dealing with all the work AND the full spectrum of emotions at the same time. But I think my mind went numb/partially blacked out until I was all moved out and everything was taken care of. I don't have a great memory of that time...just after when I moved out and everything was done.

You'll surprise yourself, get through this, and go on to much better things :huggle:
 
Sumra said:
Hope you're OK @ClassyJSP
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Me too:yep:. Keep us updated @ClassyJSP. Get as much support and protection as possible for you and your son in case you think he will try to retaliate or forcefully regain control of the situation. Involve the police if necessary.

You and your son are all that matters. On the flip side he may simply decide to sweet talk and love bomb you to try and get you back under his spell. Keep as much distance from him as possible.

The early stages of leaving someone are the most stressful. It gets better with time. Keep reminding yourself that 1) you and your son deserve to be happy and 2) you are not responsible for him. He is a grown old man. Even if he were your son, if you were his mom, you would not be responsible for him. You do not have to take care of anyone else other than yourself and your young son. That's it.
 
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ClassyJSP said:
He wanted to take me out to dinner tonight but I declined. We had an conversation earlier today about him saving up for a ring and he wanted to make sure he had his self together before purposing etc but honestly I just don't believe him.
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Do you all live together? I would give him a week to get out. Don't leave your home, but don't sleep in the same room.

I don't know this man but I know he's lying to you. First he will be saving for the ring. 18 months later he will propose. 3 years later you'll still be "setting a date" while you're supporting him and his kids and are unhappy.

You're making the right decision even though it hurts right now.
 
shortdub78 said:
Watch he pulls a ring out of nowhere. That's a trap. Get engaged and he still hasn't changed. Just feels he bought some more time to waste hers. 3 years is enough time to see it's a one and done.
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@ClassyJSP ^^^

It was pretty obvious this would be his next move. If he were truly serious he would have had this ring convo with you a loooong time ago...but thank God he didn't. I know it's tough right now, but you are dodging a bullet. Or maybe more like a missile. You and your son deserve so much better than him. I hope you can get him up outta your house soon.

:bighug:
 
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ClassyJSP said:
He wanted to take me out to dinner tonight but I declined. We had an conversation earlier today about him saving up for a ring and he wanted to make sure he had his self together before purposing etc but honestly I just don't believe him.
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Why was he saving for a ring if he didn't think you were ready for marriage? He is lying.
Even if this was true, he isn't husband material from what you described.

It is also interesting that he was 'getting himself together' before proposing because it sounds like the only way to do this was through using and draining you.
You want a man who can stand on his own. A man who cherishes you and is embarrassed by the mere thought of taking any kind of money or resource from you.

I agree with @toaster, he needs a deadline to move out.
 
@ClassyJSP
Be strong hon. It might help to journal as you go through this. Write down how you are feeling and what he says and does to try to get you to change your mind. Seeing it in black and white can be helpful and help you think straight. Do whatever you have to do to 1) be safe and 2) get him out of the house, including lying :). Even if you have to say oh yes we can get married but I think we should live separately first so that I can figure things out. Practice your acting skills :). Even cry if you must. You manipulate him now if you have to. Do whatever you need to do to save yourself.
 
ClassyJSP said:
I feel numb almost like there are too many emotions going on with me right now. I just broke up with him on my way home from work. I'm trying to hold things together at the moment while i'm in front of the kids.
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I'm so sorry you are going through this. My heart is heavy for you. It's going to be rough, but understand it's gonna be ok. Just one day at a time. The light is coming. Watch nothing but funny stuff! I know that sounds simple, but it helps! I watched Enough and Sleeping With The Enemy. That's where I'm at right now. Lol you aren't in that position, so that's a blessing! Don't never allow somebody to make you feel stuck. You are in a good position. For all that you want in your life, you just made room for it! I just put my son in a male mentoring program too! We are gonna get what we need for ourselves and our children!

We are hear for you! Call your mom!
 
toaster said:
Do you all live together? I would give him a week to get out. Don't leave your home, but don't sleep in the same room.

I don't know this man but I know he's lying to you. First he will be saving for the ring. 18 months later he will propose. 3 years later you'll still be "setting a date" while you're supporting him and his kids and are unhappy.

You're making the right decision even though it hurts right now.
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Yea we live together in my townhouse.
 
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