2017 Relationship And Dating Thread

crlsweetie912 said:
giphy.gif

You know that's your ring!!!

Um can a sister get an invite to the event since we are so close to each other????
Click to expand...

:lol: girl you neva know with these niccas.

maaaan I can't invite none of yall! What if yall get drunk and start telling him everything yall know! My cover will be blown! :lol:
 
We had a conversation last night that made me realize I need a break from my relationship because we clearly aren't on the same page.

His brother recently got engaged and while I was talking to him about their wedding he causally mentioned we aren't ready for marriage. When I asked him how are we not ready for marriage after 3 years together he had no answer. But the thing that baffles me is he's ready to buy a house with me, ready to go into business with me, ready for me to help him pay off his car, ready for me to help him with his daughters BUT not ready for me to be his wife?

I don't think I've ever went into details about our relationship before so let me fill you guys in. We met at work three years ago while I worked at the corporate office. He's 15 years old than me with two daughters. Throughout our relationship I've always made more money than him and I moved him into my townhouse with me and my son. He only works part time and whenever I mention working more he reminds me of his back injury and how he can't physically work more than part time (hence wanting to start his own business).

Majority of the time I feel like i'm settling in my relationship
 
@ClassyJSP
Run! You are basically taking care of him and making his life easier and he still won't marry you. In hindsight you might see that this was a blessing. Sometimes rejection really is protection. On one of these threads someone said that we should not have compassion for men. You have shown extraordinary compassion for him and he is not reciprocating. Plus he is older than you. He is supposed to be making your life easier, not the other way around.
 
ClassyJSP said:
We had a conversation last night that made me realize I need a break from my relationship because we clearly aren't on the same page.

His brother recently got engaged and while I was talking to him about their wedding he causally mentioned we aren't ready for marriage. When I asked him how are we not ready for marriage after 3 years together he had no answer. But the thing that baffles me is he's ready to buy a house with me, ready to go into business with me, ready for me to help him pay off his car, ready for me to help him with his daughters BUT not ready for me to be his wife?

I don't think I've ever went into details about our relationship before so let me fill you guys in. We met at work three years ago while I worked at the corporate office. He's 15 years old than me with two daughters. Throughout our relationship I've always made more money than him and I moved him into my townhouse with me and my son. He only works part time and whenever I mention working more he reminds me of his back injury and how he can't physically work more than part time (hence wanting to start his own business).

Majority of the time I feel like i'm settling in my relationship
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Girrrrrrl :nono:
 
@ClassyJSP
I know its not always that simple to leave just like that if you have attachment to someone, but try to startwithdrawing all of these plans that entangle your finances. No car help(wtf lol), no mortgage and no business plans. I'm assuming part of the reason he wants to go into business with you is because you will bring more funds than him?

If he asks about it just say after careful consideration you dont think the relationship is ready for any of those things.

avatar_7a15a744d4cf_128.png


Its a good idea to sit down and really think about what he would bring to your life as a husband if he was even willing to get married.
 
ClassyJSP said:
We had a conversation last night that made me realize I need a break from my relationship because we clearly aren't on the same page.

His brother recently got engaged and while I was talking to him about their wedding he causally mentioned we aren't ready for marriage. When I asked him how are we not ready for marriage after 3 years together he had no answer. But the thing that baffles me is he's ready to buy a house with me, ready to go into business with me, ready for me to help him pay off his car, ready for me to help him with his daughters BUT not ready for me to be his wife?

I don't think I've ever went into details about our relationship before so let me fill you guys in. We met at work three years ago while I worked at the corporate office. He's 15 years old than me with two daughters. Throughout our relationship I've always made more money than him and I moved him into my townhouse with me and my son. He only works part time and whenever I mention working more he reminds me of his back injury and how he can't physically work more than part time (hence wanting to start his own business).

Majority of the time I feel like i'm settling in my relationship
Click to expand...

I can imagine how disappointing it was to hear him say that after 3 years together.
You don't need this man in your life any more.
No one needs a man who doesn't add to their life. It sounds as though he has been taking from yours and using you.
 
@ClassyJSP
Own your truth and what is being shown to you. 3 years will turn into five, then 10, and so on... it's time to move on. Not saying you have done this, but Don't try to rationalize to yourself why you need to stay in something that isn't fruitful to you, just to see how it might play out. You can show him better than you can tell him. It's time to tell him to get his Snapsack On A Stick and go shack up somewhere else.

Reclaim your time! You don't need to pay for a warm body to lay in your bed at night. And this man isn't a good example for your son. He is older than you, yet moving in with you, making all of these plans with your money, not working full time, and probably is snapping on you about how you need to be a certain way with you son. If not for you, for your son. I know how you feel and that's why I'm telling you to run! This man is claiming back problems and will just do bare minimum to make ends meet.
 
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Sumra said:
@ClassyJSP
I know its not always that simple to leave just like that if you have attachment to someone, but try to startwithdrawing all of these plans that entangle your finances. No car help(wtf lol), no mortgage and no business plans. I'm assuming part of the reason he wants to go into business with you is because you will bring more funds than him?

If he asks about it just say after careful consideration you dont think the relationship is ready for any of those things.

avatar_7a15a744d4cf_128.png


Its a good idea to sit down and really think about what he would bring to your life as a husband if he was even willing to get married.
Click to expand...
Watch he pulls a ring out of nowhere. That's a trap. Get engaged and he still hasn't changed. Just feels he bought some more time to waste hers. 3 years is enough time to see it's a one and done.
 
ClassyJSP said:
We had a conversation last night that made me realize I need a break from my relationship because we clearly aren't on the same page.

His brother recently got engaged and while I was talking to him about their wedding he causally mentioned we aren't ready for marriage. When I asked him how are we not ready for marriage after 3 years together he had no answer. But the thing that baffles me is he's ready to buy a house with me, ready to go into business with me, ready for me to help him pay off his car, ready for me to help him with his daughters BUT not ready for me to be his wife?

I don't think I've ever went into details about our relationship before so let me fill you guys in. We met at work three years ago while I worked at the corporate office. He's 15 years old than me with two daughters. Throughout our relationship I've always made more money than him and I moved him into my townhouse with me and my son. He only works part time and whenever I mention working more he reminds me of his back injury and how he can't physically work more than part time (hence wanting to start his own business).

Majority of the time I feel like i'm settling in my relationship
Click to expand...


WOW! You are doing all of that and HE has the audacity to say ya'll ain't ready for marriage. Girl you should be the one telling him that he needs to step it up before he is worthy to marry YOU.

What about him makes you want to marry him? I ask because your first sentence says you want to step back because he doesn't feel you both are ready for marriage. There seems to be many other factors that should have you reevaluating your relationship besides his readiness to marry you.
 
Sumra said:
@ClassyJSP
I know its not always that simple to leave just like that if you have attachment to someone, but try to startwithdrawing all of these plans that entangle your finances. No car help(wtf lol), no mortgage and no business plans. I'm assuming part of the reason he wants to go into business with you is because you will bring more funds than him?

If he asks about it just say after careful consideration you dont think the relationship is ready for any of those things.

avatar_7a15a744d4cf_128.png


Its a good idea to sit down and really think about what he would bring to your life as a husband if he was even willing to get married.
Click to expand...

Thank you for this advice.

yes, part of the reason he wants to go into business with me is because I have more funds and more family support. But honestly, I do need to sit down and really think about the relationship as a whole.

Part of me is upset for even allowing things to go on as long as they have. I was emotional last night during a conversation with my mother about things and she mentioned the writing has been on the wall and it was just a matter of me acknowledging it and moving on.

But how do you just up and move on after 3 years with someone.
 
shortdub78 said:
@ClassyJSP
Own your truth and what is being shown to you. 3 years will turn into five, then 10, and so on... it's time to move on. Not saying you have done this, but Don't try to rationalize to yourself why you need to stay in something that isn't fruitful to you, just to see how it might play out. You can show him better than you can tell him. It's time to tell him to get his Snapsack On A Stick and go shack up somewhere else.

Reclaim your time! You don't need to pay for a warm body to lay in your bed at night. And this man isn't a good example for your son. He is older than you, yet moving in with you, making all of these plans with your money, not working full time, and probably is snapping on you about how you need to be a certain way with you son. If not for you, for your son. I know how you feel and that's why I'm telling you to run! This man is claiming back problems and will just do bare minimum to make ends meet.
Click to expand...

The bolded is exactly what i'm afraid of.
 
ClassyJSP said:
Thank you for this advice.

yes, part of the reason he wants to go into business with me is because I have more funds and more family support. But honestly, I do need to sit down and really think about the relationship as a whole.

Part of me is upset for even allowing things to go on as long as they have. I was emotional last night during a conversation with my mother about things and she mentioned the writing has been on the wall and it was just a matter of me acknowledging it and moving on.

But how do you just up and move on after 3 years with someone.
Click to expand...
You move on when you had enough and decide that's not what you want for your life anymore. When you decide the true value of yourself and your time. what is the benefit of continuing this relationship? What will you gain if you hold on a little longer? When you decide what is best for you and your son, you will know when you need to move on. The sooner you move on, the better. Don't worry about him either. he is a grown man and he will figure it out. You are not his mother. He got way too comfortable. All of his plans and dreams are centered around what you could provide for him, not how he can provide for you and your son.
I know you are hurt. I understand. Don't be hard on yourself. Just like Hopeful said, look at this as a blessing! You have been given a gift! Going to the wedding and him telling you how he feels about your relationship was a gift that landed right in your lap.
 
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ClassyJSP said:
...
But how do you just up and move on after 3 years with someone.
Click to expand...

It's not easy because you will have to change. Not blaming you at all for the situation because who he is is on him, but you are TOO compassionate, self-sacrificing, understanding, patient etc. You will have to become more self-focused, more compassionate toward yourself, more strategic for yourself and your son. And I am sure that this man is very manipulative. Put him out. Save yourself.
 
shortdub78 said:
Watch he pulls a ring out of nowhere. That's a trap. Get engaged and he still hasn't changed. Just feels he bought some more time to waste hers. 3 years is enough time to see it's a one and done.
Click to expand...

Im hoping Classy will see though this action since he has been honest about his real feelings. Also he has not much to bring as a husband as far as I can see.

In an ideal world I would like all women to leave immediately, but I know from experience with helping my friends its not always that quick depending on the circumstances. I'm thinking damage control.

Classy is guaranteed to be pissed about the waste of her time when/if this ends. My BFF was with her ex husband for 7 years and even though shes happily enjoying life she still finds it hard to get over how much time she gave to a man that didn't treat her right. Losing time AND significant funds must be much worse.
 
Sumra said:
Im hoping Classy will see though this action since he has been honest about his real feelings. Also he has not much to bring as a husband as far as I can see.

In an ideal world I would like all women to leave immediately, but I know from experience with helping my friends its not always that quick depending on the circumstances. I'm thinking damage control.

Classy is guaranteed to be pissed about the waste of her time when/if this ends. My BFF was with her ex husband for 7 years and even though shes happily enjoying life she still finds it hard to get over how much time she gave to a man that didn't treat her right. Losing time AND significant funds must be much worse.
Click to expand...

Yes it's the pits!!! I am going through this and I'm just happy I see clearly now.
Classy write down what you need/want your ideal partner to possess. Look at that man and look at your list. Take into account all that has happen thus far and be truly honest with yourself. I know it's hard but sometimes a clean cut off is best. I have a child with my soon to be exh and just said *** it. I knew, like you, something was off from the beginning but I felt that I invested so much and would truly see a return and boy was I wrong. I just dug myself in deeper but the blessing is NEVER again will I sacrifice myself for anyone again. We have to take care of us and the right man will come along but you have to let go of the wrong one.
 
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ClassyJSP said:
Thank you for this advice.

yes, part of the reason he wants to go into business with me is because I have more funds and more family support. But honestly, I do need to sit down and really think about the relationship as a whole.

Part of me is upset for even allowing things to go on as long as they have. I was emotional last night during a conversation with my mother about things and she mentioned the writing has been on the wall and it was just a matter of me acknowledging it and moving on.

But how do you just up and move on after 3 years with someone.
Click to expand...

Acknowledging the problem and taking note that he does not want to commit to you is the first step. From now you will start to look at him and his presence in your life in a different light

He needs to move out really whether you keep talking to him or not. He's using you and it needs to stop. It will also make it easier to see more clearly and cut him off if he is out of your space.

So sorry you are going through this. Try not to beat yourself up either. Settling in some way because it partially fulfills a human need is very common. You just need to try and learn more about yourself from this experience.

.
 
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