2017 Relationship And Dating Thread

qchelle said:
I'm the opposite. I don't want to know any details. Just get it done and tell me where we staying lol. It's great that he meets these expectations, cuz I much prefer it this way. I'm very lazy :look:

He booked our va beach trip (nxt weekend) in December lol.
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I think this works because you and your SO has similar values. If you knew he couldn't plan a trip worth a dann, you wouldn't get to be lazy about it, lol.

All4Tris said:
:mad:



Meanwhile, I was asked to look everything up and send it to him... lol!
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This isn't a bad thing. This could mean that he knows you are better with logistics. I've dated men who I did the planning for, and I've dated men who keener than me and enjoyed ish like that. As long as he
contributes in some shape or form, you guys should be good ( imo)

TopShelf said:
Dilemma: I am dating this guy who is 36 (I am 40). He loves to hang out BUT the places he likes to frequent make me want to puke..........Applebees, Fridays, the local hood bar. I HATE those places and I don't even go to those places with my girlfriends. The crazy part is that he has money. He is an entrepreneur with at least 3 streams of income, so there is no reason for us to go to these places.
Initially, I picked the places where we would go and he would get "dressed" and end up loving the places but as of late whenever I suggest a place, we get into an argument because he doesn't want to go. He thinks the places are too stuffy (which they are not, at least not to me). The last place we ate was a seafood place near Baltimore (Timbuktu) and upon entering the place, you could smell the carpet and the kitchen....together and it was freezing. He stated that he wanted to show me a good time (which i appreciated), but I was not having fun at all AND the sight of him holding his fork like a caveman was "grinding my gears". All I could think about was going home. Once I got home I sent him a text thanking him for lunch, etc etc etc. But since then, I have not felt compelled to go back out with him again.

When we went to North Carolina he picked the ABSOLUTE worse motel for us to stay in. I almost cried. I asked him if we could please go somewhere else and he said that he got the hotel for me but really wanted to stay at his aunt's house. Again, money wasn't a factor because we were there because he wanted to buy yet another ATV cash.

I don't think he feels comfortable around white collar blacks and white people. He loves the hood (even though he would never live there). He typically dates women with numerous children and (per him) they love whatever he does for them. He told me about a chic that he is dating (30 with 5 children) and that he took her to Sugar and she was so happy to be there.

How do I get him to feel more comfortable going where I want to go???

Because this will soon come to an end if he can't switch it up.
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Honestly, this sounds like something that can't be "fixed". He likes what he likes. He is naturally not comfortable in nice places the same way you're not comfortable in ratchet places. It is his element and as long as he is not looking to change that, then theres nothing you can do. Having money and access does not mean a person is at a certain level. Its a matter of character.
 
I couldn't proceed with this man
It's one thing if he is ratchet but open to new things and experiences but another if he feels his hood outings are doing something

He is not on the same wave length as you and to be honest, men who date hood rat chicks don't mix well with professional women
They are use to doing the bare minimum while getting a lotta pum pum and gold stars
You see he mentioned they appreciated his crumbs, it seems he dates low fruit so he isn't required to do much
A woman of your caliber he actually would have to put effort

After I had explained my outing preferences to him, no way in hades would I be at a motel
My safety and health are at stake here

He also sounds cheap AF yuck.
Is he a Capricorn ? Just curious


TopShelf said:
Dilemma: I am dating this guy who is 36 (I am 40). He loves to hang out BUT the places he likes to frequent make me want to puke..........Applebees, Fridays, the local hood bar. I HATE those places and I don't even go to those places with my girlfriends. The crazy part is that he has money. He is an entrepreneur with at least 3 streams of income, so there is no reason for us to go to these places.
Initially, I picked the places where we would go and he would get "dressed" and end up loving the places but as of late whenever I suggest a place, we get into an argument because he doesn't want to go. He thinks the places are too stuffy (which they are not, at least not to me). The last place we ate was a seafood place near Baltimore (Timbuktu) and upon entering the place, you could smell the carpet and the kitchen....together and it was freezing. He stated that he wanted to show me a good time (which i appreciated), but I was not having fun at all AND the sight of him holding his fork like a caveman was "grinding my gears". All I could think about was going home. Once I got home I sent him a text thanking him for lunch, etc etc etc. But since then, I have not felt compelled to go back out with him again.

When we went to North Carolina he picked the ABSOLUTE worse motel for us to stay in. I almost cried. I asked him if we could please go somewhere else and he said that he got the hotel for me but really wanted to stay at his aunt's house. Again, money wasn't a factor because we were there because he wanted to buy yet another ATV cash.

I don't think he feels comfortable around white collar blacks and white people. He loves the hood (even though he would never live there). He typically dates women with numerous children and (per him) they love whatever he does for them. He told me about a chic that he is dating (30 with 5 children) and that he took her to Sugar and she was so happy to be there.

How do I get him to feel more comfortable going where I want to go???

Because this will soon come to an end if he can't switch it up.
Click to expand...
 
boudoir said:
I couldn't proceed with this man
It's one thing if he is ratchet but open to new things and experiences but another if he feels his hood outings are doing something

He is not on the same wave length as you and to be honest, men who date hood rat chicks don't mix well with professional women
They are use to doing the bare minimum while getting a lotta pum pum and gold stars
You see he mentioned they appreciated his crumbs, it seems he dates low fruit so he isn't required to do much
A woman of your caliber he actually would have to put effort

After I had explained my outing preferences to him, no way in hades would I be at a motel
My safety and health are at stake here

He also sounds cheap AF yuck.
Is he a Capricorn ? Just curious
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He is a cancer....lol

Based on our conversations it seems as if he's tired of spending his money on women especially if sex is not involved. He keeps mentioning sex but it turns me off when he does that.

He's cheap when it comes to women but not when it comes to himself and the children of the women he dates and his own children. But where does that leave me...........because I don't have children.
 
@TopShelf Was Timbukto really bad? I've never been but everyone raves about the food.

As far as the guy, if you see potential, maybe give it a time frame. Like if he doesn't improve by whatever date, you can just let him go. He sounds like he's set in his hood ways but you may be able to show him the light :lol:
 
mzpurp said:
@TopShelf Was Timbukto really bad? I've never been but everyone raves about the food.

As far as the guy, if you see potential, maybe give it a time frame. Like if he doesn't improve by whatever date, you can just let him go. He sounds like he's set in his hood ways but you may be able to show him the light :lol:
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I really think people rave about it but the crab cakes are huge and have lots of meat. But I would rather a small cake with lots of flavor then something big with very little flavor. The food overall was not good. The asparagus was overcooked, the potatoes taste like they were from a box and crab cakes weren't that savory.

The deadline for us is fast approaching
 
All4Tris said:
@TopShelf if he never becomes open to what you like, would you be ok with that?
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NOPE!!!! Because I hate what he likes.
I love nice restaurants because i love good food and great service.
I love nice hotels because I don't just "get dressed" in my room, it's where I "get ready". I lay things out, I walk around, I light a candle.

So no, I wouldn't be okay with a closed mind
 
Sosoothing said:
@TopShelf I agree with the other opinions so far. I don't know if your gentleman's mindset can be altered.
Think about it, in his mind the women he normally dates appreciate whatever he does for them, so why can't you? To me he basically sees you the same way or he wouldn't be treating you the same way.
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I really don't think so either which is unfortunate because this is our 2nd time dating. The first time was in 2010 and he was having lots of financial issues along with being a horrible father, so we had to part ways. Now he is in a much better financial situation and seems to have mended his relationship with his children.

I expect a man to treat me how I treat myself, better is nice but definitely not worse.
 
TopShelf said:
I really don't think so either which is unfortunate because this is our 2nd time dating. The first time was in 2010 and he was having lots of financial issues along with being a horrible father, so we had to part ways. Now he is in a much better financial situation and seems to have mended his relationship with his children.

I expect a man to treat me how I treat myself, better is nice but definitely not worse.
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And there you have it.
 
TopShelf said:
I really don't think so either which is unfortunate because this is our 2nd time dating. The first time was in 2010 and he was having lots of financial issues along with being a horrible father, so we had to part ways. Now he is in a much better financial situation and seems to have mended his relationship with his children.

I expect a man to treat me how I treat myself, better is nice but definitely not worse.
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Maybe you can express this to him in a way that he won't be offended but make him see if from your side and that you're not the usual woman he dates with kids and all that.
 
TopShelf said:
I really don't think so either which is unfortunate because this is our 2nd time dating. The first time was in 2010 and he was having lots of financial issues along with being a horrible father, so we had to part ways. Now he is in a much better financial situation and seems to have mended his relationship with his children.

I expect a man to treat me how I treat myself if not better.
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Best sentence ever (with a bit of revision :spinning:) and great advice we women should abide by.
 
@TopShelf, a few glaring issues;

He's immature, closed-minded, cheap, possibly has bad taste and he's a #$%@&# cancer.
The past issues with his kids also give me pause.

You need a man that you can navigate the world with. What happens when you want to go to Paris?

I'm not telling you to dump him, but he needs to not be the only one in your rotation. When you want to do hoodish thangs, he's your man.
 
TopShelf said:
The bolded is my issue. How do I tell him
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He already knows you're different from his norm. He did what had too in the beginning to get you interested, now he is trying to flip the script.

When it comes to higher end class values, differences and tastes, a man has to already be potentially interested in such things when dating a woman already at a higher class level than himself.

If not, you get situations like yours. Money and even education doesn't necessarily mean increased class.

You should also be leery of his past dating history. My observation, it never ends well for the new type of woman the man is trying use to break his previous type of woman.

Especially when the standard of expectation in relationship values and treatment is higher with the new type of woman.

Example: Sandra Bullock and her ex-hubby.
 
TopShelf said:
The bolded is my issue. How do I tell him
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You already have. He just doesn't want to do what you want him to do. Accept him for who he is and leave him be. You shouldn't have to convince a man to take you on proper dates and to stay in nice hotels etc. He's basically telling you that he wants champagne (you) but wants to pay the price for beer (the usual type of women he dates) and that he expects to have sex with you as well.

From what you've written it seems you two are simply incompatible. You can do better. He sounds like a selfish ghetto dude with a little extra cash. I know it's frustrating because you were giving him a second chance and initially he was dating you properly. But now he has stopped and seems to have no interest in treating you how you want to be treated.

Also, if that's you in your avi, you are gorgeous and classy. You have no business staying at no random motel or trying to get a dude to take you to nice restaurants. IMO this dude is trying to get a bargain. He loves a good sale, bargain basement prices. Don't let anyone discount or bargain/negotiate with you re your value.
 
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NijaG said:
He already knows you're different from his norm. He did what had too in the beginning to get you interested, now he is trying to flip the script.

When it comes to higher end class values, differences and tastes, a man has to already be potentially interested in such things when dating a woman already at a higher class level than himself.

If not, you get situations like yours. Money and even education doesn't necessarily mean increased class.

You should also be leery of his past dating history. My observation, it never ends well for the new type of woman the man is trying use to break his previous type of woman.

Especially when the standard of expectation in relationship values and treatment is higher with the new type of woman.

Example: Sandra Bullock and her ex-hubby.
Click to expand...

@NijaG,
Your post had me thinking about a guy that I thought I was soooooooo in love with. But every now and then, the class thing would rear it's ugly head and it just seemed like a mismatch. Now that I see the ring he gave his wife, the wedding, the house....dear I say....no love could over come that ish.

...and it's not just about being hood, it could be a non-hood person who hates traveling but meanwhile your life goal is to retire just so you CAN travel the world. That partnership wouldn't work. I dated a guy who I couldn't see coming to an event if I was delivering a speech for example because he's just not a suit type of guy or a mingling type of guy....everyone is different.
 
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Fine 4s said:
@NijaG,
Your post had me thinking about a guy that I thought I was soooooooo in love with. But every now and then, the class thing would rear it's ugly head and it just seemed like a mismatch. Now that I see the ring he gave his wife, the wedding, the house....dear I say....no love could over come that ish.
Click to expand...

Class matters. It may not be everything or the only thing, but it matters a lot.
 
TopShelf said:
Sorry I am not familiar with their situation. Maybe another example
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I really don't follow celeb news except for what I read in here.

Basically unless a man is already interested in moving and accessing higher social/class circles and all that comes with it, he won't really be interested in changing his status and environment that much.

Yeah it's fun in the beginning when he may be interested in a woman from a higher class, but after a while they revert back to norm and try to make the woman feel guilty about her normal expectations.

He is use to a different type of woman. He may mentally acknowledge that a woman like you may be better for him theoretically, but at the end of the day, men like him revert to what they know like and desire at their most base level of their subconscious.
 
Being in/going to weddings leave me soo drained afterwards. (Congrats to my girl tho! :kiss:)

Even though SO and I are doing well, I was in my own personal funk last night and didnt answer when he called me.

Hopefully this is my last wedding as a bridesmaid. Not only is it expensive, it temporarily puts me in a unhealthy mindframe.
 
SuchMagnificance said:
Being in/going to weddings leave me soo drained afterwards. (Congrats to my girl tho! :kiss:)

Even though SO and I are doing well, I was in my own personal funk last night and didnt answer when he called me.

Hopefully this is my last wedding as a bridesmaid. Not only is it expensive, it temporarily puts me in a unhealthy mindframe.
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Why does it put you in an unhealthy mind frame?
 
SuchMagnificance said:
I just need to do better with maintaining a relationship that will ultimately lead to marriage.
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I think there's something about being in a wedding that does things to women. Every former bridesmaid I've met has reported being put off afterwards, including myself. And honestly, I cannot tell you why that is. I was in my brother's wedding. My SIL is great. But after it was all over I just couldn't see myself doing that ish again. I'd reconsider, but Iunno.
 
So I've decided how I'm going to handle the situation mentioned above. Basically I've been using his computer while mine is getting fixed and yesterday when I started typing a website in it generated other websites that he frequents. One of the websites was a dating advice website about meeting women blah blah blah. So before I started jumping to conclusions I went to the internet history to see if he had visited the website recently. I was hoping that it was just an old website that was still coming up.

It turns out that he was on this website.and a few others about a month ago. So instead of my first reaction..which was to take pictures of the internet history and send it to him with the thinking face emoji...I'm going to return his computer...give it a few days..and then have a "relationship check in" conversation and just see where his head is.

uuuggghhhhh
 
So I had my date yesterday :biggrin:

Ok first and foremost, remind me to never, EVER, take I-95 if I am going to Virginia!!!! We were both late because of that insane traffic!!!

So we decided a few weeks ago to meet up in Richmond, and we went to Travinia Italian Restaurant. I could tell he was a bit nervous and shy at first but after five minutes or so, he started to loosen up. He also brought me my favorite candy... The food was decent but the waitress kinda sucked. After that we walked around the shopping complex, and visited a few stores, just looky-looing. He held my hand almost the whole time.

After that we drove to Belle Isle Park (he drove actually). It's a very nice park and the surrounding area is very nice too. It wasn't too hot, and there were a good amount of people there, mostly teens, other couples, and families. We found a good spot to sit, talk, and just enjoyed the atmosphere. That's when he first kissed me, on the forehead, not the lips. On our way to and from the parking area, I did feel bad for my date...as I said in my other post, he's on the heavier side. There were a lot of stairs. They killed me too :laugh: We stayed for maybe an hour, hour and a half, and then we drove back to Travinia.

We sat in his car for about another hour, and continued to chit chat. He made it very clear that he didn't want me to go. I didn't want to go either, I was having too much fun. That's when I kissed him on the lips. And shockingly enough, he didn't try to jam his tongue down my throat! He was really a gentleman through the whole day. We kissed two more times in the car. We finally departed around 8pm, since he had to work the next day. He told me to text him when I got home.

All in all, it was a really good date. I knew it would go well, because we've been talking all day everyday for a good month or so. We have a lot in common. I like him a lot but I don't want to rush. He's got friends in Baltimore, so he is going to visit me in late July, and we are going to Artscape that weekend.
 
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