2017 Relationship And Dating Thread

reallynow said:
@All4Tris and @kimpaur

I'm not worried about him calling me nosy/a snoop, I wasn't looking for it. Her IG post popped up on my search page because of his likes. I don't control IG's algorithm. Oh well bruh. Plus, he's not really the type to go there about snooping, etc.

He's never given any indication that he still has feelings for her which is one reason I was shocked when I found out.

I'm going to ask him and see what his response is - agree that it will give me good insight.
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Yes, communication is key
 
reallynow said:
I lurk on this side of the board often but haven't posted in a lonnnngggg time. SO and I have been in a relationship for 2+ years. We are both divorced, he's been divorced for 8+years and was only married for 2. He and his ex don't have any type of relationship, no children and she's remarried.

Issue: I was scrolling IG the other day, the search page that brings up random folks based on your likes, friends, etc. and I notice a picture of her. I'm nosy so I take a closer look and I see SO has liked the pic. I dig deeper - LOL He follows her and has liked several pics. She posts often. She doesn't follow him.

I feel some kind of way - not insecure or angry, just like why? Y'all don't even talk and haven't in years. My ex and I at least speak a few times a year but I don't follow him on any social media because I don't care about anything that he might post.

What say you LHCF? I want to address it because I feel like he's holding on to some degree by following her AND liking pictures.
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I would say that's a yellow flag, and confront him about it. If he doesn't stop, then that's definitely a red flag and I would do a slow fade.
 
CarmelCupcake said:
Me and my man made it official. Weve been dating for 3.5 months. He's a great guy but there are a couple of things that urk me. For example, if women are in close vicinity, he looks to see if they are checking him out and its super obvious to both the women and me. This annoys me. Also, I noticed women flirting with him on a couple of different occasions.i do get that women will check him out..hes an attractive man (white women are bold by the way) and he friendly replies back to them. I guess I'm used to my ex quickly shutting things down with women/not seeking admiration from other women. What would u ladies do?
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Leave.
 
Well, I *guess* I have a date later this month?

I wasn't even looking for anyone. This guy and I had a previous conversation on IG about a movie, but I kept it short because I didn't want to make it seem like it was anything more than a friendly conversation. I posted something on my page regarding debates and real conversations I believe in Memorial Day...and we have been talking every since. Non stop, all day, on the phone, Snapchat, you name it.

He's 28, Puerto Rican, and lives in VA. He's on the fluffier side, but I don't really mind, he's got a cute face and A nice smile. He's educated and woke(but not annoyingly woke), and I think that it what turns me on the most about him. Like seriously, the Betty is marinating y'all. But I am so nervous. We have amazing conversations, but I can't risk getting my heart broken again.

I don't kniw, we will see how the date goes.
 
Yesterday, I picked some random play to go to. We get there and it's at a church. I had on some booty shorts with my ssa hanging out, so I said nevermind, we can't go in a church with me looking like this :lol:

So I went on eventbrite again and saw an improv show in Old Town Alexandria. We get there and we the only black people in the joint. We assess and decide we don't wanna stay. As we're leaving, the coordinator comes up to us and asks why we're leaving. SO says something and then says "well we're the only black people, sooo". I'm like well damn babe you couldn't lie?! :lol: she says "oh no, don't let ethnicity be a factor! :blah: " After a little back and forth between them, we left. Babe don't give a damn :lol:
 
I've never been the biggest hand holder either, not sure why. I've started to come round to it with my BF though as he clearly likes to. He takes my hand as soon as we step out, he even does it sometimes when we're sitting on the couch or when we're lying down and talking. It's sweet I guess...
 
I met this guy in April at a birthday party. He's been crushing on me like mad. Been asking me to go on a few dates, my excuse just always been "I'm busy..." "I'm working...." "I'm tired" or something.... Anywho, last week he asked me to an outing where him and a few friends are going out to eat and have drinks.... I'm like aww shucks, let me go ahead and get out with him.... We get there, and no doubt, I had a blast.... But Lawdddd, when it came to conversation about occupation, I felt soooo out of place. Him and all his friends have these high positions with these large companies or own their own business; when I was asked what I do, I wanted to hide :hide: "Ummmmm, I'm a Lead Consultant Supervisior at FedEx Office" ..... Which I really made it sound more important than what it really is, I'm just a damn supervisor, and I make no more than 30k a year vs these 80k+ positions and then the 2/3 people who owns their own businesses I'm hearing all about.....
I told him about it after, he laughed at me and said "I was cute"
:whyme:
 
I don't post in here alot but I'm thinking I need more of a support system around me as I'm looking for love.

I'm 30+, working on my masters degree, in a major city, and around men alot but in a professional way. Given the age breakdown and subject matter of my degree program, there are lots of men but many of them are married or completely undesirable. I finished the first year of my program and I kid you not I realized almost that same day that all the work I put in had been a complete distraction from dating and I need to put in more effort to find a man. I want to get married so I need to get out of my house.

Anyway, I reactived my dating profiles with updated pics and made a commitment to getting out to a social at least once aweek even when I'm tired, which I always am. I am going to every relevant conference and social event I can since that's where the men are from different schools (the selection in my program is limited to nonexistent).

I've started to see some results, I've met a few men in the last week that I would classify as gorgeous and ambitious. One classmate of mine was even in my physical space a lot this weekend (hugging and putting his arm around me, which he has never done before). I'm focusing on breaking out of my old patterns and having a positive mindset because I see everyone around me moving on to the next stage of life. My timeline is full of weddings, engagements, and babies and I want that too. It is frustrating that I've been single so long but I've been taking steps to address it. I don't want to end up alone and childless and I need to get cracking at my age. I'm going to try reporting here more often as I go through this process.
 
I just have to gush at how sweet and great my boyfriend is. He is so incredibly kind and considerate. I am spending the summer i Florida for an internship and since he is from the area, he drove down with me (12+ hours!), spent the weekend with me, which included my birthday, took me out for brunch, a movie, and dinner, then flew home the next day. He told me he didn't want me to make the drive home by myself so he's going to fly down when my internship is over and drive home with me too. He's so great. @hopeful I got a good one this time!
 
BGT said:
I just have to gush at how sweet and great my boyfriend is. He is so incredibly kind and considerate. I am spending the summer i Florida for an internship and since he is from the area, he drove down with me (12+ hours!), spent the weekend with me, which included my birthday, took me out for brunch, a movie, and dinner, then flew home the next day. He told me he didn't want me to make the drive home by myself so he's going to fly down when my internship is over and drive home with me too. He's so great. @hopeful I got a good one this time!
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Wow you've got a good one there - you best hold onto him like your life depends on it! :lol:
 
reallynow said:
I lurk on this side of the board often but haven't posted in a lonnnngggg time. SO and I have been in a relationship for 2+ years. We are both divorced, he's been divorced for 8+years and was only married for 2. He and his ex don't have any type of relationship, no children and she's remarried.

Issue: I was scrolling IG the other day, the search page that brings up random folks based on your likes, friends, etc. and I notice a picture of her. I'm nosy so I take a closer look and I see SO has liked the pic. I dig deeper - LOL He follows her and has liked several pics. She posts often. She doesn't follow him.

I feel some kind of way - not insecure or angry, just like why? Y'all don't even talk and haven't in years. My ex and I at least speak a few times a year but I don't follow him on any social media because I don't care about anything that he might post.

What say you LHCF? I want to address it because I feel like he's holding on to some degree by following her AND liking pictures.
Click to expand...

You feel 'some kind of way' because it's inappropriate.
Impropriety doesn't always have to make you feel angry, jealous or insecure. A lot of times anyway, those words are used to gas light and deflect from the real issue.
 
I talked to SO about him following his ex on IG. I brought it up casually and asked him why he was not only following her but liking her pictures. He was definitely taken by surprise (had no issue with me finding out) and at first didn't see any problem with it. He said "I follow a lot of people and like a lot of pictures. I never even thought about it." I had to break down the inappropriateness of the action and the disrespect, this woman is remarried!!! Initially he was dumbfounded but when I broke down the fact that he presented his relationship with the ex as non-existent but yet was liking pics on the regular, his words and actions are contradictory. Finally the light bulb went off and he said "that would be like you following your ex all over social media, liking pictures and posts but y'all don't even communicate...yeah I didn't think of it like that" Yeah fool I bet you didn't. :lachen: He apologized for not taking our relationship and my feelings in to consideration via his actions and promptly unfollowed the ex. Then he ordered dinner from my fav Chinese spot, picked up some prosecco and left me some cash for my mani/pedi the next day.

We good right now. :look:
 
reallynow said:
I talked to SO about him following his ex on IG. I brought it up casually and asked him why he was not only following her but liking her pictures. He was definitely taken by surprise (had no issue with me finding out) and at first didn't see any problem with it. He said "I follow a lot of people and like a lot of pictures. I never even thought about it." I had to break down the inappropriateness of the action and the disrespect, this woman is remarried!!! Initially he was dumbfounded but when I broke down the fact that he presented his relationship with the ex as non-existent but yet was liking pics on the regular, his words and actions are contradictory. Finally the light bulb went off and he said "that would be like you following your ex all over social media, liking pictures and posts but y'all don't even communicate...yeah I didn't think of it like that" Yeah fool I bet you didn't. :lachen: He apologized for not taking our relationship and my feelings in to consideration via his actions and promptly unfollowed the ex. Then he ordered dinner from my fav Chinese spot, picked up some prosecco and left me some cash for my mani/pedi the next day.

We good right now. :look:
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I told my guy that he needed to work on empathy.

I told him that when he interacts with people, when he interacts with me...he needs to ask himself, "How would I feel if quirkydimples did/said this to me?" Once I took Denzel's advice and explained it to him like a 2 year old...he got it. Men are dumb and/or not used to being called on their shi...stuff (mostly the second part :rolleyes:).
 
quirkydimples said:
I told my guy that he needed to work on empathy.

I told him that when he interacts with people, when he interacts with me...he needs to ask himself, "How would I feel if quirkydimples did/said this to me?" Once I took Denzel's advice and explained it to him like a 2 year old...he got it. Men are dumb and/or not used to being called on their shi...stuff (mostly the second part :rolleyes:).
Click to expand...

I had a similar problem with my dude. When I would ask him a question that he didn't know the answer to...could be something super simple like 'what time is your dad getting there?'...if he didn't know the answer right then and there, he would get really defensive and answer me like he was crazy. After a 2yr old-esque talk and me doing the same thing to him a few times, this is no longer an issue. But of course this behavior showed up like 6mos into the relationship :rolleyes: i was like what is this? Nope, fix yourself sir. I ask lots of questions and you need to be able to field them ALL in a way I feel is appropriate. We haven't had any problems with this in a long time. :)
 
qchelle said:
I had a similar problem with my dude. When I would ask him a question that he didn't know the answer to...could be something super simple like 'what time is your dad getting there?'...if he didn't know the answer right then and there, he would get really defensive and answer me like he was crazy. After a 2yr old-esque talk and me doing the same thing to him a few times, this is no longer an issue. But of course this behavior showed up like 6mos into the relationship :rolleyes: i was like what is this? Nope, fix yourself sir. I ask lots of questions and you need to be able to field them ALL in a way I feel is appropriate. We haven't had any problems with this in a long time. :)
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Exactly. We'll be at the six month mark next month, so in that 2yr old-esque talk I clearly and calmly explained that his behavior is a no dawg for me if we're going to keep it going. I have since noticed a change in behavior. He tried me once after our talk and I clearly and calmly named his behavior and reminded him that it is unacceptable to me. It hasn't popped up since.

Score one for clear and simple communication.
 
quirkydimples said:
Exactly. We'll be at the six month mark next month, so in that 2yr old-esque talk I clearly and calmly explained that his behavior is a no dawg for me if we're going to keep it going. I have since noticed a change in behavior. He tried me once after our talk and I clearly and calmly named his behavior and reminded him that it is unacceptable to me. It hasn't popped up since.

Score one for clear and simple communication.
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Definitely. And congrats to y'all.

It's uncanny how well people hide bad behaviors until you're invested in them.
 
quirkydimples said:
I told my guy that he needed to work on empathy.

I told him that when he interacts with people, when he interacts with me...he needs to ask himself, "How would I feel if quirkydimples did/said this to me?" Once I took Denzel's advice and explained it to him like a 2 year old...he got it. Men are dumb and/or not used to being called on their shi...stuff (mostly the second part :rolleyes:).
Click to expand...


Lmao it's true. My BF says it himself,even though he is highly intelligent, they are pretty dumb about these things.
 
BGT said:
I just have to gush at how sweet and great my boyfriend is. He is so incredibly kind and considerate. I am spending the summer i Florida for an internship and since he is from the area, he drove down with me (12+ hours!), spent the weekend with me, which included my birthday, took me out for brunch, a movie, and dinner, then flew home the next day. He told me he didn't want me to make the drive home by myself so he's going to fly down when my internship is over and drive home with me too. He's so great. @hopeful I got a good one this time!
Click to expand...

UPDATE: He broke up with me tonight. I'm shocked and have no real answers that make sense because nothing he said made sense. This is very out of the blue, and I'm so hurt because I love him.

@hopeful I need you
 
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