Why I Married a Black Woman

[Maa Maa omo mti]

white people steal too, white people have crack addicts and meth addicts etc. It is not a black culture. So that line was definitely out of place.

I'm wondering if he ever dated a white girl, cause the ones in the south like collard greens, and some of the rest of the food he mentioned don't they?

For my thxgiving I had jollof rice, turkey, mash potatoes, gravy, mac-n-cheese, amongst other stuff. Our thxgiving is always a mixture of cultures. I'm still blackity black.

eta: it is sad that there is a strong need to claim stealing as an "everyone knows a cousin who does it" within the black culture.
it is not a black culture thing it is a wrong culture thing. We do need to disown some bad behaviors instead of claiming them.......

 

[MzRhonda]

Poverty does not equal street or thug life. I grew up in a middle class household but my parents grew up poor during the depression and my grandparents were dirt poor. So while I can't relate to being poor, I still grew up hearing the stories of how they and everyone they knew struggled and overcame having little or nothing.

WE need to get rid of that mindset of equating poverty and people in poverty as thugs..........don't we get upset with the yt man when they do the same, equate Welfare to blacks????

 

[zora]

LHCF never disappoints. Looks like ya'll be here tomorrow.

 

[gabulldawg]

I liked it. The underlying meaning is exactly why I married a black man.

 

[LivingInPeace]

WE need to get rid of that mindset of equating poverty and people in poverty as thugs..........don't we get upset with the yt man when they do the same, equate Welfare to blacks????

It's part of the class war in this country. Poor people are demonized in the U.S. And as blacks we all get lumped into the poverty class regardless of how we're doing financially.

As far as the original message is concerned, I don't know why people are so offended. If a black man says negative things about us, we're mad. If he says something complimentary, we're mad. For the love of....! Maybe black men should be given press releases pre-approved by Committee to Defend Black Women before they're allowed to speak.

 

[allmundjoi]

I liked it. The underlying meaning is exactly why I married a black man.

Thank you. Folks are tripping over this man's reality. Perhaps in HIS experience and of those he knows that yes, it's common to have a family member addicted to a substance. He spoke of shared experiences. If you didn't get it-you probably wouldn't have been the black woman for him. I have an AA friend who was born and raised in a very upperclass family, not quite 1%, but very close. For her, her world consisted of days spent in ballet, on the back of a horse, boarding school, raised by an au pair, and summers spent abroad. For her this was her black experience and she sought people with a similar experience and background. She knew they existed because, although small in number, they existed in her world. Although the black experience is unique, it is less unique when compared from one black person to another. If I say Uncle Ray Ray who likes to toot, penny candy, king fu movies on Sat morning, grandma and church on Sunday with a purse full if mints, double dutch, getting spanked with a switch, don't let the street lights come on before you get home, tetherball, sour pickles and $0.25 juices, the feeling you had when called the n-word for the first time, seasoning salt on popcorn, mom showing up to school with a belt...I bet 50-11 ladies on this board will throw their hands up and say 'yep, that was my childhood.' The things I listed were not necessarily cultural, but experiences that I know many black people share. And when I come across people like this IRL we almost immediately feel a kinship and share laughs. What's wrong with wanting a spouse with a similar story? That will understand without a long drawn out explanation, but understood immediately and all that occurs is a knowing look. He wasn't saying thievery was cultural, y'all read it like that.

Look at the foreign thread where women are comparing how different Americans are from them. Have you seen the almost instant little e-bonds that have formed in that thread over shared or similar experiences-most cultural, many not.

 

[ambergirl]

I really enjoyed and appreciated what he wrote.

The part about the cousin was just him saying he needed a woman who understood that one troubled family member doesn't necessarily reflect on the entire family or race...... You now that relative you try to hide away when company comes? yea, that's the one he's talking about. But there was so much more he wrote in the article that I can totally relate to and understand.

Thank you button not enough!!!!

As a person who's had money taken out of my purse by relatives (drug related) and grew up in a solidly middle class family I get exactly what he's saying. It's about recognizing that bad behavior by a few individuals is not a reflection on the entire race.

Most nonblack people will go directly to the next available stereotype when they see negative behavior, yes sometimes even the one who's sleeping with you.

The article is poorly written, but what he's trying to get across is not that complicated.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

WE need to get rid of that mindset of equating poverty and people in poverty as thugs..........don't we get upset with the yt man when they do the same, equate Welfare to blacks????

*sigh*

 

[ambergirl]

duplicate post

 

[TCatt86]

Smh.

I got what he was trying to say. I think the cousin thing was a metaphor for his wife not judging his whole family just because of one bad apple.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

I side eyed it but I understood it. My nephew is dating a white woman (he's a conservative republican as is she) and she was worried for his safety when he came home because he's "so different" from us and we're from New Orleans (poor people) and he's lifted himself from poverty :rollseyes: . An AA woman would probably understand that family is family and you know how to deal with them regardless of what station of life you're in.

 

[Southernbella.]

*sigh*

Wish I could thank you twice.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

 

[ambergirl]

I side eyed it but I understood it. My nephew is dating a white woman (he's a conservative republican as is she) and she was worried for his safety when he came home because he's "so different" from us and we're from New Orleans (poor people) and he's lifted himself from poverty :rollseyes: . An AA woman would probably understand that family is family and you know how to deal with them regardless of what station of life you're in.

Ugh....hate this aspect of inter racial dating...the "special negro" syndrome.

Luckily there are nonblack people out there who don't buy into that nonsense, but truthfully I find them to be far and few between.

 

[*SkolarStar*]

Some of you are so freaking extra. Damned if they do damned off they don't.

 

[sylver2]

why yall mad cause some didn't like the cousin reference? so what!!! i got that they agreed w/ everything he said except the cousin thing. like white people or others don't have relatives who steal:/ everybody got a cousin/aunt/uncle, father etc who steal lol

 

[MzRhonda]

Thank you. Folks are tripping over this man's reality. Perhaps in HIS experience and of those he knows that yes, it's common to have a family member addicted to a substance. He spoke of shared experiences. If you didn't get it-you probably wouldn't have been the black woman for him. I have an AA friend who was born and raised in a very upperclass family, not quite 1%, but very close. For her, her world consisted of days spent in ballet, on the back of a horse, boarding school, raised by an au pair, and summers spent abroad. For her this was her black experience and she sought people with a similar experience and background. She knew they existed because, although small in number, they existed in her world. Although the black experience is unique, it is less unique when compared from one black person to another. If I say Uncle Ray Ray who likes to toot, penny candy, king fu movies on Sat morning, grandma and church on Sunday with a purse full if mints, double dutch, getting spanked with a switch, don't let the street lights come on before you get home, tetherball, sour pickles and $0.25 juices, the feeling you had when called the n-word for the first time, seasoning salt on popcorn, mom showing up to school with a belt...I bet 50-11 ladies on this board will throw their hands up and say 'yep, that was my childhood.' The things I listed were not necessarily cultural, but experiences that I know many black people share. And when I come across people like this IRL we almost immediately feel a kinship and share laughs. What's wrong with wanting a spouse with a similar story? That will understand without a long drawn out explanation, but understood immediately and all that occurs is a knowing look. He wasn't saying thievery was cultural, y'all read it like that.

Look at the foreign thread where women are comparing how different Americans are from them. Have you seen the almost instant little e-bonds that have formed in that thread over shared or similar experiences-most cultural, many not.

Yep at the bolded....those were things I experienced growing up along with the ham, turkey, greens, hot rolls, mac n cheese, peach cobbler et al for Thanksgiving.

Lets not forget Bid Whist!

 

[MzRhonda]

................................

 

[MzRhonda]

*sigh*

Wish I could thank you twice.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

Why the sigh? erplexed You equate poverty to being a thug?

I don't and that was the point I was making.

 

[Middle]

this place is a mess. i liked what he had to say, even though I didn't know half of what he was talking about TBH. And I watched the Five Heartbeats. It was aight.

I do have some crazy family members though. I think anyone would love someone who they feel is able to look at them and their family without judgement. That being said, there are a few black men that I have dated who were all to ready to look down their nose at somebody. They didn't understand that who I am now is very different from who I have been....

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Why the sigh? erplexed You equate poverty to being a thug?
:

Yep. That's exactly it. You caught me. I confess.

 

[Jasmataz]

I get the cousin reference. He wants a woman who can relate to the positive aspects of the AA community, but can also understand some of the things that plague our community as well.

 

[MzRhonda]

Yep. That's exactly it. You caught me. I confess.

 

[SurferBabe]

white people steal too, white people have crack addicts and meth addicts etc. It is not a black culture. So that line was definitely out of place.

Sigh...but that isn't what was implied. THEY see dysfunction as an individual thing when it happens in their communities, but when WE do it, it's a reflection of our culture as a whole. He wants someone from his own culture who can see a thief as being just a bad apple and not a representation of the black community as a whole. I mean don't we talk about this dynamic all of the time? Why are people acting so brand new?

 

[AnjelLuvs]

People sure like to beat a dead horse. I just don't get why if this us not your experience, keep it pushing...

Sent from my Galaxy

 

[MrsJaiDiva]

I wonder if this is a Norm for many Black women? Being told that they are a Black mans exclusive, and prized choice....because I've yet to see more than 1 or 2 women say so.

 

[fasika]

I think the problem is that the guy isn't eloquent. I can't believe he's authored a book.

And also, I think people really need to learn the difference between race and ethnicity, specially if they're gonna present themselves as some type of expert. What he described is "Why I married an African American woman", not "Why I married a black woman."

 

[nathansgirl1908]

I think the problem is that the guy isn't eloquent. I can't believe he's authored a book.

Well he makes more sense to me than Steve Harvey. If Steve Harvey can write a book like that, this man certainly can.

 

[yardyspice]

I think the problem is that the guy isn't eloquent. I can't believe he's authored a book.

And also, I think people really need to learn the difference between race and ethnicity, specially if they're gonna present themselves as some type of expert. What he described is "Why I married an African American woman", not "Why I married a black woman."

I think the shade would work a bit better if the board wasn't 99% African American. It only seems multi-cultural lately because of a couple of threads.

 

[fasika]

What shade?

My point is that what he described are cultural connections, not racial connections.

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

Sigh...but that isn't what was implied. THEY see dysfunction as an individual thing when it happens in their communities, but when WE do it, it's a reflection of our culture as a whole. He wants someone from his own culture who can see a thief as being just a bad apple and not a representation of the black community as a whole. I mean don't we talk about this dynamic all of the time? Why are people acting so brand new?

Sigh



After reading this thread I saw a running theme. a couple of people voice their opinion about not liking the stealing cousin comment and most posters claimed it like it was a badge of black hood.

every community steals so it's not a big issue solely within our community, that we need to share a commonality over. So I guess I see dysfunction when I hear about an individual issue, and don't look at it as a community thing( silly me for actually thinking that's a good thing). As long as cousin ain't stealing from my bag I'm good. and shouldn't someone address that cousin is stealing, and get him/her some help?

I could careless don't really have an arm or leg in this. a lot of what he used are generalizing and not specific so therefore people will not identify with everything he said.

I FEEL like I have to say that The attempt in good, it's ok. What will impress me is why he loves his particular black woman. like someone said we come in varieties.

blah blah blah. don't mind me

 

[AnjelLuvs]

Maa Maa omo mti, but no one is saying it is a badge of blackhood, only that they can relate to the pookie/gator/bad lil thiefing cousin, etc scenario in some form or another...