Why I Married a Black Woman

[yardyspice]

Why, because some folks don't understand why he tried to normalize family theft into a cultural experience?!

I dunno - I guess I didn't give his article enough thought to be offended by his depiction of black culture, or be annoyed by those who didn't agree with it.

For one, I think we are focusing on the sticky finger cousin line in order to deflect from the rest of the article. Since we are going to analyze this piece so closely, shouldn't we use the rules of literature analysis? Poetic license? Metaphor?

I think his point is important because we are only generations out of Jim Crow and that means most of our families are very recently out of poverty and more than likely there are some who have been unable to claw their way out as yet. Poverty has its culture and one that leaves it mark. I understand wanting a spouse who can relate.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

I am now beginning to wonder if it really is hard for Black women to hear that they can be loved, and praised over any other race, by a Black man... erplexed

Yes. Apparently it is!

Jesus take the wheel and pump the brakes

 

[HoneyCurlz]

I can't be with anyone who doesn't get that Five Heartbeats reference, Black or white. I love that movie.

But seriously, I think some of y'all are taking his words a little too literally. He's just basically saying he wants someone who can relate to him. I get it cuz that's a definitely a part of my apprehension to date a non-Black man.

I think this may also be an age thing as well.

Those who actually remember the whole "crack epidemic" and how it was highlighted that people would steal from their parents/family members for drugs can kinda easily get the reference, imo.

I was really young at the time but I do remember this being in Jungle Fever (gator) and as you said, the Five Heartbeats.

 

[yardyspice]

I am now beginning to wonder if it really is hard for Black women to hear that they can be loved, and praised over any other race, by a Black man... erplexed

I think it is. I don't think anyone will actually admit that because they would have admit that the past digs and articles lambasting black women hurt them. I am not afraid to admit it.

(If I had met this dude when I was out dating, I would have snatched him up soo fast )

 

[nathansgirl1908]

I think this may also be an age thing as well.

Those who actually remember the whole "crack epidemic" and how it was highlighted that people would steal from their parents/family members for drugs can kinda easily get the reference, imo.

Good point.

 

[Syrah]

.....................

 

[greight]

It's sad that I read the thread for the comments and THEN read the OP because of the title for purely entertainment purposes... I'm going out. Hope this is here for Sunday brunch.

I like what he wrote. It sounded very sincere and sweet. Also a lot of truth. It takes a lot for a black woman to give up on a black man.

 

[Syrah]

For one, I think we are focusing on the sticky finger cousin line in order to deflect from the rest of the article. Since we are going to analyze this piece so closely, shouldn't we use the rules of literature analysis? Poetic license? Metaphor?

I think his point is important because we are only generations out of Jim Crow and that means most of our families are very recently out of poverty and more than likely there are some who have been unable to claw their way out as yet. Poverty has its culture and one that leaves it mark. I understand wanting a spouse who can relate.

I see where you're coming from - I was a science major so I'm literal. And really, I'm not sure why I'm defending a position I didn't even react to (cuz I don't feel like working as usual).

What about the opposite of that? What about the fact that some of our families have worked so hard to pull themselves out of poverty that the insinuation that "poverty" is black culture may be a bit "insulting" or at the least "limiting"?

 

[allmundjoi]

Right. Not all black people have that experience but its easier to explain when someone else knows of the experience. It's easier to say he's a crackhead and they automatically know they will steal anything from anybody and they can fix anything. It's easier for me to say my crackhead cousin Charles.

Not 'they can fix anything.' LOL.

 

[yardyspice]

I see where you're coming from - I was a science major so I'm literal. And really, I'm not sure why I'm defending a position I didn't even react to (cuz I don't feel like working as usual).

What about the opposite of that? What about the fact that some of our families have worked so hard to pull themselves out of poverty that the insinuation that "poverty" is black culture may be a bit "insulting" or at the least "limiting"?

I have much to say on the bolded as usual

I don't think poverty is black culture or in my case, Jamaican culture and conflating the two is wrong. I do think, however, that we have created a culture in the Diaspora that was borne out of poverty.

 

[Syrah]

I have much to say on the bolded as usual

I don't think poverty is black culture or in my case, Jamaican culture and conflating the two is wrong. I do think, however, that we have created a culture in the Diaspora that was borne out of poverty.

Does that mean we have to continue to use that as a pillar of relation?

On one hand we hate the hold that street culture and thug life has on our popular culture and perceptions in the media. On the other we get annoyed when folks claim they either can't relate or choose not to relate on that dimension.

 

[KEWLKAT103]

I liked the article and think it was nice. I get wanting to be with someone you really can relate to. Someone with the same history and experiences.

I can't be with anyone who doesn't get that Five Heartbeats reference, Black or white. I love that movie.

But seriously, I think some of y'all are taking his words a little too literally. He's just basically saying he wants someone who can relate to him. I get it cuz that's a definitely a part of my apprehension to date a non-Black man.

Haha!
DH get's this and we can go on and on about that movie when either of us start singing that part.

 

[LivingInPeace]

Does that mean we have to continue to use that as a pillar of relation?

On one hand we hate the hold that street culture and thug life has on our popular culture and perceptions in the media. On the other we get annoyed when folks claim they either can't relate or choose not to relate on that dimension.

Poverty does not equal street or thug life. I grew up in a middle class household but my parents grew up poor during the depression and my grandparents were dirt poor. So while I can't relate to being poor, I still grew up hearing the stories of how they and everyone they knew struggled and overcame having little or nothing.

 

[allmundjoi]

Perhaps I am just nit up for real critical thinking and analysis today, but I thought the article was fine-he wants a SO he can relate to. Don't we all? Would it have been better if he said he wants a woman who knows what it means to 'go get me a switch and you better not come back with a twig!' No, you all would probably have a problem with that and how he was insinuating child abuse and how it runs rampant in the AA community. Lol.

 

[yardyspice]

...................

 

[Syrah]

Poverty does not equal street or thug life. I grew up in a middle class household but my parents grew up poor during the depression and my grandparents were dirt poor. So while I can't relate to being poor, I still grew up hearing the stories of how they and everyone they knew struggled and overcame having little or nothing.

And maybe poverty is our "holocaust" (like slavery) in the sense that it shouldn't be "don't talk about it" but "look how far we've come inspite of"? I can get with it.

 

[LoveisYou]

I really enjoyed and appreciated what he wrote.

The part about the cousin was just him saying he needed a woman who understood that one troubled family member doesn't necessarily reflect on the entire family or race...... You now that relative you try to hide away when company comes? yea, that's the one he's talking about. But there was so much more he wrote in the article that I can totally relate to and understand.

 

[LaBelle Africaine29]

Good for him. I'm not AA, so a lot of the cultural references escape me.

 

[pookaloo83]

I really enjoyed and appreciated what he wrote.

The part about the cousin was just him saying he needed a woman who understood that one troubled family member doesn't necessarily reflect on the entire family or race...... You now that relative you try to hide away when company comes? yea, that's the one he's talking about.

But doesn't every culture have at least one? People are lying if they say they don't.

 

[deltagyrl]

While it wasn't well written, I get the point.
I don't have a problem with what he said. Think it's great that he loves the black woman he chose.

 

[barbiesocialite]

tough crowd....some of ya'll are harsh. *not even sure what smiley to use*

 

[greenandchic]

]I can't be with anyone who doesn't get that Five Heartbeats reference, Black or white. I love that movie.[/B]

But seriously, I think some of y'all are taking his words a little too literally. He's just basically saying he wants someone who can relate to him. I get it cuz that's a definitely a part of my apprehension to date a non-Black man.

I did marry a Black man who thought the movie was hokey. I've also been in a relationship with a non-Black man who LOVED the movie and couldn't wait for the special edition/blue ray DVD to come out.

My ex husband was proof that color is not everything when it comes to culture. It wasn't just the 5 Heartbeats, there were so many other examples. I think that's one reason why I can't 100% cosign with the author of the essay given the fact that I stopped looking at color as the 1st requirement of a relationship a long time ago. I do love how he views his wife and Black women in general though even if I cant related to him personally.

 

[FelaShrine]

Who said anything 'bout the article being unbelievable? Some folks took issue with the tone or some of his supposedly "broadly relatable" reasons. I don't see any disbelief.

chile you know they always melodramatic.

I liked the write-up, I just thought that one line was odd. I point out everything!

 

[FelaShrine]

I am now beginning to wonder if it really is hard for Black women to hear that they can be loved, and praised over any other race, by a Black man... erplexed

Ive never had this issue. Naija men love and marry Naija women Me making a sarcastic comment qabout some odd line has nothing to do with not knowing what love is Pele o!

 

[Anakinsmomma]

I know many of us have had the cousin that took money out of their mother's purse to go to the store and buy some candy.......I'm going much further back than most because when I was growing up going to the store for our parents for say milk, bread and eggs and being able to keep the change so we could buy some candy was a treat!

I remember keeping the change too.

My thing is I'm pretty sure AA aren't the only ones with cousins that go through Mamas pocketbook so I don't get why he would have to explain that to a non black SO.

 

[pookaloo83]

Ive never had this issue. Naija men love and marry Naija women Me making a sarcastic comment qabout some odd line has nothing to do with not knowing what love is Pele o!

Sent From My Pheauxne

 

[Truth]

*deleted*........

 

[Truth]

I guess some of you prefer to read the information about why Black men don't want Black women. And honestly after seeing some of the responses in this thread, I can see why some of them don't want to. And I never thought I would say that.
:

whew chile!....

I see this thread going so wrong...

 

[abioni]

He sounds like those men who proclaim proudly that they take care of their kids. Like Duh! You are supposed to. Humans generally date people from similar background. Nothing special about that. I don't see an Indian man writing an article about why he married an Indian woman or a Kenyan explaining why he married someone from Kenya.

 

[SerenavanderWoodsen]

your're gonna have me choke right now