What does it say when a man won't pay for dinner?

[ambergirl]

zzirvingj, I would have let him pay. Other than you not liking the 1st place for personal reasons, I don't understand why you were so pressed to pay? What's up with that? It seems you are a bit controlling. I know that may be over stretching but come on lady.

I agree. You should have let him pay. Your offer to pay got the point across that you were ready, willing, able to treat him. In this instance it was probably not about the money. He wanted to show his appreciation for you by paying and you basically rejected it (and in his mind, him).

 

[zzirvingj]

I agree. You should have let him pay. Your offer to pay got the point across that you were ready, willing, able to treat him. In this instance it was probably not about the money. He wanted to show his appreciation for you by paying and you basically rejected it (and in his mind, him).

I understand where you're coming from. But you are describing exactly how I felt as well. I wanted to show my appreciation for him by paying at the time. So was I supposed to let him reject me then?

LOL...okay I'm done with this ish! lol Shoulda went dutch and called it a nite! lol

 

[JayAnn0513]

In the OP the guy in question just sounds like he hasn't been on enough dates to " get it " yet. I bet she never goes out with him again. In my personal experience I have never paid for a date until I was the long term girlfriend. Once we hit that point I'd pay every now and again. Usually his birthday, or if we were celebrating him.

 

[ambergirl]

I understand where you're coming from. But you are describing exactly how I felt as well. I wanted to show my appreciation for him by paying at the time. So was I supposed to let him reject me then?

LOL...okay I'm done with this ish! lol Shoulda went dutch and called it a nite! lol

My honest opinion is that buying them things is not how most men feel appreciated. They like praise, respect, affection, making them dinner, wearing something they like to see on you etc. And even then you can't pile on too much of that in the beginning of a relationship.

On the other hand paying for things is the way most men express appreciation so when you deny them that, they are often at a loss as to what to do to impress you and show you that they care.

 

[zzirvingj]

My honest opinion is that buying them things is not how most men feel appreciated. They like praise, respect, affection, making them dinner, wearing something they like to see on you etc. And even then you can't pile on too much of that in the beginning of a relationship.

On the other hand paying for things is the way most men express appreciation so when you deny them that, they are often at a loss as to what to do to impress you and show you that they care.

I understand, I do...

We went out again this weekend and he paid

 

[summer]

a man who won't pay is just not that into whoever he's dating. a man who can't pay shouldn't be dating. ambergirl is right on point about how a woman paying impacts the dynamic.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I used to do the whole split everything with men and what not. I found those relationships to be very stressful. A man that will invest in you (emotion, money, and time), typically have long-term in mind. Paying for a simple dinner is surface to a much deeper issue of what he thinks about you.

But I soon came to realize that a MAN that wants to pursue you will take whatever means he has to WOO you. No exception. He doesnt have to pay all the time but majority.

 

[MzLady78]

It says a lot.

I remember when I first starting talking to this guy. Somehow the issue of who pays for the first date came up. I made it clear that I'd expect the man to pay, and he took issue with this- so much so that we didn't go out on our first date for at least another month. When we discussed later on, he actually admitted that put off taking me out because he resented my assumption that he should pay. Admittedly I should have kept it moving from the jump, but I didn't. As we got further into our relationship, it became very obvious that his views on gender roles (and women in general, for that matter) were extremely twisted, and I realized that the issue of who was to pay on the date was early indicator of that. I just didn't know it at the time.

 

[juicy555]

I used to do the whole split everything with men and what not. I found those relationships to be very stressful. A man that will invest in you (emotion, money, and time), typically have long-term in mind. Paying for a simple dinner is surface to a much deeper issue of what he thinks about you.

But I soon came to realize that a MAN that wants to pursue you will take whatever means he has to WOO you. No exception. He doesnt have to pay all the time but majority.

Thank you for this post. So true.

 

[juicy555]

It says a lot.

I remember when I first starting talking to this guy. Somehow the issue of who pays for the first date came up. I made it clear that I'd expect the man to pay, and he took issue with this- so much so that we didn't go out on our first date for at least another month. When we discussed later on, he actually admitted that put off taking me out because he resented my assumption that he should pay. Admittedly I should have kept it moving from the jump, but I didn't. As we got further into our relationship, it became very obvious that his views on gender roles (and women in general, for that matter) were extremely twisted, and I realized that the issue of who was to pay on the date was early indicator of that. I just didn't know it at the time.

True. Like it or not it really does point to some deeper issues, beliefs and emotions. At the end of the day we need providers who will have our back when we are dropping their kids. I made the mistake of marrying someone with "modern views" because I was a feminist. Now we're divorced and he doesn't support his child. If I'd know then what I know now I wouldn't have given him the time of day when he'd first shown me what a cheap *&^# he is. And damn straight anyone I date now better damn well be prepared to pay for at ALL cuz I'm not playing around anymore.

 

[frida1980]

You know, when I posted this I thought at the poll would go on infinitely but apparently it expires in a few days. Sorry about that. Maybe a mod and open it again. I'll ask.

It's been a month since I posted this, and the original post I got this from died in a week. To them, people in their teens and early twenties, this wasn't a big deal. If a girl asked, dutch. If a guy asked, he paid. But I think this debate is a lot deeper than I realized. Women have recently gotten a lot of rights, but men are struggling with their loss of control or more acurately a woman's increase of control. What these men see as unfair and prostitution, we see as assurance and respect. Maybe it is archaic but we do it for good reason. Many kids haven't had to deal with triffing men. Instead of bothering with a man that's clearly not interested, we do need to look out for ourselves. This is just one of the ways we do it.

 

[LilMissRed]

I voted that hes probably CHEAP.

From what I read/understand.. girl says lets have dinner soon.. but HE said ok lets do this Tuesday at such n such place/time. To me.. I would think it was a date and he would be footing the bill

HOWEVER... MOMMA didnt raise no fool- I ALWAYS have a means to pay my share regardless if its a date or not. At the end of the dinner if he suggested splitting the bill.. I would pay my share, chuck him the DUECES and head out. Dude would NEVER have that opportunity with me again.

 

[Ladybelle]

I read through this thread,
and IMO- if a man won't pay for dinner he's probably not that interested in you. If he's too broke to pay,if he's interested he will get real creative to ensure he shows you just how important you are.

 

[sunnieb]

I voted that hes probably CHEAP.

From what I read/understand.. girl says lets have dinner soon.. but HE said ok lets do this Tuesday at such n such place/time. To me.. I would think it was a date and he would be footing the bill

HOWEVER... MOMMA didnt raise no fool- I ALWAYS have a means to pay my share regardless if its a date or not. At the end of the dinner if he suggested splitting the bill.. I would pay my share, chuck him the DUECES and head out. Dude would NEVER have that opportunity with me again.

If I were dating, this would be me. Do NOT let them pay for dinner when they act up on the first date. You don't want to open the door for them to feel like you owe them something. Pay your share, tip the waiter, hit the door, and lose the fool's contact info.

 

[kismettt]

for me, i don't consider it a date unless he offers to pay (unless prior to going out, we had a conversation about my views on feminism/my dating style. which has definitely happened). BUT i always pay for myself. in my experience, if he is interested in me, he will try to pay.


i have never offered to pay for both of us on the first date though. woops.

 

[arosieworld]

I never pay. I might buy your birthday dinner if you are my man and occasionally I will buy the coffee or tip a valet but that's still after a few months of dating. I would have let him pay and taken a girlfriend to lunch with my groupon and talked about how cute it was that he took my fake offer to pay seriously.

 

[frida1980]

Here's my story. I was friends with a really nice guy that I secretly attracted to in college. We were both on the board in Student Gov., so we and the board were always hanging out. During the summer I would still hang out with him and the board, but he start do something odd. He would pay for my meals and his with his meal plan. I thought he was just being nice, I mean he really was a guy that would help anyone. I tried over and over again to pay for him, but he wasn't having it. Took me a bit, and a few gossiping co-workers, to make me realize he was courting me. To which I confronted him, and got a boyfriend that spoiled me with classic chivalry; door holding, book carrying and everything. He didn't need to spend a lot of money to show me that he was serious and he cared.

Now no man can approach me the same anymore.

 

[juicy555]

Here's my story. I was friends with a really nice guy that I secretly attracted to in college. We were both on the board in Student Gov., so we and the board were always hanging out. During the summer I would still hang out with him and the board, but he start do something odd. He would pay for my meals and his with his meal plan. I thought he was just being nice, I mean he really was a guy that would help anyone. I tried over and over again to pay for him, but he wasn't having it. Took me a bit, and a few gossiping co-workers, to make me realize he was courting me. To which I confronted him, and got a boyfriend that spoiled me with classic chivalry; door holding, book carrying and everything. He didn't need to spend a lot of money to show me that he was serious and he cared.

Now no man can approach me the same anymore.

I love that story! Once you have that it is impossible to settle for less.

 

[HoneyA]

If a guy asked me out, well then I expect him to pay but she asked him out I am not sure why he would be expected to pay for the whole bill. I'm not so sure he viewed it as a date. Was he even interested in her? When a man takes out a woman he is interested in on some level, he has no problems paying. He wants to impress her so he'll probably tell her to choose whatever she wants on the menu. It is clear that he is paying.

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

to me it says he is not expecting a second date or a call back. ♥

 

[Sosoothing]

Here's my story. I was friends with a really nice guy that I secretly attracted to in college. We were both on the board in Student Gov., so we and the board were always hanging out. During the summer I would still hang out with him and the board, but he start do something odd. He would pay for my meals and his with his meal plan. I thought he was just being nice, I mean he really was a guy that would help anyone. I tried over and over again to pay for him, but he wasn't having it. Took me a bit, and a few gossiping co-workers, to make me realize he was courting me. To which I confronted him, and got a boyfriend that spoiled me with classic chivalry; door holding, book carrying and everything. He didn't need to spend a lot of money to show me that he was serious and he cared.

Now no man can approach me the same anymore.

Aww, how cute! Are you still with him?

 

[frida1980]

Aww, how cute! Are you still with him?

Nah, I wish. We broke up a bit ago. But it was the relationship that defined what I liked and how I liked a man to treat me. It's hard to settle for something else, after that.

 

[cheetarah1980]

It says he's lazy, cheap, and ungentlemanly. That would be our first and last date.

 

[newbiemom]

I hae 2 sons and if they did this I would cry for 1 hour. If you want to be grown and date then you need have the money to do so, I dated my dh for 5 yrs b4 we were married and I consider the 1st yr the courting stage. I didnt pay for anything at that time. When we became official and I considered him my bf then I would start to help out.

 

[omnipadme]

If he can't afford to take me out to dinner, he can't afford to marry me or support a family. First and last date!

 

[Mis007]

I am very old school and would expect my date to pay, however if he is in uni then he should dine within his means, this goes for both concerned.

 

[aribell]

There was a man I met who did two things that made me let him go. The first was doing the whole last minute plans thing. Making a date and then not following up till the last minute. The second was making the comment, "I like it when a woman will do nice things for me, ask me out, treat me to dinner, etc." We hadn't even gone out yet. It left me with the impression that he approached dating in a very lazy way and was putting it out there that he expected me to pursue him.

I wholeheartedly agree that a man who can't afford to treat should not be dating. At the same time, I believe that people figure out how to make things work when they want to. If a man is really into a woman, but just can't afford fancy dinners, he will figure something out. And I knew a guy who was in high school and one in college who both had part time jobs partially so that they could afford to keep their girlfriends. They both specifically said they worked so they would have "girl money." So, I believe that unwillingness to pay (or to do what it takes to be able to pay) is either laziness or lack of interest.

 

[arosieworld]

What do you mean wont?! Um the only thing I am paying for is my cab home and for the first and only time in real life I would throw someone the deuces and step!

 

[Carisa]

It says he should go directly to "Friend-Zone", do not pass Go, do not collect the vajayjay.

I can't get with this new age dating. Yall can have it. Even my platonic never touched me male friends pay the ticket just because that's what men are expected to do.

I see this quote being in my siggy in the very near future! And yes he is expected to pay- usually even my guy friends offer to pay if I go out with them in a non-romantic way! In my eyes if he's not paying then he's not interested (and neither am I).

 

[Lovelylocs]

What does it say?

It says RUN!