From B.e.t.: In 2017, Are Men Expected To Pay For Dates?

KammyGirl said:
I still don't agree with this. If I am dating someone meaning 1 or 2 dates in and I am going somewhere and I invite him to come along that means that as a woman I have given him the privilege of attending something with me that I could have gone to by myself so he needs to make sure that I don't regret inviting him and make me want to keep seeing him. Example: One time I wanted to go to the bbq festival. I could have gone alone (in fact I think I probably went the day before with friends) but I looked at the roster and decided which guy I would "let" take me. The one I chose already knew that he was the lucky one that got to take me to a place I wanted to go and treat me and make me happy and that's exactly what he did. Paid for everything and took me to the movies after. This whole I invite you I pay rule does not apply to dating.
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I'm saying! You're looking nice for him, you got dressed for him, you put on make up for him. He's enjoying the privilege of your company.

As you mention that @KammyGirl whenever I got out with a male friend of mine who believes this, most times he offers to pay. I'll meet strangers at a function and we'll eat afterwards. They'll grab the check and pay it before I can even turn my head.

You asking me to sleep with you and I still have to pay for myself when we go out? Nah son!

Biggest turn off ever.

I stopped dating this SUPPERRR fine guy I was attracted to because of this. I was so ready to be with him too... Oh, well. Guess he wasn't that interested.
 
I’ve told my sister, never go on a date without having money. Never order anything you can’t afford to pay for. Because if foolio decides after ordering that y’all are going Dutch or he left his wallet, you need to be able to leave him there by himself. As far as I’m concerned, if I pay myself, we didn’t go on a date. You accompanied me to dinner (lunch, whatever) and are not a dating prospect. The only time I pay for myself is when I go out with friends. You must be trying to be friends

Last January I had a guy tell me to meet him at a particular restaurant in Georgetown. I was impressed because it’s not easy to get into and their reservations book weeks in advance. How come I get there and he meets me outside talking about “let’s walk”. Ummm where?? He said he wanted to walk around, see the sights. Ok I guess but what about the restaurant. Turns out he didn’t have a reservation and there was actually no reason for me to meet him at that particular restaurant, we weren’t going there. Instead we stand in the cold forever to get cupcakes. Ok. And while eating these cupcakes, he says “I prefer to split everything evenly. I’ve dated in the past and women have taken advantage of me”. I smiled and the whole mood changed after that. I was gone in the next ten minutes. His goofy self knew I was working part time hours to put myself through school while he was a government contractor. Blocked
 
kupenda said:
Last January I had a guy tell me to meet him at a particular restaurant in Georgetown. I was impressed because it’s not easy to get into and their reservations book weeks in advance. How come I get there and he meets me outside talking about “let’s walk”. Ummm where?? He said he wanted to walk around, see the sights. Ok I guess but what about the restaurant. Turns out he didn’t have a reservation and there was actually no reason for me to meet him at that particular restaurant, we weren’t going there.
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:lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen:This is hilarious!
 
kupenda said:
I’ve told my sister, never go on a date without having money. Never order anything you can’t afford to pay for. Because if foolio decides after ordering that y’all are going Dutch or he left his wallet, you need to be able to leave him there by himself. As far as I’m concerned, if I pay myself, we didn’t go on a date. You accompanied me to dinner (lunch, whatever) and are not a dating prospect. The only time I pay for myself is when I go out with friends. You must be trying to be friends

Last January I had a guy tell me to meet him at a particular restaurant in Georgetown. I was impressed because it’s not easy to get into and their reservations book weeks in advance. How come I get there and he meets me outside talking about “let’s walk”. Ummm where?? He said he wanted to walk around, see the sights. Ok I guess but what about the restaurant. Turns out he didn’t have a reservation and there was actually no reason for me to meet him at that particular restaurant, we weren’t going there. Instead we stand in the cold forever to get cupcakes. Ok. And while eating these cupcakes, he says “I prefer to split everything evenly. I’ve dated in the past and women have taken advantage of me”. I smiled and the whole mood changed after that. I was gone in the next ten minutes. His goofy self knew I was working part time hours to put myself through school while he was a government contractor. Blocked
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Damn Damn Damn....... He couldnt even pay for a 5 dollar cupcake!!!!!
 
LiftedUp said:
I saw a clip where the guy said that women should offer to judge his character . I can see how that may work for some women. I don't offer but that's me, however I can understand why some may.
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Offering imo is pointless. A woman can find out the same thing by the end of the night just by sitting there. Either he pays or he plays the we go dutch game. She got her answer without having to do a thing. I wouldn't even want to risk offending my date like that if he wasn't a buster. Then I might end up the one on the block list :lol:
 
KammyGirl said:
Offering imo is pointless. A woman can find out the same thing by the end of the night just by sitting there. Either he pays or he plays the we go dutch game. She got her answer without having to do a thing. I wouldn't even want to risk offending my date like that if he wasn't a buster. Then I might end up the one on the block list :lol:
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I wouldn't even want to risk having to open my purse like that :lol:
 
greenmetro99 said:
Damn Damn Damn....... He couldnt even pay for a 5 dollar cupcake!!!!!
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Lol! He paid for the cupcake but I was surprised. And then he told me afterwards how he wanted to split things evenly in the future. Future??? Whatever small attraction I had to him shriveled up and died right there on the cobblestone sidewalk in Georgetown. I’ve paid for the tip, or supplemented if I felt he was a cheap tipper. Other than that, I’ve only paid for myself once, and it was a cup of coffee (with cupcake dude).
 
kupenda said:
Lol! He paid for the cupcake but I was surprised. And then he told me afterwards how he wanted to split things evenly in the future. Future??? Whatever small attraction I had to him shriveled up and died right there on the cobblestone sidewalk in Georgetown. I’ve paid for the tip, or supplemented if I felt he was a cheap tipper. Other than that, I’ve only paid for myself once, and it was a cup of coffee (with cupcake dude).
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Is this cheap bastard still calling you? If so, whats he saying? How did you respond to him after he said yall are forced to go Dutch forever?
 
greenmetro99 said:
Is this cheap bastard still calling you? If so, whats he saying? How did you respond to him after he said yall are forced to go Dutch forever?
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I was already looking at him and smiling thinking “when is a good time to end this foolishness” so when he said that I’m pretty sure my face showed my feelings because he started trying to back it up and explain, said that it was only temporary and he wasn’t broke he just didn’t want to be taken advantage of.

Nah. I stopped responding. He texted me once to tell me about his promotion at work and once to say Happy Valentines Day. I blocked him after that. He was a nice guy overall but I already wasn’t attracted to him physically. Plus he seemed to be going through some kind of midlife crisis (he told me that day while in line for coffee at Dean and Deluca that he went to a rave the year prior and how it changed his life. Then proceeded to show me pictures. He was a divorced 40 something). But it was cool because I had another date lined up in another part of the city immediately after I was done with him
 
I would like to understand the feeling of, if I as the woman invite a man out I foot the bill, but err umm whenever I want to do something I will invite a man of interest and if a purchase is required I will send him a link to purchase OUR tickets for the event. :lachen:I was told by friends I'm trifling but as of late I have not had any issues or push back from men on this front. So...:look:
 
Idk why this keeps coming up....like??? Why do men persist in this idea that women who aren't interested in paying for dates are that way because they're broke, cheap, or gold-digging? I just argued with someone on Twitter over this lol-- if a man wants to give me his credit report, bank statements, etc. so that I can be assured of his ability and willingness to care for and support both of us if I get pregnant, fine. If not, his willingness and ability to support me financially must be evaluated somehow, and the socially acceptable proxy for all of that info is his ability and willingness to pay for dates......but then a bunch of these dudes want to be having sex (possibly unprotected)........?!?!
(This is my personal logic and belief lol)
 
alex114 said:
Idk why this keeps coming up....like??? Why do men persist in this idea that women who aren't interested in paying for dates are that way because they're broke, cheap, or gold-digging? I just argued with someone on Twitter over this lol-- if a man wants to give me his credit report, bank statements, etc. so that I can be assured of his ability and willingness to care for and support both of us if I get pregnant, fine. If not, his willingness and ability to support me financially must be evaluated somehow, and the socially acceptable proxy for all of that info is his ability and willingness to pay for dates......but then a bunch of these dudes want to be having sex (possibly unprotected)........?!?!
(This is my personal logic and belief lol)
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Girl YES! They want allll the puddin and nothing in return.

Unrelated
I went out with a dude this weekend. Why did he wait til right before the date to tell me he needed a way to get there because he took uber to work. Sir. Uber your tail to the date! So I said fine and picked him up. Put him on friend status. I had to pump my own gas and when I came out the store with Reese’s cups he said “you didn’t get me nothing?”. Dafuq?!

We get to the place and gotta pay to park. He makes no move to pay for parking. Mitch made. We go in the restaurant (I’m starving by now) and order my food. He’s like “oh I got you”. I’m shocked because I for sure thought he was “that type” to expect me to pay for myself. I had my purse ready. The conversation is fine but I’m turned off between his behavior and my boring food. We leave and I tell him I’m stopping to get a cookie at this place by the parking lot. He says “Can you spot a brotha for a peanut butter cookie?” I started laughing. He was serious! When i made a face he said “You gon make me put a cookie on my card like that?” Y’all. YALL! I about lost it. So it’s cool if I put a cookie on my card, but not if he does it? And proceeded to run down the list of things I’ve done since we met two hours prior that was unattractive. He hit me with some “I paid for dinner tho”. I told him I no longer wanted a cookie and he again thought I was joking, until I walked out of there laughing. What kinda foolishness :confused:
 
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I like to feel pampered and taken care of. I can count on one hand the amount of times my husband has left his card or wallet somewhere and not been able to pay, and each time, I'm cool, since I have access to his money anyway lol, but even the act of having to take out my card and pay when I wasn't expecting it is jarring and changes my mood for the rest of the date. He notices too-- and he's always apologized and been extra nice to make up for it, since it's not like I'm throwing a tantrum, but more that my ability to feel vulnerable and soft with him is hindered, so my more pragmatic and straight faced side, which has more dry humor than the cute, romantic inside jokes is more evident.
 
kupenda said:
Girl YES! They want allll the puddin and nothing in return.

Unrelated
I went out with a dude this weekend. Why did he wait til right before the date to tell me he needed a way to get there because he took uber to work. Sir. Uber your tail to the date! So I said fine and picked him up. Put him on friend status. I had to pump my own gas and when I came out the store with Reese’s cups he said “you didn’t get me nothing?”. Dafuq?!

We get to the place and gotta pay to park. He makes no move to pay for parking. Mitch made. We go in the restaurant (I’m starving by now) and order my food. He’s like “oh I got you”. I’m shocked because I for sure thought he was “that type” to expect me to pay for myself. I had my purse ready. The conversation is fine but I’m turned off between his behavior and my boring food. We leave and I tell him I’m stopping to get a cookie at this place by the parking lot. He says “Can you spot a brotha for a peanut butter cookie?” I started laughing. He was serious! When i made a face he said “You gon make me put a cookie on my card like that?” Y’all. YALL! I about lost it. So it’s cool if I put a cookie on my card, but not if he does it? And proceeded to run down the list of things I’ve done since we met two hours prior that was unattractive. He hit me with some “I paid for dinner tho”. I told him I no longer wanted a cookie and he again thought I was joking, until I walked out of there laughing. What kinda foolishness :confused:
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You know what? I’m glad you shared this experience blow by blow. It just goes to show that we have to trust ourselves enough to cut things off quickly. Like you knew that when he said he didn’t have a way to the date that he was not the kind of guy you’d want to date. And not even the kind of person you’d want to be friends with. Things generally don’t get better. If they do it’s just for a little bit then back to who they are. The only thing he did right was pay for dinner. Thank goodness but it sounds like in some ways you still paid with your time and frustration. What kind a man doesn’t take you to get a cookie and be happy to?

And I’ve said this countless times. Picking you up or at the very least getting himself to the date location and paying is just step one. A guy can pay all of the time and graciously, and still be a jerk. It’s just step one. It’s like you not taking the time to be fresh and pretty for the date.

And I’ll repeat that men simply aren’t that interesting or fun to not be paying, driving, and pumping gas.
 
@hopeful I just got off the phone with my parents,telling them about the date. My dad was quiet as usual. It wasn’t until I said “I pumped my own gas” that I heard my dad yell. “Who raised him?! You pumped your own gas?! What kinda man sits his black arse in the car while a woman pumps gas? Oh I know this is over with” and then quieter “hey baby how you doin” :lachen:

He seemed like a really cool guy. Well spoken, funny. But those mitch qualities shocked me. I never would have thought he was the type.

On the other hand, this other guy I’m talking to is intense. He loves just basking in my presence. He adores me. Yesterday he asked me to stop by his job since it’s on my way home from work because he had something for me. He made me chocolate chip cookies and bought me flowers. And spent the next four hours admiring me. Why would I trade it for Peanut Butter Guy :(
 
kupenda said:
@hopeful I just got off the phone with my parents,telling them about the date. My dad was quiet as usual. It wasn’t until I said “I pumped my own gas” that I heard my dad yell. “Who raised him?! You pumped your own gas?! What kinda man sits his black arse in the car while a woman pumps gas? Oh I know this is over with” and then quieter “hey baby how you doin” :lachen:

He seemed like a really cool guy. Well spoken, funny. But those mitch qualities shocked me. I never would have thought he was the type.

On the other hand, this other guy I’m talking to is intense. He loves just basking in my presence. He adores me. Yesterday he asked me to stop by his job since it’s on my way home from work because he had something for me. He made me chocolate chip cookies and bought me flowers. And spent the next four hours admiring me. Why would I trade it for Peanut Butter Guy :(
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Glad you aren’t considering that loser!! I would’ve ignored his ssa when he said he didn’t have a ride. On a first date o_O. I’m with your dad who raised these clowns.


Bolded:
That is what’s happening with the guy I’m seeing. He asks for another date before our current date is over, always checking in with me, remembers any & everything I say. He just an overall breathe of fresh air. At first, I was guarded (newly divorced) but now I’m enjoying it.
 
LostInAdream said:
Glad you aren’t considering that loser!! I would’ve ignored his ssa when he said he didn’t have a ride. On a first date o_O. I’m with your dad who raised these clowns.


Bolded:
That is what’s happening with the guy I’m seeing. He asks for another date before our current date is over, always checking in with me, remembers any & everything I say. He just an overall breathe of fresh air. At first, I was guarded (newly divorced) but now I’m enjoying it.
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Awww that’s awesome! I’m so glad you’re getting the love and adoration you deserve :2inlove:
 
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