Dating -- who pays? when?

[Kimberly]

I would pay in this situation. I would never go out with him again unless he paid me back right away and I get the feeling that it was an honest mistake.

It may have been an honest mistake but I suspected he didn't have any money to begin with.

 

[prettypuff1]

I dont even bring money with me on the first few dates. I have been out and i have never paid. It just doesnt register with me to do so. Maybe like date 5 or 6..... Then we can talk

 

[envybeauty]

I don't think that should matter. I would think that your salary would not be discussed until much much latter. I always believed gentlemen pay no matter what.

Not discussed outright but I was thinking where salary is presumed. Like if the guy is a third grade public school teacher and the girl is a doctor (and they have both been working say five years), then one could presume salary differences I guess....

 

[envybeauty]

He should be able to select dates that are within his range...I'm not real hard to please. We can go to the matinee and he can even use a BOGO coupon at dinner. I don't care...but if he just can't afford it, sounds like he needs to stay home.

Ok. I can see that. He can plan dates that are cheaper ....

don't know how I feel about a man busting out a coupon though...

 

[Kimberly]

Not discussed outright but I was thinking where salary is presumed. Like if the guy is a third grade public school teacher and the girl is a doctor (and they have both been working say five years), then one could presume salary differences I guess....

Then he needs to plan a date that a man living on a third grade public school teacher salary can afford, IMO...we can still go to parks...carriage rides...outdoor concerts...there are so many things he could do on a date that doesn't even require a lot of money. He should do what is within his means to do...and if she can't appreciate that, then she is probably not someone he would want to be with...JMO.

 

[dlewis]

Not discussed outright but I was thinking where salary is presumed. Like if the guy is a third grade public school teacher and the girl is a doctor (and they have both been working say five years), then one could presume salary differences I guess....

Owww I see, but he still pays.

 

[Kimberly]

Ok. I can see that. He can plan dates that are cheaper ....

don't know how I feel about a man busting out a coupon though...

it's about spending time together and getting to know one another...and as long as the bill gets paid... and I'm not the one paying it...

 

[envybeauty]

I always look forward to your inputs. That's what I'm talking about.

From what I see if a guy think you worth it, he will pick up the bill. My friend once said that a guy's willingness and ability to pay is an indication that he will not shy away from financial responsibility during the marriage.

I agree! I once dated a guy who was financially well off but less than absolutely willing to pay for dates (even though he did pay 100% of the time). Can't put "less than absolutely willing" into words/detail but that said something to me....

 

[Kimberly]

Owww I see, but he still pays.

this cracked me up...

I"m laughing out loud and these folks think I'm crazy!

 

[envybeauty]

Owww I see, but he still pays.

Dlewis...I see that you take no exceptions.

 

[envybeauty]

it's about spending time together and getting to know one another...and as long as the bill gets paid... and I'm not the one paying it...

ok... but still

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I always look forward to your inputs. That's what I'm talking about.

From what I see if a guy think you worth it, he will pick up the bill. My friend once said that a guy's willingness and ability to pay is an indication that he will not shy away from financial responsibility during the marriage.

Thanks!

And you're absolutely right...from my experiences, men who suggest going Dutch or allow women to pay are the same ones who insist on women working and don't believe in women staying home to care for their children. And I definitely think his choices about paying or not paying say something about what type of giver/provider he is/will be, generally speaking.

And Kimberly is right too...we don't have to go to the $100/plate restaurant if that's out of his means...the point is he's paying and courting me. We could even go do something that's free, but if there's cost involved, he should absorb it. If he can't afford it, HE SHOULDN'T BE DATING...not me anyway.

 

[MizAvalon]

Thanks!

And you're absolutely right...from my experiences, men who suggest going Dutch or allow women to pay are the same ones who insist on women working and don't believe in women staying home to care for their children. And I definitely think his choices about paying or not paying say something about what type of giver/provider he is/will be, generally speaking.

And Kimberly is right too...we don't have to go to the $100/plate restaurant if that's out of his means...the point is he's paying and courting me. We could even go do something that's free, but if there's cost involved, he should absorb it. If he can't afford it, HE SHOULDN'T BE DATING...not me anyway.

And there you have it folks.

 

[Amour]

this thread is funny... does the rule apply to bfs SOs & DHs

 

[dlewis]

Thanks!

And you're absolutely right...from my experiences, men who suggest going Dutch or allow women to pay are the same ones who insist on women working and don't believe in women staying home to care for their children. And I definitely think his choices about paying or not paying say something about what type of giver/provider he is/will be, generally speaking.

And Kimberly is right too...we don't have to go to the $100/plate restaurant if that's out of his means...the point is he's paying and courting me. We could even go do something that's free, but if there's cost involved, he should absorb it. If he can't afford it, HE SHOULDN'T BE DATING...not me anyway.

ITA...................

ot: you look great in your siggy

 

[dlewis]

this thread is funny... does the rule apply to bfs SOs & DHs

I wouldn't think DH's because in most cases you would have a combined checking accout and it's shared moneys.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

this thread is funny... does the rule apply to bfs SOs & DHs

I think the DH game is entirely different because, at least in my opinion, you should be sharing everything...there is no more "his" and "mine" so it really doesn't matter at that point. He should be providing for his family, and that includes dates with me while we're married. The rules for me choosing to treat him to things still apply...only then it may mean me getting all dolled up and buying sexy lingerie to REALLY treat him...know what I mean? Or it include me treating him to a special vacation or tickets to a baseball game or whatever...the point is, he should still treat me like a lady and a blessing, regardless of the shift in titles.

BFs/SOs get all the marital "prize" once they prove they know how to behave, and that is certainly not limited to swiping a card at a restaurant...it extends to courtesy, respect, and chivalry. The idea of him paying, IMO, is not about him "buying" his time with me...it's a medium that communicates something more important in the greater scheme of things...particularly if he's after a serious relationship or marriage.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

ITA...................

ot: you look great in your siggy

Thank you!!!

I'm always mesmerized by your bling in your siggy...oh and um...I didn't want to start a "I'm calling you out thread" but would you mind sharing how you did the style on the left?

 

[JamericanGurl]

Thanks!

And you're absolutely right...from my experiences, men who suggest going Dutch or allow women to pay are the same ones who insist on women working and don't believe in women staying home to care for their children. And I definitely think his choices about paying or not paying say something about what type of giver/provider he is/will be, generally speaking.

And Kimberly is right too...we don't have to go to the $100/plate restaurant if that's out of his means...the point is he's paying and courting me. We could even go do something that's free, but if there's cost involved, he should absorb it. If he can't afford it, HE SHOULDN'T BE DATING...not me anyway.

I agree 100% I dun care if we going to Carl Jr's that Joka gonna pay

 

[creolebeauty]

The man always pays...........

I agree, the man ALWAYS pays.

 

[dlewis]

Thank you!!!

I'm always mesmerized by your bling in your siggy...oh and um...I didn't want to start a "I'm calling you out thread" but would you mind sharing how you did the style on the left?

it's suppose to be a figure 8 bun, but it didn't turn out right.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

it's suppose to be a figure 8 bun, but it didn't turn out right.

Well, it looks beautiful...I'm going to try it on my hair for church on Sunday...I'll PM you if I need help.

 

[cocosweet]

When me and dh were dating, he almost always paid. One notable exception was when I wanted to see Alvin Ailey Dance Theater and he couldn't afford it that week. I'd missed AA every time they were in town and it wasn't happening again! He was so stunned. And when we go out now, he usually pays.

 

[Amour]

I think the DH game is entirely different because, at least in my opinion, you should be sharing everything...there is no more "his" and "mine" so it really doesn't matter at that point. He should be providing for his family, and that includes dates with me while we're married. The rules for me choosing to treat him to things still apply...only then it may mean me getting all dolled up and buying sexy lingerie to REALLY treat him...know what I mean? Or it include me treating him to a special vacation or tickets to a baseball game or whatever...the point is, he should still treat me like a lady and a blessing, regardless of the shift in titles.

BFs/SOs get all the marital "prize" once they prove they know how to behave, and that is certainly not limited to swiping a card at a restaurant...it extends to courtesy, respect, and chivalry. The idea of him paying, IMO, is not about him "buying" his time with me...it's a medium that communicates something more important in the greater scheme of things...particularly if he's after a serious relationship or marriage.

I like the way you think

I have another question... With such beliefs about the roles of men, do you guys thus, agree with the traditional roles assigned to the woman? i.e. cooking & cleaning?

 

[MizAvalon]

I like the way you think

I have another question... With such beliefs about the roles of men, do you guys thus, agree with the traditional roles assigned to the woman? i.e. cooking & cleaning?

Well, I can't really cook and if I ever get married will certainly have a cleaning lady.

However I would be happy to accept the traditional woman's role of making sure that the house is running smoothly.

 

[Avaya]

Thanks!

And you're absolutely right...from my experiences, men who suggest going Dutch or allow women to pay are the same ones who insist on women working and don't believe in women staying home to care for their children. And I definitely think his choices about paying or not paying say something about what type of giver/provider he is/will be, generally speaking.

And Kimberly is right too...we don't have to go to the $100/plate restaurant if that's out of his means...the point is he's paying and courting me. We could even go do something that's free, but if there's cost involved, he should absorb it. If he can't afford it, HE SHOULDN'T BE DATING...not me anyway.

ITA, especially with the bolded parts! Although I haven't been on a date since Chucky Cheese was Showbiz Pizza, I think that during the courting phase the man is showing the women what kind of mate he will be and that includes what kind of provider he is/will be.

I offer to pay the tip though. I do that with anybody that's footing the bill.

 

[Kimberly]

I like the way you think

I have another question... With such beliefs about the roles of men, do you guys thus, agree with the traditional roles assigned to the woman? i.e. cooking & cleaning?

What?? I'm still having the babies...

But I agree with the other poster...I'll make sure the household is running smoothly.

 

[Amour]

What?? I'm still having the babies...

But I agree with the other poster...I'll make sure the household is running smoothly.

lol you ladies are too much... it sounds like me though I tell my SO the same thing, he says he doesn't mind doing the things that a man is suppose to do, but that means I gotta cook & clean & stuff

 

[dlewis]

I like the way you think

I have another question... With such beliefs about the roles of men, do you guys thus, agree with the traditional roles assigned to the woman? i.e. cooking & cleaning?

I agree with the traditional roles and for the most part I do them if I'm up to it.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I like the way you think

I have another question... With such beliefs about the roles of men, do you guys thus, agree with the traditional roles assigned to the woman? i.e. cooking & cleaning?

Sometimes...for instance, I may cook a nice dinner and do the laundry on a random Saturday evening...at the same time, the following Wednesday, I may be out grocery shopping or shoe shopping look and he'll be home washing dishes and doing laundry.

This is not true of all men, but I have made it clear to my BF that there are no household tasks reserved for either of us. I'm not above taking out the trash, and he will do dishes and vaccuum if need be. I enjoy doing things for and with him so I don't try to prove a point by getting him to do things around the house, but if at any point I'm overwhelmed, I won't be stressing out trying to do 15 household chores when he's sitting on the couch playing his PSP.

The bottom line is that a man has to understand a woman's worth...men who insist on getting something from a woman don't get it...statistically speaking, a man's life is made better by the presence of a good woman...notice I said good woman, not just any woman. So, if I'm being the best me I can be, then he will inevitably benefit from having me in his life...add to that my generosity, gentle spirit, and support, and he's got something invaluable...that's why I said earlier that it's not about him "buying" her or her time...no man has enough money to buy all the assets and traits of a good woman...they're innumerable and cannot be valued with physical things.

So, roles are fine, but with the many hats that modern women wear, there's no reason for us to be relegated to housework nor overwhelmed trying to balance too many things. If men were holding down as many fronts as women were, they'd be entitled to those expectations, but if all he's expected to do is bring home the check and rub feet, then can he really be mad at a woman who's holding down a career, raising kids, keeping house, giving back to the community, and tending to her extended family? NO. The married couple is a team...they're life partners, and while each has a place and a role, I don't think it's necessary that either commit to ONLY working outside the home or ONLY doing housework. People are just more dynamic than that these days. It's about balance which is why it's important to not be with one of these "Well my wife needs to pay half the bills" types because that lends itself to resentment and misunderstandings. There's definitely nothing wrong with a woman keeping house and being sure that she and her husband have comfortable and clean living quarters, but if she decides to outsource that task or even ask her husband to do it because she's busy with other tasks, there's nothing wrong with that either.