Can you pay my bills?

[glamazon386]

You are not lying..... Just this past weekend I had someone ask me to go out to a restaurant all the way across town..... He asked me to drive, because he didn't want to spend the money on gas. He felt as though, that was the least I could do, because he was buying me dinner (even though HE was the one who really wanted to go there). Needless to say, we didn't go anywhere. And since he wasted my time and had the audacity to ask me something ridiculous like that..... I'm going to need some compensation.

The way you said that just struck me as funny

 

[Integrity]

I think I have a bad case of self-entitlement but I just could not be in a relationship with a man and he is not showering me with gifts-monetary or material. I was raised to not talk to a dude unless he is just falling all over me, trying to get me by any means. Otherwise I could just stay be myself and shower myself with gifts. This sounds horrible but this is how I feel.

If you are stingy with your money when it comes to me I don't want you.

I would not ask someone to pay my bills especially in a new relationship. I would not have sex unless it is very serious, marriage serious. If I did I would feel like I was giving myself away to a man for no reason. This is why no sex til marriage would work for me, unless he is willing to meet my demands.

I also don't believe in giving men ANYTHING, especially money, no borrowing or loans of car or anything. What's my is mine and what's yours is mine.

No stones please!

I talked about this in college with some friends and they thought I was crazy and bold and I said yes I am. I was a not having sex with my boyfriend-husband and he was buying me school clothes and paying my cell phone bill for the phone he bought. I am not a player, I just did not want a boyfriend but he wanted me so .

What can I say, dating is a game, anybody that thinks anything else is lying or not thinking realistically. It's a game of poker, I am the house and you are a gambler, either way I win.

Alright you all can start quoting my long post and tearing it apart.

You prefer eggs?

 

[**Glamourlicious**]

I do not require that a man pays my bills. I am able to do that for myself...but if you are going to date me...you will bring something to the table. I do not always have my hand out either...I will do things for my man as well. It is not that I am a golddigger or out to get something from a man...because there is nothing that a man can do for me that I can not do for myself...my father just always told me that I am the prize...and whom ever courts me...should treat me as such...now does that mean buying me fur coats and bling bling? NO...but...a man will court me.

 

[gone_fishing]

Goood morning ladies!

Question: At what point, if any at all - do you expect an SO/man that you're dating to pay your bills? He isn't your hubby and you aren't engaged. For the sake of this discussion - we'll say that you've been together for less than a year, and it isn't an emergency type situation.

I was having a discussion with an associate this weekend and every time we talk she asks if the/a guy I'm dating has "paid any of [my] bills yet". I'll say something like "I've only known him for 2 months, why would he??" or "I don't need him to pay my bills". She always gives me this raised eye brow look as if to suggest that I'm doing something "wrong".

I know someone else who has no problem whatsoever with asking a guy to pay her rent within a month or so of knowing him. I just don't get it.

Discuss.

LOL,

I've been seeing this thread for a little while now but was afraid to take a peak in side. I was like oh Lord please tell me this otherwise sensible young lady isn't saying men ought to be paying her bills when I know that she has always presented herself as articulate, strong and independant.

Luckily it appears you are not taking the position that you agree with this.

My view is that I would not ask, expect, anticipate, or theorize that a man would or should pay my bills at any point before we reside under the same roof (after marriage in my case).

If it is an emergency situation, then I would expect his help yes... but I would not expect him to just take care of my responsibilities.

Likewise, I'm going to teach my son not to be stingey but I will make sure he knows to run like hell from women like that.

You are their SO not their child. They are not obligated to take care of your bills.

In fact, I'd feel better paying my OWN bills because then I wouldn't feel as if I OWED him anything. Often times when a man does something for you it's not really truly free. You are paying for it...in OTHER ways.

 

[gone_fishing]

Well in my case, I never "asked" for any money. But....let me tell you what accepting a few gifts got me.

1. Phone Harassment
2. Stalked
3. 2 restraining orders
4. A gas tank full of liquid plummer
5. Death threats to a suicide hotline--threated me
6. My mother flying in from California, to give me a piece of mind
7. Depression for at least 1 year. (Still healing)

It's so not worth it, and we were living together. NEVER AGAIN. I made my "bills" by myself, so I can pay them by myself.

NOT FREE as I said above. CASE AND POINT!

 

[FRO-EVER 21]

I do not require that a man pays my bills. I am able to do that for myself...but if you are going to date me...you will bring something to the table. I do not always have my hand out either...I will do things for my man as well. It is not that I am a golddigger or out to get something from a man...because there is nothing that a man can do for me that I can not do for myself...my father just always told me that I am the prize...and whom ever courts me...should treat me as such...now does that mean buying me fur coats and bling bling? NO...but...a man will court me.

I agree with everything you said here.

 

[WomanlyCharm]

I've had men offer to pay all my bills, buy me a car, take me on trips, and I've always said no thank you.

My parents didn't raise a fool. You don't get something for nothing, and I am NOT about to start giving it away. No sir!

 

[rabs77]

Then scoot over cuz I'm in the same boat with you! I've had men give me money, buy me jewelry, take me on trips, and heck even buy me cars. Now depending or where we are in the relationship...I accept. Wait why am I lying if you giving I might take. Many of the relationships have been of the non-sexual nature. I'm not gone asked for anyone to get my hair and nails done and low ticket stuff like that. (I sound terrible)

I'm not going to ask a man to pay my bills but I'm not going to reject his offering of anything (for the most part). If he takes my car in for service...he's paying. If he bought me the car and the title is in my name....I either keep the car and the $500 note or I sell it...No biggie

I guess it depends on the type of man you're dating? Some men just like to contribute to the welfare of their GF's. I had a man tell me that if he was doing good he wanted his woman to reflect the same.

My personal rule of thumb is that when dating I date men that have equal to or more than me. not necessarily for monetary reasons, but in regards to our interests. I'm too old to be back peddling or struggling with anybody...that's jus me.

So, if your reading this thinking that JG has dirt under her nails and a shovel in the trunk of her car...then your right I might be a gold digger

Just kidding I ain't digging for nothing, but I ain't turning away too much either.

at the bolded...

So to JamericanGurl and Suprise...how does this work?
This is my story, I am extremely independent, and I am currently dating someone who makes more than me. In all my relationships I have never had any of them offer to pay bills, give large gifts etc(They do pay for the routine stuff, meals, movies etc...but even with that I offer to pay half the time and they do accept). That does not bother me in the least, cos I love taking care of mine; but to tell the truth, I will love to experience the whole showering of gifts thing (I am sure a few women out there would...be honest)(No I am not looking for someone to replace my boo)So the question is, do you seek someone who you know is successful AND generous and will shower you with stuff? Cos from my experience a
Successful man does not necessarily = A generous man
or is there a vibe that you give off to whomever you are dating to let them know you expect certain things...Please share!

 

[Arcadian]

I've never asked, won't ever ask. Depending on the guy, a gift was never turned down.


-A

 

[JamericanGurl]

at the bolded...

So to JamericanGurl and Suprise...how does this work?
This is my story, I am extremely independent, and I am currently dating someone who makes more than me. In all my relationships I have never had any of them offer to pay bills, give large gifts etc(They do pay for the routine stuff, meals, movies etc...but even with that I offer to pay half the time and they do accept). That does not bother me in the least, cos I love taking care of mine; but to tell the truth, I will love to experience the whole showering of gifts thing (I am sure a few women out there would...be honest)(No I am not looking for someone to replace my boo)So the question is, do you seek someone who you know is successful AND generous and will shower you with stuff? Cos from my experience a
Successful man does not necessarily = A generous man
or is there a vibe that you give off to whomever you are dating to let them know you expect certain things...Please share!

Shrugs shoulders...I dunno? It depends on the guy? I don't seek out well to do, but I don't date broke either. I'm not talking like millionares....Just not broke.
There is no formula. A man like with many things...will ask and do what he wants. For instance if you date a man who is acquainted with some of the nicers things in life. On your birthday he may buy you a nice gift. Even a man that's not so much acquainted, will try and follow suit based on how you carry yourself.

I do let men know that I expect to be courted....They can read into it however they choose. Courting can start with a bouquet of hand picked flowers on up to a Black Glamma Fur. Now if they start the courting on the larger scale who am I to say...Oh no, I can't accept that baguette bracelet

I don't believe women should sit around like the plant on Little shop of Horrors talking bout "Feed Me Seymour", but I 'm not one to turn down gifts. Most of the men I've dated consider gifts part of the courting process.

It depends on who your dealing with and the social circles you meet them in.

 

[SkinnyMocah]

I need to move. The men here are not having any of that. They don't offer and get offended if you ask!

 

[winterinatl]

Well in my case, I never "asked" for any money. But....let me tell you what accepting a few gifts got me.

1. Phone Harassment
2. Stalked
3. 2 restraining orders
4. A gas tank full of liquid plummer
5. Death threats to a suicide hotline--threated me
6. My mother flying in from California, to give me a piece of mind
7. Depression for at least 1 year. (Still healing)

It's so not worth it, and we were living together. NEVER AGAIN. I made my "bills" by myself, so I can pay them by myself.

Woooooow .

And men have the nerve to call us some unstable creatures. Please.
Sorry you went through all of that.

 

[Browndilocks]

Hummm. I've gotten alot of really nice gifts from men. I believe that part of the reason why I got them is because I pay my own bills. IMO, a man wants to give you more material things if he believes that you don't actually need them and aren't looking for him to provide them.

I do not expect men to pay my bills. It's not even a thought. Yet if I were in a long term committed relationship, and I knew that he was in a position to help me, I'd honestly expect him to kick in if things got tight for me. That's the only time I'd want it and feel I'm within my right to expect it. Of course if we're married, everything is combined and we'd handle all of it together.

 

[rabs77]

Shrugs shoulders...I dunno? It depends on the guy? I don't seek out well to do, but I don't date broke either. I'm not talking like millionares....Just not broke.
There is no formula. A man like with many things...will ask and do what he wants. For instance if you date a man who is acquainted with some of the nicers things in life. On your birthday he may buy you a nice gift. Even a man that's not so much acquainted, will try and follow suit based on how you carry yourself.

I do let men know that I expect to be courted....They can read into it however they choose. Courting can start with a bouquet of hand picked flowers on up to a Black Glamma Fur. Now if they start the courting on the larger scale who am I to say...Oh no, I can't accept that baguette bracelet

I don't believe women should sit around like the plant on Little shop of Horrors talking bout "Feed Me Seymour", but I 'm not one to turn down gifts. Most of the men I've dated consider gifts part of the courting process.

It depends on who your dealing with and the social circles you meet them in.

Thanks for responding JG
I think my answer is the bolded above....Now if their way of courting did not include material gifts...would that be ok? My man did the courting alright...I just didnt have any bling come my way

 

[JamericanGurl]

Thanks for responding JG
I think my answer is the bolded above....Now if their way of courting did not include material gifts...would that be ok? My man did the courting alright...I just didnt have any bling come my way

Nope it's a deal breaker. Because a bunch of flowers cost little to nothing. I've had guys hand make me cards and cook dinner for me...Courting.

Again, it depends on the type of person your dating. The way you carry yourself palys a huge part in what a man does for you. If you busted....He gone buy you a pizza

 

[Shimmie]

The same can be said in reversed. Him putting up with your needs/wants, taking you shopping, laughing at your jokes, being there to hear your sob stories etc. So should he expect you to pay HIS bills?

I don't consider those absolute means to him HAVING to pay my bills. That's just a part of being in a relationship. No one is MAKING you do those things. You are supposed to do them because you want to and expect nothing in return. It's what being a good gf is all about imo.

You're right Locks....God knows I give my Sweetheart a run for his money... It's a wonder if he's not and but I do try to keep joy in his heart...

But in a real relationship, it's give and give. Both give to each what they have talked about and agreed upon and whatever else flows with them naturally.

 

[Shimmie]

Nope it's a deal breaker. Because a bunch of flowers cost little to nothing. I've had guys hand make me cards and cook dinner for me...Courting.

Again, it depends on the type of person your dating. The way you carry yourself palys a huge part in what a man does for you. If you busted....He gone buy you a pizza

Does frozen pizza count as a good thing. Just wondering...:scratchch:

 

[Shimmie]

Shimmie I love this post!

Awwww.

 

[Shimmie]

You are not lying..... Just this past weekend I had someone ask me to go out to a restaurant all the way across town..... He asked me to drive, because he didn't want to spend the money on gas. He felt as though, that was the least I could do, because he was buying me dinner (even though HE was the one who really wanted to go there). Needless to say, we didn't go anywhere. And since he wasted my time and had the audacity to ask me something ridiculous like that..... I'm going to need some compensation.

Take his pants....and make him walk home in his Fruit of the Looms...

 

[Shimmie]

DAMMIT!! I should have been marking these on my calendar!!! I used to think men didn't pay attenetion to those things until my last SO tried to quiz me one day on the phone asking what was the name of the movie we went to see on our first date. He thought I didn't know.

Hey Beautiful Dancer...

Look, I'll make a speciall occasion out of anything. Hmmmmm, lemme see now...

The first time I saw a hole in his sock...

 

[JamericanGurl]

Does frozen pizza count as a good thing. Just wondering...:scratchch:

I mean if you act busted, needy and etc....Not pizza for the hungry

 

[Sistaslick]

Homegirl was just stupid. If he wanna play a game, you gotta know how to WIN the game.

Go the jewelry store or other expenisve store in the area that you are in that gives cash refunds. Get about 5 expensive ass things quickly. Give him his card bard in about 10 minutes. Let his stupid *** think he did something until he takes you home.

Next day, let him know you don't appreciate him trying to degrade you and break up with him. All the while you are driving BACK to that store to retun and get the cash.

With his dumb ***!!

Girl, I would have had that card smoking walking right out of Zales...

 

[Demi27]

I have never had a man to pay my bills, and I never expected them to pay for it either. It's just something that's in me. Now, I'm not talking about those times when your significant other breaks you off a lil' sumptin sumptin. Those are the times when they give when you really don't need.

I'm talking about "my lights/car note/etc need to be paid." I personally would feel funny accepting that from them. For some reason when people "help" you out, they tend to not want to let you forget it. That doesn't really bode well with me. The best way for me to deal with that is not to let it happen.

Now, if we're living together and we have joint bills then that's a different story. In order for me to take money from a man for my "bills" to be paid things would have to be REALLY bad. Even then I don't know if I would take it from him.

 

[Deluxe]

Hummm. I've gotten alot of really nice gifts from men. I believe that part of the reason why I got them is because I pay my own bills. IMO, a man wants to give you more material things if he believes that you don't actually need them and aren't looking for him to provide them.

I do not expect men to pay my bills. It's not even a thought. Yet if I were in a long term committed relationship, and I knew that he was in a position to help me, I'd honestly expect him to kick in if things got tight for me. That's the only time I'd want it and feel I'm within my right to expect it. Of course if we're married, everything is combined and we'd handle all of it together.

I agree with this.
I am trying to figure out how a woman can be in a relationship(I am your man and you are my woman type thing)with a man and feel uncomfortable asking for anything or refuse to if they are in need. I think of a man as a provider and protector, it seems so natural. IDK

 

[mzlatisha]

I never asked anyone I was dating to pay my bills. One guy helped me alot in college, paid my tuition, grocery bills and other expenses. But he was in a position to do that. DH when we were dating would give me money just because and so did other guys.

I don't think I could or would ask even if I needed it.

I wonder what these women are giving up to get these things.

I know one of DH cousins that has a man for every bill. And when I see her I always think her coochie must stink and be hella stretched.

probably giving up the bdussy...

 

[dlewis]

probably giving up the bdussy...

yep, that's it.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

probably giving up the bdussy...

LMMMFFAOO@ Bdussy!!! I ain't heard that in a minute!!! Bdussy!!!

 

[Dee-Licious]

LMMMFFAOO@ Bdussy!!! I ain't heard that in a minute!!! Bdussy!!!

them 3 words put into one!! been a long time since I've heard it too

 

[NeeSee]

I am not looking for him to pay my bills but if he is my guy, I do expect an allowance or something. It's just what I have always been taught.

 

[NeeSee]

I agree with this.
I am trying to figure out how a woman can be in a relationship(I am your man and you are my woman type thing)with a man and feel uncomfortable asking for anything or refuse to if they are in need. I think of a man as a provider and protector, it seems so natural. IDK

I agree with you.