Who Should Pay for the First Date?

[MzLady78]

That's it... I think he is playing to see how you will respond... will you buckle and offer to pay.... shoo, I would talk to him about going to see movie, if no offer to go as a date, go see it BY MYSELF, see how he reacts to that...

I got tired of the bs and went to see 'The Family that Preys' before I went to Legals. I was on the phone with him for awhile at dinner and I could hear the surprise in his voice that I went by myself. He was like "I can't believe you'd go somewhere pricey like that alone".

Why not? Even though you might not recognize it, damn it, I'm worth it.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I'm sure this has probably been asked before, but I don't feel like searching, LOL.

Last night I had a guy tell me that he found it very unattractive that I thought he, as the man, should pay. We've talked alot on here about guys wanting the benefits that come along with dating, but don't want to put in the effort and to me, this is an example. Now I'm not saying that I'll never pay for date, I will and I have in the past. But this is the first time I've ever had this be an issue. I tried to make plans for us to go out a few times and he did admit that this was part of the reason that he always put it off.

Now, we've decided that we're just gonna be cool for other reasons so ultimately it doesn't matter, but I'm really interested to know what you ladies think about this.

Oh please!! Dump his butt! He said this on a "FIRST date"?? Wow...

It is only customary for the man to pay...especially on the FIRST date. If he asked you out, he should be paying. No half-and-half, no dutch. He should pay. Now later on down the line, if you two have been dating for a while, you can offer to pay your own way, but even then...a guy should usually decline in allowing you to pay.

The "dating" period is the time for the man to try to impress a woman. Women in the 1950's probably wouldn't have even heard a man utter such nonsense: "Oh I find it very unattractive that you as a woman expect me as a man to have to pay for every date". What nonsense! It's true, that women are making more money these days, and have more opportunities than they did in the 1950's. But still...it's the whole principle of the thing.

I understand that money is really tight these days for many people. And the economy is pretty bad. But if he can't shell out some money to pay for himself and his date, then he needs to either find some cheaper places to go/eat, or he needs to not be dating. Case closed.

 

[MzLady78]

Oh please!! Dump his butt! He said this on a "FIRST date"?? Wow...

It is only customary for the man to pay...especially on the FIRST date. If he asked you out, he should be paying. No half-and-half, no dutch. He should pay. Now later on down the line, if you two have been dating for a while, you can offer to pay your own way, but even then...a guy should usually decline in allowing you to pay.

I understand that money is really tight these days for many people. And the economy is pretty bad. But if he can't shell out some money to pay for himself and his date, then he needs to either find some cheaper places to go/eat, or he needs to not be dating. Case closed.

His exact words were "I feel like I'm in high school again. Who DOES that?"

 

[Zaynab]

His exact words were "I feel like I'm in high school again. Who DOES that?"

Change his number in your phone to LOSER and only answer randomly every now and then and then keep it light, just be cool like hey, oh wow, great bye. Because if he thinks you're no longer talking to him because of the paying thing, just one more strike against women in his eyes and he'll take that same crap and worse to another woman.

Gees.....seriously?

 

[Zaynab]

Oh please!! Dump his butt! He said this on a "FIRST date"?? Wow...

It is only customary for the man to pay...especially on the FIRST date. If he asked you out, he should be paying. No half-and-half, no dutch. He should pay. Now later on down the line, if you two have been dating for a while, you can offer to pay your own way, but even then...a guy should usually decline in allowing you to pay.

The "dating" period is the time for the man to try to impress a woman. Women in the 1950's probably wouldn't have even heard a man utter such nonsense: "Oh I find it very unattractive that you as a woman expect me as a man to have to pay for every date". What nonsense! It's true, that women are making more money these days, and have more opportunities than they did in the 1950's. But still...it's the whole principle of the thing.

I understand that money is really tight these days for many people. And the economy is pretty bad. But if he can't shell out some money to pay for himself and his date, then he needs to either find some cheaper places to go/eat, or he needs to not be dating. Case closed.

Yeah but he's buying drinks for his boy, prolly buying CD's, sneakers or whatever. Ya know, yes times are hard but to take a lady out on a date?

Mz-Are his parents together?

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

His exact words were "I feel like I'm in high school again. Who DOES that?"

LOL!....Omg...are you serious? Again, I'm flabbergasted.

 

[MzLady78]

Yeah but he's buying drinks for his boy, prolly buying CD's, sneakers or whatever. Ya know, yes times are hard but to take a lady out on a date?

Mz-Are his parents together?

Yes, they are.....

 

[MzLady78]

LOL!....Omg...are you serious? Again, I'm flabbergasted.

As a heart attack. I couldn't make this mess up if I tried.

 

[dlewis]

Yeah but he's buying drinks for his boy, prolly buying CD's, sneakers or whatever. Ya know, yes times are hard but to take a lady out on a date?

Mz-Are his parents together?

I wondered this to. I know alot of women teach their sons "Don't buy her shich, if she want it she can get it her own damm self". I know mothers who say this, I married a man whos mother taught him this. But you ain't fixinto get with me and not dish out some dough.

 

[dlewis]

Yes, they are.....

That says alot about his father.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Yeah but he's buying drinks for his boy, prolly buying CD's, sneakers or whatever. Ya know, yes times are hard but to take a lady out on a date?

Mz-Are his parents together?

Right! What has happened to some men these days? Almost like some of them never had any fathers/male role-models or something. I mean, I know times are changing and all, but IMO if a man is saying this comment to a woman on a first, second, or heck even a 10th date, that would be a red flag to me, and I would have to seriously consider dropping him.

If he can't afford some things to do, there are cheaper things you can do together and still have a good time. There are things you can do even for FREE and still manage to have a wonderful time (at least where I live). You two can have a picnic in a park, do something active outdoors, watch a movie at home, etc. But for him to feel "offended" that he has to shell out money for a woman on a DATE (that HE initiated??) is really trifiling to me.

 

[Zaynab]

Right! What has happened to some men these days? Almost like some of them never had any fathers/male role-models or something. I mean, I know times are changing and all, but IMO if a man is saying this comment to a woman on a first, second, or heck even a 10th date, that would be a red flag to me, and I would have to seriously consider dropping him.

If he can't afford some things to do, there are cheaper things you can do together and still have a good time. There are things you can do even for FREE and still manage to have a wonderful time (at least where I live). You two can have a picnic in a park, do something active outdoors, watch a movie at home, etc. But for him to feel "offended" that he has to shell out money for a woman on a DATE (that HE initiated??) is really trifiling to me.

I agree with these things except for the move @ home<---guys use that as a cheap way to come over your house for a booty call.

 

[Divine_Order]

That says alot about his father.

Really! I would love to see that household in action For a man's mother and father to be in the picture...and he still came out with this jacked up logic...I need to see it in order to believe it.erplexed

 

[MzLady78]

Change his number in your phone to LOSER and only answer randomly every now and then and then keep it light, just be cool like hey, oh wow, great bye. Because if he thinks you're no longer talking to him because of the paying thing, just one more strike against women in his eyes and he'll take that same crap and worse to another woman.

Gees.....seriously?

I hadn't planned to stop speaking to him. We're both at that bar together at least 2 days a week and don't want there to be any hostility between us. I just know now that he isn't the type of man I want or need in my life.

 

[MzLady78]

I agree with these things except for the move @ home<---guys use that as a cheap way to come over your house for a booty call.

Exactly. And he lives down the street from me so I'm sure he would have tried to make that a regular occurence.

 

[Zaynab]

Yes, they are.....

Interesting. I asked because I used to only date men from two parent households, the theory being that those men more than likely had a role model, learned by example how to treat a woman, etc. BUT the flipside is, the dad could be a terrible parent, husband and the wife/mother has been treated like crap for 40 years.

He either had a poor role model, or developed some deep hatred for women along the way. Perhaps he has encountered some women who are childish immature and have this ME, ME, ME without bringing anything to the table?

I once got up from a date and left because this guy had asked me out and got the restaurant talking about how "oh I thought we were gonna split the bill" I called my girl from the bathroom and excused myself again and walked out. He later called me for days and weeks saying "he was sorry could he make it up" Please

 

[MzLady78]

Right! What has happened to some men these days? Almost like some of them never had any fathers/male role-models or something. I mean, I know times are changing and all, but IMO if a man is saying this comment to a woman on a first, second, or heck even a 10th date, that would be a red flag to me, and I would have to seriously consider dropping him.

If he can't afford some things to do, there are cheaper things you can do together and still have a good time. There are things you can do even for FREE and still manage to have a wonderful time (at least where I live). You two can have a picnic in a park, do something active outdoors, watch a movie at home, etc. But for him to feel "offended" that he has to shell out money for a woman on a DATE (that HE initiated??) is really trifiling to me.

Dude wasn't even like "oh, I disagree". He was called it very unattractive and a turn off". Like damn, it's really that serious?

 

[MizzBrown]

^^^ That's why i take my own car for the first few dates! I have left dates like that.

Just get up from the table at the restaurant and leave.

 

[MizzBrown]

I just go ahead and ask them now.."You will be paying for this date right?" And guys look at me like "why would u ask that?"....previous experience, that's why.

 

[MzLady78]

Interesting. I asked because I used to only date men from two parent households, the theory being that those men more than likely had a role model, learned by example how to treat a woman, etc. BUT the flipside is, the dad could be a terrible parent, husband and the wife/mother has been treated like crap for 40 years.

He either had a poor role model, or developed some deep hatred for women along the way. Perhaps he has encountered some women who are childish immature and have this ME, ME, ME without bringing anything to the table?

I once got up from a date and left because this guy had asked me out and got the restaurant talking about how "oh I thought we were gonna split the bill" I called my girl from the bathroom and excused myself again and walked out. He later called me for days and weeks saying "he was sorry could he make it up" Please

I got tired of the blame being place on me for all the nonsense that was going on between so I asked him to come by after work so we could talk. I told him to his face that he dislikes women. He said I was right.

 

[tocktick]

The only way I think a man is valid for finding this unattractive is if women have tried to take advantage of him paying or if he's has a bad experiences in general. With that said, I think most men rebelling against this merely so do because they are cheap and they don't want to spend because they don't know what the "return" on their "investment" will be. These dudes typically try a bit too hard to play the baller role but will not and cannot spend those baller $$$. Basically, they will take you to a costly place but act erplexed when the bill arrives. A date need not be expensive or even cost anything at all, if a guy doesn't like to spend much on first dates then the option to go somewhere pleasant but cheap is always there.

Personally, I think men should pay for first dates, especially if they are the ones asking. I'm also ok with going dutch but this mainly because I'm a student and I date students. This is only what's ok with me. Different strokes for different folks.

 

[tocktick]

When he told me this, I was in complete disbelief.

Funny thing is that we hang out at the same bar and I've seen him buy rounds of drinks for his boys and stuff but he NEVER offered to buy me one. Ever.

*smh* I'm sorry but this just backs up what I was saying. Cheap dudes don't like spending money on women when they do not know if they'll get exactly what they want from you in return. Lame. Thank God you are not going any further with this dude.

 

[**SaSSy**]

I'm sure this has probably been asked before, but I don't feel like searching, LOL.

Last night I had a guy tell me that he found it very unattractive that I thought he, as the man, should pay. We've talked alot on here about guys wanting the benefits that come along with dating, but don't want to put in the effort and to me, this is an example. Now I'm not saying that I'll never pay for date, I will and I have in the past. But this is the first time I've ever had this be an issue. I tried to make plans for us to go out a few times and he did admit that this was part of the reason that he always put it off.

Now, we've decided that we're just gonna be cool for other reasons so ultimately it doesn't matter, but I'm really interested to know what you ladies think about this.

Honestly when I was younger and I did the "dutch" thing it really didn't bother me if a guy didn't pay for me because I knew from jump that a guy will only do what he really wants to do for you, especially when it's the first date, and for me to never expect more than that. So you always have to be one step up on him by bring more money then you think you gonna need because he may act funny and say he will pay for you and then you will need money not only for your food, but the cab ride home (alone)!

Sorry I can't answer the question regrading to pay for the whole date and it's the FIRST date because that will never happen to me because that ish don't fly. That's just straight relationship status!

 

[MzLady78]

*smh* I'm sorry but this just backs up what I was saying. Cheap dudes don't like spending money on women when they do not know if they'll get exactly what they want from you in return. Lame. Thank God you are not going any further with this dude.

Yep, pretty much.

Oh well, his loss.

 

[dlewis]

I'm wondering how we raise men to be like this. AND how we raised women to accept this type of behavior. I have relatives, boys and girls, girls who suffer with not being able to say no and boys who abuse women. I really have no idea how to help. But I have my ideas on where it started.

 

[MzLady78]

I'm wondering how we raise men to be like this. AND how we raised women to accept this type of behavior. I have relatives, boys and girls, girls who suffer with not being able to say no and boys who abuse women. I really have no idea how to help. But I have my ideas on where it started.

As do I.

It's really sad. I never thought I'd be having these types of problems at 30 years old.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I agree with these things except for the move @ home<---guys use that as a cheap way to come over your house for a booty call.

Oh right... Forgot about that. Okay, nix the movie at home idea. You can go see a matinee movie for cheaper than a night flick. I'm just saying... There are cheap things you can do.

I can't believe this guy's logic. I have GUY friends who would gladly pay for my movie ticket/meal if I'm short one day...and we're not even dating each other! Sometimes I don't even have to ask! They'll just say: "it's okay...I got you".

This guy calls himself "dating a woman"?? Please.... It's a shame if some women in the past have put up with his nonsense. Now he thinks ALL women should.

 

[itismehmmkay]

Okay!!!

You know how many drinks I've gotten from guys that I ONLY see/talk when I come to the bar, guys that are strictly platonic?

Yet you're "feeling me" and I can't get a drink or taken out on a date?

*Throws up the deuces*

Please do. I wouldn't even be cool w/ the negro
In fact, I say make today your last time talking to him.

Also, I'm gonna say, in the future, they should be the ones initiating a date or thinking of ideas.
If they're not, that'll speak on their intentions.


And all in all about the whole dating thing, I'm like this ---> erplexed
I seriously don't even really flirt or make proming eye contact cause...
either they already got a gal or they take trifling passes like these.

For the most part I just kinda chill with me

 

[Bunny77]

But we established last night that because of his last relationship, he has very negative opinion of women in general, that we're all the same, and I believe this is one of the many ways that it manifests itself. The time we've spent together in total adds up to less than a day, yet somehow I get lumped in the every other woman.

Oh boo hoo hoo hoo hoo... poor wittle baby gettin' hurt by those mean ole' women out there...

Tell him he needs to grow a pair. Or if women are all so bad, tell him to go be gay or something and leave you the hell alone.

Edited to add: My thoughts are that the man should ALWAYS pay on the first date and for the next few after that! Now, when y'all are in a relationship, then you can set various rules. Some women won't pay for anything then and some dudes I know are cool with that.

I know on a men's dating site, they have a 3-1 rule for relationships... for every three dates a man pays for, the woman should pay for 1. That's fine with me too.

But again, that's in a RELATIONSHIP. If you can't even cough up the money to pay for a first date, then don't bother talking to me... and it sounds like yo boy simply needs some therapy!

 

[MizAvalon]

In my world, men pay for first dates. Period.

If a man doesn't feel the same, then we don't have the same value system and would be a poor match so there is no reason for us to date anyway.