Dating -- who pays? when?

[gloomgeisha]

ETA: I guess my question should have been AT WHAT POINT DOES THE WOMAN OFFER TO PAY (even if she expects the guy to refuse her offer and he will pay anyway)

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I say once they're in a commited relationship. That point is when the woman offers to pay. I look at "dating" as a courting process of sorts. Guy tries to prove that he's not a cheap, uptight bastard, girl tries to decipher whether or not said guy is worth wasting two razors and 1/2 a jar of Cocoa Butter.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I say once they're in a commited relationship. That point is when the woman offers to pay. I look at "dating" as a courting process of sorts. Guy tries to prove that he's not a cheap, uptight bastard, girl tries to decipher whether or not said guy with worth wasting two razors and 1/2 a jar of Cocoa Butter for.

OT: your hair looks great in your siggy!

 

[caribeandiva]

The guy pays. if he insists you split the bill then don't see him again. that shows he's not trying to impress you and he doesn't think that highly of you.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

LOL, I am soooo gullible.... I paid for a date.... BBQ'S believe, it or not... lol... After reading this thread NEVA AGAIN.... darn I feel like such a sucker.... I suck at dating... NOW, that I think about it... Actually twice... SMDH

1. First date on dudes birthday, he felt like I should be treating him, dutch... so I gave him a $10 bill...basically paid for self...
2. Same dude, I took to BBQ's...

I give up... leaves thread, head hanging, and wit a tear in eye....

 

[Amour]

LOL, I am soooo gullible.... I paid for a date.... BBQ'S believe, it or not... lol... After reading this thread NEVA AGAIN.... darn I feel like such a sucker.... I suck at dating... NOW, that I think about it... Actually twice... SMDH

1. First date on dudes birthday, he felt like I should be treating him, dutch... so I gave him a $10 bill...basically paid for self...
2. Same dude, I took to BBQ's...

I give up... leaves thread, head hanging, and wit a tear in eye....

Don't be dishearted, I'm pretty sure many women have examples of a time they were probably taken for a sucker not saying that you were but I sure have been... thats how we learn from our mistakes, at least you know for next time.

This thread reminds me, my gf broke up with her bf not so long ago he seemed like a real nice guy & she didn't seem to have a good reason to leave him so I was encourging her to make sure she was making the best decision, then she was like nahh i'm tired of having to go out & him insisting on "going halves" me & my other friends were like ... she also said they went to a restaurant & their was a guy coming round with flowers, he offered her man for her & he started to negogiate about the price of the £2 rose, tried to get it cheaper SMH

 

[Ms Red]

The guy should pay. After a few dates the woman should offer to pay for drinks or dessert, etc. That has been my experience anyway.

 

[MizAvalon]

Don't be dishearted, I'm pretty sure many women have examples of a time they were probably taken for a sucker not saying that you were but I sure have been... thats how we learn from our mistakes, at least you know for next time.

This thread reminds me, my gf broke up with her bf not so long ago he seemed like a real nice guy & she didn't seem to have a good reason to leave him so I was encourging her to make sure she was making the best decision, then she was like nahh i'm tired of having to go out & him insisting on "going halves" me & my other friends were like ... she also said they went to a restaurant & their was a guy coming round with flowers, he offered her man for her & he started to negogiate about the price of the £2 rose, tried to get it cheaper SMH

WHAT!!!

Cheap men DISGUST me.

 

[MrsHouston]

Well for me its a no brainer....the man pays. I do not pay for dates, period. I am somewhat old fashioned/traditional and I believe the man should pay for me when I am with him. My SO always pays for our meals out/entertainment and has never even hinted that I should pay. It would be a huge turnoff if a man expected for me to pay for a date, especially the first one The only exception I make is on special occasions I treat him (birthday, new promotion etc.). I do however return the favor by preparing him home cooked meals when he is in town, he really likes this and is always appreciative because he travels so much and has to eat at restaurants alot.

I agree w/ Nikki1971. The guy should always pay, if you're courting/relationship. This was always a requirement when I was single and when I met my hubby- he played by the rules

 

[gloomgeisha]

OT: your hair looks great in your siggy!

Thanks! I took that shot after taking down a set of twists I managed to keep in for two months. I ran up to Tommy all excited thinking my hair was this fantastic new color- of course he has to burst my bubble

"I don't know sweetie...ya sure that's not dirt?"

We'll see when I wash. LOL!

 

[Divine Inspiration]

WHAT!!!

Cheap men DISGUST me.

Word.

Thanks! I took that shot after taking down a set of twists I managed to keep in for two months. I ran up to Tommy all excited thinking my hair was this fantastic new color- of course he has to burst my bubble

"I don't know sweetie...ya sure that's not dirt?"

We'll see when I wash. LOL!

2 months?! Wow...my hand-in-hair disease would never let me go that long without playing in my hair. I'll bet your hair is thriving because of it though.

@ what Tommy said...I like the color...it gives the texture even more character.

 

[FlyyGyrl]

I say one should do whatever feels comfortable for them. My behavior varies depending on how I feel. I don't think a man should ever ask a woman to pay, but at the same time I don't see anything wrong with a woman paying from time to time. I also don't plan on cooking and cleaning while my husband pays the bills. I think that should be determined by schedule and disposition. I am not going work 9-5 while he works 9-5 and come home and clean everything, cook everything, and tend to the kids while he watches football. Thats a no-no.
With my current SO he pays most of the time and I pay sometimes. I cook most of the time but I love when he cooks and cleans for me. There should be a balance IMO.

 

[amy1234]

I agree that the man should always pay. It would be a huge turn-off for me if I had to pay .

The only thing that the woman should give in a return is a big thankyou!!

 

[karezone]

My BF tried to slide us toward some 50-50 BS but I corrected that after discussing it with the ladies on LHCF,so now it is back to him paying for regular dates and me treating.

 

[MissScarlett]

I like the way you think

I have another question... With such beliefs about the roles of men, do you guys thus, agree with the traditional roles assigned to the woman? i.e. cooking & cleaning?

I'm pretty traditional, we sit down to dinner and I do all the cooking. I don't really expect dh to cook but I do admire those men that will cook. I do have a cleaning woman come in and help me out though

 

[Tenejita10473]

I disagree with most of the ladies...I never want a man to pay for anything for me. I don't want him to feel like I owe him anything or that he has done something for me. I have been on a date or 2 where the man insisted that he pay and thats fine....I actually like that BUT I am just as willing to pay myself.....I guess I would go DUTCH (is that the correct word?) I am a capable, independent women. Nothing wrong with me paying my own way...ofcourse its Great when he offers and insists.

 

[Browndilocks]

ok....so this question is more for the dating experts on here

the guy asks the girl out. both are employed adults. maybe she makes more, maybe not. they never discuss income or earning power before going on the date. who pays on the first date?

let's say the guy pays for dinner on the first date. should the gal pay for dinner on the second date? if no, then on the third date?

who pays?

ETA: I guess my question should have been AT WHAT POINT DOES THE WOMAN OFFER TO PAY (even if she expects the guy to refuse her offer and he will pay anyway)

If the guy asks me out then he pays for everything. If I ask him out (which won't happen until at least the 5th or 6th date), I'll offer to pay but he refuses and pays 100% of the time. So to answer your question, maybe after about 6 or so dates... although he should still pay.

The only time that I've actually paid on a date was when it was his birthday, and this only happened for 2 different guys.

 

[FunkyMunky]

If I am looking for a relationship I never pay for dates. I cook dinner or do something else feminine. When a relationship has been established I may pay if I am doing something special. I will buy coffee or an ice cream stuff like that.

Dating is a form of courtship. It is your opportunity to see how your man will be able to take care of you and what kind of lifestyle he can afford to give you. Now, if you are two broke students or teens that different. Grown folk, whole nother ball game. If he can only afford Burger King and you can live with that cool. If he can afford dinner at the 4 Seasons and you can live with that cool. If you can't live with what he can afford to provide then he is not the man for you. Don't spend a lifetime complaining about what you don't have and how you two are struggling. No fun.

I don't feel like I owe a man anything because he treats me, I deserve it. He deserves to be respected, honored and catered to as a man from me and that's it. A thank you is enough and a masuline man is okay with that. A masculine man wouldn't let a woman pay his way or if he does he does so reluctantly. A feminine woman receives and a masculine man gives.

 

[Poohbear]

Is salary a factor?

Would you all still say he should pay on dates every time even if the woman makes more? "More" being like 30% and above what he makes.

YEP!!!

 

[Poohbear]

this thread is funny... does the rule apply to bfs SOs & DHs

I think the "GUY PAYS" rule applies to BFs and SOs... I agree with Divine Inspiration about husbands... If I was married and going out with my husband, it doesn't matter who pays then.

 

[MizAvalon]

If I am looking for a relationship I never pay for dates. I cook dinner or do something else feminine. When a relationship has been established I may pay if I am doing something special. I will buy coffee or an ice cream stuff like that.

Dating is a form of courtship. It is your opportunity to see how your man will be able to take care of you and what kind of lifestyle he can afford to give you. Now, if you are two broke students or teens that different. Grown folk, whole nother ball game. If he can only afford Burger King and you can live with that cool. If he can afford dinner at the 4 Seasons and you can live with that cool. If you can't live with what he can afford to provide then he is not the man for you. Don't spend a lifetime complaining about what you don't have and how you two are struggling. No fun.

I don't feel like I owe a man anything because he treats me, I deserve it. He deserves to be respected, honored and catered to as a man from me and that's it. A thank you is enough and a masuline man is okay with that. A masculine man wouldn't let a woman pay his way or if he does he does so reluctantly. A feminine woman receives and a masculine man gives.

Great post! Auntysmoky, you wrote a post a while back explaining your views on courtship and marriage(can't remember what thread it was) and you truly BROKE IT DOWN!!!

 

[deejoy]

The guy pays. I've been out with too many cheap bastards in the past. Ya paying partna!

 

[gn1g]

I'd never offer and if he brought it up that I should pay I would take that as "He's really not that into me" and take the NEXT exit.

 

[envybeauty]

I can't believe I started this thread.

I have since learned that some men's website out there tells guys that a WOMAN should offer after the third date (whether or not the man accepts is another thread). The site is probably askmen but not sure.

 

[cuteazz1]

If he asks me out then he will be paying..for the whole date.If I ask him out then I would pay but I always seem to meet the ones who pay with no problem.