From B.e.t.: In 2017, Are Men Expected To Pay For Dates?

[luckiestdestiny]

He even pays on his birthday

I was at one of those Brazillian steakhouses a while ago(Time square area, can't remember the name but it was really good,as a side note) in nyc and the maître D was a little too loud. Basically this couple next to us were celebrating his birthday, and she was pulling out her card to pay and he (maître D) was saying in his culture the guy paid (hint hint). She said, "But it's his birthday." and he said calmly, "Even on his birthday." I should not have leaned in to listen but I was like:

(except picture pao de Queijo bread instead of pop corn )

Embarrassing that some have to be taught this (how to be treated and courted). This was a black (ish, not sure if AA or spicy black or another culture...but definitely black) couple.


Poor girl was like

when he came back, he handed that folded black thingy with the bill in it to him . ANd dude paused, opened it, touched the credit card,, looked at her, smiled a knowing smile and smirked at him and said, "That looks like a lady's name", pausing for effect he smiled at my table and walked off. It was the most subtle and perfect shaming shade ever. Dude probably didn't have money on him so she still paid, but just had him "pretend" to pay.

I wonder if that was it for her. I hope she had a wakeup call but who knows? Either way, dude was wrong for that but I appreciated what he was trying to do there: school the men folks because men listen best to other men. I'm sure he will at least think twice before he pulls some mess like that again and make sure he has some money next time.

 

[greenmetro99]

Girl YES! They want allll the puddin and nothing in return.

Unrelated
I went out with a dude this weekend. Why did he wait til right before the date to tell me he needed a way to get there because he took uber to work. Sir. Uber your tail to the date! So I said fine and picked him up. Put him on friend status. I had to pump my own gas and when I came out the store with Reese’s cups he said “you didn’t get me nothing?”. Dafuq?!

We get to the place and gotta pay to park. He makes no move to pay for parking. Mitch made. We go in the restaurant (I’m starving by now) and order my food. He’s like “oh I got you”. I’m shocked because I for sure thought he was “that type” to expect me to pay for myself. I had my purse ready. The conversation is fine but I’m turned off between his behavior and my boring food. We leave and I tell him I’m stopping to get a cookie at this place by the parking lot. He says “Can you spot a brotha for a peanut butter cookie?” I started laughing. He was serious! When i made a face he said “You gon make me put a cookie on my card like that?” Y’all. YALL! I about lost it. So it’s cool if I put a cookie on my card, but not if he does it? And proceeded to run down the list of things I’ve done since we met two hours prior that was unattractive. He hit me with some “I paid for dinner tho”. I told him I no longer wanted a cookie and he again thought I was joking, until I walked out of there laughing. What kinda foolishness

Girl where do you meet these man-boys? I mean these dudes are complete losers lol.

 

[kupenda]

Girl where do you meet these man-boys? I mean these dudes are complete losers lol.

This last one I met through work. Shameful

 

[kupenda]

I’m realizing I haven’t been sharing any positives. I am seeing a guy who doesn’t make me roll my eyes every fifteen minutes. He’s about 6 years older than I am and manages a fitness center not far from my house. I enjoy his company but I have reservations. He’s head over heels. He prays for me and supports my spirituality. But he’s so intense and I’m not really used to it. I’m taking my time though

 

[hopeful]

I’m realizing I haven’t been sharing any positives. I am seeing a guy who doesn’t make me roll my eyes every fifteen minutes. He’s about 6 years older than I am and manages a fitness center not far from my house. I enjoy his company but I have reservations. He’s head over heels. He prays for me and supports my spirituality. But he’s so intense and I’m not really used to it. I’m taking my time though

Keep in mind that intensity is not the same as intimacy. If you haven’t known him for long you should have reservations. And should take your time and do what’s best for you, what feels right to you. It takes time for intimacy to build. Intensity is fun and flattering but it can knock you off your feet too, especially if that is all the person has to offer. You just don’t know yet because it’s too soon, hence your reservations.

https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/intensity-isnt-the-same-as-intimacy/

 

[kupenda]

Keep in mind that intensity is not the same as intimacy. If you haven’t known him for long you should have reservations. And should take your time and do what’s best for you, what feels right to you. It takes time for intimacy to build. Intensity is fun and flattering but it can knock you off your feet too, especially if that is all the person has to offer. You just don’t know yet because it’s too soon, hence your reservations.

https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/intensity-isnt-the-same-as-intimacy/

THANK YOU! I love this article. I don’t understand his intensity. And I can’t match it because I don’t feel that way. Part of me feels like he’s been single for awhile so he’s intense because he’s been lonely. But is he intending on keeping this up? I’m still waiting on him to fizzle out. He’s burning too hot too fast. I’ll continue to date around. I truly believe that when a man wants you, he won’t pretend. And when he thinks you’re the one, he will do more than a man that is just “so so” about you. Most of what I know about relationships has come from this board and personal experience. I love her to death but my mom can sometimes slip into a “work with a brotha” mentality and sees my boundaries or standards as “being too hard on people”. She’s ecstatic that a man says and does these nice things for me. I feel like he’s supposed to, so he doesn’t get extra points for being a civilized person. Also, naturally thoughtful people don’t have to tell you how thoughtful they are or that they did something because they are considerate. That’s phony. And he’s done that too many times for my liking.
We can agree to disagree.
I’ll continue to keep an eye on our relationship

 

[LaFaraona]

When some females insist on associating themselves with punks masquerading as real man you will keep having these types of "discussions" till kingdom come.
For some people the year can be 1950, 2019 or 2599 and the topic will never change.