Thread for the heartbroken

[ArrrBeee]

@MzLady78

You need to cut off contact with all the exes. They don't mean you any good. It doesn't matter what he's doing or why he left you for her. He's not worth a piece of chewed gum.

The harder you love, the harder it hurts. Don't try to rush your healing. Find some positive things to do with your time. Maybe you could go to a Zumba class or something. The key is to move your body and mind. When you find your thoughts drifting toward him, say the word stop aloud or in your head. He doesn't deserve your thoughts.

I second the Codependency book. It really helped me move to a better place.

 

[ArrrBeee]

About 3 weeks ago I found out he was cheating on me. Why is it that when I decided that I'm officially over it I get sucked back into his crap? Ugh.

I was so livid that after work I drove to his house to confront him about it. I saw his car parked outside of his house so I called him. He didn't answer but sent me a text talking about he's working the overnight shift at the hospital and can't talk on the phone. He could only text. LIES. So I told him a small portion of what I knew about his infidelities and he vehemently denied it. But while denying it the truth about other lies he's told came out. He's so stupid. When I hit him with the indisputable facts he stopped texting me back. So I got my answer.

The ONLY thing that stopped me from driving back over to his house and smashing every.single.window and windshield out of his car was one of my Christian friends who talked me out of it. Because I was two seconds away from buying a bat. I did leave him a nasty voicemail telling him that I hope God gets him back on my behalf haha. Oops. HE is still working on me.

He's CONSTANTLY in my IG stories even though I unfollowed him from all social media accounts when I ended things in July. I blocked him on FB but he still follows me on IG.

Fast forward to yesterday. He's all in my IG stories again. My friend went to his page and it's no longer private so we saw all his posts. We saw a recent video of him lip syncing the chorus of this Rich Homie Quan song called "Heartless" all I could do was laugh because it's so fitting.

I can't believe this is the same man who talked about marriage and children with me. I'm so glad God showed me what is was.


I really need to block him from my IG though because I'm tired of him being all on my profile. But I also want him to see that I'm still fabulous.

Block him. Your wanting him to see you as fabulous is allowing him to still be a part of your life.

When you're feeling vengeful, read Psalm 37. God can do a better job than we can.

 

[ArrrBeee]

I'm so over mfers, why do people tell you some complete utter B.S. then think y'all are going to be "friends" after this. Then have the audacity to get mad at you and act like you're bsing them when you say you're not going to be their place holder or something they put on the shelf for later?!?! Ummmm.... really? I'm sitting here crying angry tears because I'm soooooo mad right now.

But I knew it!! I knew the ex was going to come back in the picture. Then going to tell me they have been talking a lot and they had sex and the sexual experience was intense. Like I want to hear that. I really wish we could cuss on here because uggggghh.... This would be one profanity laced post. But I knew it, I knew it!!!!

I'm so angry right now, and oh wait the quicker is, before telling all this information asked if I wanted to meet up for dinner with them. I said sure, and then they say if I knew all the confusion that was going on around there I probably wouldn't want to come to dinner. And I said what's going on? And they said never mind, and I was like no since you brought it up you might as well get it out in the open now. And after me telling them they might as well tell me otherwise I will just jump to a conclusion. But I told them I suspected it had something to do with their ex. And that's when they told me that bit of information.

I am too through with people. I'm pissed, livid, but I knew something like this was going to happen. But no me giving people the benefit of the doubt screws me again. And my best friend told me from the beginning not to put all my eggs into this basket, but nope I kinda did. I'm so done, I just can't right now. I can not I can not!! I want to fight someone right now I'm that mad!

How are you doing now? Have you cut off contact with the offenders?

 

[BrownSkinPoppin]

Block him. Your wanting him to see you as fabulous is allowing him to still be a part of your life.

When you're feeling vengeful, read Psalm 37. God can do a better job than we can.

I didn’t feel like scrolling back up to see how long ago I posted that but I did end up blocking him. I felt so free when I pushed that block button! I also blocked one of his friends who follows me.

Thank you for sharing the chapter with me.

 

[mz.rae]

How are you doing now? Have you cut off contact with the offenders?

I'm still a little upset about it, and everyone keeps telling me to let it go. But it is very hard to do so. And since then my interest in getting to know anyone else has dropped. Its like I'm meeting interesting people but its like nah... I'm good. I don't know if I will ever have that interest again. I haven't talked to that person in a week and I hope it stays that way. This may sound harsh but if them and the ex get back together, I hope she cheats on them in such a blatant way that they have no shadow of a doubt that it is happening. Or that she makes a big fool of them. Yeah I'm still not at the point where I can wish them well and mean it. I know it was only three months so I shouldn't feel this bitter about them, but I still feel bitter about them.

 

[MzLady78]

@MzLady78

You need to cut off contact with all the exes. They don't mean you any good. It doesn't matter what he's doing or why he left you for her. He's not worth a piece of chewed gum.

The harder you love, the harder it hurts. Don't try to rush your healing. Find some positive things to do with your time. Maybe you could go to a Zumba class or something. The key is to move your body and mind. When you find your thoughts drifting toward him, say the word stop aloud or in your head. He doesn't deserve your thoughts.

I second the Codependency book. It really helped me move to a better place.

You are right on all accounts.

And I did get the book, I started it a few days ago.

 

[SurferBabe]

Block him. Your wanting him to see you as fabulous is allowing him to still be a part of your life.

When you're feeling vengeful, read Psalm 37. God can do a better job than we can.

This was so beautiful! Thank you for sharing.

 

[mz.rae]

I kind of had an epiphany tonight. I thought while I'm still being upset about them and their ex. They are probably with their ex living it up or whatever it is they are doing, so I need to get over it. Though the part of catching the ex cheating still stands. More for their sake because even outside of the allege cheating their ex sounded like a terrible person. But when they find out an ex is an ex for a reason no matter how many chances you try to give them. I hope they have lost my number.

 

[Fine 4s]

I want the codependency book and calling in the one.
I need to sell some old relationship books though. I hate having signs of searching for what the F i'm doing wrong spread all over my bookshelf for all visitors to see. It's like a freaking medicine cabinet lol

 

[MzLady78]

*sigh*

So many issues, so little time.

I have to get my self-esteem back up. There's no reason why knowing what I know now, I should EVER feel like I'm the one who's losing out no longer having him in my life vs the other way around. But I do have those days, those moments where I'm envious of whoever it is he's spending time with. I guess that's to be expected- once upon a time, we did have good times together. It wasn't always the train wreck it became.

 

[MzLady78]

I spent the night at my cousin’s house Saturday night with another cousin and I’m pretty sure they talked about me in advance and decided to hold an intervention cuz I kind of got ambushed. Lovingly so, of course, but they were concerned I might be depressed to the point of suicide. I felt so bad, I had no idea I was coming off that way, I'll have to be more mindful of what I post.We do not come from a family where people talk about their problems or emotions, or really show them much for that matter, so it was a little uncomfortable when I started to cry, I quickly made myself stop. They didn’t say anything too different than what you guys have said on here, but it was nice that they weren’t just kind of like “yo, we know it’s f’ed up, but get over it”. They actually said that they don’t want me to ever pretend to be ok. That if I’m not, let them know so we can do something about it.

If I’m being honest, sometimes I feel a little silly and wonder if the situation really warrants the difficulty letting go and all these emotions behind it. But my therapist said something to me my last session that made me think, she said I got stuck at 14, the age I was when my dad moved out. So maybe in some ways, I am reacting like my 14 y/o self would. I guess I can only hope that doing the work helps me handle disappointments in a more grown up way in the future, because there may be more. Maybe nothing as extreme is this, because I WILL be more discerning about who is worth my time and energy. But it probably won’t be the last time a man hurts me, unfortunately.

 

[Smiley79]

I'm about a year overdue from posting this but I had to come back to this thread to say that I have fully recovered (plus some) from a broken heart. Yes, it is possible. I even wonder now, what in the world was I crushed about in the first place. I worked so hard to mend my broken heart and it surely did pay off. I now feel renewed, strengthened, mentally clear, and fully healed emotionally. To anyone who is going through a cloudy time right now, please believe that it will get better. It will take work, but it will be worth it because you are worth it.

The best part of it all is that it didn't take being with someone new for me to feel better. I have been single as a dollar bill and I sincerely appreciate that "Me" time to get thru those tough times.

 

[MzLady78]

I'm about a year overdue from posting this but I had to come back to this thread to say that I have fully recovered (plus some) from a broken heart. Yes, it is possible. I even wonder now, what in the world was I crushed about in the first place. I worked so hard to mend my broken heart and it surely did pay off. I now feel renewed, strengthened, mentally clear, and fully healed emotionally. To anyone who is going through a cloudy time right now, please believe that it will get better. It will take work though but it will be worth it because you are worth it. I could go on and on about this but I'll just leave it at that.

Thanks for the update and your encouragement.

I can't wait to get to this point.

 

[lavaflow99]

Thanks for the update and your encouragement.

I can't wait to get to this point.

And you will get to this point.

 

[LushLox]

I’m stopping it now before I become heartbroken, at least I’ve tried to retain some learning this time

 

[LovelyRo]

I had a moment this morning. I stumbled across something that he had ordered for me. It was still in the envelope addressed to him. Just seeing his name irritated me.

Now, I still wear/use some of the things that he purchased me and I feel nothing! But, seeing his name...

 

[SurferBabe]

I can't believe I started this thread 5 years ago! I was sooo over my ex fiancé by the time 2013 rolled around. . A few months ago while visiting my hometown I ran into him. We hadn't seen each other since the breakup. I was going through a rough time coping with being single and desiring companionship so I figured I'd see if maybe we could rekindle something. I took him up on his offer to hang out the next day.

Within 15 minutes of hanging with him I was reminded of why I fell out of love with him. He was so annoying and needy. Plus he had gotten even skinnier and while I like thin men, he's also short. I felt like I was hanging out with a little brother. I made up some excuse about not feeling well and needing to head home. He walked me to my car and I drove off and parked around the corner . Once he disappeared, I went back on the town by myself .

Last year or maybe earlier this year I started a thread about a guy I fell for who didn't reciprocate my feelings. I was in a bad place because he was the first man I felt anything for since breaking off my engagement in 2012-- so I was vulnerable. I was able to get over him and we haven't spoken since (plus I moved away). Recently he started following me on IG and liking/commenting on my pics. Boy bye. I'm so over him.

 

[hopeful]

This is right on time. SO broke up
With me yesterday. Blindsided.

Sent from my iPhone. Excuse the typos!

Life really does go on. Since this post @Briabiggles moved on, fell in love, and got married.

 

[hopeful]

So glad you started this thread @SurferBabe. It has helped so many women on this board. You gave them a safe place to cry, heal, and feel loved, normal, and supported by other women.

 

[LushLox]

I’m stopping it now before I become heartbroken, at least I’ve tried to retain some learning this time

I saw him yesterday and ended it. It may be petty but I made sure that I looked ultra good too, when he saw me he had a bit of a double take lol. Good at least now you can really see what you let slip away. I thought I'd turn into blubber in front of him or something but I surprised myself, I was very cool, maybe even cold. But I needed to be like that to keep myself together. He couldn't even look at me, he seemed quite upset, I felt like a b.ish for a while but as I walked out I knew I was doing the right thing. It hurts but I have no regrets.

And I'm not going to sink into some depressive state that I did a few years ago when my last relationship broke up. I'm going to treat myself to a few clothes over the weekend and I'm going to get back in the gym and continue my self improvement.

 

[hopeful]

Yay!!!! So proud of you @LushLox!

 

[ArrrBeee]

I want the codependency book and calling in the one.
I need to sell some old relationship books though. I hate having signs of searching for what the F i'm doing wrong spread all over my bookshelf for all visitors to see. It's like a freaking medicine cabinet lol

Put the more incriminating ones in your closet.

 

[MzLady78]

My therapist said that the crisis is over and we can start with bi-weekly appointments instead of weekly. I definitely noticed in our last session we kind of struggled to keep the conversation going. She seems to think what I really need to focus on is what to do with my life now that I don’t have this dysfunctional relationship monopolizing my time. I agree and have said that I have too much time on my hands, and I need to do something about that.

But IDK. Have we gone deep enough? I feel that I had a bit of head start because I actually had a good sense of what was wrong. I knew that I had daddy and abandonment issues, and an anxious attachment style, and that all these things are why I attract the types of men that I do, and why I stay so long in situations that aren’t working or going anywhere. But I don’t know that I have a good sense HOW to become more secure and how to stop attracting these emotionally unavailable men yet.

 

[Evolving78]

My therapist said that the crisis is over and we can start with bi-weekly appointments instead of weekly. I definitely noticed in our last session we kind of struggled to keep the conversation going. She seems to think what I really need to focus on is what to do with my life now that I don’t have this dysfunctional relationship monopolizing my time. I agree and have said that I have too much time on my hands, and I need to do something about that.

But IDK. Have we gone deep enough? I feel that I had a bit of head start because I actually had a good sense of what was wrong. I knew that I had daddy and abandonment issues, and an anxious attachment style, and that all these things are why I attract the types of men that I do, and why I stay so long in situations that aren’t working or going anywhere. But I don’t know that I have a good sense HOW to become more secure and how to stop attracting these emotionally unavailable men yet.

It’s a process. But the answer is right there in your post. You gotta work on protecting and giving that little girl inside of you love and attention. When you make it up in your mind that you are gonna love and protect her, it will all fall into place. A very wise lady put me on to that.

 

[MzLady78]

It’s a process. But the answer is right there in your post. You gotta work on protecting and giving that little girl inside of you love and attention. When you make it up in your mind that you are gonna love and protect her, it will all fall into place. A very wise lady put me on to that.

Yeah, part of me is like really, the solution is to do the opposite of everything I did with this dude. I’ve said before that every mistake a woman can make with a man, I made with him. I settled, I chased, I gave all of myself while only getting crumbs in return, I fought like hell for something that was NEVER going to work, for something that I knew in my heart wasn’t meant to be. Who tells someone they know is in love with them and wants to be with them “if we had met 5 years ago, we probably would have been married by now”. I totally forgot he said that s*** to me. So cruel. It should have never gotten to the point where he could hurt me this bad. Yesterday, I was reading PM convos with @crlsweetie912 and others from 2012, 2013 talking about how miserable I am and her telling me it’s time to let him go. Yet here I am in 2017 still trying to let him go.

It makes me so angry that I let this go on for so long. But I know that things have to change, I HAVE TO CHANGE. I know I can’t afford to make those mistakes anymore. I don’t want to lose myself the way I did with him ever again.

 

[Evolving78]

Yeah, part of me is like really, the solution is to do the opposite of everything I did with this dude. I’ve said before that every mistake a woman can make with a man, I made with him. I settled, I chased, I fought like hell for something that was NEVER going to work, for something that I knew in my heart wasn’t meant to be. Who tells someone they know is in love with them and wants to be with them “if we had met 5 years ago, we probably would have been married by now”. I totally forgot he said that s*** to me. So cruel. It should have never gotten to the point where he could hurt me this bad. Yesterday, I was reading PM convos with @crlsweetie912 and others from 2012, 2013 talking about how miserable I am and her telling me it’s time to let him go. Yet here I am in 2017 still trying to let him go.

It makes me so angry that I let this go on for so long. But I know that things have to change, I HAVE TO CHANGE. I know I can’t afford to make those mistakes anymore. I don’t want to lose myself the way I did with him ever again.

Do not be hard on yourself! I know that it easier said than done. I’m the queen of it! Reclaim your time! Reclaim your time! You are about to enter other stage in your life! Get excited about it! What was done in your twenties and thirties is over! 2018 is coming! You are in school, andyou got a birthday coming up! I’m excited for you! Just live for today. Our present is what dictates our future!
I’m feeling good today. I have on warm fuzzy pjs, and I’m drinking peppermint mocha coffee!

 

[MzLady78]

Do not be hard on yourself! I know that it easier said than done. I’m the queen of it! Reclaim your time! Reclaim your time! You are about to enter other stage in your life! Get excited about it! What was done in your twenties and thirties is over! 2018 is coming! You are in school, andyou got a birthday coming up! I’m excited for you! Just live for today. Our present is what dictates our future!
I’m feeling good today. I have on warm fuzzy pjs, and I’m drinking peppermint mocha coffee!

I hear you, and I'm trying. It's just so much wasted time, time I really didn't have to waste.

I'm glad you're feeling good. I, on the other hand, am getting sick. Having brunch since I needed to go out for cold medicine, then it's back to my couch.

 

[Evolving78]

I hear you, and I'm trying. It's just so much wasted time, time I really didn't have to waste.

I'm glad you're feeling good. I, on the other hand, am getting sick. Having brunch since I needed to go out for cold medicine, then it's back to my couch.

My body is fight the cootie touch from my little one! Lol that’s good you are getting out, get some Theraflu! It works every time! Get the severe one/the one you drink.

 

[MzLady78]

My body is fight the cootie touch from my little one! Lol that’s good you are getting out, get some Theraflu! It works every time! Get the severe one/the one you drink.

That’s exactly the one I got.

 

[hopeful]

@MzLady78
This therapist may or may not be the best one to get you to where you need or want to go. I’d take her suggestion about focusing on other things AND tell her that I still need more help on the areas you mentioned. If after a few more sessions you aren’t feeling some progress and healing you might consider finding another therapist. She may not be the right fit for the long haul. Or she may be. Only you will know this.

But you must be determined to heal and to get help from a therapist that gets you. You cannot do this alone. You just can’t. This lady seems to have been helpful though. She just may or may not be the best fit for the long haul. Stay positive and stay determined. Keep moving forward. Keep getting help. You are at a critical juncture in your life. You have the chance to turn things around for yourself.

If I were you I’d question her more on her process. Why she thinks you are no longer in crisis? How will she help you have a healthy relationship? She may believe you need to cut out romantic relationships, period, for awhile so that you can heal and focus on you and your other dreams that have nothing to do with men. Who knows? You have to ask. And be patient. Especially with yourself. You are doing good and making good progress. But healing takes a lot of time. Not weeks or even a few months. It takes time to heal and live a happy, healthy life.

In the meantime, there is so much more to life than men and romance. Healing is more important. You and your dreams are more important. You know how alcoholics have to abstain from drinking alcohol? Well people who end up in unhappy and/or abusive relationships over and over again often have to abstain from them for awhile before they can enter a healthy one.

Please be patient with yourself.