Thread for the heartbroken

ExquisitelyAlien said:
I wouldn't exactly claim heart broken but I'd love to know why things ALWAYS ge wrong for me and why I have such a hard time forming lasting emotional connections to people.
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Way over this. I actually feel optimistic about the future today. I feel really good. I have a fresh start and at least I know some of what NOT to do in relationships.
 
So an update of sorts. His mom called me and gave me some info. He had stopped seeing her and talking to his mom. He told his mom he really love his new girlfriend and didn't want to jeopardize the relationship. He cut off his mother. Now he didn't come to town for Christmas. He didn't call his children. He told his mom that he had no money and was crying about it. Christmas is his favorite holiday.

He didn't put up any lights or a tree this year. I said why didn't his girl buy the kids gifts. She said she is paying all the bills. He doesn't get money from his lawsuit and does odds and ends job to buy groceries for the house. He doesn't visit his family and friends anymore. She keeps him on a tight leash since he drives her vehicle. She says she has a beautiful home and keeps it clean but he doesn't seem happy. She also doesn't deal with the mother. They came to her house for 15 minutes to get something and she wouldn't come in to say hi. When she is in town, she doesn't even go visit her mom.

I laughingly said at least he with me, you got to see him. The mother was bragging before that he had a really good one. She so good that she keeps him hidden in her house which is 2 hours away from family and his kids. Now he is miserable because she controls everything. He has to do what she says since he don't got a pot to poss in and a window to throw it out of. She Fell For The Lies Of A Big Settlement check. Karma at its best.
 
Country gal said:
So an update of sorts. His mom called me and gave me some info. He had stopped seeing her and talking to his mom. He told his mom he really love his new girlfriend and didn't want to jeopardize the relationship. He cut off his mother. Now he didn't come to town for Christmas. He didn't call his children. He told his mom that he had no money and was crying about it. Christmas is his favorite holiday.

He didn't put up any lights or a tree this year. I said why didn't his girl buy the kids gifts. She said she is paying all the bills. He doesn't get money from his lawsuit and does odds and ends job to buy groceries for the house. He doesn't visit his family and friends anymore. She keeps him on a tight leash since he drives her vehicle. She says she has a beautiful home and keeps it clean but he doesn't seem happy. She also doesn't deal with the mother. They came to her house for 15 minutes to get something and she wouldn't come in to say hi. When she is in town, she doesn't even go visit her mom.

I laughingly said at least he with me, you got to see him. The mother was bragging before that he had a really good one. She so good that she keeps him hidden in her house which is 2 hours away from family and his kids. Now he is miserable because she controls everything. He has to do what she says since he don't got a pot to poss in and a window to throw it out of. She Fell For The Lies Of A Big Settlement check. Karma at its best.
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Serves him right.

I don't know how I'd feel about his mama calling me and updating me about his life, though. Not my circus, not my monkeys.

It didn't bother you?
 
I'm not exactly heartbroken, but I'm uncomfortable with life. An ex just got engaged to a woman he has been seeing for a short time. I last saw him a few months ago and while we had fun, I left feeling like I knew I didn't want to be with him anymore. We are really not compatible in a lot of ways and I'm okay with us not being together. But I know he is a great guy and will be such a great husband to her. All my exes are out of my life now- most are married- and I am so single. I feel unlovable because wouldn't one of them have chosen me if I were worth marrying? I'm not even invested in dating anymore, it seems like scraps are all that's left at 30. I can feel myself closing off to relationships and I don't want to but I can't help it. I want to get married but I don't know if I can, if that makes sense. This place is full of people saying how easy it is to do but I don't find it easy at all.
 
@Miss_C I completely understand how you feel. The information below really helped me to define how I should be living, I hope it helps you as well. You are a beautiful women and you deserve the best.

Chocoluxe said:
I recently had this epiphany that I need to just chill out and just BE. Ive been dedicating way to much energy to why this or that isnt happening and its time for me to just invest that energy into myself. I am addicted to Munalichibridal.com and Essence.com's just engaged/bridal bliss, so I frequently read the stories of how couples met and what attracted the men to their fiancee/wife and the men never fail to mention how kind, loving and positive their SO was. The goal is to vibrate at a frequency that will attract the right one to you. Being anxious, negative, stressed over being single is the exact opposite energy which may be repelling men or keeping them from getting too close.

As a "lady in waiting", my job is to...

LOVE the hell out of me.
Be as attractive as possible by taking care of my body, hair, skin, exercise regularly and eat healthy.
Fill myself up spiritually by being in a continual state of gratitude, expect the best out of life and from God and look forward to each day with renewed enthusiasm.
Remind myself of God's promises on a daily basis. (Jeremiah 29:11)
Forgive more, quickly and easily.
Be a pure delight to be around exuding light, love and positivity.
Embrace others with love and salute the God in them no matter how they vex my spirit.
Be consciously aware (be in the world not of the world).
Seek to help others and be of service.
SMILE!!!
Learn how to receive more.
Find my purpose and pursue it fervently.

Its gonna happen when its suppose to happen, whether I stay in DC or move to a more "settled" city, whether I put myself in the mix to be "found" or if he happens to stumble upon me in Target when Im in sweats, etc. I know in my heart of hearts that God would never keep anything good from me (Psalm 84:11) and everything is working out for my good (Roman 8:28). Im working on being content and enjoying my current place in life, per testimonials from other women in relationships/engaged/married this is the sweet spot for meeting "The One".
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Im not sure if its the mercury retrograde I read about recently or not, but I've been thinking about my ex a lot lately. I'm still hurt that we didnt work out and l my love for him is still there. I dont want to call him in my moment of weakness. So, I'm trying to take it one day at a time. Hopefully these feelings will past. I truly cant shake this love thing off at all. It's been over a year. I feel like something is definately wrong with me to not let go in my heart. My mother wonders if he binded me to him. I dont know about that world, but I just feel like my feelings for him doesnt make sense. He didnt treat me all that great for me to love him...idk
 
MWilson569 said:
Im not sure if its the mercury retrograde I read about recently or not, but I've been thinking about my ex a lot lately. I'm still hurt that we didnt work out and l my love for him is still there. I dont want to call him in my moment of weakness. So, I'm trying to take it one day at a time. Hopefully these feelings will past. I truly cant shake this love thing off at all. It's been over a year. I feel like something is definately wrong with me to not let go in my heart. My mother wonders if he binded me to him. I dont know about that world, but I just feel like my feelings for him doesnt make sense. He didnt treat me all that great for me to love him...idk
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I can so relate to this post. It's been over a year, and while I've left him alone and moved on with my life, I still feel like I think of him more than I should. As long as you're staying away, I wouldn't beat myself up over it too much. It takes time, even if it wasn't the best relationship.
 
MzLady78 said:
I can so relate to this post. It's been over a year, and while I've left him alone and moved on with my life, I still feel like I think of him more than I should. As long as you're staying away, I wouldn't beat myself up over it too much. It takes time, even if it wasn't the best relationship.
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I cant wait for the day my feelings are gone for him. I will feel so free when that comes. I pray that we all feel that sense of freedom one day.
 
LovingLady said:
@Miss_C I completely understand how you feel. The information below really helped me to define how I should be living, I hope it helps you as well. You are a beautiful women and you deserve the best.



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I watched that whole video hoping she would do her hair too. Haha

I'm not exactly heartbroken but here is as good a place as any to get over a break up right? I'm just so over it. Over men, over friends, fake friends and the like. I'm tired ladies. I really am. I cannot see myself dating anymore. Not because I don't want to but...why? Every time I think about it again my heart literally sinks to my stomach and I feel like I'm going to throw up. I think that means I probably shouldn't right?

2 ex's are married and one is in a relationship with a child. And these were men that were seemingly happy with me and I with them. But somehow we aren't together anymore and they've found their happily ever after. With such little effort. It's enough to depress the crap out of you.
 
Something happened last night that had me shaking my head.

My ex messaged me with just the words hi.

I truly don't understand. He ended it and got back together with his ex-girlfriend/close friend. He literally broke my heart. Now after over 2 years, he messages me :mad:.

Why?
 
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RUBY said:
Something happened last night that had me shaking my head.

My ex messaged me with just the words hi.

I truly don't understand. He ended it and got back together with his ex-girlfriend/close friend. He literally broke my heart. Now after over 2 years, he messages me :mad:.

Why?
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Ahh, the old bait text. If I was petty I would reply "Bye" but that would encourage more conversation on his end. Please resist the temptation and block his number and texts. Don't give into curiosity! You ignoring him will drive him batty with insecurity and that in itself is a delicious feeling to know you wield you own power.:look:
 
Bklynqueen said:
Ahh, the old bait text. If I was petty I would reply "Bye" but that would encourage more conversation on his end. Please resist the temptation and block his number and texts. Don't give into curiosity! You ignoring him will drive him batty with insecurity and that in itself is a delicious feeling to know you wield you own power.:look:
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I have ignored him and deleted his message.

I just find the whole thing strange and disconcerting.
 
ditto i would've ignored his a33 like the plague...delete!

even married ex's with their bait texts lol...always around the holidays at that---

it is the funniest thing and coolest thing to know some old fud is still thinking about you....KIM lol i ignore all of that....men are very interesting....all ego and pride with them....

Bklynqueen said:
Ahh, the old bait text. If I was petty I would reply "Bye" but that would encourage more conversation on his end. Please resist the temptation and block his number and texts. Don't give into curiosity! You ignoring him will drive him batty with insecurity and that in itself is a delicious feeling to know you wield you own power.:look:
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My relationship is on its way out. It's been really stagnant for months. He's a good person but we have definitely grown apart and that initial spark is completely extinguished. I feel like he's phoning it in, and it's starting to effect how I feel about myself. Tonight I finally spoke up and he agreed about the stagnancy. We're both in our late 20's so neither of us wants to stay in a relationship that is not heading to marriage.

Even though I've been feeling this way for a while, hearing that he's basically not as into me anymore hurts. I almost wish I had let it go a little longer, but I guess I do need to face it.
 
He text me this weekend all in his feelings cuz we don't wish each other happy birthday anymore. His is the day after mine and this was 2 years in a row he didn't bother to text me so I didn't text him either. I spent so much time fighting for his attention and his time and to be part of his life that I have no desire to expend any extra energy on him at all.

I did hear from him Valentine's Day, again. :rolleyes: I don't understand his insistence on doing this. Not only are we no longer lovers, we're barely even friends at this point. Anyway, I said it back and kept it moving.
 
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KiSseS03 said:
My relationship is on its way out. It's been really stagnant for months. He's a good person but we have definitely grown apart and that initial spark is completely extinguished. I feel like he's phoning it in, and it's starting to effect how I feel about myself. Tonight I finally spoke up and he agreed about the stagnancy. We're both in our late 20's so neither of us wants to stay in a relationship that is not heading to marriage.

Even though I've been feeling this way for a while, hearing that he's basically not as into me anymore hurts. I almost wish I had let it go a little longer, but I guess I do need to face it.
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Sorry to hear this. If you know it's not working out, don't postpone walking away. I don't have a ton of regrets in my life, but the time I wasted in "going nowhere" relationships is at the top of the list.
 
MzLady78 said:
Sorry to hear this. If you know it's not working out, don't postpone walking away. I don't have a ton of regrets in my life, but the time I wasted in "going nowhere" relationships is at the top of the list.
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Thanks lady. I think you're totally right. We are both taking the weekend to think it over, but it sounds like it's over. It really stings but I do think it's for the best.
 
Update: this situation has just drawn me closer to God. I know we aren't in the Christian forum but the sadness I mentioned before ended up being a blessing. Nothing had changed about the situation but my reaction has and that is thanks to God's grace. I'm thankful he is saving me for someone who will truly love me instead of someone who is meant for someone else. Does it still hurt? A tiny bit but not really. I've moved on and I used to never be able to do that. My situation isn't perfect but I'm thankful.

I'm open to relationships again too. Thank you Lord.
 
KiSseS03 said:
My relationship is on its way out. It's been really stagnant for months. He's a good person but we have definitely grown apart and that initial spark is completely extinguished. I feel like he's phoning it in, and it's starting to effect how I feel about myself. Tonight I finally spoke up and he agreed about the stagnancy. We're both in our late 20's so neither of us wants to stay in a relationship that is not heading to marriage.

Even though I've been feeling this way for a while, hearing that he's basically not as into me anymore hurts. I almost wish I had let it go a little longer, but I guess I do need to face it.
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It officially ended today. After the first discussion we both decided that we wanted to try and make it work. Well today he started an argument over such a petty issue, and I'd had enough. I told him it was over, and this time it feels over. I've already erased him from all of my social media, I deleted his phone number so that I won't be tempted to call, and I've erased the pictures. I feel like I settled in many ways by dating him, and honestly all I asked for was to be loved/cherished. That's it. There is no way I can stay with him if he can't give me that.

I ended up getting dressed up and going out solo to a fashion show tonight. I felt pretty good at first, but now I'm home and the feelings are starting to come. I'm just going to let myself be sad tonight, I know this will pass.
 
I'm progressing through the stages of break-up grief lol. I feel angry today. Angry at him for not recognizing how amazing I am. Frustrated that I still have to see him every day (we have to live together until I finish my semester in April).

I'm hopeful though, I feel like in spite of everything this has been my healthiest relationship yet. I learned a lot about myself and what I want in my husband. Namely I absolutely need affection/words of affirmation from my partner. I'm honestly also looking forward to being with a Black man again and having brown babies one day lol. I also feel that one of our challenges was that I was a lot more worldly/educated than him. I found the fact that he was a simple small town guy very endearing in the beginning, but later on it turned into very few common interests. I enjoy travel (beyond sitting at a resort drinking) and attending cultural events and he just wasn't interested in those things at all.

I'm definitely nowhere near ready to even think abut dating again yet, but I definitely plan to use the "data" I have collected from this relationship to inform my next one.
 
Read some of your posts and my heart goes out to anyone dealing with a break up or broken heart. All I can say is to keep working on yourself and your goals for the future.

If this helps anyone, there are some things that help me deal with any of life's problems: Reading, prayer, and flower gardening (not in that order). I notice that I don't think about anyone or anything else when I'm doing either activity. It's a great "relief" when I'm trying not to dwell on problems. Find your hobby, your distraction, and stick with it.

With any breakup, I always tell my girlfriends: block, delete, and refuse all communication (including social media). The ones that follow this advice, move forward. The ones that don't are still talking about the guy they dated/didn't marry months and even years later...and it's only hurting them.

Best wishes to those moving forward and looking to the future.
 
you will be just fine..its absolute great that you've taken away the jewels you have in regard to this relationship
from what you described you two were very different people and that highlights somewhat of a square trying to fit into a round hole...
the words of affirmation and positive uplifting partner for me is a critical component and you deserve that from your partner versus settling

you also being on a differnt path and more educated and worldly is a very major aspect...as your wants and his wants maybe totallllly different..doesnt make you two bad people but just really makes it difficult for a relationship to be cohesive and thrive

sometimes we get into relationships because we are yearning or desperate or want companionship..not saying that you were but im happy you have taken away some great feedback for yourself in regard to your next amazing relationship which will be awesome because your digging deep on what makes you happy and what works for you

hugs you will be just fine :rose:

KiSseS03 said:
I'm progressing through the stages of break-up grief lol. I feel angry today. Angry at him for not recognizing how amazing I am. Frustrated that I still have to see him every day (we have to live together until I finish my semester in April).

I'm hopeful though, I feel like in spite of everything this has been my healthiest relationship yet. I learned a lot about myself and what I want in my husband. Namely I absolutely need affection/words of affirmation from my partner. I'm honestly also looking forward to being with a Black man again and having brown babies one day lol. I also feel that one of our challenges was that I was a lot more worldly/educated than him. I found the fact that he was a simple small town guy very endearing in the beginning, but later on it turned into very few common interests. I enjoy travel (beyond sitting at a resort drinking) and attending cultural events and he just wasn't interested in those things at all.

I'm definitely nowhere near ready to even think abut dating again yet, but I definitely plan to use the "data" I have collected from this relationship to inform my next one.
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I honestly didn't expect to feel so heartbroken. I was the one who initiated the breakup, I was the one who knew it wasn't going to work-- and it really doesn't matter at all. I'm still grieving the loss of his love; I loved him.

My life feels like a sitcom right now, I can't believe I have to live with my ex. My girlfriend gave me her keys so I plan to spend a lot of time there... I hate squatting, but it's better than the alternative. One more month and this nightmare is over.

Biggest lesson ever, if you're having second thoughts about spending your life with someone, don't move in!
 
There is light at the end of the tunnel. <3

Last night I allowed myself to be vulnerable and shared with my ex that I felt horrible and torn. Turns out he was feeling the same. The loneliness/missing my confidante/friend had me questioning whether or not I had made the right decision in ending the relationship. We had a really good talk and it confirmed for me that he is not the one for me, and that perhaps we would have been better off as friends (although I have NO intention of being his friend). I reminded myself of how the relationship and his coldness/lack of affection/the lack of feeling cherished and loved made me feel about myself. That relationship with myself is the most important factor, and is non-negotiable.

With all of that said, today I have peace, and I feel hopeful again. I recognize that I am beautiful, smart and completely lovable. I am going to make a wonderful wife some day for the right person. There is a man out there who will feel blessed to have me. I had SUCH a good sleep last night.

I know that there will be some tough days ahead but today I have PEACE and for that I am soooo thankful!
 
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