So Black Men Really Don't Care if My Hair Is Nappy

[godsflowerrr]

My hubby loves my hair 'long' he doesn't care if it is natural or relaxed as long asl it isn't short...lol

 

[aquajoyice]

I honestly think it's all preference and what click your in. Because you can hang out with men that are all about being Black and Proud. They love them some natural Afro textured hair and wouldn't have it any other way. And on the other hand you have men that love long straight or loosely curled hair. And in the same breath you can meet a guy that doesn't care as long as it's taken care of and rocked with confidence. Either way I don't get offended because I know that when I think of someone I would date or a preference, I do the same thing. So to me it ain't nuthin' but a thang. Besides you want someone to love you for you. And if a man is that hung up on the texture of your hair and how it falls he's not worthyour time in the first place.

 

[jada1111]

What I'm saying it's easier when you look a certain way. When I go to LA, I would get play because I'm lightskinned and in great shape but I can see that if you looked a certain way, you might get overlooked esp. in LA. It's superficial that way. I have 4 girlfriends two Indians and 2 hispanic who date black men there and they tell my friends that black women are fat, short haired and ugly.

If you've been to LA, then you know this isn't true. Yes, there are "some" black women that fit this profile, but the majority of disgustingly overweight women with messed up bodyshapes are LATIN WOMEN.

Dating black men from southern cali isn't exactly like hitting the lottery if you know what I mean.

 

[Daughter]

I've not experienced much negativity from men with regard to my hair. When I first went to visit my husband (then boyfriend) at his house, I did not make an effort to style my hair, it was in about 8 big twists He thought my hair was mad but still proposed later on down the line... he wanted to see my hair straight but didn't bug me about it. I thought he preferred my hair long until I cut it last year and now wants me to cut it again!

One day we were flipping through the music channels and it was like the light had come on and he realised that not one of the women in the videos had hair like mine and he began to really understand the hair matrix.

Some men love nappy hair. Some will learn to love it (as mine did), others will only go for "good hair", and there's a few that don't care either way. I say FORGET the ones who won't accept your natural hair (I accept it's a bit more difficult than that if it's your DH though). I mean, if we were talking about skin colour, I'd hope we wouldn't consider bleaching creams to get or appease some fella. Why should it be the same when it comes to our hair?

 

[dynamic1]

I really do believe that woman's hair generally makes up at least half or more of her overall "beauty, especially to men. If you can be beautiful with just a face then you are special.
That's why I'm so mesmerized by people like Halle Berry.

Wow, that seems like a very high percentage. Try leaving the house with a slick back bun or a hat with your hair pinned up. It really doesn't change your beauty by 50%. Nor does it change the reaction from men! Perhaps women think hair makes them more beautiful, hence the weave epidemic.

Judging by the reactions of most men I come in contact with, there are a lot of special women out there.

 

[Transformer]

Haven't read the thread but my DH's loves my nappy/kinky hair.....he prefers it natural than straighten.

He also has more issues with weight than hair.

 

[msa]

I'm 1000% natural

cottony 4a non-silky with a tendency to be dry so I gotta stay on top a dat moistya!

I definitely feel where ur comin from sista, either way you're beautiful, I really hope you're right about LA maybe msa needs to move to a diff neighborhood!:scratchch or maybe she needs to start walking wit that you can't tell me nothin swagga.....just thinkin out loud.....tryna find some solutions

BMP please know that I'm about to vent and it's not directed at you or anyone specifically, just at people who think the bold.

I am SO tired of being told it's me. I must have a bad attitude, or be ugly, or not be confident, or be fat, or be __________(insert negative man turn-off attribute here).

I know for a fact that it isn't me. I'm actually pretty. Skinny or fat, I have a perfectly proportionate shape and guys love it. Yes I'm dark skinned but most black men love that too. The hair is what turns them off.

Please lets not forget that hair issues don't only happen to women. How many of y'all had a negative mindset about your hair because of what you were taught? Don't forget that your brothers, uncles, fathers, cousins, and male friends were ALSO taught the same exact things about our hair. That it's nappy, ugly, unkempt, not attractive, not sophisticated, only for children, etc. etc. etc. They learn from the women around them, from the men around them, from television, song lyrics, and what they see on a daily basis.

Here's a funny story. A guy who's been trying to get with me for years saw my fro for the first time and there was an automatic stank look on his face. He said, "You know I love you but you look like you just stepped off the plantation. You're still cute, but you need to fix that".

Or how about when I wore a straight wig and dudes were breaking their necks trying to talk to me when just the week before with my fro I was invisible.

Or how about the fact that the women men consider "dimes" NEVER EVER have type 4 hair. The women guys run after at the club NEVER have a fro. The women that guys walk through the mall with NEVER have anything near kinky coily hair. It isn't often that you see black men in los angeles with natural women that have type 4 hair.

I understand that part of this is due to the area I live in and the black guys who are part of my social circle. But damn it, I KNOW it's not me. Men have their preferences, and their preferences are guided by the same f*cked up mindset about natural hair that causes 80% of black women to relax. Let's stop pretending otherwise.

 

[yodie]

msa, I sooo fell u on this one!! LA is no joke when it comes to all of this. Weird, but "our" men, most in LA, really do care about hair.

 

[jada1111]

BMP please know that I'm about to vent and it's not directed at you or anyone specifically, just at people who think the bold.

I am SO tired of being told it's me. I must have a bad attitude, or be ugly, or not be confident, or be fat, or be __________(insert negative man turn-off attribute here).

I know for a fact that it isn't me. I'm actually pretty. Skinny or fat, I have a perfectly proportionate shape and guys love it. Yes I'm dark skinned but most black men love that too. The hair is what turns them off.

Please lets not forget that hair issues don't only happen to women. How many of y'all had a negative mindset about your hair because of what you were taught? Don't forget that your brothers, uncles, fathers, cousins, and male friends were ALSO taught the same exact things about our hair. That it's nappy, ugly, unkempt, not attractive, not sophisticated, only for children, etc. etc. etc. They learn from the women around them, from the men around them, from television, song lyrics, and what they see on a daily basis.

Here's a funny story. A guy who's been trying to get with me for years saw my fro for the first time and there was an automatic stank look on his face. He said, "You know I love you but you look like you just stepped off the plantation. You're still cute, but you need to fix that".

Or how about when I wore a straight wig and dudes were breaking their necks trying to talk to me when just the week before with my fro I was invisible.

Or how about the fact that the women men consider "dimes" NEVER EVER have type 4 hair. The women guys run after at the club NEVER have a fro. The women that guys walk through the mall with NEVER have anything near kinky coily hair. It isn't often that you see black men in los angeles with natural women that have type 4 hair.

I understand that part of this is due to the area I live in and the black guys who are part of my social circle. But damn it, I KNOW it's not me. Men have their preferences, and their preferences are guided by the same f*cked up mindset about natural hair that causes 80% of black women to relax. Let's stop pretending otherwise.

I believe all of this has happened to you and this is your reality. I think it's the MINDSET of the brothas you come in contact with. Not everyone is going to love natural hair and I dig that, but hate of nappy hair on black women cuts across the diaspora in our OWN race.

I'm not saying whites love our hair, but they have no choice but to get with it, because it is what it is.

I don't know gurl, the slave mentality in many folks is alive and kickin' and I'm just glad I haven't bumped into these fools.

 

[jamaraa]

What I'm saying it's easier when you look a certain way. When I go to LA, I would get play because I'm lightskinned and in great shape but I can see that if you looked a certain way, you might get overlooked esp. in LA. It's superficial that way. I have 4 girlfriends two Indians and 2 hispanic who date black men there and they tell my friends that black women are fat, short haired and ugly.

Welllllllllllllllllll....men DO have a way of telling women what they wanna hear. Some of these women who are getting thier egos boosted are also gettin' played.

 

[jamaraa]

BMP please know that I'm about to vent and it's not directed at you or anyone specifically, just at people who think the bold.

I am SO tired of being told it's me. I must have a bad attitude, or be ugly, or not be confident, or be fat, or be __________(insert negative man turn-off attribute here).

I know for a fact that it isn't me. I'm actually pretty. Skinny or fat, I have a perfectly proportionate shape and guys love it. Yes I'm dark skinned but most black men love that too. The hair is what turns them off.

Please lets not forget that hair issues don't only happen to women. How many of y'all had a negative mindset about your hair because of what you were taught? Don't forget that your brothers, uncles, fathers, cousins, and male friends were ALSO taught the same exact things about our hair. That it's nappy, ugly, unkempt, not attractive, not sophisticated, only for children, etc. etc. etc. They learn from the women around them, from the men around them, from television, song lyrics, and what they see on a daily basis.

Here's a funny story. A guy who's been trying to get with me for years saw my fro for the first time and there was an automatic stank look on his face. He said, "You know I love you but you look like you just stepped off the plantation. You're still cute, but you need to fix that".

Or how about when I wore a straight wig and dudes were breaking their necks trying to talk to me when just the week before with my fro I was invisible.

Or how about the fact that the women men consider "dimes" NEVER EVER have type 4 hair. The women guys run after at the club NEVER have a fro. The women that guys walk through the mall with NEVER have anything near kinky coily hair. It isn't often that you see black men in los angeles with natural women that have type 4 hair.

I understand that part of this is due to the area I live in and the black guys who are part of my social circle. But damn it, I KNOW it's not me. Men have their preferences, and their preferences are guided by the same f*cked up mindset about natural hair that causes 80% of black women to relax. Let's stop pretending otherwise.

Do they feel this way about their own hair tho? They don't have the Brad Pitt/Johnny Depp locks themselves, right? Black men's hair shares the same characteristics as Black females. As I said earlier of folks have major issues w/ sexism. Many times Black women will jump w/ a quickness on preceived racism, yet let sexism slide.

Imma get in trouble for saying this, but I never thought 'fros looked good on much of anyone, sorry...can't blame 'em for that

No, it's not just you, clearly...but not all naturals have these experiences either. The ones who don't have experiences as valid as the ones who do.

 

[msa]

Do they feel this way about their own hair tho? They don't have the Brad Pitt/Johnny Depp locks themselves, right? Black men's hair shares the same characteristics as Black females. As I said earlier of folks have major issues w/ sexism. Many times Black women will jump w/ a quickness on preceived racism, yet let sexism slide.

It's been discussed on the board before, but black men have just as many issues with their own naps. Check out the 360 waves forum and you can see how they are.

Black men are obsessed with making sure their hair doesn't look nappy, that's part of the reason the low fade is popular. And then the other obsession is getting waves, even if they have to brush thousands of times, apply grease/scurl and whatever else, wear du rags, etc. etc.

They definitely have their issues too.

 

[wild curls raquelle]

Imma get in trouble for saying this, but I never thought 'fros looked good on much of anyone, sorry...can't blame 'em for that

ITA 210% I really thought I was the only one. I think part of the problem with natural hair is not just the racism related stigma but also socio-cultural stereotype that we have somewhat caused. For example I've been natural for 20 out of 25 years of my life. Although I've worn my hair straight 90% of that time, when I made the decision to go natural again I decided to wear it curly this time. Now since doing that, a lot of guys will tell me I'm a "conscious sister," I look smart (doesn't help I wear glasses) or that "I'm doing my angela davis thing." My best friend who is light skin and currently transitioning people tell her that she is a "militant," "pro-black" "black panther type chick." While all of this is slightly true about her she never got these comments before transitioning. Needless to say whenever someone says this to us we just laugh. I have never heard anybody tell me I'm nappy to face besides my own family.

I can honestly say my SO hates my hair, not because it's natural but because of the shrinkage. He's one of those guys obsessed with long hair and he claims he can't see the length because it curled. He's right but to me it's not that serious. But otherwise he doesn't cross into that realm of me and my hair because he know that my hair is my 1st love. Only once has he ever asked me to straightened my hair and that was when I was transitioning so it could have very well looked jacked up.

But it has been my experience that men who care about you don't really care because they don't want to hear you complain and more importantly want you happy.

 

[Celestial]

I think Chris Rock was being honest. In general, I noticed men don't sweat or stress things women seem to worry about. Men in general really don't care if you wear your hair natural or relaxed. Men just like women and their women to look good and that includes the hair. If a man prefers long hair, he will not stop loving or liking his woman because she cut it short. If the short cut is sharp looking and the woman carries it well the man will be happy to be seen with her. It seems like the only people who may complain about natural hair are youngblack men mainly uneducated and haven't experience much diversity due to lack of travel or narrow-mindedness. Trust me, Men in general do not care whether a black woman wear her hair natural or straight. They do care how sharp/clean your hair looks and how well it suits you and how well you carry it.

 

[msa]

I think Chris Rock was being honest. In general, I noticed men don't sweat or stress things women seem to worry about. Men in general really don't care if you wear your hair natural or relaxed. Men just like women and their women to look good and that includes the hair. If a man prefers long hair, he will not stop loving or liking his woman because she cut it short. If the short cut is sharp looking and the woman carries it well the man will be happy to be seen with her. It seems like the only people who may complain about natural hair are youngblack men mainly uneducated and haven't experience much diversity due to lack of travel or narrow-mindedness. Trust me, Men in general do not care whether a black woman wear her hair natural or straight. They do care how sharp/clean your hair looks and how well it suits you and how well you carry it.

Two things I want to say...

1)People keeps saying men don't care what your hair looks like as long as it looks good to them. The thing is, the definition of "looks good" is very narrow when it comes to black men. Why? Because they are taught the same standard of beauty that we are. So "looks good" for them means things like long, straight, wavy, curly, nice cut/style...but not nappy. Men talk about all the time about wanting women with long hair or straight hair but I've yet to hear a black man have nappy hair at the top of his list.

2) The guys I hang out with are all private school, ivy league (or top university) educated. They've all traveled the world and are far from narrow minded considering they grew up around white people and have been exposed to many different people because of travel or college.

I actually find that I get hit on more with my natural hair when I go to WalMart in Watts or South Central. Dudes in the hood love my natural hair actually.

It's the men who are on my level (college educated, working, grad school, doing well for themselves, young hollywood types) that DO NOT like natural hair. These men are much more likely to ascribe to the European standard of beauty. Why? Because as up and coming black men, they need a wife who is the trophy type (looks wise)...and trophies don't have natural hair (unless it's type 3 or looser).

 

[Duchesse]

You read my mind. I'm not trying to knock either, but wht BlackMasterPiece said.

It just comes down to this, not all (black) men hate on afro textured hair no matter what the length. Most men are pretty simple creatures and, while they have preferences (like we all do) for a woman's hair, just like for it to look nice. I think it really comes down to your confidence and owning it. I don't know how many times I've seen women I didn't think were that cute baggin men, fione men, left and right and it's their confidence. Confidence is attractive and sexy. But when it comes to our hair, who cares what anyone else thinks, ya know? No matter how you choose to wear your hair, if you do it for validation from others, you'll never be happy.

Thank you! I really think this post sums it all up. So many times on the forum (and real life..shoot, even from my own lips) I hear stuff like "Black men like this, they like that, they like straight, they like nappy, they like skinny, they like big booty, etc. ad infintum.

There is NO MONOLITHIC BLACK MAN!

They are individuals. Just because a man may not be stepping to you, don't blame it on your nappy hair and dark skin. Just because a man is throwing his number in your face, don't give your long swingin mane and light skin all the credit. And vice versa. He may simply not feel you, or he may simply think you da' bomb.

That's really all there is to it IMO.

I've had a bald head and had men telling me how beautiful I am, and had men look at me like my name is Montell. I've had a kinky fro and been laughed at, and been admired. I've had my quick weave and had men try to holla, and another man make fun of my big forehead (he was a looza because I had ignored him ).

I've permed my hair in the past because I thought it would make this particular dude like me more. And I've also purposefully worn natural styles, in hopes to attract a certain type of man. At the end of the day, neither scenarios worked out. Why? Because I lacked the confidence to be me on all levels, and that spread out and affected my dealings with these individuals.

At the end of the day, we all need to stop worrying about what these men think about our hair. Like AgrlCanMac said, if you are seeking for outside validation, you will never be happy. Never!

I'm about to relax my hair and cut it into a blunt bob with blunt bangs. Why? Because I love that look and I feel ultra sexy with it. When I'm over it, I'll probably rock a twa for a bit, then see what happens.

 

[Celestial]

My boyfriend who is a black man doesn't care that my hair is nappy. He likes my hair and everything else about me. As far as dating went when I was single, I only met 1 black guy who really didn't like nappy/natural black hair and he was a complete jerk all around.

Black men need to understand that preference in hair goes both ways. I know several black women who don't date black men because their hair is nappy and they worry about the grade/texture of their future children's hair. They tell me they don't want to be with a black man because his features will carry over until their daughter and the child hair will suffer. They think if they have children with black men their daughter will have rough masculine features with nappy hair.

 

[PerplexingComplex]

2) The guys I hang out with are all private school, ivy league (or top university) educated. They've all traveled the world and are far from narrow minded considering they grew up around white people and have been exposed to many different people because of travel or college.

I actually find that I get hit on more with my natural hair when I go to WalMart in Watts or South Central. Dudes in the hood love my natural hair actually.

It's the men who are on my level (college educated, working, grad school, doing well for themselves, young hollywood types) that DO NOT like natural hair. These men are much more likely to ascribe to the European standard of beauty. Why? Because as up and coming black men, they need a wife who is the trophy type (looks wise)...and trophies don't have natural hair (unless it's type 3 or looser).

I was beginning to think it was just me that the nappy filter doesn't work for.

 

[msa]

I was beginning to think it was just me that the nappy filter doesn't work for.

Girlllllll.

All time favorite line: "Hey ma. You gotta give me your number. You look like you'd let me play in your naps...they look like a soft pillow. And you ain't got no weave?!?! Shorty, I know you'd let me pull that huh? Mmmhmmm *licks lips*".

Umm no.

But hey, if this is the only black man who's attracted to me then I guess that's just what I'll have to settle for. Maybe I can put him through trade school or something, help him get on my level.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

2) The guys I hang out with are all private school, ivy league (or top university) educated. They've all traveled the world and are far from narrow minded considering they grew up around white people and have been exposed to many different people because of travel or college.

I think when people refer to educated brotha's they don't just mean it in the sense that they went to an ivy league university or they're rich or they rubbed elbows with white people for a long time, I think they mean well rounded brotha's who have had the westernized education we're given in this country but also have an educationon their history and a pride in their heritage and appreciate a sista who is aligned with that. Doesn't have to be in a militant way either. Just fundamental sophistication.

Ivy league doesn't tell the whole story, president george w bush was an ivy league educated man.

There are alot of brotha's who have impressive resume's but are spirtually bankrupt. Personally, I'm not interested in that kind of mans attention in the least. I'd actually be pretty disgusted.

I've always known I was blessed to have been born and raised a New Yorker but this thread is reinforcing that for me bigtime.

 

[jamaraa]

It's been discussed on the board before, but black men have just as many issues with their own naps. Check out the 360 waves forum and you can see how they are.

Black men are obsessed with making sure their hair doesn't look nappy, that's part of the reason the low fade is popular. And then the other obsession is getting waves, even if they have to brush thousands of times, apply grease/scurl and whatever else, wear du rags, etc. etc.

They definitely have their issues too.

I know they have their issues too (I pointed out the rarely mentioned one one...their sexism), what I'm saying is how often do women comment on men's appearace and why is it so one sided? Much of this convo seems to be about men making comments on women's natural hair not negatively about natural hair in general.

 

[georgia80]

I think there comes a point where some women are doing their hair to look cute to other women rather then men's tastes. Men don't need us to go so over the top super elaborate with our hair like so many women do.

I have no issues with the dating game weather I'm rockin my fro or my silky straight look. If you walk around completely self-conscious and feeling unattractive, you'll emulate that, and people won't be as likely to come up to you. If you walk around with your coils like I'm fly like a kite, I'm tae-kwon-dope, you'll emanate that and people will gravitate toward you. Period. I've had no issues in corporate America either because at the end of the day your reputation and credentials will speak for themselves.

....So true Black Master Piece
I do think that some of our black men have issues about "kinky, coily" hair. I agree it is about how confident you feel about yourself no matter what style you are wearing.

I was just down in LA this past month on business it was hot there and I decided that I was going to rock my natural styles. I also decided that I was going to be comfortable with my natural hair and if others had a problem with it so be it. I put my make-up, my positive attitude, and my business hat on and I rocked my natural hair styles. I didn't know that so many black men felt this way about natural hair in LA. But I should have know something was up. I was very shocked by the attention I received from non-black men. Everytime I turned around I was being hit on by white men. Go figure.

 

[jamaraa]

ITA 210% I really thought I was the only one. I think part of the problem with natural hair is not just the racism related stigma but also socio-cultural stereotype that we have somewhat caused. For example I've been natural for 20 out of 25 years of my life. Although I've worn my hair straight 90% of that time, when I made the decision to go natural again I decided to wear it curly this time. Now since doing that, a lot of guys will tell me I'm a "conscious sister," I look smart (doesn't help I wear glasses) or that "I'm doing my angela davis thing." My best friend who is light skin and currently transitioning people tell her that she is a "militant," "pro-black" "black panther type chick." While all of this is slightly true about her she never got these comments before transitioning. Needless to say whenever someone says this to us we just laugh. I have never heard anybody tell me I'm nappy to face besides my own family.

I can honestly say my SO hates my hair, not because it's natural but because of the shrinkage. He's one of those guys obsessed with long hair and he claims he can't see the length because it curled. He's right but to me it's not that serious. But otherwise he doesn't cross into that realm of me and my hair because he know that my hair is my 1st love. Only once has he ever asked me to straightened my hair and that was when I was transitioning so it could have very well looked jacked up.

But it has been my experience that men who care about you don't really care because they don't want to hear you complain and more importantly want you happy.

It's funny that people assume your friend is radical because she's going natural, I guess that 1960s stereotype is still common. I have to say that your SO does dislike natural Africanhair. Shrinkage is the main characteristic of African textured hair, so how can he be OK w/ the naturalness and not ok when it does what it does?

 

[jamaraa]

Thank you! I really think this post sums it all up. So many times on the forum (and real life..shoot, even from my own lips) I hear stuff like "Black men like this, they like that, they like straight, they like nappy, they like skinny, they like big booty, etc. ad infintum.

There is NO MONOLITHIC BLACK MAN!

They are individuals. Just because a man may not be stepping to you, don't blame it on your nappy hair and dark skin. Just because a man is throwing his number in your face, don't give your long swingin mane and light skin all the credit. And vice versa. He may simply not feel you, or he may simply think you da' bomb.

That's really all there is to it IMO.

I've had a bald head and had men telling me how beautiful I am, and had men look at me like my name is Montell. I've had a kinky fro and been laughed at, and been admired. I've had my quick weave and had men try to holla, and another man make fun of my big forehead (he was a looza because I had ignored him ).

I've permed my hair in the past because I thought it would make this particular dude like me more. And I've also purposefully worn natural styles, in hopes to attract a certain type of man. At the end of the day, neither scenarios worked out. Why? Because I lacked the confidence to be me on all levels, and that spread out and affected my dealings with these individuals.

At the end of the day, we all need to stop worrying about what these men think about our hair. Like AgrlCanMac said, if you are seeking for outside validation, you will never be happy. Never!

I'm about to relax my hair and cut it into a blunt bob with blunt bangs. Why? Because I love that look and I feel ultra sexy with it. When I'm over it, I'll probably rock a twa for a bit, then see what happens.

Yup...all true. I simply can't believe that ALL natural sistahs are alone and miserable. I also don't believe that all Black men are down on natural hair. Perhaps some women should consider maybe there are other reasons they ain't gettin' stepped to. Of course it's easier to blame someone else and call out their alledged "issues" than to deal w/ you.

 

[msa]

Yup...all true. I simply can't believe that ALL natural sistahs are alone and miserable. I also don't believe that all Black men are down on natural hair.

No one is saying that all natural women are alone or all black men dislike natural hair.

Perhaps some women should consider maybe there are other reasons they ain't gettin' stepped to. Of course it's easier to blame someone else and call out their alledged "issues" than to deal w/ you.

 

[labelfree]

I can only speak for myself and I have gotten attention from men (usually unwanted attention) no matter what my hair style is and YES I live in LA, YES I have a dark complexion, and YES I have type 4 hair. I just don't understand where people are getting "OH LA is so superficial" mess from weaves are everywhere in all colors people so what makes LA so different? People get caught up in what they think is LA IMO. But MSA I find it interesting that the "ghetto" men give you more attention than the "educated" men

 

[jamaraa]

No one is saying that all natural women are alone or all black men dislike natural hair.

Oy vey, Mami..

Actually several posts in this thread implied just that (tho it's not as literally as you're trying to make it)...dark skinned women w/ natural hair don't get play, only if you're light w/ good hair, etc....or am I just imaging these posts? The ones who disagree w/ this woe is me-ism are in the minority on this thread, luv. As I said in my 1st post, most Black men DO NOT CARE if you have natural hair, IMHO. Most of you who've had negative experiences have had them in limited quanities, yet you're making out like this is something you're dealing w/ everyday, 24/7. Can you or anyone here say that this is your normal experience thru the day, BM giving you drama about your hair? It's rather unbelivable that there are so many BM who have so little a life to dedicate themselves to hassling you.

In really plain English....some men will not like your hair (for whatever reason), but so what? Are you really that insecure to NEED to have to have strangers give you validation? You took the road less traveled....shrug.

Yes...roll your eyes. Typical.....but it proves my point.

 

[jamaraa]

I can only speak for myself and I have gotten attention from men (usually unwanted attention) no matter what my hair style is and YES I live in LA, YES I have a dark complexion, and YES I have type 4 hair. I just don't understand where people are getting "OH LA is so superficial" mess from weaves are everywhere in all colors people so what makes LA so different? People get caught up in what they think is LA IMO. But MSA I find it interesting that the "ghetto" men give you more attention than the "educated" men

Well stereotypes are EASY, ain't they?!

 

[msa]

Oy vey, Mami..

Actually several posts in tis thread implied just that (tho it's not as literal as you're trying to make it)...dark skinned women w/ natural hair don't get play, only if you're light w/ good hair, etc....or am I just imaging these posts? The ones who disagree w/ this woe is me-ism are in the minority on this thread, luv. As I said in my 1st post, most Black men DO NOT CARE if you have natural hair, IMHO. Most of you who've had negative experiences have had them in limited quanities, yet you're making out like this is something you're dealing w/ everyday, 24/7. Can you or anyone here say that this is your normal experience thru the day, BM giving you drama about your hair? It's rather unbelivable that there are so many BM who have so little a life to dedicate themselves to hassling you.

In really plain English....some men will not like your hair (for whatever reason), but so what? Are you really that insecure to NEED to have to have strangers give you validation? You took the road less traveled....shrug.

Yes...roll your eyes. Typical.....but it proves my point.

I'm annoyed by the number of posts that are stuck on blaming the woman. That's the only thing that bothers me with this whole thing. I never said anyone was hassling me everyday or that I need people to give me validation about my hair. I love my hair regardless of who does or doesn't like it. That's not what this is about.

My attitude isn't "woe is me" and neither is anyone else's in this thread. The truth is black men do care about whether someone's hair is natural and they show it through their words and actions.

What annoys me is that no one seems to understand that if 80% of black women are relaxed because of the messages they received about their hair...how do you think those same messages have affected black men? Do you think they somehow are dumb, deaf, and blind to all the negative ideas surrounding natural hair?

Of course they aren't. And those ideas affect what they see as beautiful. Just like all women don't internalize the messages, neither do all men. But to say that black men have no interest either way really is just wrong. If they had no interest it wouldn't be played out in rap songs, music videos, books, television shows/movies, and in real life.

In really plain english, for many black men a beautiful woman is one who has a certain look and that "look" doesn't include natural type 4 hair. That's just the truth.

 

[LoveisYou]

Two things I want to say...

1)People keeps saying men don't care what your hair looks like as long as it looks good to them. The thing is, the definition of "looks good" is very narrow when it comes to black men. Why? Because they are taught the same standard of beauty that we are. So "looks good" for them means things like long, straight, wavy, curly, nice cut/style...but not nappy. Men talk about all the time about wanting women with long hair or straight hair but I've yet to hear a black man have nappy hair at the top of his list.

2) The guys I hang out with are all private school, ivy league (or top university) educated. They've all traveled the world and are far from narrow minded considering they grew up around white people and have been exposed to many different people because of travel or college.

I actually find that I get hit on more with my natural hair when I go to WalMart in Watts or South Central. Dudes in the hood love my natural hair actually.

It's the men who are on my level (college educated, working, grad school, doing well for themselves, young hollywood types) that DO NOT like natural hair. These men are much more likely to ascribe to the European standard of beauty. Why? Because as up and coming black men, they need a wife who is the trophy type (looks wise)...and trophies don't have natural hair (unless it's type 3 or looser).

This is the complete opposite in my experience. MSA I don't know how old those men are, but the ones I'm around are about 23-28, they show a lot of appreciation for natural hair. I'm wondering if age is a factor.

I attended a top private university in Manhattan. One of the most popular girls on campus was a natural sista. The men on campus LOVED her and she was very afrocentric too.