Don't Go Natural

[Blossssom]

uummm I did. That is what I do all the time I really don't take the time out to think about the pros and cons. Like nike I just do it.

How long was your hair when you decided, Plove...?

I'm really believing AFTER THE FACT that if I had been doing marginal chops, I wouldn't have fallen.

It's kind of like not quitting smoking all at once, but limiting yourself from 3 packs a day to two packs a day to one pack a day.

I know where I messed up at.

 

[Enchantmt]

And as far as the "good hair, bad hair" thing goes. Yes, I do still use the words. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think it's the mentality behind the words that divide us. I don't look at people or treat people differently based on their hair. When people start to categorize others because they don't like what you like, that's what divides us. I just let people "do them," because I am going to "do me."

You are of course free to use whatever terms you like to describe your hair, and I understand what most people mean in terms of texture when they say "good hair", HOWEVER, also be prepared for others to take issue with it or in the least be put off by it.

Often the mentality regarding black hair is bad=nappy= something is inherently wrong and it needs to be fixed. Then it can be good=straight or wavy or curly or textures that MOST black folx dont have/arent thought to have unless they have some type of racial mixing going on which has been understood to mean black is not good enough in and of itself. (I am aware there are black groups of people with curly and straight hair, but I'm am describing the attitudes and conflicts I have witnessed on hairboards and in real life). No one wants to be told that what they have/what they are is inherently flawed and often this spreads out into discussions about social influences on our culture, blk vs european beauty standards, self hate, social condtioning, oppression, etc. So, regardless of your intent, please keep that in mind the if the reactions to your statements arent taken well. Some are working hard on overcoming mindsets that speak to "black" being "less than", and tend to be very vocal about it.

 

[firecracker]

There is no such thing as bad or good hair contrary to popular belief.

 

[Curlee_lurker]

I'm sure I'm more of the exception to the rule, but I never had an issue when I decided to go natural. I just decided one day that relaxing wasn't for me. I was terribly young at the time, so maybe that makes a difference.

I never thought there was a new mindset or a new way that people looked at me. I was maybe concerned the first day I decided to go out without my hair "done" and I felt a bit embarrassed. But I got over it quickly.

 

[SparklingFlame]

There is no such thing as bad or good hair contrary to popular belief.

Exactly! As if hair inherently has "good character or bad character".

 

[Crackers Phinn]

There is no such thing as bad or good hair contrary to popular belief.

There most certainly is a such thing as good and bad hair.

If I may quote myself:

Good hair is hair that is well cared for-with or without a curl pattern. Bad hair looks like a goat has been chewing on it with a few licks thrown in to add moisture. Trust me, when I'm people watching at the grocery store, I see plenty of goat licked hair of all hair types.

 

[PaperClip]

There most certainly is a such thing as good and bad hair.

If I may quote myself:Good hair is hair that is well cared for-with or without a curl pattern. Bad hair looks like a goat has been chewing on it with a few licks thrown in to add moisture. Trust me, when I'm people watching at the grocery store, I see plenty of goat licked hair of all hair types.

I would humbly modify this to say "badly MAINTAINED" hair. Since there's no such word as "goodly", a comparable term might be "well maintained".

 

[danimani]

This is an awesome thread chalk full of great information. I'm trying to decide if I want to go natural or not, and this has definitely aided in teh decision.

 

[Cheleigh]

In my opinion, me wanting to go natural only with a certain type of hair is just as reasonable as buying a house or car. I know that I can only afford a certain amount. I may go look at and price a Benz, but if the price is more than I can afford to pay every month, I'm not going to go there.


So, all I ask is that those of you that "have a problem with" those of us that know what type/texture of hair we can wear and absolutely LOVE, have the patience to deal with, and/or, find attractive; just respect that. Just like someone that doesn't want to be overweight. They either deal with what they have, or they do something about it. Some ladies just want a different appearance. You can do nothing but respect the appearance that they want on them.

And in closing I just want to say once again that a lot of ladies may have needed to hear what CG said. Thanks for starting this up. It does however, make me sad to see that some of us are still divided in our own race. We've gone from focusing on skin color to hair texture. All and all, just respect what people choose. Especially if it doesn't have a direct effect on you.

I'm not knocking who wrote this, or why.

I can just say that while ultimately I might defend one's right to say whatever they want, I certainly don't have to respect what is said, or the sentiment behind it.

If we replaced "skin color" with "hair texture" in the above text, many people would be up in arms about it. Being overweight (barring medical conditions), buying a Benz over a Volvo, choosing a house is more about individual choices and decisions than it is about anything else. One might not be able to afford a Benz now, but they can simply get a better job, mortgage their house, or marry up.

One's nappy hair, dark skin, broad nose, high cheeckbones, and full lips, they were born with. Came out the womb with. They had NO choice in the matter. Anyone can choose to alter any and all--some for the season, some for life, and for any variety of reasons. But it is not the same as choosing a new car. I might prefer certain facial features, skin complexions, hair textures but I'm always mindful that the line between having a preference and something else can be very thin, and it is a conscious, active process not to cross the line into "something else."

 

[Ms_Twana]

You are of course free to use whatever terms you like to describe your hair, and I understand what most people mean in terms of texture when they say "good hair", HOWEVER, also be prepared for others to take issue with it or in the least be put off by it.

Often the mentality regarding black hair is bad=nappy= something is inherently wrong and it needs to be fixed. Then it can be good=straight or wavy or curly or textures that MOST black folx dont have/arent thought to have unless they have some type of racial mixing going on which has been understood to mean black is not good enough in and of itself. (I am aware there are black groups of people with curly and straight hair, but I'm am describing the attitudes and conflicts I have witnessed on hairboards and in real life). No one wants to be told that what they have/what they are is inherently flawed and often this spreads out into discussions about social influences on our culture, blk vs european beauty standards, self hate, social condtioning, oppression, etc. So, regardless of your intent, please keep that in mind the if the reactions to your statements arent taken well. Some are working hard on overcoming mindsets that speak to "black" being "less than", and tend to be very vocal about it.

Thanks for pointing that out Enchanmt. I totally see where you are coming from. It definitely was not my intent to offend anyone. I was merely trying to discuss how I feel about going natural without knowing what my natural hair texture is. For those that can rock natural hair regardless of the texture, I applaud them. I just can't do it. I do understand that this is a sensitive issue with some. And I will definitely keep that in mind in the future. Once again, thanks for pointing that out.

 

[Ms_Twana]

I'm not knocking who wrote this, or why.

I can just say that while ultimately I might defend one's right to say whatever they want, I certainly don't have to respect what is said, or the sentiment behind it.

This is true. However, I don't think it's a very healthy thing to practice when it comes to relationship building in adult life. How can someone possibly be on a hair forum that gives tips and support to healthy haircare, if they "down" those that make certain decisions about their hair, especially when their ultimate goal is to gain healthy hair??

[qoute]One's nappy hair, dark skin, broad nose, high cheeckbones, and full lips, they were born with. Came out the womb with. They had NO choice in the matter. Anyone can choose to alter any and all--some for the season, some for life, and for any variety of reasons. But it is not the same as choosing a new car. I might prefer certain facial features, skin complexions, hair textures but I'm always mindful that the line between having a preference and something else can be very thin, and it is a conscious, active process not to cross the line into "something else.[/quote]

Okay, I see your point on how in my example, I can not compare the two. That makes sense. Can I use the example of someone choosing to color their hair?? Hair color is something you can not choose at birth.

But you know what, all of that is neither here nor there. I just don't want to be judged because of my thought process when it comes to going natural. I'm not judging anyone based on the reason they made certain decisions about their hair. Because at the end of the day, like someone said earlier, we are ALL here for the same reason: Long Healthy Hair, be it natural, relaxed, texlaxed, whatever.

 

[Robin41]

CountryGal, thanks so much for this long overdue thread! I truly wish someone had posted this before I started transitioning because I thought I knew what I was in for when I started but I had no idea. Although I love my new hair texture and I'm learning how to care for it, I was totally lost at first, so much so that I considered turning back to relaxing. You are totally on point about being prepared mentally to deal with the new me, not just my hair but the COMMENTS from other folks. Fortunately, I hung in there and though I've only been transitioning for about five months (and I'm still in the "ugly" phase that's trying my patience), I am absolutely loving it and can't wait for my beautiful head of hair to grow in.

There are way too many positive inspirations on this board for me to give up now and everyone has been so encouraging and helpful. The other naturals and transitioners on this site have helped make my experience so much more positive than negative and I'm soaking up all your advice like a sponge. So to you, CG, and all the other naturals, please, please, please keep the positive energy flowing because we transitioners truly do appreciate it.

 

[Soleado]

HUGZ

We are *here*

Me too! I didn't realize there were so many Delta's on this board!
"8D95"

 

[Poohbear]

Ms_Twana

Don't worry girl about your feelings about hair or others reaction to your thoughts. You don't have to keep explaining yourself. I understand completely what you're talking about, as well as others who prefer "good hair" natural hair if they weren't going to relax anymore.

Check out this thread that I created over 2 years ago: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=28929

I wanted to stop relaxing and go natural but a few natural hair albums discouraged me, especially the ones with the BC. I was afraid of my hair looking kinky, but I think some misunderstood me back then, it really wasn't just about the hair texture per se, but the hair styles on these kinky haired ladies that I thought were ugly and unattractive in my eyes. The albums I saw were of ladies who didn't fix their hair hair in a nice way (and nice did not mean straight or like 'good hair'). It was hard to explain back then. I still find some natural hair styles as unattractive but that's how I felt with relaxed hair styles too.

So I had to go through a mental transition in what to expect for my natural hair. In other words, I had to be ready to accept, embrace, and love whatever texture grew out of my head. I already had an idea that my hair wasn't going to be loosely curled so that really helped me with not being disappointed once I completely went natural. Over 2004 and 2005, my views about hair texture changed. I started to see all natural (NO chemicals) hair textures (straight, wavy, curly, and kinky) as beautiful because people are born with different hair textures and the diversity is what makes us unique. We don't HAVE TO straighten our natural hair with chemicals. Some people really think that way. I did. I thought all black women relaxed their hair. It was so enlightening to discover the truth on this board about different natural hair textures.

So don't feel too bad about how you feel right now. Everything will come to light one day. One suggestion to get over the feeling is to grow out your hair without a relaxer for several months to a year see what your natural hair texture looks like. Then make the choice whether you want to relax or go natural, but don't relax because you hate your hair. Relax if you feel that's the best way to deal with your hair at the moment. Btw, I relaxed my hair twice during my transition, not because I hated my hair, but because I didn't know what else to do with it. As I kept reading more info on how to take care of transitioning hair and natural hair, I stayed firm in my goal to go natural.

Everyone's experience and hair journey is different. I hope this helps. Take care!

Poohbear

 

[Cheleigh]

This is true. However, I don't think it's a very healthy thing to practice when it comes to relationship building in adult life. How can someone possibly be on a hair forum that gives tips and support to healthy haircare, if they "down" those that make certain decisions about their hair, especially when their ultimate goal is to gain healthy hair??

I wasn't going to write my post that exactly that reason. I didn't judge you sis. That's why I left your name off of the quote--it was intentional. I'm not really into the personal attack thing. That's also why I never refered anything I said directly back to "you," because my comments were all global to anyone, not specific to "the person" who made the comments. Globally, I would never chastise someone for the right to say anything--even if it's oppositional to my belief system.

But that doesn't mean there aren't universal discussion points that can be discussed resultant from the statements.

At the end of the day, (it may sound trite) but you have to do you. "You" know why and what you said, and you don't have to explain anything to anyone. Part of a healthy discourse is the ability to talk about even painful or sensitive issues. I will rarely internalize anything I write or that is written, because I just don't really care enough. But sometimes I do care enough to write something that seems important to state.

Keep the faith--we aren't ogres. We just are all different women with different opinions. But at the end of the day, I hope no one becomes discourged from the discourse. I'm sorry if you felt personally attacked by me--that wasn't the intention.

 

[Country gal]

You can pick and choose the type of house you can buy. You don't have that option with natural hair. There is no design center when it comes to natural hair. You can't just pick and choose your texture. It is simply genetics. What happens if you have a child with the undesirable hair? Won't you have to learn how to take care of her hair or will you just put a perm in. How do you know you can wear a certain texture of hair better than another type? I feel it is sad that in 2006 that good hair is still apart of people's vocabulary. I think this where the division comes in.

CG, you are so correct with your above statements. I can pick and choose my house. But I can also choose not to go natural, as many of us have done. And if I did have a daughter with undesirable hair, I would have to learn how to deal with it. (I never looked at it that way, BTW). But once she got to the age where she wanted something different, I would respect that. I would say, "Well, that's what God gave you, so just deal with it." I think those days are loooong gone.

That's all I'm saying. Just give each other respect. You are not going to like the same clothes, food, or hairstyle that I like, and vice versa. But we just need to respect what each one of us chooses to do. And most of my post wasn't directed towards you, CG. In fact, I thought I said good job starting it!!!

But there were a lot of other posts that seems to get upset with someone desiring a certain type of hair in it's natural state. And in some of these posts, their feelings were evident. I'm just saying if I don't desire a certain type of hairstyle, respect that. Because, as a women, I definitely respect the decisions that you make. And sorry for using the word "you" so much. I'm not directing that to you, CG. I'm just speaking generally. Actually, I'm speaking to those that "have a problem with" me not wanting to deal with a certain type of hair. Just respect what I choose to do and not do.

And as far as the "good hair, bad hair" thing goes. Yes, I do still use the words. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think it's the mentality behind the words that divide us. I don't look at people or treat people differently based on their hair. When people start to categorize others because they don't like what you like, that's what divides us. I just let people "do them," because I am going to "do me."

I think it is great to have a healthy conversation. Thanks for letting me know where you are coming from.

 

[Country gal]

LOLOL!

Well, I was a LONG way from taming mine

I had to figure out a way to tame the new growth and make the old growth cooperate with it!

NO DICE!

Maybe next time.

Bloss, that's what I call the ugly duckling stage. It was the hardest part for me.

 

[Ms_Twana]

Pooh, thank you for your response and your support. I appreciate it. I did run across your post a couple of days ago. I think someone bumped it. The thread was kinda long and I didn't read all of it. But I will take the time to read it now. I'm sure I can definitely learn a lot from you, because I did decide to at least stretch my relaxer for a while. Maybe I can get to know SOME part of my natural hair. So, I will definitely be PMing you.

Cheleigh, it's all good. Apology accepted. I guess I did take your post a 'lil personal. My bad!! Please accept my apology for "calling you out."

County Gal, healthy, meaningful conversation is GREAT. I have definitely taken heed to what others have said. Thanks for allowing me to be a part of it.