Hi Again,
I forgot to mention my own personal experience in this regard. I think that I've only had a full out relaxer for ~ 2, maybe up to 3.5 years in my life. That was late jr. high/high school. I'm 31 now. My parents were "Afrocentrics", so both rocked fros WAY after they went "out of style" (to my shigrin at times growing up given kids' cruelty). But, when I requested a relaxer, my Mom didn't resist my getting one ... It just turned out that, my 4b/a hair is so fine and thin, relaxers didn't look too good on me after a few days (my hair gets stringy/greasy and thin-looking with product, and dry etc. without it...). Luckily, I discovered Lonnice Brittenum-Bonner's book "Good Hair" in ~ 11th grade right after an extended period of growing out the perm via extensions. I got texlaxed, as she recommended, and started doing twist-outs, and I got a pretty good reception from guys! They tended to like the look even though it wasn't bone straight/showcasing my maximal length!
I got dreads in college. When they were baby locs (very short), some folks (surprisingly mostly female) HATED it. But as they grew longer of course, folks (male and female) adored them ... I guess that supports the idea that length is really the bottom line ... I cut my locks twice over the 10 years that I had them. Once to my jawbone, and once to APL. They grew back to ~ WL in no time! ... Then last year, when I turned 30, I decided to face my most feared hairstyle; the TWA. I was tiring of my dreads; they were becoming little albatrosses. In my mind, I had THOROUGHLY proven to myself and the world that my hair could GROW. I was also in a loving, supportive relationship with a man who I thought was "the one". So now I figured I was mature and secure enough to garner the courage/confidence needed to rock the "boy haircut" with elegant simplicity (as I'd seen women do on the countrysides of Tanzania, East Africa) ... So I B.C.'d in March of 2008. The reception was ... strange. My BF SEEMED fine with it, but even the white men in my life (ex. my supervisor) were kinda just ... mystified ... yet white women cut their hair all the time! I thought it wasn't as big a deal to whites given how fast their hair grows back! ... Even my so called "militant Afrocentric" male friends said they liked the long locs better (one of them even blamed my BF for me cutting them)! One day I did what turned out to be an impromptu experiment. I visited the mall in my TWA. The last store that I visited was a hair store where I (impulsively) tried on and bought an inexpensive but (I thought) cute wig (It was my first wig. I figured now that I don't have hair, I can fit under wigs, so why not try it?). When I got to my car, I realized that I had forgotten to get something in the mall. So I decided to run back in to buy it. On a whim, I decided to open my wig, and wear it in...
Can I tell you that the reception to the wig was like NIGHT and DAY? It was hurtful/jolting actually. To make things worse, I later wore the wig one more time publicly to catch dinner and a movie with the guy with whom I'd had the supportive relationship with when I decided to B.C. (we were now strictly platonic friends. So we hadn't kissed/touched since we'd broken up). He actually started showering me with compliments about how good I looked in the wig! And at the end of the evening, he even tried to KISS me! I kid you NOT! Later on, I wore the wig ONCE more privately for a guy I was dating, and even HE said I was 'fine' when I wore it! :-( I threw it out after that ... I was jealous!
So, needless to say, after those experiences, I resolved that long hair was apparently the TRUTH for (black) men. So I decided that I would have to grow it out if I wanted to maximize my pool of potential mate options ... Well, three months after I stopped getting trims (April 09), I met and started dating an apparently VERY unusual (black) guy. In our first convo, he actually spontaneously COMPLIMENTED me on my TWA! Literally saying something to the effect of "I like black women's hair SHORT and natural like that. I think that's how our hair was meant to be!" I was FLOORED! Never in LIFE had I heard such a thing come out of a (black) man's mouth! And, after the wig episodes, I hadn't expected that I ever would! I mean, it turned out that even my DAD was more of a long hair guy (my Mom's Afro was always on the bigger side growing up...another shigrin point)!
Even MORE striking (IMHO), later, once we started dating, the guy was waiting in my apartment for me to get ready for us to go out. I was dressed, but had not yet picked out/"done" my freshly washed TWA. So it was at maximal shrinkage. He was like "Wait. Don't pick it out, I like it like that. When you're with me at least, I want you to wear your hair like that." I was like WTF!!! I'd never CONSIDERED such a possibility! Needless to say, he TOTALLY blew my mind in that way! In the end, it turned out that, due to incompatibilities in other areas, we would only last for ~ 2 months (met in July 09, broke up in September). But that interaction got me considering some whole other, out the box-ish stuff in terms of women and Afro-hair that I'd NEVER thought would fly (for us single ladies at least). I'm now thinking that a healthy, shiny 4 inches (10 cm) will be my MAX! That way, I can rock a maximum shrinkage TWA wash and go one day. A picked out "puff" another. OR, if I blow it out, a nice style combining cornrows and twists of adequate length for my tastes --(Note: this style would be worn in the winter (when I don't swim). With the twists in for 2 weeks, and a twist-out the week after -- yielding a net ~ 5 hours on a style including wash/DC, that will last for 3 weeks => ~ 15 min per day). I figure I can change up/accentuate the looks via accessories (which I'm now learning to make myself). This way, if I wanted to, I could LITERALLY work out/SWIM every day/frequently and, like a white woman, (co) wash it and GO within ~10 - 20 minutes TOTAL (including (co) wash time) at least during the warmer 8 months of the year! Yes, this is theoretically possible with longer Afro hair ... but, for me, I'd tend to feel the need to actually STYLE/tame longer Afro hair a bit more (I really just don't prefer huge hair -- I kinda have a big face/head already). That takes up time.
So. Bottom line. Even though I've ment MANY (black) men who indeed prefer long (and/or straight) hair, my most recent romantic encounter has given me hope/confidence that (black) men DO exist who actually LIKE/PREFER our hair in ~ TWAs! This has given me a new lease on things! I now see myself as choosing not to keep it in an extremely short one EXCLUSIVELY/MAINLY for my OWN aesthetic/artistic/creative expression! Thanks to this encounter, I've now resolved that I WON'T let it get beyond what's considered TWA status (by LHCF standards)! I'll stay tuned here to stay up on ways to maximize its health/sheen/shine. Nothing more. Nothing less. True, by not straightening it, I'll never achieve "white girl flow/swing". By not maximizing growth, I'll never again approach "white girl lengths". BUT I figure this way, I'll have a better chance of achieving "white girl (potential) quality of life/health/self acceptance/TIME investment". YES our loose natural hair CAN grow to WL, but, according to this Afro-haired, length virtuoso:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSlq0kvkwWo
it tends to require ~ 6 HOURS per week of HAND detangling (let alone the additional time for washing, DCing, and styling)! If she had straight, white girl hair, she could much more easily achieve that length, and be spending that time (and emotional energy/investment) nurturing her inner self (ex. self help books etc), spending QT with her kids, EXERCISING etc!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=221615&highlight=black+women+cite+hair+working+out
So, basically, I've now/recently become fairly convicted that it would be best (for me personally) if I focused on achieving "white girl quality of life" over and above their "swing" and "length" thanks (mostly) to my interactions with this recent guy. I'll take just enough hair to achieve my standards of attractiveness/versatility. But my rule of thumb is that if the net time input exceeds ~15 min daily (INCLUDING washing time), I'm NOT interested (except, of course, for special occasion hairstyles -- but this way I'll guiltlessly wash them out the NEXT day in a heartbeat! Just like a white woman!). Since this guy could deal, I'm betting/figuring that others can too!
Besides, now that my mental/emotional space/energy with regards to worrying about hair length has been cleared up, I've now put my energy into looking into creative ways to make accessories, as well as planning out my exercise and healthy diet schedule, etc. For the first time, I can CLEARLY see/conceive of/picture a significantly happier, healthier, more confident and creative me on the horizon! I'm now thinking to myself 'what thinking/introspective/self-respecting (black) man would, when faced with the choice of a (black) woman who is maximally happy, healthy, dynamic, self-actualizing etc. BUT has only 4 inches of hair VERSUS that same woman who has managed to maximize her hair length YET is not maximizing her potential in those other mentioned areas, would chose the LATTER over the FORMER?!' ... I'd like to know so that I don't WASTE my time on such an individual! 
LOL!
Sorry 4 the rant(s) ya'll ... I guess I have a lot on my mind!
I forgot to mention my own personal experience in this regard. I think that I've only had a full out relaxer for ~ 2, maybe up to 3.5 years in my life. That was late jr. high/high school. I'm 31 now. My parents were "Afrocentrics", so both rocked fros WAY after they went "out of style" (to my shigrin at times growing up given kids' cruelty). But, when I requested a relaxer, my Mom didn't resist my getting one ... It just turned out that, my 4b/a hair is so fine and thin, relaxers didn't look too good on me after a few days (my hair gets stringy/greasy and thin-looking with product, and dry etc. without it...). Luckily, I discovered Lonnice Brittenum-Bonner's book "Good Hair" in ~ 11th grade right after an extended period of growing out the perm via extensions. I got texlaxed, as she recommended, and started doing twist-outs, and I got a pretty good reception from guys! They tended to like the look even though it wasn't bone straight/showcasing my maximal length!
I got dreads in college. When they were baby locs (very short), some folks (surprisingly mostly female) HATED it. But as they grew longer of course, folks (male and female) adored them ... I guess that supports the idea that length is really the bottom line ... I cut my locks twice over the 10 years that I had them. Once to my jawbone, and once to APL. They grew back to ~ WL in no time! ... Then last year, when I turned 30, I decided to face my most feared hairstyle; the TWA. I was tiring of my dreads; they were becoming little albatrosses. In my mind, I had THOROUGHLY proven to myself and the world that my hair could GROW. I was also in a loving, supportive relationship with a man who I thought was "the one". So now I figured I was mature and secure enough to garner the courage/confidence needed to rock the "boy haircut" with elegant simplicity (as I'd seen women do on the countrysides of Tanzania, East Africa) ... So I B.C.'d in March of 2008. The reception was ... strange. My BF SEEMED fine with it, but even the white men in my life (ex. my supervisor) were kinda just ... mystified ... yet white women cut their hair all the time! I thought it wasn't as big a deal to whites given how fast their hair grows back! ... Even my so called "militant Afrocentric" male friends said they liked the long locs better (one of them even blamed my BF for me cutting them)! One day I did what turned out to be an impromptu experiment. I visited the mall in my TWA. The last store that I visited was a hair store where I (impulsively) tried on and bought an inexpensive but (I thought) cute wig (It was my first wig. I figured now that I don't have hair, I can fit under wigs, so why not try it?). When I got to my car, I realized that I had forgotten to get something in the mall. So I decided to run back in to buy it. On a whim, I decided to open my wig, and wear it in...
Can I tell you that the reception to the wig was like NIGHT and DAY? It was hurtful/jolting actually. To make things worse, I later wore the wig one more time publicly to catch dinner and a movie with the guy with whom I'd had the supportive relationship with when I decided to B.C. (we were now strictly platonic friends. So we hadn't kissed/touched since we'd broken up). He actually started showering me with compliments about how good I looked in the wig! And at the end of the evening, he even tried to KISS me! I kid you NOT! Later on, I wore the wig ONCE more privately for a guy I was dating, and even HE said I was 'fine' when I wore it! :-( I threw it out after that ... I was jealous!
So, needless to say, after those experiences, I resolved that long hair was apparently the TRUTH for (black) men. So I decided that I would have to grow it out if I wanted to maximize my pool of potential mate options ... Well, three months after I stopped getting trims (April 09), I met and started dating an apparently VERY unusual (black) guy. In our first convo, he actually spontaneously COMPLIMENTED me on my TWA! Literally saying something to the effect of "I like black women's hair SHORT and natural like that. I think that's how our hair was meant to be!" I was FLOORED! Never in LIFE had I heard such a thing come out of a (black) man's mouth! And, after the wig episodes, I hadn't expected that I ever would! I mean, it turned out that even my DAD was more of a long hair guy (my Mom's Afro was always on the bigger side growing up...another shigrin point)!
Even MORE striking (IMHO), later, once we started dating, the guy was waiting in my apartment for me to get ready for us to go out. I was dressed, but had not yet picked out/"done" my freshly washed TWA. So it was at maximal shrinkage. He was like "Wait. Don't pick it out, I like it like that. When you're with me at least, I want you to wear your hair like that." I was like WTF!!! I'd never CONSIDERED such a possibility! Needless to say, he TOTALLY blew my mind in that way! In the end, it turned out that, due to incompatibilities in other areas, we would only last for ~ 2 months (met in July 09, broke up in September). But that interaction got me considering some whole other, out the box-ish stuff in terms of women and Afro-hair that I'd NEVER thought would fly (for us single ladies at least). I'm now thinking that a healthy, shiny 4 inches (10 cm) will be my MAX! That way, I can rock a maximum shrinkage TWA wash and go one day. A picked out "puff" another. OR, if I blow it out, a nice style combining cornrows and twists of adequate length for my tastes --(Note: this style would be worn in the winter (when I don't swim). With the twists in for 2 weeks, and a twist-out the week after -- yielding a net ~ 5 hours on a style including wash/DC, that will last for 3 weeks => ~ 15 min per day). I figure I can change up/accentuate the looks via accessories (which I'm now learning to make myself). This way, if I wanted to, I could LITERALLY work out/SWIM every day/frequently and, like a white woman, (co) wash it and GO within ~10 - 20 minutes TOTAL (including (co) wash time) at least during the warmer 8 months of the year! Yes, this is theoretically possible with longer Afro hair ... but, for me, I'd tend to feel the need to actually STYLE/tame longer Afro hair a bit more (I really just don't prefer huge hair -- I kinda have a big face/head already). That takes up time.
So. Bottom line. Even though I've ment MANY (black) men who indeed prefer long (and/or straight) hair, my most recent romantic encounter has given me hope/confidence that (black) men DO exist who actually LIKE/PREFER our hair in ~ TWAs! This has given me a new lease on things! I now see myself as choosing not to keep it in an extremely short one EXCLUSIVELY/MAINLY for my OWN aesthetic/artistic/creative expression! Thanks to this encounter, I've now resolved that I WON'T let it get beyond what's considered TWA status (by LHCF standards)! I'll stay tuned here to stay up on ways to maximize its health/sheen/shine. Nothing more. Nothing less. True, by not straightening it, I'll never achieve "white girl flow/swing". By not maximizing growth, I'll never again approach "white girl lengths". BUT I figure this way, I'll have a better chance of achieving "white girl (potential) quality of life/health/self acceptance/TIME investment". YES our loose natural hair CAN grow to WL, but, according to this Afro-haired, length virtuoso:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSlq0kvkwWo
it tends to require ~ 6 HOURS per week of HAND detangling (let alone the additional time for washing, DCing, and styling)! If she had straight, white girl hair, she could much more easily achieve that length, and be spending that time (and emotional energy/investment) nurturing her inner self (ex. self help books etc), spending QT with her kids, EXERCISING etc!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=221615&highlight=black+women+cite+hair+working+out
So, basically, I've now/recently become fairly convicted that it would be best (for me personally) if I focused on achieving "white girl quality of life" over and above their "swing" and "length" thanks (mostly) to my interactions with this recent guy. I'll take just enough hair to achieve my standards of attractiveness/versatility. But my rule of thumb is that if the net time input exceeds ~15 min daily (INCLUDING washing time), I'm NOT interested (except, of course, for special occasion hairstyles -- but this way I'll guiltlessly wash them out the NEXT day in a heartbeat! Just like a white woman!). Since this guy could deal, I'm betting/figuring that others can too!
Besides, now that my mental/emotional space/energy with regards to worrying about hair length has been cleared up, I've now put my energy into looking into creative ways to make accessories, as well as planning out my exercise and healthy diet schedule, etc. For the first time, I can CLEARLY see/conceive of/picture a significantly happier, healthier, more confident and creative me on the horizon! I'm now thinking to myself 'what thinking/introspective/self-respecting (black) man would, when faced with the choice of a (black) woman who is maximally happy, healthy, dynamic, self-actualizing etc. BUT has only 4 inches of hair VERSUS that same woman who has managed to maximize her hair length YET is not maximizing her potential in those other mentioned areas, would chose the LATTER over the FORMER?!' ... I'd like to know so that I don't WASTE my time on such an individual! LOL!Sorry 4 the rant(s) ya'll ... I guess I have a lot on my mind!
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)
and by the time I did....it was!
and I just have never had issues bagging, and I'm not light skinned I'm medium complexion and turn a lovely brown during the summer months
) on a very slim frame, so yea.....
that def doesn't hurt
nono:
the styles I saw
have u ever been fully natural and rocked it for while in Cali? What was the feedback like then??? I'm tryna find a ray of hope in the LA area
What do they think about themselves?
