So Black Men Really Don't Care if My Hair Is Nappy

[BlackMasterPiece]

Yea I'm pretty bummed over here too after reading ur posts in this thread msa but you clearly have a very strong spirit so keep doing whatcha doin

 

[azucar]

In my experience location does play a role. In D.C. I have no trouble attracting guys rocking my TWA. On the other hand when I return to school in Michigan, its a DIFFERENT story.

 

[Papoose]

Sometimes, I really wonder if it has anything to do with location. I don't think I've heard too many negative things since going natural nor have I had trouble finding men attracted to me.

I also noticed that natural hair is becoming more common here in Detroit. If women are not actually natural, they're wearing styles that emulate natural hair. What is the hair scene like where you live?

ITA that location can have a lot to do with it. Here in upstate NY, there are very few naturals. The guys are super ignorant too. Just the other day, while rockin my shrunken fro, some guy asked me if I was from Africa...since I wasn't relaxed. On the other hand, in DC Metro & NYC it's all good. I feel like I'm a part of a community.

 

[msa]

MSA, you're crushing me over here. It hurts me to hear you talk/type like this. I wish there were something I could say to erase the things you've been through. From the comments you post on here you really seem cool, down to earth, very intelligent (as if I'd expect anything less from the women on here) and genuine. Whatever you do, don't get your spirits down. You look EXACTLY how you're supposed to look for the man/men/people you're meant to attract.

Plus the idiots who don't think you're dating material are only doing you a favor. Find the blessing in this. From what I've seen and read you have a lot to offer (especially with hair care)!! You don't know how God may be moving your Prince Charming from NY out there to find you. So rock on lady!!

Awww thanks!!

Yea I'm pretty bummed over here too after reading ur posts in this thread msa but you clearly have a very strong spirit so keep doing whatcha doin

No need to be bummed y'all.

Because you're right, natural hair is perfect for weeding out all those people who I wouldn't mesh with anyway. One of the reasons I don't wear my hair straight is because I like for people to see "me".

Hopefully, as more women begin to wear their natural hair things will change. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that.

 

[GreenD]

MSA, it's always tough for the people taking the road less traveled. Not everyone is open to change, as you know most people fear it. But just think of the statement you're making, like I don't think you see the bigger picture. Can you imagine all the women in your area that might want to go natural and not press their hair any more and are too scared. Well guess who's helping to open that door for them....YOU!!!

But it'll catch on, just stay positive and confident and give people the fuzzy eyeball if they come at you with anything less than a compliment. They're the one's with the problem, not you!!

And that goes for all of you ladies, natural, relaxed and/or otherwise.

 

[leleepop]

My husband didnt like my hair when I first did a small chop.My hair was armpit and I cut it to neck length, so he wasnt very happy.I admit i wasnt comfortable either, but he understood y I did it and encourages me. He loves it now esp. since its growing back. My mom, on the other hand, kept and still does go on and on about its nappy, i look way better with str8 hair, blah blah blah. She's better now that's its grown back to shoulder length, but if its not "perfect" she's quick to give her unwanted opinion. I also got some negative feedback from some jealous females, but that's alright.
I love love love my hair though, and A LOT of men, and woman, like it too. Some people just come out and tell me they like it.

 

[Stormy]

I do think location has a lot to do with it.

I live in Los Angeles...the land of silky straight booty length weaves. A woman with natural hair that is type 4 is not seen as dating material. That's just the way it is.

Wow msa! I would think anybody who sees your hair would think it's beautiful! I sure do. Everytime I see your avatar, then look at your photos I think "why is she saying gimme that hair? She has that hair!" Well... I mean it looks pretty close to me.

Anyway, I've heard the people are very superficial in LA. I have friends out there who wear their hair natural, but they're not type 4s.

 

[laurend]

I wish it was that simple, but it's not. I've seen it time and time again.

Especially in Los Angeles.

 

[Stormy]

My husband didnt like my hair when I first did a small chop.My hair was armpit and I cut it to neck length, so he wasnt very happy.I admit i wasnt comfortable either, but he understood y I did it and encourages me. He loves it now esp. since its growing back. My mom, on the other hand, kept and still does go on and on about its nappy, i look way better with str8 hair, blah blah blah. She's better now that's its grown back to shoulder length, but if its not "perfect" she's quick to give her unwanted opinion. I also got some negative feedback from some jealous females, but that's alright.
I love love love my hair though, and A LOT of men, and woman, like it too. Some people just come out and tell me they like it.

Hmm... I guess it is all about location because I'm in the South and have had quite a few men compliment me on my twa. Strangers (men) have walked up to me too and paid a compliment or two!

 

[pisceschica]

Ok...so after the Oprah show I just had to interview my DD regarding this question and he concured that no honey I really don't care if your hair is Nappy....and if most men were honest, they don't care either... Nice hair is just well, an added bonus...nothing more!

But side bar: I do care about cellulite and flabby arms way more than a nappy head...WOW...to know him is to love him!!!

noo...

It depends on the man. I see some black men dating multiracial black women just because of their hair my cousing included he tends to go for east african women.

Some men dont care but for some men your hair is part of your attractiveness.

 

[laurend]

I think Rabs(I forget her name) she's the one who is a pilot has mentioned how black women get no play in Cali. Now put natural on top of that and you become invisible.

 

[Mahalialee4]

I believe that the "glamma drama' stylist pushers will always promote 'weaved, straight, long relaxed hair over 'natural'. That is a major source of income for salons that cater to black hair, just like 'dyes and streaks' are to yt salons. IT'S BIG BIZNESS! And do not forget the Motion Picture Industry and the Modelling Industry. Should all black women choose to go natural, and all yt women stop dyeing, streaking and putting "extensions" in their hair, there would be a LOT MORE PEOPLE OUT OF BUSINESS and LOOKING FOR JOBS. There is a sublimal intent on the part of the 'Beauty Industry' to promote certain looks and to promote actually ridicule and label natural hair as 'too curly, frizzy, nappy, short,'unfixed' hair, 'not pretty and definitely not desirable.' It is a fact in my opinion that when they drag out the 'natural heads on the runways', it is just a statement for "funky' or 'exotic' cause it never leaves the runway with those models! It's like 'wig on wig off! How many commercials do you see promoting the styling of anyone's hair to the 'natural'. No, it's always something to get rid of. We have been hypnotized to get rid of our natural hair by the yt and black cultures and the media and manufacturer's becoming rich on what they are offering as an 'antidote' to blackness! Black women have made a lot of rich yt folks richer and a lot of black folks Poorer. The 'obsession with weaves and relaxers being necessary to be considered beautiful and acceptable' by so many has CONTROLLED THE money in black homes for too long. Just My Opinion and not debating about it.
As for the men, black women have trained them to be just like they are and now the women are for the most part caught in the trap and the drama. Maybe if we had let it go, black men and yts would have let it go and got over it, long ago!

 

[BostonMaria]

My DH says he has no preference whether its curly or straight.. to him its just hair. BUT when I wear it straight and it looks all silky and long he's drooling and going crazy over me. I wet it and he's back to just regular attention. But supposedly its just hair.

I get attention with my curly hair. Might be because I'm confident when my hair is big and poofy LOL I looove it! But when its STRAIGHT I get more doors opened, more men will beep, I get more men letting me cross the street, its freakin ridiculous. But yeah its just hair, well according to Chris Rock.

 

[leleepop]

Awww thanks!!


No need to be bummed y'all.

Because you're right, natural hair is perfect for weeding out all those people who I wouldn't mesh with anyway. One of the reasons I don't wear my hair straight is because I like for people to see "me".

Hopefully, as more women begin to wear their natural hair things will change. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that.

I think location has alot to do with these issues and thats for America period. I really get mad sometimes when people, with jacked up hair have the nerve to judge ME. I think it takes a strong person to stand up and be themselves. Some people just cant understand. I think people have alot of inward problems that manifest in their attitude towards others. Do you and let other catch up to what you're trying to do. Some people just dont get it and never will.

 

[laurend]

I believe that the "glamma drama' stylist pushers will always promote 'weaved, straight, long relaxed hair over 'natural'. That is a major source of income for salons that cater to black hair, just like 'dyes and streaks' are to yt salons. IT'S BIG BIZNESS! And do not forget the Motion Picture Industry and the Modelling Industry. Should all black women choose to go natural, and all yt women stop dyeing, streaking and putting "extensions" in their hair, there would be a LOT MORE PEOPLE OUT OF BUSINESS and LOOKING FOR JOBS. There is a sublimal intent on the part of the 'Beauty Industry' to promote certain looks and to promote actual ridicule and labelling of 'too curly, frizzy, nappy, short,'unfixed' hair. Black women have made a lot of rich yt folks richer and a lot of black folks Poorer. The 'obsession with weaves and relaxers being necessary to be considered beautiful and acceptable' by so many has CONTROLLED THE money in black homes for too long. Just My Opinion and not debating about it.

As for the men, black women have trained them to be just like they are and now the women are for the most part caught in the trap and the drama. Maybe if we had let it go, black men and yts would have let it go and got over it, long ago!

OMG my hubby from Cameroon has been saying this for years. He said it's up to black women to say to their men go to hell and wear their natural hair.

 

[socurlyqt]

I was transitioning when I met my SO and now 3 yrs later he LOVES natural hair. He thinks every black woman should go natural. He even gets mad when i even think about perming it..but sometimes he takes to the extreme. One day not to long after the economy really started going down hill and ppl were really struggling trying to figure out if the world was gonna end..blah blah blah..

him: " i think its good u have dont have a perm. cus when **** goes to hell and we on the edge of a war..how u gonna get a touch up then?"

me: BLANK STARE


who thinks of stuff like that!?!?!??!

 

[leleepop]

I think Rabs(I forget her name) she's the one who is a pilot has mentioned how black women get no play in Cali. Now put natural on top of that and you become invisible.

I find that crazy, because shes one of my hair idols. I've saved a bunch of pix she posted. I hope she wont be mad with me but thats the length im going for.

 

[that_1_grrrl]

Wow... that's extra.

I was transitioning when I met my SO and now 3 yrs later he LOVES natural hair. He thinks every black woman should go natural. He even gets mad when i even think about perming it..but sometimes he takes to the extreme. One day not to long after the economy really started going down hill and ppl were really struggling trying to figure out if the world was gonna end..blah blah blah..

him: " i think its good u have dont have a perm. cus when **** goes to hell and we on the edge of a war..how u gonna get a touch up then?"

me: BLANK STARE


who thinks of stuff like that!?!?!??!

 

[isobell]

I was transitioning when I met my SO and now 3 yrs later he LOVES natural hair. He thinks every black woman should go natural. He even gets mad when i even think about perming it..but sometimes he takes to the extreme. One day not to long after the economy really started going down hill and ppl were really struggling trying to figure out if the world was gonna end..blah blah blah..

him: " i think its good u have dont have a perm. cus when **** goes to hell and we on the edge of a war..how u gonna get a touch up then?"

me: BLANK STARE


who thinks of stuff like that!?!?!??!

your man is funny! I bet he keeps you well entertained!

 

[MariposaSexyGirl]

My husband doesn't care either way. I'm relaxed now but when I ever decide to go natural it won't be an issue. He loves how my new growth feels and he loves how our two daughters hair feels. He just doesn't prefer short hair and neither do I lol.

I asked him a couple of weeks ago did he think that black men really cared if a woman was natural or relaxed. He said that it wouldn't matter as long as it was taken care of. He thinks most men just like long pretty hair.Has nothing to do with the texture of it.

 

[jamaraa]

Generally speaking, no I don't think Black men care if you wear your hair natural. Why should they? They may or may not be interested or find it unattractive, but if they feel that way, most of them will just keep on stepping as is their right. I've never once had a man to tell me they thought I should straighten my hair. From random strangers, even if they did say it, why should I care about what they think other than they're impertinent? Why should YOU care?

The ones who DO care are usually the prime suspects when it comes to making comments. Either they like it or hate it and tell you so....LOUDLY, but usually they are men w/ some major issues about sexism. After all, how often do women comment about how men choose to style their hair, positively or negatively? Almost never, from what I know.

(I'm only speaking of men in general, not hubbys and SOs...this is something far more complicated, but I still believe what I said above still applies)

 

[bedazzled]

I hear way too many derogatory things regarding being 'natural' from black men. I believe they want a black woman to be as 'european' like as possible. It's so funny that they'll complain about our hair, demand for us to have booty's that stick out 8 inches from the side & not enough of them have big enough penises. yeah i took it there.

 

[labelfree]

I do think location has a lot to do with it.

I live in Los Angeles...the land of silky straight booty length weaves. A woman with natural hair that is type 4 is not seen as dating material. That's just the way it is.

I have to disagree with this I live in LA and have seen plenty of natural sisters getting dates. I think it has more to do with your overall look than just hair But my SO likes my natural hair plus he has seen me change my hair so much he just goes with the flow

 

[BroadstreetBully]

To men length>texture any day. If the hair 'looks' long, you'll get lots of play. In fact, super long natural hair turns many heads and is seen as 'beautiful' and 'exotic'. What's I've noticed is that sometimes it's easier to get away with short straight hair than short natural hair.

Then again, I know a few women rocking TWAs who get men at the snap of a finger. I live in the South and I'm noticing more and more of an acceptance for natural hair from black woman AND black men. I'm seeing more and more fros and I'm seeing more and more black men drooling over them. I'm natural, but I wear my hair 'stretched' most of the time (lots of braidouts or banded) and I notice I get looks and compliments from black men, but that's because it 'looks' long.

 

[msa]

I have to disagree with this I live in LA and have seen plenty of natural sisters getting dates. I think it has more to do with your overall look than just hair But my SO likes my natural hair plus he's seen me change my hair so much he just goes with the flow

I'm sure that's part of the reason...with nappy hair I have 3 strikes against me (overweight, dark, and natural). But, from growing up here, my own little experiment with the straight wig, and listening to what people say...I know the hair thing makes a difference.

 

[*fabulosity*]

My DH says he has no preference whether its curly or straight.. to him its just hair. BUT when I wear it straight and it looks all silky and long he's drooling and going crazy over me. I wet it and he's back to just regular attention. But supposedly its just hair.

I get attention with my curly hair. Might be because I'm confident when my hair is big and poofy LOL I looove it! But when its STRAIGHT I get more doors opened, more men will beep, I get more men letting me cross the street, its freakin ridiculous. But yeah its just hair, well according to Chris Rock.

ITA.. Men love it when the hair is bone straight... I like it when it is curled... Maybe because I live in Michigan; I only think the wild curly look is cute in warm climates... if I stick a wool hat on a twistout .. it's gonna look like I haven't done my hair underneath ... so my preference is for it to be styled; my overall preference is toward a polished look.

He doesn't care... he loves it. Loved it when it was waist length... loved it when it was above shoulder length... never has pressured me to grow it back... but long hair is one of the those traits that went along when people described me back in the day and I kinda miss that... but him..he's good with anything... he knows I'm never going anywhere looking unkempt and leaves it up to me.

 

[firecracker]

I do think location has a lot to do with it.

I live in Los Angeles...the land of silky straight booty length weaves. A woman with natural hair that is type 4 is not seen as dating material. That's just the way it is.

I don't agree with the bold but I guess that has been your personal experience in Los Angeles and natural hair. I will say that I do see more natural heads on the East Coast versus Los Angeles.

We all have preferences so not everyone will be happy with a nappy.

 

[*fabulosity*]

We all have preferences so not everyone will be happy with a nappy.

 

[firecracker]

demand for us to have booty's that stick out 8 inches from the side & not enough of them have big enough penises. yeah i took it there.

How da helz does someone demand a big ole stanky bootay if God didn't gift it at birth?

 

[sharifeh]

Ever since I joined LHCF, I've been noticing the huge amounts of natural hair in NYC.
I went to an outdoor r &B concert that all blacks attended in brooklyn and I swear it seemed like the relaxed/natural ratio was almost half!!