Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in public?

[Glib Gurl]

As Dutch Chocolate and I spend more time together, I notice that we get stares and even glares . . . primarily from white people. Now, DC is so oblivious that I don't even bother to bring it up . . . I feel like it won't be until somebody says something that he will really understand or even acknowledge it. Black men sort of do a double take but then go about their business. Black women don't pay us no mind.

I admit that I feel angry that other white people give us dirty looks, but I've been told by friends who are also in interracial relationships that eventually you don't even notice it and learn to just go on with your life. And ultimately, it's not egregious enough to make me not want to be with him . . . but I swear, it's like folks are mad at him for "racial mixing" or potentially "contaminating" their precious gene pool

Ladies involved with WHITE men, what kind of reaction do you get from people out in public, if any? Do you feel that your location plays a role in it at all? (We are in Washington, DC where interracial relationships are not too unusual, though not necessarily "the norm.")

 

[Starronda]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

Too funny. I only date white men and when we're in public, we get stares ALOT and nasty looks ALOT, but all from the brothas..lol..Chics do a double take, but when we go to places where there's few african americans, no one pays us any attention. We find it comical b/c it never fails.

 

[song_of_serenity]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

I think everyone is used to black man/white woman pairings that when they saw my ex and I together, they basically gawked (and we're in N.Y.)

Most people didn't do much other than give us looks and see how we interacted.

Reaction wise?:

Black women were indifferent. Boldly looked.
White men were in different. Sneaked looks.

White women would stare or if they felt like showcasing their anger or whatever, they'd do the hair flip.Every. Single. Time. I think subconsciously they felt if they had nothing else over you, at least they "had hair."

I'd let my OWN hair down (it was relaxed and long then) and flip my hair right back. They'd usually and flounce off.

Black men were more vocal. If they DID say anything it was yelled out comments on his "lack of penis size" and "you need a real ***** who can *insert some sexual thing to do with a large penis here* Had a man walk right up to me while I was holding hands with him and slipped me his number and walked off. He wasn't sneaky with it, either.

My ex was a spitfire so he didn't take to it too well. He wasn't aggressive to the women but he'd drag me closer and kiss me, sniff my hair in front of the white girls, it was hilarious. I had to pull him in the opposite direction with the guys.

Basically, 80% didn't care and the 20 % who did, if we didn't fuel the fire they went about their business.

 

[LivingDol1]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

i'm single now but i've only dated white guys... i've never really gotten stares... but i have gotten comments or some sort of negative display from only black men and that was only on 2 occasions.

you're totally entitled to be concerned. it's only natural. but eventually, you'll care less or ignore it. honestly, i think the reason i never noticed any negativity because i was so wrapped up in the guy i was dating at the time that i didn't really notice if a stranger was looking.

and if they were, race wouldn't pop into my head first. i would probably just think they were jealous cuz we're so attractive. ;-)

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

I'm in So. Cal and yes people look, but it doesn't bother me. Now if I make eye contact with somebody staring and they don't even try to act like they weren't then I'll wave at 'em. Regardless of color, most folks catch a case of 'ack right' when they've been caught being rude.

For the most part, staring comes with the IR territory. If nobody gets in my face, then I call no harm no foul.

 

[Glib Gurl]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

White women would stare or if they felt like showcasing their anger or whatever, they'd do the hair flip.Every. Single. Time. I think subconsciously they felt if they had nothing else over you, at least they "had hair."

I'd let my OWN hair down (it was relaxed and long then) and flip my hair right back. They'd usually and flounce off.

Ooh, I need to do the hair flip next time . . . usually I squeeze DC's arm a little tighter . . . .

 

[Glib Gurl]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

I'm in So. Cal and yes people look, but it doesn't bother me. Now if I make eye contact with somebody staring and they don't even try to act like they weren't then I'll wave at 'em. Regardless of color, most folks catch a case of 'ack right' when they've been caught being rude.

I you . . . so doing that next time.

 

[Renewed1]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

I'll admit that when I see a WM/BW I stare.


Only because, I'm asking God, where is my white man.....

 

[Renewed1]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

I'd let my OWN hair down (it was relaxed and long then) and flip my hair right back. They'd usually and flounce off.

LOL!!!

I SO WISH I COULD SEE A PICTURE OF YOU DOING THAT!!!!

 

[song_of_serenity]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

LOL!!!

I SO WISH I COULD SEE A PICTURE OF YOU DOING THAT!!!!

It was hilarious/pathetic all at the same time. It wasn't a frequent thing I did, but this one girl was being so blatantly ANNOYING (walking back and forth as if she had to look at the subway map THAT much while shooting death glares) I cocked my head to the side, stared at her, and whipped around all dramatically. xD It didn't help that my ex made sure to have his hands in it, gently grabbing fistfuls. We were so over the top with it, the hair flipping and PDA that she stormed off with a look of shock and disgust.

But I will admit, the loud black guys were harder to deal with. Funny thing is, many of the ones who weren't "checking for me" suddenly became SO interested when they saw me with a white guy and then when they caught me alone, suddenly they wanted to get a number as if my stock and value went up.

To Glib, it can be annoying but fun if you "play their game" But usually, it's not worth a bother. Their opinion of your relationship isn't worth the energy (unless you're in a playful mood and finding humor in it) But if it takes you to the point of anger, it's best to ignore. Honestly, after a while, they simply become background noise!

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

The only reactions I get are from black men, who can be VERY bold with what they think about it.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

Interesting...

I live in the South and can't recall having any issues or being stared at. People just go on about their business. If they were looking, I didn't notice.

Sometimes a black woman will give me a "go head on girl, do your thing!" look, but that's it. Black men have given me no issues whatsoever. Not even a double take. Same with any of my friends who have dated non-black guys. White girls don't care and other white men don't care. I have even been with a white guy around older white people and they didn't do a double take, either.

It's crazy because I live in a very segregated, southern city. BW/WM couples are very rare here. I think it all boils down to people being more worried about their own business than what the next person is doing.

 

[msbettyboop]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

People stare at us a lot. Sometimes it’s black men glaring at me or him or white women glaring at me. When we first started dating, I noticed and I’d be like, “What the *** is she/are they staring at?” then we’d cuddle up to each other even more and eventually they’d look somewhere else. It’s been 2 years and I don’t notice anymore. Nowadays, he’s the one who goes, “Hun, we just got THE look.” We usually laugh and KIM.

 

[Blackmagic]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

Hell they get mad when I'm just out with a friend...

I have a few friends that just so happen to be white males whom I have no romantic interest in whatsoever...

But if two of us are out together we get looks...of course it depends on where we are...

 

[madamdot]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

Dont you live in the DC area? I never really noticed any looks when we lived there. I know people noticed. DH commented once that seem to people remember us. I laughed and told him its because we are are IR . . . not that normal at the time.

Some people commented but they were positive.

Of course the further south we drive, the more looks we get . . . but again, I've never really seen anyone giving us dirty looks. Mostly curious.

 

[Uber]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

Never had a white boyf but I used to have a a close white male friend. We did loads together. We were like 2 peas in a pod. I never ever noticed anyone looking at use because i was never ever self-conscious of us because we weren't together. But after our friendship fizzled out, I wondered if there were people who had ever stared at us.

Whenever I see a biracial couple I look but not cos I'm mad or anything. Its like something i can't help doing. Its like when a new white person visits my very black church or my family goes to the chinese supermarket and we get a few glances. I glance at bi-racial couples cos they catch my attention. But in my mind I'm thinking "Oh Dear I wish I hadn't looked cos now you're both thinking I 'm looking at you and I'm not really looking really. Oh No Bess they caught you looking. Turn away quickly. On no that was too quick. Now they'll know for sure you were looking..... blah blah blah blah" And I have this mental torment thing going on in my head for about in 30 seconds in my mind.


ETA: Reading the comments, I'm the second take black girl. But I couldn't care less. People should go out with who they want

 

[Glib Gurl]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

But I will admit, the loud black guys were harder to deal with. Funny thing is, many of the ones who weren't "checking for me" suddenly became SO interested when they saw me with a white guy and then when they caught me alone, suddenly they wanted to get a number as if my stock and value went up.

I've noticed that too erplexed

"Oh Dear I wish I hadn't looked cos now you're both thinking I 'm looking at you and I'm not really looking really. Oh No Bess they caught you looking. Turn away quickly. On no that was too quick. Now they'll know for sure you were looking..... blah blah blah blah" And I have this mental torment thing going on in my head for about in 30 seconds in my mind.

LOL - I do that too when I look at other people . . . .

 

[Bunny77]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

Hmmm... maybe I've just tuned out any reactions, but I expected some screwfaces and haven't really gotten any.

We went to ATL a few weeks ago and walked around Auburn Ave., ate at a soul food spot there, etc., and I was just bracing for some mess. (Oh, and the hair show... )

Some brothas might have given me the side eye, but I've actually find that black men seem to be a lot more open to him when he's with me than when he's by himself. He said that before spending time with me, black men seemed to be "on guard" with him, like he's The Man or something. Then they see us together and he's cool, gets the handshake, brotha hug, etc.

So, so far, so good. Surprisingly good actually.

Oh, white folks... they've been receptive. I find older white women funny... some of his friends' wives said I had such beautiful skin. I'm like, okay, thanks... but I'm thinking, uh, yeah, it's not that special. I guess if you don't see black skin tones on a regular basis, it stands out!

 

[Crystal]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

Do you know I've never paid attention? Not once. Whenever me and my son's father go out in public I have never noticed other's reaction. We're on the east coast, not sure if that makes a difference or not. I guess when I'm with him, the color of his skin is the last thing on my mind so I don't even think to notice other peoples reactions.

 

[UmSumayyah]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

I don't often notice looks. People have to be staring hard or extra mean for it to register.

 

[onelove08]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

DH and I really do not notice ( unless someone is staring nonstop). It has been 9 years so maybe we are use to it?

 

[Glib Gurl]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

I don't often notice looks. People have to be staring hard or extra mean for it to register.

I didn't realize your dh was white . . . is he Muslim also? (Or is he from the Middle East?)

 

[CurliDiva]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

I've noticed other white guys sneaking a peek in a good way....had black just walk right up to us to I guess in his mind 'interrupt'.

I had a (white) date offer to buy a black dude a drink once because he was sticking to us at a bar.

My date was super chill about the whole thing.

I've NEVER had a BLACK guy approach while I'm out with another black guy but it happened enough times while on dates with white guys that this has to be some passive-aggressive BS.

 

[sb44]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

I'm in DC too, Glib. No one seems to care at all and I can't recall anything even remotely inappropriate happening. Like LivingDol1, if someone does seem to be gazing a little too long, I tend to think it's because we make such an attractive couple. We've been all over Florida and no one has said a word.

 

[Arcadian]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

Around here, not much. Its not a big deal. In other parts of the country, sure. No one has come up to us and said anything nasty (My husband isn't exactly a little guy) The only time I recall getting anything remotely like a dirty look was when we were in a club in Miami(of all places).

I did get hit on in Iceland. The guy bought me a drink, my husband ask the guy "where's mine at?"


My best friend and I got stared at A LOT anytime we were together! However, he's a big TALL guy with a whole lot of muscles and no man wanted to tangle with that. However the females would give me some seriously dirty looks...


-A

 

[SW2011]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

We're in ATL and have never really had any issues. I've never seen white girls give us a second look. White men tend to be a lot "friendlier" when we're together. Black men will often give a double take (but men looked when I was with my ex...who is black) so it's all the same to me. And black women don't really too much care.

I had an older white lady stop me in the parking lot one day and say, "Your husband is so handsome. I hope you don't mind me saying it." It was so cute. He was my SO at the time, but I just said, "Thank you."

 

[rafikichick92]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

We are in ATL as well and other than the incident I blogged about at Wendy's, people don't really react in a negative manner or at all, really. Mostly we get, "y'all are such a cute couple".

 

[UmSumayyah]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

I didn't realize your dh was white . . . is he Muslim also? (Or is he from the Middle East?)

Yes, he's white. Yes, he's muslim. Jeez Glib where have you been?

 

[hervirtue]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

DH is white and kind of hard to miss LOL being that he's 6'5" and weighs about 240. We only get weird stares from older white people and of course black men, but other than that we're just a another couple out in the streets.

 

[Raspberry]

Re: Ladies in relationships with white men - what kind of reaction do you get in publ

I'll admit that when I see a WM/BW I stare.


Only because, I'm asking God, where is my white man.....

really?