how do you feel about DATING MEN WITH KIDS?

[sky_blu]

I just want to say that every guy with kids does not automatically mean BM drama or drama period. I've been on both sides of the fence and I guess because I've come from a mixed family its never been a big issue for me. But before I had a kid I dated a guy with one kid and found out I actually liked and was good with kids lol. The guy liked me more than his dad. I didn't have drama with his mother and his dad knew I wouldn't treat him like anything less than he would. The second guy I was seeing had 3 with 2 BMs :shock: at 26 and I didn't have any drama with him either. He dealt with drama from his 2nd BM but that was his fault. I was taken aback when I found out he had so many so I wasn't trying to deal with him like that but he was such a good person it didn't matter after awhile. Now Im talking to a guy whose 24 with no kids and he made sure to emphasis that when I started talking to him lol. Either way it doesn't make a difference with me but I would never do a guy with 3 kids and 2 babymothers. I can take being #2 bc he would be my #2 if I had more kids but #3. I can't do.

 

[Britt]

There are many reasons why but the number one reason is that I want to be first in my man's life. Me and our relationship needs to be the priority. That's not possible when there are children and I'm not interested in that.

Vain and selfish? Probably but just being honest.

And that's my biggest concern when it comes to dating someone with children. My other hang up is, when i'm ready to get married and start a new family, it won't be his first child. I don't think it's selfish at all...
People already have busy schedules, what if he spends the wknds with his kid, where does that leave me... I'd really have to see his situation.

 

[MzLady78]

I was just talking about this with my close gf over dinner on Sat.
Now that I am single, the chances of me finding someone 27+ w/o kids is going to be difficult. This is something I feel I will have to expect. I've never dated anyone with kids, but then again, I was in a relationship for 3 yrs, and prior to that everyone was my age, so it was a little different, now at 26... it's hard to even come across females w/no children.

Anyway, with that said, I think my max would have to be 1 kid... and the child cannot be a baby ... no child younger than 4 yrs old. Given that I don't have experience with men w/children, I'd really have to wait and see what the situation is like..
I'd have to see what his situation with the child's mother is like, his relationship with his child, how much time he has for me.

My preference would be someone w/o kids, but I def. would not turn down someone that's a good guy that I'm interested in b/c he has a child... I'd have to see the circumstances...

Yeah, that's basically my stance.

 

[MizzBrown]

And that's my biggest concern when it comes to dating someone with children. My other hang up is, when i'm ready to get married and start a new family, it won't be his first child. I don't think it's selfish at all...
People already have busy schedules, what if he spends the wknds with his kid, where does that leave me... I'd really have to see his situation.

That is EXACTLY how i feel. My issue was when i have MY first child and he already has his, I'm the one acting all crazy and excited and learning things while he is sittin in the cut, cool, calm and collected telling ME what to do and how to change the diapers and bottles and giving me lamaze class advice cause he's already done it before.

May not be as much emphasis on things like FIRST birthday and FIRST Christmas, and FIRST steps cause he already saw that with his FIRST.

I want to be able to share the excitement of having our first child together. Not his second, my first.

When i meet someone i like and i ask them the "how many" question then thats one of the first thoughts going through my head. He done did everything. What else are we gonna share?

 

[MzLady78]

I wanna know where the ladies that are going "it ain't that hard to find" live cause round these parts, it's damn near impossible.

 

[MizzBrown]

I wanna know where the ladies that are going "it ain't that hard to find" live cause round these parts, it's damn near impossible.

Me too. When i do see one, you should see how i act. Immediate smile on my face.

 

[Summer_Rain]

I wanna know where the ladies that are going "it ain't that hard to find" live cause round these parts, it's damn near impossible.

Don't know 'bout that MzLady (lol). My SO has no children, and the 3-4 dates I had prior to meeting him - they were all childless as well. Ages ranged from 29-42.

I meet 2 via online and the remaining just out and about town.

 

[MzLady78]

Don't know 'bout that MzLady (lol). My SO has no children, and the 3-4 dates I had prior to meeting him - they were all childless as well. Ages ranged from 29-42.

I meet 2 via online and the remaining just out and about town.

Oh, I don't doubt that they exist. Shoot, I live with a 25 year old childless male!

I'm just wondering if there is a higher percentage up here or something, cause it really is rare.

 

[MizAvalon]

I wanna know where the ladies that are going "it ain't that hard to find" live cause round these parts, it's damn near impossible.

You have to look but they are out there. A lot of men that have been on the career fast track don't have children. They have spent their entire 20's getting established and didn't have time. Now they are in the same position and looking for women in their age bracket that don't have kids.

It's not just women who feel this way. Lots of men who don't have kids prefer women without them also. Like I said in that thread a couple of weeks ago, men LIGHT UP when they find out I don't have children. Some couldn't care either way but most are very relieved.

 

[MzLady78]

You have to look but they are out there. A lot of men that have been on the career fast track don't have children. They have spent their entire 20's getting established and didn't have time. Now they are in the same position and looking for women in their age bracket that don't have kids.

It's not just women who feel this way. Lots of men who don't have kids prefer women without them also. Like I said in that thread a couple of weeks ago, men LIGHT UP when they find out I don't have children. Some couldn't care either way but most are very relieved.

Yeah, I've gotten that reaction too. It does make you extra appealing to some men.

But you make a point about men on the career track who don't have time for kids. Now that I'm thinking about it, most of the men I know with kids don't really fit that description.

 

[Britt]

That is EXACTLY how i feel. My issue was when i have MY first child and he already has his, I'm the one acting all crazy and excited and learning things while he is sittin in the cut, cool, calm and collected telling ME what to do and how to change the diapers and bottles and giving me lamaze class advice cause he's already done it before.

May not be as much emphasis on things like FIRST birthday and FIRST Christmas, and FIRST steps cause he already saw that with his FIRST.

I want to be able to share the excitement of having our first child together. Not his second, my first.

When i meet someone i like and i ask them the "how many" question then thats one of the first thoughts going through my head. He done did everything. What else are we gonna share?

Very big ditto to the bolded and underlined. I feel like it won't be as special since it's not his first. I'd ideally want it to be us having our first child together, not my first, your second.

I wanna know where the ladies that are going "it ain't that hard to find" live cause round these parts, it's damn near impossible.

Yup, it is... I have more to say, but don't want to upset the masses.
I will say though, I do agree with Miz about men and career, and those few are the ones that usually wait to have kids... The few black men that I see in corp America, I'm not really attracted to like that ... so that right there already slims down my pickings if I'm looking at black men w/o children. When I was referring to the pickings being slim of men over a certain age w/o kids, I was referring to Black men. Now, I am not saying it's impossible, but it's just what I observe.

 

[drasgrl]

I wanna know where the ladies that are going "it ain't that hard to find" live cause round these parts, it's damn near impossible.

Where do you live? I don't know how you feel about dating outside your race but most likely those are the ones with no kids. This has been my experience at least. I did go out with a guy a few times who had a three year old daughter he happened to be black but I know I didn't want any long term thing especially since he was a pot head. The African dudes I went out with (never again in life sorry don't want to offend any Africans here but you can have your men) didn't have kids. You might want to try younger men depending how old you are.

 

[tocktick]

i can count on one hand the kids that i like lmao. i don't mind babies though. the point is that my general tolerance level for kids is quite low, so i don't see myself being happy put after a man's children (a good man should do this!) nor do i want to be a potential step-mother. i'm too young and selfish at this time.

 

[Bunny77]

You have to look but they are out there. A lot of men that have been on the career fast track don't have children. They have spent their entire 20's getting established and didn't have time. Now they are in the same position and looking for women in their age bracket that don't have kids.

Yep, this is my experience. I'm 30 and I don't really encounter that many men in my age range who are unmarried with kids -- and yes, these are black men.

They are all college degreed (with at least a bachelor's) and they are in careers that require a lot of travel, work at the office, etc. Now, I don't know how many of them plan to settle down, get married and have kids any time soon, but most of them eventually do.

So yeah, to answer the OPs question, I'm not interested in doing it and not going to do it. And since I see enough childless men in my circles who are my age and older, I don't feel that I have to "settle" for one with a child or two at this point in my life.

Now if I was 40, that would be a different story. But 30? No.

 

[Cinda2503]

I have a distant relative who is 40, no kids, never been married.... law school graduate about to take the bar.... until his cocky arse stops thinking he is some commodity that women should bow down & kiss his rusty toes he will remain single

there's always something isn't there....

 

[Cinda2503]

That is EXACTLY how i feel. My issue was when i have MY first child and he already has his, I'm the one acting all crazy and excited and learning things while he is sittin in the cut, cool, calm and collected telling ME what to do and how to change the diapers and bottles and giving me lamaze class advice cause he's already done it before.

May not be as much emphasis on things like FIRST birthday and FIRST Christmas, and FIRST steps cause he already saw that with his FIRST.

I want to be able to share the excitement of having our first child together. Not his second, my first.

When i meet someone i like and i ask them the "how many" question then thats one of the first thoughts going through my head. He done did everything. What else are we gonna share?

ITA! When I met the guy that I am currently dating I didn't know much about him. Then I learned about his children and their mothers. This was one of my concerns as well. However, I decided to go out with him and a least get to know the man before writing him off completely (I hah help from some of the ladies on LHCF). So we've been dating and he's a great guy but I can honestly say that this relationship will not go far because his children are still a problem for me. This is the first time I've ever dated a man with children (and also this much older than myself).

My intention at this point in my life is not find a husband or a serious relationship so that is really why I continue to go out with him. His intention is also not to be married or have any type of serious relationship. However, I do have a time limit on the dating. Once the summer and maybe before then - I will have to put a end to the "relationship" because you can't let yourself get too emtionally involved. (My time limit is about 6-8 weeks then the dating has to stop) So basically, for now we just have a good time together.

My suggestion to any ladies who are actively dating for the end purpose of marriage is not to date anyone you can't see yourself married to; if your end goal is not marriage then date everyone - the experience is worth it.

 

[locabouthair]

I was just talking about this with my close gf over dinner on Sat.
Now that I am single, the chances of me finding someone 27+ w/o kids is going to be difficult. This is something I feel I will have to expect. I've never dated anyone with kids, but then again, I was in a relationship for 3 yrs, and prior to that everyone was my age, so it was a little different, now at 26... it's hard to even come across females w/no children.

Anyway, with that said, I think my max would have to be 1 kid... and the child cannot be a baby ... no child younger than 4 yrs old. Given that I don't have experience with men w/children, I'd really have to wait and see what the situation is like..
I'd have to see what his situation with the child's mother is like, his relationship with his child, how much time he has for me.

My preference would be someone w/o kids, but I def. would not turn down someone that's a good guy that I'm interested in b/c he has a child... I'd have to see the circumstances...

I used to think that but I have been meeting quite a few guys who are 28+ and don't have children.

 

[Evolving78]

if i were single, i wouldn't date a man with kids. i have been there and done that, and if i just have to be alone then i can accept that. plus i have kids of my own, so why would i want to be bothered with anyone else's. i would wait until his kids were grown and i would wait until my kids are grown as well.

 

[Hairsofab]

A man having kids is a dealbreaker honestly. I don't have kids and I don't want to date someone with kids.

 

[Britt]

I used to think that but I have been meeting quite a few guys who are 28+ and don't have children.

Really... I guess there is hope .

 

[Mortons]

A man having kids is a dealbreaker honestly. I don't have kids and I don't want to date someone with kids.

Yep. I want to be the center of his world. And a child would not allow for that. Selfish I know...

 

[prettypuff1]

if i were single, i wouldn't date a man with kids. i have been there and done that, and if i just have to be alone then i can accept that. plus i have kids of my own, so why would i want to be bothered with anyone else's. i would wait until his kids were grown and i would wait until my kids are grown as well.

These are my feelings... I want a single man who likes kids, wants to do all the fun things with them, but doesnt want any more...

Most of the time there is drama there. My sister married a man with kids when she was single. The mother died, and now she gets to sort it out with the grandmother who is nuts and the father who can't get himself together

 

[glamazon386]

I don't date men with kids.

 

[glamazon386]

Yep. I want to be the center of his world. And a child would not allow for that. Selfish I know...

Glad to read that I'm not alone.

 

[Bunny77]

Yep. I want to be the center of his world. And a child would not allow for that. Selfish I know...

Shoot, well call me selfish too. And I'm selfish and proud of it! Put a big ole' 'S' on my chest and I'll wear it proudly!

Many of us women can afford to be more selfish, IMO...

 

[Ms.Honey]

Unless they're grown and on their own or young but their mamma dead, nope

 

[january noir]

My mother always told us (my sisters and I) to stay away from men with children. She said dating men who have children just lead to drama and frustration. She was right.

I ignored her warnings several times and I should have listened.
It's interesting that the majority of the black men I dated had a child/children, in or out of wedlock.

Most did not want me to, nor cared, that I liked or bonded with their children. I never had a confrontation with the mother's of the children so that was good, but they have expressed that they did not want their children around "Daddy's Girlfriend." Trust me, I was happy to oblige.

Anyhoo, my current SO (Caucasian) has no children though he was married before. None of the white men I've ever dated had children.

I do like children, but never cared whether I had them or not, so unless you want the added burden or joy of being Daddy's Girlfriend, Step Mom or whatever, then dating men with kids shouldn't be a problem.

I decided that it's not for me just like my Mommy said.

 

[Poobity]

I don't have a problem dating a man with a child/ren. I have a son. My max is two and they have to be with same woman.

 

[N.P.R. Addict]

I do prefer men without children. When I was younger, I refused to date men with children. However, I am 35 and many men my age have been married and already have children so I am a bit more open although I have met many men within my dating age range who are childless and never married so I have yet to date anyone with children.

 

[bermudabeauty]

My policy on dating men is this. I'll date them as long as their baby's mama is:

• Dead
• Or in the system (locked up)

Sounds harsh I know. I know their are brothas out there w/no drama, but I have no kids and no drama so I have to say no to men on kids. :thatsall: