how do you feel about DATING MEN WITH KIDS?

[MizAvalon]

I do prefer men without children. When I was younger, I refused to date men with children. However, I am 35 and many men my age have been married and already have children so I am a bit more open although I have met many men within my dating age range who are childless and never married so I have yet to date anyone with children.

LOVE the picture of you and Common. You're so lucky to have met him!

 

[N.P.R. Addict]

LOVE the picture of you and Common. You're so lucky to have met him!

Thank you!

 

[facets]

I never did and avoided one really cute on w/ a young child. Just couldn't get my brain around that baby daddy thing.

If I were dating now at 37 I'd be a bit more lenient. He'd have to be divorced or widowed tho'.

****

I love that av photo PME!!! Scareda you!

 

[N.P.R. Addict]

I never did and avoided one really cute on w/ a young child. Just couldn't get my brain around that baby daddy thing.

If I were dating now at 37 I'd be a bit more lenient. He'd have to be divorced or widowed tho'.

****

I love that av photo PME!!! Scareda you!

Thanks my dear! Gotta love common!

 

[Princess Cherish]

If I find out a guy has kids, it's an automatic dealbreaker for me. I won't date a man with kids.

 

[CurliDiva]

Although, more men & women have children the age of 30, I don't think you have to settle if being a step-parent is not your preference.
If he has multiple children outside of marriage then -- I RUN!
Also, if he b*tches about paying child support or speaks disrespectfully towards his child's mother - I RUN!

I once met a guy barely 30 at the time with 5 children none by his ex-wife - kids ranged in age from 13 yrs to 2 months. When I asked where the mother of the 2-month-old is, he replied that she's immature and he needed a "woman" like me. No thanks, this woman is still sore from having his baby and he's out looking for a replacement.

 

[DarkAngell]

I have. Won't do it again. I've dated guys with 1 kid + 1 baby mama, some kids and some baby mamas, some kids with only one baby mama. All variations caused the same amount of drama.

If I were older than I am now, say in my 50s or 40s I'd probably be more open to it but I would be very picky.

 

[Renewed1]

I'm 34 and I have never been married nor do I have children. My friends tell me that I should take into consideration there are few men in my age bracket that are like me. I have met men that are similar to me as acquaintances.

But this does concern me because I don't want to be bother with the drama of baby mamas or ex-wives. Heck the ex-gf's that don't want to accept that it's over is difficult enough. SHEESH~~~

I stand on my position of not dating a guy that has been married before and/or has kids. If I can meet acquaintances that are in my age group or older that has never been married/children. I know there's a guy like that for me.

 

[mischka]

I will not date a man who has children. Or a child, singular, lol.

 

[tinkat]

When I was younger I said no, but I have now changed my mind. The older you get, the smaller the no kid pool gets anyway. My guy friend has a little girl, she is a precious little thing. I understand the dynamics with these situations being that I come from a extended family...two sets of parents. My parents were once upon a time single with kids and I was that kid...so I can't see myself not giving someone a chance they have a kid. I feel in these situations the adults are the ones that act a fool...so I would just make sure the person with the kid knows how to control the situation.

 

[ellegantelle]

I am currently in a relationship with a man that has two kids, same mother for both. (The woman was his ex-wife.) I think for me dating a man that tells you upfront that he has two kids is a bit overwhelming. But it all depends on what you want. I have one child of my own so that makes three between the two of us. I enjoy spending time together when all of our children are together and it makes me fall in love with him more seeing how great of a father he is to his children.

I think making the decision to date a man with children is one that the individual person has to make. And it is acceptable in my eyes on both ends, whether a person prefers to or not....because it is of course a preference. I could say that I honestly never imagined myself being serious with a man with kids, but I gave it a chance and have no regrets.

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[Angelicus]

It's actually fine with me. I figure, I'm old, and some people need a chance. lol

 

[Lucie]

I used to be open to it. Now, no. I want to experience all the love and attention he can give me and I am not playing second fiddle, sorry. I don't want him recommending da bomb ob-gyn's to me when it is time to have a baby. I don't want him to have a favorite kiddy photographer. I don't want a man that has to go in the middle of our date because there's an issue with his child.

It sounds selfish but I am not used to being #2. I was an only child with TWO bedrooms growing up. It's not even a money thing, a sharing thing or a jealousy thing but from all the stories you ladies have kindly shared, stories from my girls, to watching situations on television, NO KIDS for me that are not simultaneously ours.

The funny thing in all that I said is that I never felt like this until recently. I don't even want a man with a farm with kid goats on 'em!

Please know this was NOT meant to offend anyone that is dating/married to someone with children.

 

[FlyyBohemian]

My policy on dating men is this. I'll date them as long as their baby's mama is:

• Dead
• Or in the system (locked up)

Sounds harsh I know. I know their are brothas out there w/no drama, but I have no kids and no drama so I have to say no to men on kids. :thatsall:

I second that. I don't like the drama, and one thing I've noticed is that with guys it's never their fault that it didn't work out.

 

[GreenEyedJen]

do you date men with kids?

if so, do you have a max requirement? as in 1 kid max or two kids max?

what about baby mama requirements? as in 1 baby mama max?

have you had good or bad experiences with this?

how does it feel when you break up with someone who has a child you've grown close to?

i used to and do not anymore. it's JUST NOT FOR ME.

i don't think it's "selfish" to not want to date a man with kids.

unfortunately, we as black women are getting a shytty stick ladies.

70% of our kids are born into unwedded homes...meaning 70% of half of the parenthood is a black man.

to be quite honest with you, this is one of the reasons i started opening my dating pool to non-black men. not that it was ever closed, but to be honest, i've always seen myself with a black man.

my white gf, who is under 30 like me, joked with me one day and made a simple statement but it was so profound. she said she "rarely meets men with kids and that it's never really a problem for her." i thought about the contrast to children born outside of marriage in her culture. big difference, something like 30%.

i don't even do divorced dads anymore.

i've dated two divorced men and two former "young" baby daddies.

point blank, i don't have kids and would prefer a childless man. that's really not too much to ask for.

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY!!!!!!

 

[chocolat79]

I'm 34 and I have never been married nor do I have children. My friends tell me that I should take into consideration there are few men in my age bracket that are like me. I have met men that are similar to me as acquaintances.

But this does concern me because I don't want to be bother with the drama of baby mamas or ex-wives. Heck the ex-gf's that don't want to accept that it's over is difficult enough. SHEESH~~~

I stand on my position of not dating a guy that has been married before and/or has kids. If I can meet acquaintances that are in my age group or older that has never been married/children. I know there's a guy like that for me.

@bolded: People try to tell me this ALL the time, but that's not my reality. I'm 31 and I've dated men upwards of 14 yrs my senior with no children, so I'm sorry...I can't buy into that. As a matter of fact, I've never dated a man with kids and I don't plan to start now. My last ex was 38, never married, no kids; my potential SO is 38, NM/NK; a really good friend of mine is 41, NM/NK (and he's trying to wife me up, but I don't want him, but I digress), so it's definitely very possible to find men with no children.

So whenever someone tells me "because you're getting older, you might want to consider..." I smile politely and nod, if I don't know them well, or if I do...they already know I don't even believe in that for myself.

 

[VelvetRain]

I have briefly dated men with kids. Would I marry someone with kids? No. My desire is to marry someone with none and I refuse to settle or change my mind on that despite being in my mid 30's

 

[racheljay1985]

I tried it twice, can't do it. The babies momma always does it in for me.

 

[PhoenixRose360]

It's funny, because last year I posted a similar question on my FB page. I just asked if it was possible to find a childless man in our 30's. At the time I was briefly seeing this guy who had a baby on the way, and wanted me to get into that mix(fast fwd, he ended up having hood twins, thank goodness I dodged that bullet). Oh lawd, why did I post that? I had so many negative responses from men and women. Most people were like well in our age group, you shouldn't expect to find a man with no kids. But why not? I have no kids and I'd like to experience having our first child together, not that a man with a kid wouldn't be excited at the birth, but it's like been there done that, lol. In the end the man I'm dating now, is a 36 yr old African American man with no kids. So to the ladies who don't want a man with kids, I'd say don't compromise if you don't want to.

 

[aleemah]

hey as long as the ex/bm isn't crazy and has moved on i see no problem with it. My hubby have a son who is in his teens. It has never been any problem with the ex and she is very kind hearted and now married to a different guy which whom she has 2 other children by. My hubby and I are now planning our second child together our first child was planned as well and it was a very exciting experience for the both of us.The oldest son comes over on the w/e and he is a very respectful young man with good manners. We have family day on weekends and we have grown very close to each other. He is so excited to be a big brother to all his siblings and have so much pride like his father. I am happy i took the chance with my husband and i couldn't have asked for a better man in my life. he is a great father and a great friend