Cut Buddy

[carcajada]

carcajada where do you stand in this topic. Cut buddy? Yay or nay. Virginity? Yay or nay.

Since I have experienced such arrangements before, I think it was instrumental in me figuring out what I didn't like and what didn't feel right as far as sexual encounters. So I think it's important for young people to discover such feelings, boundaries, and limits they have. If they can't explore these situations (to a point), it will likely cripple them when trying to socially navigate through the world.

 

[CaraWalker]

i dont support mainstream feminism, and i dont support policing the behavior of other women. some of yall have very interesting/strange contradictions. frankly the one women i see on this sex positive promiscuous kick are white women. (and to a less impactful extent, asian women who move only in white circles.)

 

[Mortons]

i dont support mainstream feminism, and i dont support policing the behavior of other women. some of yall have very interesting/strange contradictions. frankly the one women i see on this sex positive promiscuous kick are white women. (and to a less impactful extent, asian women who move only in white circles.)

Yet the marriage rate is much higher. I even know sex workers with no question as to whether or not they will find a good man and marry them.

Something else is going on "here".

 

[Naveah2050]

Why is feminism such a bad word on this forum?! If feminism espouses choice what's wrong with other women having the choice to follow their own desires and not be penalized for it?!

If we take away feminism many of the things most of you are tied to you would not have - yes we all want it all - just like I am sure all of us want to be paid evaluated and paid equally at work and still have our significant others foot the bulk of the bill and still take the lead at home.

If you don't believe in cut buddies that's fine but don't get upset if the women who are out there slutting it up are still getting married and having that perfect life while you who played the good girl game is single with no prospects - which is what I think most of this boils down to - being well behaved doesn't mean society will reward you with what you think you deserve - as long as your happy with your choices you will still be winning - the proliferation of sex only relationship doesn't mean people no longer value emotional relationships or finding the one, most people probably just have a broader definition of the spectrum that relationships can span.

 

[Southernbella.]

i dont support mainstream feminism, and i dont support policing the behavior of other women. some of yall have very interesting/strange contradictions. frankly the one women i see on this sex positive promiscuous kick are white women. (and to a less impactful extent, asian women who move only in white circles.)

I agree. Most black women, feminist or otherwise, still straddle the line between freedom and respectability.

I don't think anyone here is saying "all women should be heauxs." People are saying women enjoy sex and are having it whether you like it or not so figure out a way to coexist.

 

[Curly Lee]

It's strange how "catching feelings" now carries some kind of implication of weakness. Like, if you were really strong or self-possessed, any random man could put his penis inside of you and it mean absolutely nothing to you. I think there's a lot to be said for the commentaries on how our culture is showing increasing signs of narcissism and emotional attachment issues--basically, a decreasing inability to truly bond with and give oneself to another. Cynicism about lifelong fidelity is another sign of this issue.



I find that quite often, those ringing the feminist bell do not actually follow those principles irl, especially not sex positive feminism. You will find the happily married woman with children, who has been with one or a *maybe* three men at most eager to affirm principles that, one, they would never follow in their own life, and two, never had to live the consequences of because they didn't follow those principles in their own lives. I know quite a few women exactly like this and, idk, maybe affirming in words what they would never actually live makes them feel like they are more open minded or accepting, or a part of something bigger despite the boundaries of their life choices.

It makes me feel sorry for the younger generation of women who actually believe what they are being told and then have to live with all the negative consequences of it while those who only paid lip service to these ideas sail off into the sunset with their husband and children in tow.

see, IMO that's all white people feminism. Especially the bolded. They think being "logical" which is just a code word for being like a man, they think that is the goal. And they apply that thinking to sex.

As for myself, I have emotions and I'm getting pretty great at navigating them. So I view casual sex like, we can share each others body but there's a space that I reserve for myself. I place you're not invited to. This could be as far as emotions I'm not sharing or sexual acts I don't feel like doing. It's still enjoyable tho, I'm just keeping something to myself. Like I'm not gonna let that post coitus glow trick me into thinking you're a prince. That doesn't mean I don't care about this person on some level. But I'm not interested in going all the way there with him, it's like a shallow interaction.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Double post...

 

[ChasingBliss]

It's strange how "catching feelings" now carries some kind of implication of weakness. Like, if you were really strong or self-possessed, any random man could put his penis inside of you and it mean absolutely nothing to you. I think there's a lot to be said for the commentaries on how our culture is showing increasing signs of narcissism and emotional attachment issues--basically, a decreasing ability to truly bond with and give oneself to another. Cynicism about lifelong fidelity is another sign of this issue.

I find that quite often, those ringing the feminist bell do not actually follow those principles irl, especially not sex positive feminism. You will find the happily married woman with children, who has been with one or a *maybe* three men at most eager to affirm principles that, one, they would never follow in their own life, and two, never had to live the consequences of because they didn't follow those principles in their own lives. I know quite a few women exactly like this and, idk, maybe affirming in words what they would never actually live makes them feel like they are more open minded or accepting, or a part of something bigger despite the boundaries of their life choices.

It makes me feel sorry for the younger generation of women who actually believe what they are being told and then have to live with all the negative consequences of it while those who only paid lip service to these ideas sail off into the sunset with their husband and children in tow.

Love this post. Reflects my thoughts better than I could.

 

[barbiesocialite]

i dont support mainstream feminism, and i dont support policing the behavior of other women. some of yall have very interesting/strange contradictions. frankly the one women i see on this sex positive promiscuous kick are white women. (and to a less impactful extent, asian women who move only in white circles.)

I don't think black women can be judged through the same lens as white women. For example, I remember having serious issues with the survey methods for evaluating self esteem of young black girls because while listening to and transcribing the interviews it was clear that black girls equate different things/traits with self esteem than white women. Those black teen and tween girls were just as sad, depressed and suffered self esteem just as low as the white girls. It was just different. Hard to explain.

As far as sex here's what Ive noticed: white women are more likely to have one night stands. Black women are more likely to have a cut buddy or fwb. Now if I had to agree with one of the two I think one night stands would be he way to go. Out of sight, out of mind. Here no evil, see no evil and speak no level. Consequently you're less likely to get caught up in evil because that man is gone. freeing you from baggage and able to be on to the next. if there are no strings attached there need to be no strings at all. There are strings attached with fwb and cut buddies that's why you still have their number saved in your phone. That's that ish I don't like or condone. Also, it looks like settling in the meantime. (fwb and cut buddy)

 

[CaraWalker]

I agree. Most black women, feminist or otherwise, still straddle the line between freedom and respectability.

I don't think anyone here is saying "all women should be heauxs." People are saying women enjoy sex and are having it whether you like it or not so figure out a way to coexist.

i just think its really rich to be a culture that is heavily influenced by the idea of "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" and achieving against the odds and not expecting a hand out because your life is your responsibility...

then when it comes to single women folks want to bawl and go "IF ONLY THE HOS WOULD STOP GIVING IT UP"

like, ok, idk where the ball got dropped here, but ok

 

[Curly Lee]

Sorry but it's nonsense to say a woman can't consign another woman who doesn't live the life she does. If Sally did get married at 19 and had 3 kids and the picket fence, why can't she support Janice who wants to be an international play girl? Living the life that YOU are satisfied with and allowing others to live theres makes total sense. That's like saying you can't have a true friendship with someone who leads a different life with different choices

People can affirm things and say it's not for them

And see that's the thing. So many people dissatisfied with their situations. That's why you hear women saying they "wish" they could be a heaux or more free. I don't understand that mindset. If you only enjoy sex in a committed relationship, then you shouldn't envy the casual sexers. It's not that I think people are lying, I just think women are less principled than they let on. Like women are only chaste as a means to an end, not because they are truly demi-sexual (or attaching feelings to sex). And if THAT'S the case, then you just need to change strategies.

 

[barbiesocialite]

And see that's the thing. So many people dissatisfied with their situations. That's why you hear women saying they "wish" they could be a heaux or more free. I don't understand that mindset. If you only enjoy sex in a committed relationship, then you shouldn't envy the casual sexers. It's not that I think people are lying, I just think women are less principled than they let on. Like women are only chaste as a means to an end, not because they are truly demi-sexual (or attaching feelings to sex). And if THAT'S the case, then you just need to change strategies.

At the same time you here endless women say "I wish I would have stayed a virgin"

damn the sluts.

damn the virgins.

both are toxic for womanhood.

 

[Browndilocks]

I've had 2 cut buddys. It was really amazing. It was after a bad relationship so I needed to feel sexy and unattached. One guy was a friend who's in med school. He's hella goofy and nice I just wouldn't want to be with him. The other guy was a sweetheart who was younger than me. He used to bring me tea and snacks (and penis) when I was studying. I still say one of my best times was when I had sex with the goofy guy and sent him home. I took a shower and just rubbed myself in my big warm bed. I was so happy his arse wasn't hogging up the bed and I didn't have to think about him. I'm also someone who attaches feelings to sex but TBH that ish is tiring. I don't wanna feeeel so much all the time. All that emotion is ugh. So a cut buddy was super refreshing.

Go head girl.

 

[Southernbella.]

i just think its really rich to be a culture that is heavily influenced by the idea of "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" and achieving against the odds and not expecting a hand out because your life is your responsibility...

then when it comes to single women folks want to bawl and go "IF ONLY THE HOS WOULD STOP GIVING IT UP"

like, ok, idk where the ball got dropped here, but ok

Yep. What gets me most is when men say it. I can't even begin to unpack the contradictions.

I think our community is in big trouble if folks are waiting for individuals to forgo their own sexual satisfaction so that others can get married.

 

[Naveah2050]

And see that's the thing. So many people dissatisfied with their situations. That's why you hear women saying they "wish" they could be a heaux or more free. I don't understand that mindset. If you only enjoy sex in a committed relationship, then you shouldn't envy the casual sexers. It's not that I think people are lying, I just think women are less principled than they let on. Like women are only chaste as a means to an end, not because they are truly demi-sexual (or attaching feelings to sex). And if THAT'S the case, then you just need to change strategies.

The OOW/baby daddy phenomenon wouldn't be as wide spread as it is if BW were half as chaste as they pretend to be ...

Talking about taking 3 showers a day when they are having unprotected sex willy nilly...

 

[Southernbella.]

The OOW/baby daddy phenomenon wouldn't be as wide spread as it is if BW were half as chaste as they pretend to be ...

Talking about taking 3 showers a day when they are having unprotected sex willy nilly...

I think there's also religion and sexual nihilism wrapped up in there. IIRC, oow is higher in areas where abstinence only is preached. But I also think some black folks just plain dgaf about their sexual health and wouldn't use protection regardless. So there's that.

There's a lot going on.

 

[Curly Lee]

barbiesocialite both are crybabies. It's that woe as me attitude that I'm bothered by. Like you made a decision, now live with it and stop dwelling on it. I think both sides are pressured to have sex or not have sex. It was never their decision so now they're mad.

 

[barbiesocialite]

The OOW/baby daddy phenomenon wouldn't be as wide spread as it is if BW were half as chaste as they pretend to be ...

Talking about taking 3 showers a day when they are having unprotected sex willy nilly...

Which is exactly the sheeple aspect I was referring to.

Giving women that do not come from solid homes, dont grow up with protective father figures, dont grow up watching women be a prize (their mothers and themselves) pass to sex freely because it's fun or shaming them into virginity is toxic AND dangerous. They need to taught how to be discerning and to use their vaginas WISELY.

I can only speak for myself. I'm no angel. But I'm a prize. How do I know this? Most of the women I know have always been some man's prize. I've always been my SO's prize, my father seems to think I'm the ultimate prize. Duh, why wouldnt a man marry me?! I'm super awesome. I can prove it. lol Now, telling me to go be free doesnt have the same consequence as it does with the average black woman who has not experienced such a life.

For example, it's weird but I have cousins that I discuss a lot on this forum. But it's funny how my one cousin thinks I'm a trophy, and he treats me like one but doesnt think that his sister is. She isnt treated the same way I am. She also doesnt see herself that way and no one else does. that's why she had to wait for someone to come get her in the freezing cold after her car broke down and her brother told her no because he was busy at the gym. It's why she splits rent with her father--he's now her roomie. Her brother would NEVER do that to me. When I say jump that ninja jumps. My father would NEVER do that to me. Ask him who's the most awesome woman in the world--next to my mom he thinks it's me. I'm not saying this to brag and am ashamed but I've also stolen two of her men before. However, my cousin has more sex than I do. She has a cutbuddy/fwb right now that she desperately wants to be with but waiting til he puts a label on in it.... It's crazy why did we go out and I was the one lookin at him like "ninja are you going to take care of this? for BOTH of us." I mean really homegirl puts it out and they have fun and she causally acts like "hehe. I dont know where he is, I dont care. I havent talked to him." BS chick. you care. I know you do. it's sad man.......

 

[CurlyMoo]

Please tell me we are not being trained to rename an age old practice of flucking just for sex?

F Buddy is the old saying and it's the same. FWB is just a more PC and delusional version of saying F Buddy. Cut Buddy just sounds fashionable.

Call it what you want, it's all the same and it all ends the same.
One of you getting attached and wanting more than what the other is willing to give.

There used to be a time when men had to earn sex or buy an hour with a prostitute.
Now since the age of the sexual liberation; women are having sex with broke lazy ninja's just for peen. These men know they don't need to work for it anymore and surprise surprise many women can't get these men to court them because they have some peen thirsty chick waiting in the wings to get her rocks off.

Oftentimes there are babies made of these unions.

Not judging just noticed something.

 

[Mortons]

Please tell me we are not being trained to rename an age old practice of flucking just for sex? F Buddy is the old saying and it's the same. FWB is just a more PC and delusional version of saying F Buddy. Cut Buddy just sounds fashionable. Call it what you want, it's all the same and it all ends the same. One of you getting attached and wanting more than what the other is willing to give. There used to be a time when men had to earn sex or buy an hour with a prostitute. Now since the age of the sexual liberation; women are having sex with broke lazy ninja's just for peen. These men know they don't need to work for it anymore and surprise surprise many women can't get these men to court them because they have some nasty chick waiting in the wings to get her rocks off. Not judging just noticed something.

They know they still have to work, just for a different type of woman. Plenty of prostitutes are making more bank than ever. off mostly married men but that's another story.

There is a lid for every pot and a sexual situation for everyone too.

 

[SmileyNY]

I must be getting old because all of this new slang sounds so stupid to me. Cut buddy?

I'll take F buddy for $500, Alex.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

I think men aren't getting married because their father and uncles didn't. Marriage rates didn't take a sharp dip just now as far as I know. And men in any culture still end up married. While we are blaming changes on a culture that just came about the wheels where in motion far before. Not because people see friends enjoying sex and suddenly take into account a lifestyle shift lol

Someone may have made this point already but casual sex is definitely connected to why their fathers and uncles didn't marry.

 

[Mortons]

Someone may have made this point already but casual sex is definitely connected to why their fathers and uncles didn't marry.

That may be true but I didn't run into it. My mothers and grandmothers are 100% against it so I never heard of it TIL my teen years in the 90s. But I was born in the Deep South with high marriage rates so my experience is likely off.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Please tell me we are not being trained to rename an age old practice of flucking just for sex?

F Buddy is the old saying and it's the same. FWB is just a more PC and delusional version of saying F Buddy. Cut Buddy just sounds fashionable.

Call it what you want, it's all the same and it all ends the same.
One of you getting attached and wanting more than what the other is willing to give.

There used to be a time when men had to earn sex or buy an hour with a prostitute.
Now since the age of the sexual liberation; women are having sex with broke lazy ninja's just for peen. These men know they don't need to work for it anymore and surprise surprise many women can't get these men to court them because they have some peen thirsty chick waiting in the wings to get her rocks off.

Oftentimes there are babies made of these unions.

Not judging just noticed something.

ALL.OF.THIS.

 

[PeaceFlow]

Someone may have made this point already but casual sex is definitely connected to why their fathers and uncles didn't marry.

I think the amount of love, emotional/financial support, housework and regular sex in non married relationships is also a huge deterrent.

 

[Mortons]

Well with life and a culture of men so dastardly have any of you given up on marriage yet?

 

[Femmefatal1981]

I think the amount of love, emotional/financial support, housework and regular sex in non married relationships is also a huge deterrent.

That too. Why buy the cow...

 

[barbiesocialite]

Well with life and a culture of men so dastardly have any of you given up on marriage yet?

No but if I were two and a half of my girl cousins I would and one of my girlfriend I would. It's not looking good for them. the future ain't all that bright. I'm sure they arent the only women like that in the world.

 

[Mortons]

No but if I were two and a half of my girl cousins I would and one of my girlfriend I would. It's not looking good for them. the future ain't all that bright. I'm sure they arent the only women like that in the world.

Dannnnnnng why you playing them though?

 

[barbiesocialite]

Dannnnnnng why you playing them though?

What are you talkin bout?

I'm being supportive.

I support my loved one's dreams and ambitions and do my best to help them get there but it's just some things for some people you just know won't work out. I want them to do better, be better and attract better. But you can only save those who want to be saved. Some women dont want to be saved which is why they will never be any man or anyone's damsel in distress.

Kinda like the 40 year old that still wants to be a rapper. Some women just wont be married forever if at all....

So to balance it out I support the stated loved one's dreams, hopes and ambitions. especially career and financial--the ones stated above will need it. In the meantime you do your best not to shame people for their heauxisish ways. Life should be enjoyed. If that will be the max of some women's enjoymment I just don't think it's anyone's place to stop them.