Cut Buddy

[CaraWalker]

just want to fact check real quick that american birth rates - in wedlock, out of, teenage, by race, and everything in between - are the lowest theyve been in decades. not that i would argue theres necessarily a link between that and "hook up culture."

 

[Southernbella.]

I think we all realize this, BUT we can't divorce that from the fact that these actions have health, social, physical, emotional, psychological consequences. They are NOT benign, regardless of how much we want them to be. The entanglement and consequences that inevitable occur are problematic.

They're problematic for some. They would definitely be problematic for me if I were out there dating. My point is that there are women for whom those things aren't problematic, or at least not enough to outweigh the benefits of great sex. That's not changing. In fact, it will probably get "worse."

 

[barbiesocialite]

I don't disagree. I'm simply saying it us what it is and it's not changing so each individual needs to figure out how they will navigate this new sexual climate.

I think it's very unrealistic. Feminism and feminists have tried to create this new sexual climate for the last fifty years, now look at the mess they created. Many women subscribe to it which largely accounts for most of the posts on the in this thread this far....

 

[Mortons]

Feminists fault yet so many find themselves married and permanently coupled. Weird

 

[Southernbella.]

Ime from the guys I'm friends with and people I've seen, when the guy felt himself really getting serious about a certain woman he usually dropped all the others prior to it crossing over into official bf and gf. Even with my brother, he and his girl broke up and he had someone he was sleeping with. When they worked it out the girl was dropped immediately. Sometimes it's more than just a cutty buddy though. Sometimes though. I noticed people don't cut off their others if they aren't sure the situation will work out. They keep them around for backup lol.

This is what I've seen as well.

People view sex and dating through their own life experiences and I think it's hard for some people to fathom how a person could have sex and it mean nothing. I used to feel that way. I was a virgin until adulthood and got cheated on because I wasn't having sex. I truly didn't get it then but now I do.

 

[Curly Lee]

Yeah, I mean . . . just . . . no comment. . I feel like men are often the ones that benefit from these "arrangements". I also frankly think that this is so dangerous, when you consider the risk of pregnancy and disease. For me, it's like you're risking having a child with someone you don't even like OR dying or getting an incurable disease that will wreak havoc on your body indefinitely or prevent you from having kids in the future with a person you actually want, for a nut? It just does not compute for me.

Wait, how you gone say no comment then do the vomit sign?

 

[Southernbella.]

I think it's very unrealistic. Feminism and feminists has ve tried to create this new sexual climate for the last fifty years, now look at the mess they created. Many women subscribe to it which largely account for most of the posts on the in this thread this far....

Interesting point. IIRC, you are vehemently opposed to young marriage, right? Sex was a big part of why people got married so young. So I think you could look at it another way, which is that women can now have sex without having to tie themselves to a man at a young age.

I suppose we could advocate for virginity until marriage but that's more unrealistic than anything else in this thread.

Sex only within a committed relationship could be an option as well but that would just create a bunch of serial monogamists and men still wouldn't have to marry anybody.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Feminists fault yet so many find themselves married and permanently coupled. Weird

Of course, ignorance is bliss.

most people are sheeple. The average woman that subscribes to the feminists notion that sex should be freely given usually aren't feminists. Just like most that subscribe to sacredness of virginity usually don't follow Christian conservatism in lifestyle. These are the losers in the end.

Applied to the average person-- heaux/hookup culture is just as damaging as extreme religious prudity.

 

[Kurlee]

Wait, how you gone say no comment then do the vomit sign?

Girl, I tried.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Interesting point. IIRC, you are vehemently opposed to young marriage, right? Sex was a big part of why people got married so young. So I think you could look at it another way, which is that women can now have sex without having to tie themselves to a man at a young age.

I suppose we could advocate for virginity until marriage but that's more unrealistic than anything else in this thread.

Sex only within a committed relationship could be an option as well but that would just create a bunch of serial monogamists and men still wouldn't have to marry anybody.

I'm opposed to young marriage (before 25) and I'm anti-virgin until married. Sex is good. Just do it in a committed/monogamous relationship. It isn't that hard to get a boyfriend. Do it with your boyfriend, not your cut buddy or fwb. Most of my friends are serial mongamists, I was never fond of heaux friends. Most married between 24-mid thirties. Then again, its fair to point out most of them also come from married home where marriage is the expectation so it was in the cards anyway.

 

[Southernbella.]

Of course, ignorance is bliss.

most people are sheeple. The average woman that subscribes to the feminists notion that sex should be freely given usually aren't feminists. Just like most that subscribe to sacredness of virginity usually don't follow Christian conservatism in lifestyle. These are the losers in the end.

Appliend to the average person-- heaux/hookup culture is just as damaging as extreme religious prudity.

I don't disagree that it can be harmful but outside of religion, I honestly don't see how you convince people that they shouldn't have sex.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I don't disagree that it can be harmful but outside of religion, I honestly don't see how you convince people that they shouldn't have sex.

I wouldn't which is why IRL I have little sympathy for grown women virgins or sluts.

 

[Mortons]

I think men aren't getting married because their father and uncles didn't. Marriage rates didn't take a sharp dip just now as far as I know. And men in any culture still end up married. While we are blaming changes on a culture that just came about the wheels where in motion far before. Not because people see friends enjoying sex and suddenly take into account a lifestyle shift lol

 

[God_Favor]

Was this meant to be a light hearted thread geared towards women who actually enjoy sex? Why turn it into the typical black baby momma stats , and psychological reasons a women may think she has sexual needs like man does lol...

 

[Southernbella.]

I'm opposed to young marriage (before 25) and I'm anti-virgin until married. Sex is good. Just do it in a committed/monogamous relationship. It isn't that hard to get a boyfriend. Do it with your boyfriend, not your cut buddy or fwbm

That's a good middle ground and I don't disagree but then where does that leave those who want to wait until marriage? That's who loses most in this climate.

And another issue that I see on college campuses is that young students do NOT need to be in serious relationships because many of them get caught up in them and make poor decisions, lose focus, etc.

Some people just shouldn't be playing married and cut buddying is actually better for them than serial monogamy.

 

[Naveah2050]

Was this meant to be a light hearted thread geared towards women who actually enjoy sex? Why turn it into the typical black baby momma stats , and psychological reasons a women may think she has sexual needs like man does lol...

Women just need to do what they want to do stop worrying about what people think and what other women's vaginas are doing. Some women enjoy sex and some women don't, and some only enjoy sex in a committed relationship - just do you, there is someone for everyone.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I think men aren't getting married because their father and uncles didn't. Marriage rates didn't take a sharp dip just now as far as I know. And men in any culture still end up married. While we are blaming changes on a culture that just came about the wheels where in motion far before. Not because people see friends enjoying sex and suddenly take into account a lifestyle shift lol

Men get married because in they have to. Rarely is it because they want to. Have to means they want something in or for their lives where marriagebisba requirement to get it No shock married men make more money than single men. It sets a good example and indicates stability and commitment. In the same vein men committee to the women they have to commit to.

As the bastard child of married parents, my POV on this matter is pretty definite. A man will marry you and stay married to you if he believes he has no other choice. Sometimes playing cat and mouse with sex may have *slightly*something to do with that. Not all but it def plays a role. Some women you don't have to lock down to sex. Some women men don't have to marry. Some women are easy to leave. The rest of the story writes itself ....

 

[carcajada]

That's a good middle ground and I don't disagree but then where does that leave those who want to wait until marriage? That's who loses most in this climate.

And another issue that I see on college campuses is that young students do NOT need to be in serious relationships because many of them get caught up in them and make poor decisions, lose focus, etc.

Some people just shouldn't be playing married and cut buddying is actually better for them than serial monogamy.

The same issues students would go through in a relationship still haunt sex with benefits arrangements. The drama of most of these situations can be even worse than monogamous pairings.

I just think younger people aren't taught how to manage their own feelings, emotions, and situations to the point that no matter the type of relationship they are in, it's not going to be handled properly.

 

[Curly Lee]

I think it's very unrealistic. Feminism and feminists have tried to create this new sexual climate for the last fifty years, now look at the mess they created. Many women subscribe to it which largely accounts for most of the posts on the in this thread this far....

Feminists fault yet so many find themselves married and permanently coupled. Weird

I mean TBH, this phenomenon is definitely influenced by feminism. I don't think feminists created it, I think they unveiled what was already happening and attempted to give women some agency in sexual relationships. I do think there are many women who are wedded to very traditional views of relationships, yet they want a more modern view of dating. Those are the girls who seem to suffer. I also think a bunch of women are asexual which kinda complicates things...

 

[CaraWalker]

i would argue the change in relationship structures - if that is actually a thing - is due more to financial problems. millenials are maturing reallllllllllly slowly i think. american psycho is about a 27 year old remember eric jerome dickey? cheaters used to be one of my favorite books. actually i still like that book anyway, those people were also in the 26, 27 year old age range. like 20 years ago, being 27 was being full adult... the equivalent of that now would be about.... 33 to 35 i would say. i actually dont think that in itself is a bad thing because we are also living longer with every new generation too, so it makes sense that "maturity" would slow down a little.

that being said, i dont think 20somethings today are in a place to settle down like 20somethings a generation or two ago were. it's taking us longer to get into high earning careers because a lot of us were in school for WAY longer. buying homes, hell moving out of mom's house, owning cars, all of that stuff - it's happening later because its taking longer for us to be secure financially. so it only makes sense that marriage is coming along later too.

this is all a reasonable chronological issue, but people are holding on to standards that fit older generations that dont work for ours. we are still crying about "im almost 30 and i dont have any babies yet" because thats what our parents did, but our parents didnt have the economy problems we're having. it doesn't make sense to hold blue standards up to a red generation, but people dont want to let blue standards exist in a blue generation... to try to make some kind of visual analogy

 

[Southernbella.]

I wouldn't which is why IRL I have little sympathy for grown women virgins or sluts.

Yes I just remembered you're not a big fan of virgins either.

 

[Curly Lee]

Was this meant to be a light hearted thread geared towards women who actually enjoy sex? Why turn it into the typical black baby momma stats , and psychological reasons a women may think she has sexual needs like man does lol...

I've had 2 cut buddys. It was really amazing. It was after a bad relationship so I needed to feel sexy and unattached. One guy was a friend who's in med school. He's hella goofy and nice I just wouldn't want to be with him. The other guy was a sweetheart who was younger than me. He used to bring me tea and snacks (and penis) when I was studying. I still say one of my best times was when I had sex with the goofy guy and sent him home. I took a shower and just rubbed myself in my big warm bed. I was so happy his arse wasn't hogging up the bed and I didn't have to think about him. I'm also someone who attaches feelings to sex but TBH that ish is tiring. I don't wanna feeeel so much all the time. All that emotion is ugh. So a cut buddy was super refreshing.

 

[barbiesocialite]

That's a good middle ground and I don't disagree but then where does that leave those who want to wait until marriage? That's who loses most in this climate.

And another issue that I see on college campuses is that young students do NOT need to be in serious relationships because many of them get caught up in them and make poor decisions, lose focus, etc.

Some people just shouldn't be playing married and cut buddying is actually better for them than serial monogamy.

I think I have to think about this a bit more. Younbring up good points. Points that I would usually be dismissive of by attributing such nebahoornto parental failing or personal weakness but it still doesn't change the facts. People do what they want. I want to say damn these men and women and let them self destruct, raise their low children and never marry


Now you see why I've stopped discussing these sorts of topics over the years. Its all so circular. Tbh, im not sure there really is an answer. But this is Funny. Who would have thought or predicted Southernbella. would end up the feminist and barbiesocialite the conservative

 

[Southernbella.]

The same issues students would go through in a relationship still haunt sex with benefits arrangements. The drama of most of these situations can be even worse than monogamous pairings.

I just think younger people aren't taught how to manage their own feelings, emotions, and situations to the point that no matter the type of relationship they are in, it's not going to be handled properly.

Good point. I can definitely see that too.

All my mother taught me was "men see women as a piece of p****" which, if you knew my mother, would shock you as it did me because she is extremely prissy. And it meant literally nothing to me. I wish she would have taught me something about relationships instead.

I have a whole list ready for my kids.: look:

 

[Mortons]

I mean TBH, this phenomenon is definitely influenced by feminism. I don't think feminists created it, I think they unveiled what was already happening and attempted to give women some agency in sexual relationships. I do think there are many women who are wedded to very traditional views of relationships, yet they want a more modern view of dating. Those are the girls who seem to suffer. I also think a bunch of women are asexual which kinda complicates things...

Women who are wedded to traditional views in a non traditional society are going to have to revise their approach. You can't dress for a 40 degree temperature like you dress for 100 degree. You change your armor and tactics.

The difference is I don't see these women as victims like many people seem too. You adapt to change.

 

[aribell]

It's strange how "catching feelings" now carries some kind of implication of weakness. Like, if you were really strong or self-possessed, any random man could put his penis inside of you and it mean absolutely nothing to you. I think there's a lot to be said for the commentaries on how our culture is showing increasing signs of narcissism and emotional attachment issues--basically, a decreasing ability to truly bond with and give oneself to another. Cynicism about lifelong fidelity is another sign of this issue.

Feminists fault yet so many find themselves married and permanently coupled. Weird

I find that quite often, those ringing the feminist bell do not actually follow those principles irl, especially not sex positive feminism. You will find the happily married woman with children, who has been with one or a *maybe* three men at most eager to affirm principles that, one, they would never follow in their own life, and two, never had to live the consequences of because they didn't follow those principles in their own lives. I know quite a few women exactly like this and, idk, maybe affirming in words what they would never actually live makes them feel like they are more open minded or accepting, or a part of something bigger despite the boundaries of their life choices.

It makes me feel sorry for the younger generation of women who actually believe what they are being told and then have to live with all the negative consequences of it while those who only paid lip service to these ideas sail off into the sunset with their husband and children in tow.

 

[barbiesocialite]

The same issues students would go through in a relationship still haunt sex with benefits arrangements. The drama of most of these situations can be even worse than monogamous pairings.

I just think younger people aren't taught how to manage their own feelings, emotions, and situations to the point that no matter the type of relationship they are in, it's not going to be handled properly.

carcajada where do you stand in this topic. Cut buddy? Yay or nay. Virginity? Yay or nay.

 

[Mortons]

Sorry but it's nonsense to say a woman can't consign another woman who doesn't live the life she does. If Sally did get married at 19 and had 3 kids and the picket fence, why can't she support Janice who wants to be an international play girl? Living the life that YOU are satisfied with and allowing others to live theres makes total sense. That's like saying you can't have a true friendship with someone who leads a different life with different choices

People can affirm things and say it's not for them

 

[Southernbella.]

I think I have to think about this a bit more. Younbring up good points. Points that I would usually be dismissive of by attributing such nebahoornto parental failing or personal weakness but it still doesn't change the facts. People do what they want. I want to say damn these men and women and let them self destruct, raise their low children and never marry

Now you see why I've stopped discussing these sorts of topics over the years. Its all so circular. Tbh, im not sure there really is an answer. But this is Funny. Who would have thought or predicted Southernbella. would end up the feminist and barbiesocialite the conservative

Girl...we've both been here long enough that it we dug up our old posts, we might not recognize ourselves.

But yeah I feel like I'm at the point where I'd rather see young adult girls date freely and have responsible fun than tie themselves to John for a year, Joe for two years, Sean for 6 months, etc. I hesitate to tie that to ideology because I came to that viewpoint because of experience but I guess it's part feminism too. A small part. I'm still traditional at heart but I see how things have changed and I know most girls aren't staying virgins past 18. So navigation is the name of the game for me (thinking about dd).

 

[barbiesocialite]

It's strange how "catching feelings" now carries some kind of implication of weakness. Like, if you were really strong or self-possessed, any random man could put his penis inside of you and it mean absolutely nothing to you. I think there's a lot to be said for the commentaries on how our culture is showing increasing signs of narcissism and emotional attachment issues--basically, a decreasing inability to truly bond with and give oneself to another. Cynicism about lifelong fidelity is another sign of this issue.



I find that quite often, those ringing the feminist bell do not actually follow those principles irl, especially not sex positive feminism. You will find the happily married woman with children, who has been with one or a *maybe* three men at most eager to affirm principles that, one, they would never follow in their own life, and two, never had to live the consequences of because they didn't follow those principles in their own lives. I know quite a few women exactly like this and, idk, maybe affirming in words what they would never actually live makes them feel like they are more open minded or accepting, or a part of something bigger despite the boundaries of their life choices.

It makes me feel sorry for the younger generation of women who actually believe what they are being told and then have to live with all the negative consequences of it while those who only paid lip service to these ideas sail off into the sunset with their husband and children in tow.

All of this.

Most of it is lip service.

Women advocating for other women to do things they wouldn't do, dont do and haven't done..

As a former die hard feminist, I side eye that mess. Can't get with it. Theory and practice are two different things.