Who Pays For A Date? White Man Says, Go Dutch Or He's Bouncing

FemmeFatale said:
And one more thing, I think when the man is really into you then this is a non issue.
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I don't agree. It's just perspective, like you said, people were raised differently. One of my girlfriends just came back from Aruba with her boyfriend. She paid for the plane tickets and he paid for everything else. That's how they operate in the relationship- she contributes what she can sort of what the guy in the video was saying. For me & mines, it doesn't work.
 
sj10460 said:
I don't agree. It's just perspective, like you said, people were raised differently. One of my girlfriends just came back from Aruba with her boyfriend. She paid for the plane tickets and he paid for everything else. That's how they operate in the relationship- she contributes what she can sort of what the guy in the video was saying. For me & mines, it doesn't work.
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But that's her boyfriend. It's totally different from the first few dates.

Once you reach "couple" status, it's a natural progression for the woman to pay for things here and there. :yep:
 
sj10460 said:
I don't agree. It's just perspective, like you said, people were raised differently. One of my girlfriends just came back from Aruba with her boyfriend. She paid for the plane tickets and he paid for everything else. That's how they operate in the relationship- she contributes what she can sort of what the guy in the video was saying. For me & mines, it doesn't work.
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I think it's a mix, from what I've witnessed and experienced, men that are crazy about you (healthy crazy) and feel that you're an investment vs a transaction will spend that money on you. It's not my half, your half.
 
sunnieb said:
But that's her boyfriend. It's totally different from the first few dates.

Once you reach "couple" status, it's a natural progression for the woman to pay for things here and there. :yep:
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the question (in the video) was once you were dating after 4-5 months.
 
He compared paying for dinner with having sex, I don't think so. Furthermore, he should pay because he makes more money usually and he wants to treat me like a
Queen period.:afro:
 
When I was dating, this guy invited me out to the museum- and he didn't pay my entrance. I found that to be a huge red flag. I also found him to be very awkward and I decided not to see him again after that. When I started dating my now husband he didn't want me paying for anything. When I felt like our relationship was headed in a good direction I would occasionally pay for our outings. Now that we're married, nothing has changed, my husband still insist on paying most of the time.
 
blue_flower said:
When I was dating, this guy invited me out to the museum- and he didn't pay my entrance. I found that to be a huge red flag. I also found him to be very awkward and I decided not to see him again after that. When I started dating my now husband he didn't want me paying for anything. When I felt like our relationship was headed in a good direction I would occasionally pay for our outings. Now that we're married, nothing has changed, my husband still insist on paying most of the time.
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Right, I don't think there should be some big switcheroo once the relationship is official or once you two are married. I actually find it a bit deceiving.
 
sj10460 said:
The title of this thread is misleading. I watched the video and he never said that. What he said was, he would feel taken advantage of and stop dating a woman who never offered to pay or contribute. He said a woman that didn't offer wasn't raised right and a man who didn't pay wasn't raised right either.

So basically, he's saying. make an effort to show your appreciation by offering to pay sometimes so the man will know that you're not just using him.
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I show men appreciation in other ways like bringing them little gifts, cards or things I know they like, but I'm not offering to pay for a date. I bring my phone and ID for wine. :lol:
 
FemmeFatale said:
And one more thing, I think when the man is really into you then this is a non issue.
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This is true.

Like the guys we find annoying that are so into us and happy they are getting a chance? Yea he would never make you pay for a date. I tell women to Stop chasing these men who think they are the prize and find a who is all into you, Him more than you to him, and he won't ever suggest such a thing.
 
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I'm going to give Matthews sexy self and cute accent the benefit of the doubt after reading his rebuttle in the comment section.

He said that a man should always pay for the first date and so on but in a long term relationship which I'm guessing the kids believe is 4-5 months in that a woman should at least OFFER to pay. It's the offer by the woman that's making the man feel like he's not tricking off his funds. I think that's fair as long as the offer is not accepted. If an empty gesture makes dude feel good then who am I to rob him of his happiness?

My take on this is that around the 3 month mark was when I would invite a dude over for a home cooked meal which was my version of 'paying'. Now mind you, dudes got guest treatment the first visit after that they needed to show up with some groceries and I was never above saying 'oh you want xyz, pick it up on your way over'.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
I'm going to give Matthews sexy self and cute accent the benefit of the doubt after reading his rebuttle in the comment section.

He said that a man should always pay for the first date and so on but in a long term relationship which I'm guessing the kids believe is 4-5 months in that a woman should at least OFFER to pay. It's the offer by the woman that's making the man feel like he's not tricking off his funds. I think that's fair as long as the offer is not accepted. If an empty gesture makes dude feel good then who am I to rob him of his happiness?

My take on this is that around the 3 month mark was when I would invite a dude over for a home cooked meal which was my version of 'paying'. Now mind you, dudes got guest treatment the first visit after that they needed to show up with some groceries and I was never above saying 'oh you want xyz, pick it up on your way over'.
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Why be fake though. By the time we date 5 months you should already know I'm not pulling out my card.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
He said that a man should always pay for the first date and so on but in a long term relationship which I'm guessing the kids believe is 4-5 months in that a woman should at least OFFER to pay. It's the offer by the woman that's making the man feel like he's not tricking off his funds. I think that's fair as long as the offer is not accepted. If an empty gesture makes dude feel good then who am I to rob him of his happiness?

M.
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and if after 5 months dating, you do this and hmeboy accepts the offer, do you kick him out that night or what?
 
FelaShrine said:
and if after 5 months dating, you do this and hmeboy accepts the offer, do you kick him out that night or what?
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he's not supposed to accept tho

honestly I see both sides...but I've always been rather entitled and spoiled soo...
 
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Femmefatal1981 said:
Why be fake though. By the time we date 5 months you should already know I'm not pulling out my card.
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Male ego is a fragile moldable thing. I'm fine with faking some things to lead to a beneficial outcome. Kinda on par when I tried out that whole plate fixing thing. That wasn't a genuine "I just luv fixin plates" gesture from me I was looking to see if there was any benefit to doing it. Appreciation was bestowed so now I fix plates in front of an audience so he feels all warm and fluffy in front of other dudes who don't get the same treatment. It's such a piddly gesture and takes a whole minute out of my life a few times a week.

FelaShrine said:
and if after 5 months dating, you do this and hmeboy accepts the offer, do you kick him out that night or what?
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It never happened to me but I don't know if it would be have been an immediate dismissal depending on how much he had been spending up until that time. I would have proceeded with a caution and a raised eyebrow though.
 
MsLiss said:
I didn't watch the whole video. I just wanted to see what he looks like. So how long has he been married?
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I don't think he's married. His book was popular around these parts (I've read it and its not half bad, common sense stuff for some rocket science for others) and Christelyn pushes his events hard. That said. How are you going ask someone out then get mad because they don't offer to pay or pay their half. Are you kidding me???? What if your invite to dinner aside, I had plans to eat in the house and save my money, but now Im obligated to pay half for a dinner I would otherwise not be on had you suggested it. SMH.

Ah well. If, SO and I can't work this long distance stuff out, I'm just going to be dolo. I don't care. I can't deal with these babies. LOL

And I have treated on a date when I felt like it and was with a man who didn't mind, but SO and the man before him rarely let me pay. They both don't mind the b-day treat or I'm taking you out to celebrate your promotion or something treat and even then we'd be out a day or 2 later on them.
 
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Crackers Phinn said:
I'm going to give Matthews sexy self and cute accent the benefit of the doubt after reading his rebuttle in the comment section.

He said that a man should always pay for the first date and so on but in a long term relationship which I'm guessing the kids believe is 4-5 months in that a woman should at least OFFER to pay. It's the offer by the woman that's making the man feel like he's not tricking off his funds. I think that's fair as long as the offer is not accepted. If an empty gesture makes dude feel good then who am I to rob him of his happiness?

My take on this is that around the 3 month mark was when I would invite a dude over for a home cooked meal which was my version of 'paying'. Now mind you, dudes got guest treatment the first visit after that they needed to show up with some groceries and I was never above saying 'oh you want xyz, pick it up on your way over'.
Click to expand...

Ok that changes things I guess. I didn't watch the video, but I have seen this expressed elsewhere....that women should offer to pay half even on a first date so fiured Matthew was joining that club.
 
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