I really don't think I was overreacting ...

[Kurlee]

That's disgusting and degrading! I'd never be that hard up for anybody.

Just wanted to say you are a very beautiful girl and I dunno if I would be able to "get past" someone saying those types of things. It would make me feel inadequate and question whether i was enough for that man, despite my own perception of myself. It's great that I think i'm great and love myself, but if he, for whatever reason doesn't see it, I can love myself all I want to, his feelings won't change. Just take your time. You are engaged, so you still have time to pull out.

 

[lux10023]

well your half blk--so it seems to me thats the reason hes with you---its weird that this is the FIRST time he has displayed his true feelings?


i dont think ppl just wake up and get like this--i think they were always like this..good luck

generalizations about blk women dont fly with me---he wouldnt be my man---talkin about blk women like that--effoutta here

 

[MoMo]

Moral Thought of the Day:

People need to think and consider others feelings before they speak. I would take his words to heart and believe everything he says. When you really love someone, you don't say things to hurt or offend them.

 

[envybeauty]

Better for him to say it now, come what may as to feelings. I'd rather him speak what he feels than to hide it and think it every time he looks at me.

In this case, it is not about being offended bc there is nothing she can do to change who she is. It would be one thing if he commented about fat people and she was fat (but could lose weight). It is another to think all Black women act a certain way bc he can't see the trees from the forest. That is apparent bc as good as she has been to him, he still believes white women do more for their men than Black women.

Moral Thought of the Day:

People need to think and consider others feelings before they speak. I would take his words to heart and believe everything he says. When you really love someone, you don't say things to hurt or offend them.

 

[phynestone]

I can't believe what I just read. OP, I'm so sorry you had to hear such a ridiculous statement from your fiance.

Yes, all black women are losers. That's why we're the only ones really holding down the black community, active in the church, raising kids when our 'so-good black men' don't want to raise their seed and we're outpacing them in education.

Tell him to go somewhere with that mess.

 

[MyHeavenlyFatherKnows]

The part about how his opinions will impact any children you to plan to have is a BIG one for me.

I'm not on the leave him or don't leave him band wagon but...I would say, think about the children--whatever you do.

 

[Bubble Tamer]

My self-respect wouldn't allow me to stay with such an individual. Whether this is all coming from him, or his mindset is so weak as to be so easily influenced by others -friends or otherwise- without thinking for himself, neither attribute is attractive IMO. You shouldn't have to teach a grown-arse man anything. Good luck with your choice, whatever it is.

I wonder what effect such a negative mindset would have on any future children you have together...

Edit: You seem to be cutting this guy a lot of slack. I wonder if he were white had shared the same sentiments of you being 'different' or 'not like the others' because of your dna if some of these same suggestions of getting counseling, or sitting him down and asking him why he thinks this way would stay the same.

 

[UmSumayyah]

My self-respect wouldn't allow me to stay with such an individual. Whether this is all coming from him, or his mindset is so weak as to be so easily influenced by others -friends or otherwise- without thinking for himself, neither attribute is attractive IMO. You shouldn't have to teach a grown-arse man anything. Good luck with your choice, whatever it is.

I wonder what effect such a negative mindset would have on any future children you have together...

Edit: You seem to be cutting this guy a lot of slack. I wonder if he were white had shared the same sentiments of you being 'different' or 'not like the others' because of your dna if some of these same suggestions of getting counseling, or sitting him down and asking him why he thinks this way would stay the same.

HA! I was thinking something similar.
My dh is white and I KNOW if he had said the things the OP's fiance said, LHCF would be telling me to head for the hills. Probably in uppercase, bold italics.

 

[pisceschica]

I hate when people make stereotypical statements concerning people that they have met especially black men.

These same non-black women that these black men chase when they "make it to the top" are the same women that wouldn't even look their way if they were some broke fool on the corner.

Its one thing to compare a group of women based on physical features because there are differences. But at the end of the day when it comes to personality women of a same group are not the same.

"...scandelous and try to take you for everything you have..." is he freaking serious?!! Does he live under a rock.

It just really bothers me when people make blanket statements comparing people and viewing one group of people as superior to another because of their limited experience.

 

[pisceschica]

What will you/he do when you have a daughter?

Is he going to raise her to think white girls are nicer, behave better, etc.? Anyone who subjects their girlfriend to such treatment is very likely to subject their girl child to the same.

Thats reallly something to think about.

I guess before or if that happens you can ask him how he feels about his mother, grandmothers, aunts, and sisters (if he has any).

I just really wonder why some people say such stupid things about a group of people who made them wo they are.

 

[darlingdiva]

So...

I think black men throw white women in our faces to elicit certain reactions/feelings.

Case in point, i was "talking" to this brother for a few weeks, nothing serious at all, though he expressed countless times that he wanted a title and relationship with me. I wasn't with it but that is another story. I told him that i wanted to start things off slowly and see where it ends up (basically i didn't feel any chemistry with him and wanted to wait it out to see if something developed).

I guess i began to act a bit aloof (not returing phone calls/texts, giving him the friend explanation over and over again when he brought up titles/status, not reciprocating certain things he'd say to me, etc.) He caught on and sent me a text message asking where i stood with him yada yadda yadda. I told him point bank that i did not have the same attraction for him that he had for me and i honestly didnt see it going anywhere.

He sends me a text message saying "See, this is why the brothas go to white girls". Okaaaay. Thanks for that. I responded by texting "What does race have to do with me not feeling you, lol?" He then responds that he was just hurt and angry. I guess he uses the white girl line in his arsenal whenever a black woman ruffles his feathers, lol, lawd. I think he wanted me to fly off the handle, curse him out, act ghetto and what-not. He definitely wanted a dramatic production.

I bet he did because then you'd be acting like a "real Black woman." Not all of us respond to a disagreement by rolling our eyes, twisting our necks, snapping our fingers, and using profane language. I really get sick of hearing, "how did you learn how to speak so properly?" I look at them and I want to ask, "how did you learn how to speak so improperly?" People of European descent aren't the only ones who know how to properly utilize standard English.

 

[CollegeGrad]

The same thing happened to me. I asked him what race the ultimate girl was. He told me Latina (not like my family Latina, but stereotypical Latina). He said they got the best features of every race... then he got mad at me for being upset and said that I shouldn't have asked him if I didn't like the answer.

 

[Bunny77]

The same thing happened to me. I asked him what race the ultimate girl was. He told me Latina (not like my family Latina, but stereotypical Latina). He said they got the best features of every race... then he got mad at me for being upset and said that I shouldn't have asked him if I didn't like the answer.

I actually have to agree with what he said on that... not about Latinas being the best, but to not ask the question if one doesn't want the answer.

I wonder why black women engage black men in these types of conversations. It seems pointless to me.

 

[Ediese]

"When we get to the top, we don't wanna have to deal with a bunch of drama and being screwed over. Black women are so scandalous and try to take you for everything you have."

This is ridiculous! What world is this guy living in anyway? WW are the first to take you for every penny that you have when things are over. We're always the ones supporting them while they're trying to get to the top, albeit monetarily, emotionally, etc., and we end up with the short end of the stick.

Oh yeah...there ain't no way in hell that I'm mowing my own lawn, fixing cars or any of those types of things, and I'm not even married yet. I don't even want to put gas in my car...um yeah. I firmly believe in letting a man be a man. It's about give and take. I do my part too.

 

[Kerryann]

i dont even know what to say but thats why Woody chick is just a girlfriend and not a wife all that man labor she doing for nothing

 

[spelmanlocks]

I don't know but I would definitely need to have a serious conversation with him about this before we walked down any aisle. I'd hate to have any kids with a man of that mindset cause next thing you know they'd be talking that same foolishness.

I know a guy who dated a biracial girl whose black mom had raised her to hate black men. She ended up dropping my friend, who is also biracial, because she'd decided she only wanted to date pure bred white guys and she actually told him this. Now she has 4 kids by different white men and is still steady talking mess about black men. Now the main problem here is her mom instilled that hatred in her for black men and its still with her as an adult. Please make sure your future husband isn't planning to instill this mindset into your children.

 

[joyous]

This is so true Bunny! My own brother now dates a Hispanic woman who doesn't work but she has moved in and does his feet, cleans his face, gets the pimples, basically "caters" to him and now all black women are pitiful and "black men bashers" and blah, blah, blah

He even now talks crap about black women in front of her, did this at our family reunion. My sis had invited him to a professional event when he was single and he had such negative things to say about the single black women there yet my sis says the women were so nice and sweet and gave him their numbers. Yet, this new chick I don't think has a hs degree but she is just so much better than

It was a new low ladies to have your older black brother, who spent 20 years + with the Nation of Islam, talk this way

I feel ya on this one. My ex bother-in-law cheated on my sister for a high school dropout, non-working,ex-stripper, trashy Becky, who had a child in tow that she mothered at seventeen. He wanted my sister to pull her 40 hours, pay most of the bills(she made more than him), cook, do laundry, iron his clothes, clean house and do it all while he played with Becky.
My educated, attractive, hard working sister wasn't having it, kicked him to the curb and kept it moving. He married Becky, they had three children and lazy Becky never worked a day in her life while they struggled to make ends meet.He cheated on her throughout their marriage. Well he must have been overworked because he died at 46; Becky walked away with $575,000, and married a white man less than six months after his death.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

What is this crap about black women being hard to deal with? ALL women are hard to deal with, Im baffled on that.... thats such an excuse to me, I wouldnt buy it. Just means he feels he wants to date something he sees as better than black women. Very insulting

Now you know that's not TRUE!

All non-black men are skipping around singing happy songs because their wives and girlfriends are perfect. It's pretty obvious considering how ALL non-black marriages are so successful. All of those non-black men who complain about their wives/girlfriends are just lying to keep the black man away, but the black man has figured out the truth--Becky and them ARE perfect. Every saying, song, piece of literature or artwork that has ever suggested that 'women are evil' was made by black men about black women. Riiiiiight.

 

[FluffyRed]

Becky never worked a day in her life while they struggled to make ends meet.He cheated on her throughout their marriage. Well he must have been overworked because he died at 46; Becky walked away with $575,000, and married a white man less than six months after his death.

what happened to the kids?

what did the dude die of? Could it have been Becky's fault?

Craziness. Self-hating kneegrows, man.

The decent, conscious BM is an endangered species. I'm checking for a Todd.

 

[DMJ's Mom]

Ok, so I feel as though my fiance said something really, REALLY stupid. I mean, I was highly offended by this. We've been fighting over this for days to the point where I was gonna break our lease and bounce.

So Saturday, he comes in the house from work and tells me that his best friend was driving down with this white girl that he is dating and that they were gonna stay at our house.

It was short notice, but it was OK with me.

Then, my fiance told me that his best friend said that he and the white girl get along so well and that he'll never go back to dating a black chick. I basically said that it's a copout and it's unfair to women in general for black men to make such generalizations.

My fiance continues by saying "Well, GOOD black men do leave black women for white women or women of another race because they're easier to deal with."

That's not all. Yes, he continues to put his good foot in his mouth.

"When we get to the top, we don't wanna have to deal with a bunch of drama and being screwed over. Black women are so scandalous and try to take you for everything you have."

"I mean, Woody's (his best friend's) girl offers to mow the lawn. Now babe, I don't mean any harm, but I could never see you offering to mow the lawn or taking the car in for an oil change."

Naw, I just pay half the bills, cook, clean, "color" for him. In addition to listening to his many rants about work and dealing with his strange work hours. Nope, I don't do anything AT ALL.

Mind you, I AM F'ING HALF BLACK OVER HERE!!!! *EDIT: I put this in here to be sarcastic and show how ridiculous he's being. I'm not condoning his actions at all. Please believe! I just wanted to clarify that *

So, I got pissed. I yelled at him. He then says:

"See, you not only proved my point, but you validated it."

So I get madder at this point, and now he calls me a "nutbag" and say this is how black women act.

We're basically on the outs right now. Am I really taking this too seriously? When a man starts saying stuff like that, in my mind, I think it's time to bounce.

Is it THAT serious? He takes really good care of me, provides for me, does everything else right basically. But this comment really hurt me.

So is he saying he's not a good black man? I suggest you talk to him and decide from there if he sounds serious if he is...bounce!

 

[joyous]

what happened to the kids?

what did the dude die of? Could it have been Becky's fault?

Craziness. Self-hating kneegrows, man.

The decent, conscious BM is an endangered species. I'm checking for a Todd.

Dude dropped dead of a heart attack. The children stayed with Becky for a short while, but later moved in with other family members. Becky's new husband couldn't get along with them, seems like him and his family had a problem with Black folks.

 

[UmSumayyah]

^^I'm surprised he married her at all. But I guess some men can "forgive and forget."--as long as there are no reminders (curly-haired tan children) around to hinder that.

 

[newbiemom]

I overheard a conversation like this at the gym between to aa men and 2 hispanic men. The aa men said they are thru with blk wmn and the hispanic man asked him why do yo blk guys lve ww so much. His response is they are more fun. That is probably true since thay haven't had to listen to these assinine ramblings for as long as we have. Give em some time and we'll see what happens when the tide turns and Becky gets Strahan on him. I think you should really evaluate what message he is sending you and more importantly your possible future children.

 

[Bunny77]

I overheard a conversation like this at the gym between to aa men and 2 hispanic men. The aa men said they are thru with blk wmn and the hispanic man asked him why do yo blk guys lve ww so much. His response is they are more fun. That is probably true since thay haven't had to listen to these assinine ramblings for as long as we have. Give em some time and we'll see what happens when the tide turns and Becky gets Strahan on him. I think you should really evaluate what message he is sending you and more importantly your possible future children.

You know, the sad thing is that these types of BM think they're really doing something, but I know that WM (the folks they're trying to one-up) are laughing at their foolishness. I have had multiple WM tell me that they notice that BM usually take the WW that "they don't want," and one said, "Hey, I'm thanking them for taking those WW off our hands!"

Basically, these BM are often undermining their supposed, "I'm black and proud and demand equality," claim by worshipping non-blackness and running to grab ANY non-BW they can find. And non-BM are just laughing at them knowing they're full of crap.

(Now, it would be quite different if they got a cream-of-the-crop WW.)

I know WM who also laugh when BM say that WW are less demanding and take care of them and don't want their money. Those WM say, "On what planet?" But I think those types of WW are usually lower class... middle-to-upper class WW have much higher expectations of their men, and they usually aren't the type to be cutting grass when they have an able-bodied man capable of doing so.

 

[FluffyRed]

I know WM who also laugh when BM say that WW are less demanding and take care of them and don't want their money. Those WM say, "On what planet?"

Yeah, apparently some women pay these BM to be with them (or so I've surmised from watching Judge Judy ) That is not a race thing, that is a desperation thing.

 

[Kurlee]

Yeah, apparently some women pay these BM to be with them (or so I've surmised from watching Judge Judy ) That is not a race thing, that is a desperation thing.

yup! Women across the board are getting very desperate and lowering the their standards.

 

[DayStar]

I dont know any other group of men who would EXPECT a woman to mow the lawn. Not my male friends from African or European countries....wtf going on...???