I really don't think I was overreacting ...
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BroadstreetBully
New Member
This is so true Bunny!My own brother now dates a Hispanic woman who doesn't work but she has moved in and does his feet, cleans his face, gets the pimples, basically "caters" to him and now all black women are pitiful and "black men bashers" and blah, blah, blah
He even now talks crap about black women in front of her, did this at our family reunion. My sis had invited him to a professional event when he was single and he had such negative things to say about the single black women there yet my sis says the women were so nice and sweet and gave him their numbers. Yet, this new chick I don't think has a hs degree but she is just so much better than
It was a new low ladies to have your older black brother, who spent 20 years + with the Nation of Islam, talk this way
Well let me be pitiful, because there ain't no way I'm doing all of that for a man I'm not married to. I guess I'm stuck up because I live in a world where men who are about something don't think like that. Let them bash because there are too many men who think a black woman is a prize.
I feel for these non-black SOs because these men are still obsessing over BW in one way or another. Why are you still thinking about us and talking about us when you've apparently moved on and are happy?
Just shut up about us and be happy with your woman, damn is that too much to ask?
Jazala
Well-Known Member
This is the part that would bother me the most. Does this mean when he gets to the top he will dump you for the white chick?
erplexed
suburbanbushbabe
New Member
Is he trying to get thrown out?
prettynatural
Think, Do, Be
Now, is the time for pre-marital counseling, to get it all out in the open.
It is hard to have a conversation when both people are emotional, use the idea of pre-marital counseling to use this as a medium to openly communicate about this issues and see what other issues are deep down there that need to be brought out.
Also, look at this as an opportunity to bring things to a light.
It is hard to have a conversation when both people are emotional, use the idea of pre-marital counseling to use this as a medium to openly communicate about this issues and see what other issues are deep down there that need to be brought out.
Also, look at this as an opportunity to bring things to a light.
Carrie A
Well-Known Member
It literally is like a flu virus. I was watching Wattstax concert documentary made in the early 70's. Somehow they got to black male/female relationships. The males were talking that same bashing ish then. It has cycles, peaks, and valleys.
GreenD
New Member
No I don't think you're overreacting at all. I'd just let time heal it, as he may get a wake up call soon. LOL, especially if you peep a cute white guy while you're out with him and go ga-ga over him!! Maybe you have to play the game and flip the script. Put that shoe on the other foot!! Get your laugh out of this girl!! Sit back and watch him sweat and squirm. Don't let him have all the fun. 
Do you think he may have stated this now, because his friend is coming over and he thought by telling you that craziness you'd be so desperate to belittle yourself to prove you're worthy enough to stay with him to impress his friend? Maybe he just wants you to do all the things the white woman does to prove to his friend that you're good enough as well? I don't know, just a thought. But don't forget men are competitive and like to know they have the prettiest, most giving, loving, baddest chick ever, so he may be trying to compete with his friend as to how far you'll go to show your love for him.
Men can be very strange creatures when they have friends putting things in their heads. It can be like a completely different person you're dealing with. If that's the case, maybe you should really sit him down and figure out where it's coming from and why? It's weird that it's coming up now as you're having out of town guests.
Do you think he may have stated this now, because his friend is coming over and he thought by telling you that craziness you'd be so desperate to belittle yourself to prove you're worthy enough to stay with him to impress his friend? Maybe he just wants you to do all the things the white woman does to prove to his friend that you're good enough as well? I don't know, just a thought. But don't forget men are competitive and like to know they have the prettiest, most giving, loving, baddest chick ever, so he may be trying to compete with his friend as to how far you'll go to show your love for him.
Men can be very strange creatures when they have friends putting things in their heads. It can be like a completely different person you're dealing with. If that's the case, maybe you should really sit him down and figure out where it's coming from and why? It's weird that it's coming up now as you're having out of town guests.
jennboo
Well-Known Member
So...
I think black men throw white women in our faces to elicit certain reactions/feelings.
Case in point, i was "talking" to this brother for a few weeks, nothing serious at all, though he expressed countless times that he wanted a title and relationship with me. I wasn't with it but that is another story. I told him that i wanted to start things off slowly and see where it ends up (basically i didn't feel any chemistry with him and wanted to wait it out to see if something developed).
I guess i began to act a bit aloof (not returing phone calls/texts, giving him the friend explanation over and over again when he brought up titles/status, not reciprocating certain things he'd say to me, etc.) He caught on and sent me a text message asking where i stood with him yada yadda yadda. I told him point bank that i did not have the same attraction for him that he had for me and i honestly didnt see it going anywhere.
He sends me a text message saying "See, this is why the brothas go to white girls". Okaaaay. Thanks for that. I responded by texting "What does race have to do with me not feeling you, lol?" He then responds that he was just hurt and angry. I guess he uses the white girl line in his arsenal whenever a black woman ruffles his feathers, lol, lawd. I think he wanted me to fly off the handle, curse him out, act ghetto and what-not. He definitely wanted a dramatic production.
I think black men throw white women in our faces to elicit certain reactions/feelings.
Case in point, i was "talking" to this brother for a few weeks, nothing serious at all, though he expressed countless times that he wanted a title and relationship with me. I wasn't with it but that is another story. I told him that i wanted to start things off slowly and see where it ends up (basically i didn't feel any chemistry with him and wanted to wait it out to see if something developed).
I guess i began to act a bit aloof (not returing phone calls/texts, giving him the friend explanation over and over again when he brought up titles/status, not reciprocating certain things he'd say to me, etc.) He caught on and sent me a text message asking where i stood with him yada yadda yadda. I told him point bank that i did not have the same attraction for him that he had for me and i honestly didnt see it going anywhere.
He sends me a text message saying "See, this is why the brothas go to white girls". Okaaaay. Thanks for that. I responded by texting "What does race have to do with me not feeling you, lol?" He then responds that he was just hurt and angry. I guess he uses the white girl line in his arsenal whenever a black woman ruffles his feathers, lol, lawd. I think he wanted me to fly off the handle, curse him out, act ghetto and what-not. He definitely wanted a dramatic production.
Bunny77
New Member
ABSOLUTELY.
I've been in this situation a few times. Just when it seems like I'm about to reject a black man (usually for good reason), he throws the white girl thing in my face.
I'm like, "And?"
It's like they think that's their trump card or something! Whatever... I can trump ya back if you wanna play that game.
BroadstreetBully
New Member
ABSOLUTELY.
I've been in this situation a few times. Just when it seems like I'm about to reject a black man (usually for good reason), he throws the white girl thing in my face.
I'm like, "And?"
It's like they think that's their trump card or something! Whatever... I can trump ya back if you wanna play that game.
I can only laugh when they use this. It's only when you turn them down. I'm like 'Good...won't miss you!'
Blaque*Angel
Well-Known Member
wow, whats happening to our brothers? there was a thread like this recently 
Dak
Well-Known Member
It sounds like he was just parroting back what he & his friend were saying, which probably sounded really smart when he was talking with another man.
You cook & clean, he takes the car in (he's not talking about doing the maintenance himself, right?) & maybe does the the yard? Seriously, that's not even close to being equal but it works in most relationships because it makes for a great partnership, each side specializes and appreciates the others contribution.
I think he needs to take responsibility for hurting your feelings and apologize. If he can't do that, it shows a level of immaturity that makes me understand why you're considering moving out.
You cook & clean, he takes the car in (he's not talking about doing the maintenance himself, right?) & maybe does the the yard? Seriously, that's not even close to being equal but it works in most relationships because it makes for a great partnership, each side specializes and appreciates the others contribution.
I think he needs to take responsibility for hurting your feelings and apologize. If he can't do that, it shows a level of immaturity that makes me understand why you're considering moving out.
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sunshinebeautiful
Well-Known Member
See... I wouldn't even be able to handle my man saying anything like this. There are so many ugly wounds behind comments like these and my soul is absolutely weary of these ugly comments about BW from BM. I seriously wouldn't be able to get over it.
I do enough deflecting negative opinions of BW outside of the relationship, I'll be damned if I'm doing it inside of what is supposed to be a safe, intimate, loving space as well. That's an absolute non-negotiable for me.
I do enough deflecting negative opinions of BW outside of the relationship, I'll be damned if I'm doing it inside of what is supposed to be a safe, intimate, loving space as well. That's an absolute non-negotiable for me.
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varaneka
New Member
when someone shows you who they are, believe them!
I'd shoot back with some racist BS like well white men cook and clean, but I couldn't see you doing any of that either lol
BroadstreetBully
New Member
See... I wouldn't even be able to handle my man saying anything like this. There are so many ugly wounds behind comments like these and my soul is absolutely weary of these ugly comments about BW from BM. I seriously wouldn't be able to get over it.
I do enough deflecting negative opinions of BW outside of the relationship, I'll be damned if I'm doing it inside of what is supposed to be a safe, intimate, loving space as well. That's an absolute non-negotiable for me.
The WM really did a number, and it's a shame that these black men are falling for it so easily.
SerenavanderWoodsen
SkinnyMe
What is this crap about black women being hard to deal with? ALL women are hard to deal with, Im baffled on that.... thats such an excuse to me, I wouldnt buy it. Just means he feels he wants to date something he sees as better than black women. Very insulting
SerenavanderWoodsen
SkinnyMe
I agree, I think when these types of comments come up black women need to start complimenting men of other races to piss these men off and saying how theyd never date black again and actually do it too!
This is just strange. It's not that he dissed black women as a whole but that he dissed black women knowing you are one (or half, but it seems like he put you in the BW category regardless). It's like he intentionally said that to make you feel a certain way about YOURself. He's telling you that because of the way black women are he would not feel comfortable in a relationship with them, then he throws it all on you. You get rightfully upset because he is lumping you in a category as not enough for him and all millions of other race women as great and perfect for him, and then gets mad at the girl who has his ring on her finger and does not validate your feelings or emotions. He basically told you "Everytieng you said does not matter. Your frustration with me generalizing an entire race of women with different individual backgrounds, beleifs, and loving styles is stupid and means nothing. Because your anger is black. And that's all I see. I am right because you are upset, like all black women are. "
Sweetheart, it just sounds like he was putting you down through the guise of the "all black women" statement. And you arent even like his stereoptypical thinking, so why does he feel the need to go out of his way to make you see that other women are "better" than you? Why would he try to make you feel less than? Why did he bring this up all of a sudden just a friend who exclusively dates white women is staying at your house? This should have been his opportunity to tell you race doesnt matter and he loves you, not to throw you, the love of his life, under the bus and agree with a friend- someone who doesnt love him the same way you do. Im not saying he is abusive or even truly believes these things, but the first thing you should do is try to talk to him about it.
Sweetheart, it just sounds like he was putting you down through the guise of the "all black women" statement. And you arent even like his stereoptypical thinking, so why does he feel the need to go out of his way to make you see that other women are "better" than you? Why would he try to make you feel less than? Why did he bring this up all of a sudden just a friend who exclusively dates white women is staying at your house? This should have been his opportunity to tell you race doesnt matter and he loves you, not to throw you, the love of his life, under the bus and agree with a friend- someone who doesnt love him the same way you do. Im not saying he is abusive or even truly believes these things, but the first thing you should do is try to talk to him about it.
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Mik
New Member
First you're not adequate because you're Black and won't do the things that WW do.
Next, you're a lazy, selfish goldigger.
Then, a few years down the line you're a b%tch and a slut.
In my opinion, its a slippery slope. I've never known a man to belittle a woman just ONCE and stop there. Usually the male's insecurity with who HE is causes him to do whatever he feels he can do to keep his woman under his thumb or subservient. I can't speak to your situation as far as what you should do. I'm just speaking in regards to my own personal experiences.
I do hope that it all works out for you.
Next, you're a lazy, selfish goldigger.
Then, a few years down the line you're a b%tch and a slut.
In my opinion, its a slippery slope. I've never known a man to belittle a woman just ONCE and stop there. Usually the male's insecurity with who HE is causes him to do whatever he feels he can do to keep his woman under his thumb or subservient. I can't speak to your situation as far as what you should do. I'm just speaking in regards to my own personal experiences.
I do hope that it all works out for you.
MyHeavenlyFatherKnows
New Member
In my experience, men do not respond the same way--they have no "history" of this issue. They "know" they are a hot commodity for ALL races of women.
I wish men would just identify what they need in a mate and go from there. My DH likes playing video games and I have an interest too--so we play together, and I'm even willing to play when I'm not that into it, because my DH is the best eeeeeeeeevah and it makes him happy and I'm happy to do my part to please him.
I know a woman (non-black) who gives her husband a manicure every Sunday night as she is doing her own nails. It works for them. They have a marital balance and she is "catering" to him, but he caters to her too in other ways.
I really don't like 1) when black men label the issues racially when it's really about preferences and 2) when black women say all the stuff they "ain't" going to do. I wish the conversation was more about compatibility and interests--like, I don't even do my own nails like that so it would be a huge burden on me to do my husbands, but I will/can and do supply the BioreClear Pore strips so he can attack the black heads before they turn into pimples.
The women who "do their mens toes" etc. probably already do these things for themselves--they probably didn't learn to do it for RayRay or Junebug.
I wish women who didn't do those things spoke more about what they did picture in a relationship, cause some of those women who "do toes" can't balance a budget, don't have a sophisticated savings plan or the ability to contribute to a relationship in a multitude of ways, not just manual labor,
coloring, cutting toe nails and mowing the lawn included. Men need to decide if they want a farmhand wench...and if they do, they should proceed accordingly. Otherwise, I'm sure their are black women who will do any number of things (shoot, they write about them on this forum!)
I wish men would just identify what they need in a mate and go from there. My DH likes playing video games and I have an interest too--so we play together, and I'm even willing to play when I'm not that into it, because my DH is the best eeeeeeeeevah and it makes him happy and I'm happy to do my part to please him.
I know a woman (non-black) who gives her husband a manicure every Sunday night as she is doing her own nails. It works for them. They have a marital balance and she is "catering" to him, but he caters to her too in other ways.
I really don't like 1) when black men label the issues racially when it's really about preferences and 2) when black women say all the stuff they "ain't" going to do. I wish the conversation was more about compatibility and interests--like, I don't even do my own nails like that so it would be a huge burden on me to do my husbands, but I will/can and do supply the BioreClear Pore strips so he can attack the black heads before they turn into pimples.
The women who "do their mens toes" etc. probably already do these things for themselves--they probably didn't learn to do it for RayRay or Junebug.
I wish women who didn't do those things spoke more about what they did picture in a relationship, cause some of those women who "do toes" can't balance a budget, don't have a sophisticated savings plan or the ability to contribute to a relationship in a multitude of ways, not just manual labor,
coloring, cutting toe nails and mowing the lawn included. Men need to decide if they want a farmhand wench...and if they do, they should proceed accordingly. Otherwise, I'm sure their are black women who will do any number of things (shoot, they write about them on this forum!)
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Jade Feria
Well-Known Member
Keen
Well-Known Member
Creole, did you explain it to him like you explained it to us or did you just go off? Does he ever cook or do any household work? or is he expecting you to pay half of the bills, cook, clean and mow the lawn? Did you ask him why should you marry him if he plans on leaving you if he ever gets way more successful than you? Is he only marrying a black woman because he doesn't think he is successful enough to marry a white girl?
This is the part that would bother me the most. Does this mean when he gets to the top he will dump you for the white chick?
I am just so confused with this line of thinking. So the black woman who was with you when you were broke wants to take you for everything you have, but the white woman who doesn't get with you until you have money doesn't?
Black women as a group probably date the brokest bunch of men and yet they are the gold diggers. 
Then to add to the confusion, he gets impressed by a woman mowing the lawn for "her man", but how much are you willing to bet he thinks black women are always trying to emasculate their men?
OP, I'm sorry you had to have someone you love say something like that to you. I don't even know what advice to offer, I'm sure others have offered better advice than I can.
itismehmmkay
Well-Known Member
He's trying to mess with you.
If Woody's girl is still staying w/ ya'll, ask her if she has any single brothers, cousins, uncles, etc
If Woody's girl is still staying w/ ya'll, ask her if she has any single brothers, cousins, uncles, etc
envybeauty
New Member
What will you/he do when you have a daughter?
Is he going to raise her to think white girls are nicer, behave better, etc.? Anyone who subjects their girlfriend to such treatment is very likely to subject their girl child to the same.
Is he going to raise her to think white girls are nicer, behave better, etc.? Anyone who subjects their girlfriend to such treatment is very likely to subject their girl child to the same.
Taliah
And I'm Dancing...
Good point. That's why she gotta get his mind right.
If his friend can influence him, she can get him on tract. She is his future wife.
I still say don't leave. When problems arise this is when you need to put on demands.
Bunny77
New Member
Random story...
So when I was a kid, an interracial couple moved in next door (black man/white woman) and their 3-year-old kid. The black man seemed a lot older than the white woman, and he had a teenage daughter by his ex-wife, who was black. She came by a few times, but lived with her mother.
Anyway, this white woman seemed sweet as pie. She was Canadian, and catered to this dude night and day. She learned how to cook chitlins (my mom said they were amazing... and I'm sure that white Canadian women aren't around chitlins much, lol), and one day, we saw her outside mowing the lawn.
My mom raised an eyebrow about that. The white lady told my mom later that her "husband" (more on this in a minute) had injured his back and so she was doing the lawn. My mom said to me, "I would have hired someone to do that or my husband would have hired someone, but I NEVER would be out there cutting grass."
I've never even seen single mothers cut grass... I don't see women, period cutting grass... but anyway.
So they eventually move away. One day, the white lady calls my mom and said she needed a little help. The black man was divorcing her and he was trying to claim that because they were only married 5 years, she didn't deserve what she was asking for in alimony. The lady was trying to convince the judges/attorney that she had been living with this man for much longer, that they had a son together and behaved like husband and wife LONG before they actually married.
All that time they lived next door, I had no idea that they weren't married for most of that period. And I BET that brothaman was bragging to his boys how he had this WW cooking chitlins and mowing the lawn for him and how BW weren't **** because they wanted too much, etc.
But at the end of the day, he hung poor Becky out to dry when he was done with her AND pulled the "but we weren't married" card.
So Woody's girl needs to watch out... these types of situations ALWAYS cross my mind when these types of kneegrows talk about their W/A/H girlfriends that do EVERYTHING for them... usually, they leave them hanging out to dry too... these types will screw over a woman of any race, but they enjoy playing the "BW suck" card while they're at it.
I'm not worried about them though. I'm more worried about the guillible black men with black girlfriends who fall for the okey doke...
So when I was a kid, an interracial couple moved in next door (black man/white woman) and their 3-year-old kid. The black man seemed a lot older than the white woman, and he had a teenage daughter by his ex-wife, who was black. She came by a few times, but lived with her mother.
Anyway, this white woman seemed sweet as pie. She was Canadian, and catered to this dude night and day. She learned how to cook chitlins (my mom said they were amazing... and I'm sure that white Canadian women aren't around chitlins much, lol), and one day, we saw her outside mowing the lawn.
My mom raised an eyebrow about that. The white lady told my mom later that her "husband" (more on this in a minute) had injured his back and so she was doing the lawn. My mom said to me, "I would have hired someone to do that or my husband would have hired someone, but I NEVER would be out there cutting grass."
I've never even seen single mothers cut grass... I don't see women, period cutting grass... but anyway.
So they eventually move away. One day, the white lady calls my mom and said she needed a little help. The black man was divorcing her and he was trying to claim that because they were only married 5 years, she didn't deserve what she was asking for in alimony. The lady was trying to convince the judges/attorney that she had been living with this man for much longer, that they had a son together and behaved like husband and wife LONG before they actually married.
All that time they lived next door, I had no idea that they weren't married for most of that period. And I BET that brothaman was bragging to his boys how he had this WW cooking chitlins and mowing the lawn for him and how BW weren't **** because they wanted too much, etc.
But at the end of the day, he hung poor Becky out to dry when he was done with her AND pulled the "but we weren't married" card.
So Woody's girl needs to watch out... these types of situations ALWAYS cross my mind when these types of kneegrows talk about their W/A/H girlfriends that do EVERYTHING for them... usually, they leave them hanging out to dry too... these types will screw over a woman of any race, but they enjoy playing the "BW suck" card while they're at it.
I'm not worried about them though. I'm more worried about the guillible black men with black girlfriends who fall for the okey doke...
Taliah
And I'm Dancing...
Yeah, this is the general consensus. I say keep on wanting.
Don't no man want a woman who don't want nothing.
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