What Can We Learn From Asian Women?

[BostonMaria]

Some women I see out here look, talk, and act like straight up dudes! erplexed It's almost as if the gender lines these days are becoming so blurred in our people especially.

I don't mean to laugh but this was very funny
Unfortunately you're right. I've seen some young women out there act like straight up dudes. They won't hesitate to curse out loud in public and punch a guy in the gut a real shame

Not sure why these ladies are so angry and aggressive. My guess is that there must be lots of hurting in their soul.

 

[FelaShrine]

It's unfortunate that these stereotypes exist. I agree with the PR comments-- we need increasingly positive messaging and marketing. My one random example, because I LOATHE that company, is that black women/people need to stop signing up to be in these daggone McDonalds commercials You would think that McDonalds is a black venture, given that nearly ALL the commercials I see are full of black actors and actresses. Ugh. I hate McDs with a passion, to the point that I report any ad by them that shows up on my Facebook

Nah McDonald commercials are corny cos they have us sanging and ish BUT I'll take that over that one diet commercial where they have some random BW screaming "You go healthy!" at a WW in the middle of the street.

 

[Southernbella.]

Thanks! As for bolded..we dont know that

That's true

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

But EVEN WHEN we dressed like this, Black women continued to be denigrated and viewed as "undesirable" by white/mainstream culture.

Um...not to be facetious or anything but...that hasn't apply to me.

 

[manter26]

I was just watching French films and admiring the coyness and demeanor of the characters. I thought I would like to be a little more like that and more feminine overall.

 

[PopLife]

Rebuilding the strong black family should come first. Everything else will follow.

Bingo! This is the number one culprit.

 

[Tiye]

This thread sounds like most don't know Asian women very well so it's all about stereotypes. I don't want to be a bad copy of stereotypes about Asian femininity. But we can pick up some tips about saving, investing, economic independence, etc.

 

[carcajada]

@southernbella You've been making alot of good points in this thread

I think the reason why you see alot of black women looking like that is because we tend to show every emotion we are feeling through our face and overall demeanor. When we are feeling sad it shows; angry it shows, happy it shows, etc. Whatever we are feeling at the moment comes through and since some(not all) black women have hectic and stressful lives the "locked and loaded" demeanor is what you'll mostly see. We really need to learn how to control our emotions when we are out in public and not let our true emotions show through our demeanor when the situation doesn't call for it. In other words like you said "be strategic."

I don't know. There are ways to get our emotions across while still catering to our femininity. Not letting our emotions show can lead to resentment.

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

This thread sounds like most don't know Asian women very well so it's all about stereotypes. I don't want to be a bad copy of stereotypes about Asian femininity. But we can pick up some tips about saving, investing, economic independence, etc.

One of my old coworkers would shut people down! Her bluntness was no joke. That's why I am like erplexed and I have worked with quite a few.

 

[ava2]

I think ALL women could use improvement in appearing as "ladies". In addition to being softer, we all can learn to:

• be assertive rather than aggressive,
• complement rather than compete (with a man),
• negotiate rather than debate,
• be alluring and charming rather sexy and raunchy,
• maintain 'the mystery' rather than choosing to "keep it real"

... to name just a few.

 

[auparavant]

These are cultural preferences because femininity in the Middle-east and Africa differ from expectations of femininity in Europe etc. Latin America and S.E. Asia? All variations of femininity. Russia? Israel? Now, talk about some potentially hard women...the IDF toughens you up. But they are still feminine. Americans are direct and firm people. Women who are too soft-spoken in the business world get eaten alive. You are expected to be the female version of your male colleague. We are very much into sports and are much more tomboyish these days than in previous times. As long as you have a vagina, you are feminine. As for language etc., it all depends. German doesn't sound as gentle as some other languages. Again, that's cultural preference but it doesn't make it factual. Just say you prefer one over another. Nothing wrong in that. But to say, "they are not like ours therefore, they are not feminine," is just plain erroneous. They are not YOUR kind of feminine. Everybody has his predilection.

 

[Raine054]

There are non-black women on the board. I am sure of it.

 

[MonPetite]

.....................

 

[Auburn]

That the reishi mushroom promotes longevity and optimal health. Products below! (shameless plug)

Have you seen sick many if any Asian patients at the doctor's office?
There's many centenarians over yonder.

 

[auparavant]

That's the one I was looking at, unless there was more than one. These are a few comments from the first page:

OMG, your last quote on workers at the post office struck home... Know of a Chinese dood who was mad as hell about the stereotype cuz he lives in San Francisco and said they struggle greatly against prejudice, poverty and discrimination and people shrug it off like it doesn't happen as a way to excuse the stereotype and hide the truth. He compared Chinese American born to Japanese and thinks they fail immensely there in SF.

 

[ashiah]

Is it just me or has something changed within the forum recently? Are certain popular posters on vacation or something? I found this whole thread appalling, but what was even more appalling was that it wasn't until page 6 or so that someone finally pointed out how pathetic everyone sounded. Usually a baiting thread like this will get smacked down by the first page. But no, you guys just rolled with it. "Oh yeah, we're totally unfeminine. We should be more like my grandmother from the '50s." Women of all races dressed more sophisticatedly in the '50s. What point are you trying to prove? I swear, I think some of you look for ways to kick yourself down. Sad.

 

[TeddyBear]

IMO.. rather then focus on other ethnic groups, focus on the women in your own family or close family friends as role models. My mother is my role model for keeping my appearance up, for going to the gym, for having a nice demeanor, professional, etc.,

I don't care what Asian women do or don't do, because they have their good qualities and bad qualities just like every other person.

 

[Orchid1992]

There are non-black women on the board. I am sure of it.

Well the board is aimed at women of color, therefore, I would assume so.

 

[SophieDulce]

I lived in japan for 6 years, my dad was in in the military. I had a lot of japanese friends as well korean. There were also a lot of south east asian women who were married to military guys and one thing i noticed about the south east asian women were that they were loud, ate like dudes and VERYYY agressive. Now I dont have any asian american friends, but the ones I knew in Japan were very feminine but it worked in their favor. Japanese women usually controlled the income in there homes even the housewives..

 

[SophieDulce]

I should add that I lived in northern japan, which is alot different than south.

 

[yardyspice]

Is it just me or has something changed within the forum recently? Are certain popular posters on vacation or something? I found this whole thread appalling, but what was even more appalling was that it wasn't until page 6 or so that someone finally pointed out how pathetic everyone sounded. Usually a baiting thread like this will get smacked down by the first page. But no, you guys just rolled with it. "Oh yeah, we're totally unfeminine. We should be more like my grandmother from the '50s." Women of all races dressed more sophisticatedly in the '50s. What point are you trying to prove? I swear, I think some of you look for ways to kick yourself down. Sad.

There are more younger posters on here than before I think.

For example, quite a few posters are totally ignorant about black history and culture and there are posters on here who don't even think racism is a big deal.

 

[Raspberry]

One of the hardest things for me since moving here are the different perceptions of me that I have to deal with it.
Instead of being soft people expect me to be hard, instead of being easygoing it is being difficult.
I more often then not positively surprise people but it is like somebody is constantly trying to press me against my will into a mold that doesn't fit, it's exhausting and frustrating and my heart goes out to all those aa women that had to deal with this all their life

PinkPeony Excellent summation I can so identify with this...

 

[Angelinhell]

I haven't read the thread yet, but it seems like this is stemming from Zuckerberg's marriage. But hey, I gues at this point the ww are wondering about that too.

 

[Raspberry]

I need to ask all the people saying these women are so sweet, docile etc.. Have you ever worked in corporate America? Trust and believe they get down, AA women don't have a lock on bad attitudes.

This is true but passive aggression is much more acceptable in American culture than overt aggression is. Black (american) culture usually celebrates keeping it real and appearing invulnerable..

Essentially being genuinely pleasant gets you far in life but if you really need to go in on someone or a situation, perfect the art of being nice-nasty .

 

[Raspberry]

While I like the pics Crystalicequeen123 posted, they remind me of images from that book "Our Kind of People." If so, then it was only the wealthiest and lightest black people held up as the ideal.

 

[intergalacticartist]

Well, I am taking part in an online class teaching femininity (you gotta pay for it) and this is a problem women have ACROSS THE BOARD (sorry to use caps, just trying to emphasize). Especially for white women (which would make sense because they are the majority)
Women are getting more masculine and men are getting more feminine. I think it has to doing with lack of understanding between both genders. Women have been so mistreated throughout the course of history that they've begun to overcompensate

Also, because black women tend to live in poorer socioeconomic areas, femininity is seen as a weakness, many women are not allowed to come into their own brand of womanhood. The woman teaching the class even said this, and she is white (although she only mention the class difference, not the race difference). Being feminine would essentially turn you into a target. Many black children have also grown without fathers and no one to protect them.

Again, this is not a "black woman's issue", it's an issue I've seen for white, black, asian and in between. In many Asian cultures (and African/WI as well), women are taught to put on a good face so you while they may look happy you don't know what is going on behind closed doors. I'm friend with some Asian women and men and some are the stories are un-be-fricken-lievable

I'm sorry but white men, IME, seem the worst in the relationships that I hear. I don't mean to generalize but IDK, they just seem very entitled? Maybe I'm using the wrong words but they seem to whine and moan very easily and give up when things start giving them trouble. And worst then that they are very passive and don't take responsibility for anything they do. Maybe it's is the entitled culture that they grow in, because I notice this with mainly middle class kids/upper middle class.


I would post some femininity tips here but I don't think they would be well received.

 

[auparavant]

I agree with so much but what's a class teaching you about how to be feminine? According to societal rules of some sort. And if society has changed, so has "femininity." At some point, my daughters and sons will do army duty in Israel. They will do basic training and hold guns and patrol with men and other women. Some of them might see combat. They are going to be harder and better...will that take away their femininity? I don't think so, as it is going to be transformed.

Women have lost the supposed softness because we are controlling more of our destinies. Think of it as binding of the feet...with all these stilettos and whatnot, you cannot truly defend yourself much...or get your hands dirty. Well, getting hands dirty now means power and we have much more of it. We don't have to be secretaries and homemakers anymore. Corporate women, as taken for granted and overworked in the office and at home as they are, have developed true male balls to survive and wield power. Although I do think there is somewhat of a hard edge to some women, it's mostly about attitudes...not power. But then again, maybe that stern face is survival. I cannot call it lacking in femininity then.

So, I think I change my initial opinion in this thread. When women become more powerful, men charge them with lack of femininity as a way to dominate them.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Well, I am taking part in an online class teaching femininity (you gotta pay for it) and this is a problem women have ACROSS THE BOARD (sorry to use caps, just trying to emphasize). Especially for white women (which would make sense because they are the majority)
Women are getting more masculine and men are getting more feminine. I think it has to doing with lack of understanding between both genders. Women have been so mistreated throughout the course of history that they've begun to overcompensate

Also, because black women tend to live in poorer socioeconomic areas, femininity is seen as a weakness, many women are not allowed to come into their own brand of womanhood. The woman teaching the class even said this, and she is white (although she only mention the class difference, not the race difference). Being feminine would essentially turn you into a target. Many black children have also grown without fathers and no one to protect them.

Again, this is not a "black woman's issue", it's an issue I've seen for white, black, asian and in between. In many Asian cultures (and African/WI as well), women are taught to put on a good face so you while they may look happy you don't know what is going on behind closed doors. I'm friend with some Asian women and men and some are the stories are un-be-fricken-lievable

I'm sorry but white men, IME, seem the worst in the relationships that I hear. I don't mean to generalize but IDK, they just seem very entitled? Maybe I'm using the wrong words but they seem to whine and moan very easily and give up when things start giving them trouble. And worst then that they are very passive and don't take responsibility for anything they do. Maybe it's is the entitled culture that they grow in, because I notice this with mainly middle class kids/upper middle class.

I would post some femininity tips here but I don't think they would be well received.

I'm interested in hearing them, post away

 

[meesch]

Is it just me or has something changed within the forum recently? Are certain popular posters on vacation or something? I found this whole thread appalling, but what was even more appalling was that it wasn't until page 6 or so that someone finally pointed out how pathetic everyone sounded. Usually a baiting thread like this will get smacked down by the first page. But no, you guys just rolled with it. "Oh yeah, we're totally unfeminine. We should be more like my grandmother from the '50s." Women of all races dressed more sophisticatedly in the '50s. What point are you trying to prove? I swear, I think some of you look for ways to kick yourself down. Sad.

no one heeded my rather prophetic "cmon son"

no sons came on, and as a result this thread was allowed to flourish to SIX PAGES

 

[intergalacticartist]

I agree with so much but what's a class teaching you about how to be feminine? According to societal rules of some sort. And if society has changed, so has "femininity." At some point, my daughters and sons will do army duty in Israel. They will do basic training and hold guns and patrol with men and other women. Some of them might see combat. They are going to be harder and better...will that take away their femininity? I don't think so, as it is going to be transformed.

Women have lost the supposed softness because we are controlling more of our destinies. Think of it as binding of the feet...with all these stilettos and whatnot, you cannot truly defend yourself much...or get your hands dirty. Well, getting hands dirty now means power and we have much more of it. We don't have to be secretaries and homemakers anymore. Corporate women, as taken for granted and overworked in the office and at home as they are, have developed true male balls to survive and wield power. Although I do think there is somewhat of a hard edge to some women, it's mostly about attitudes...not power. But then again, maybe that stern face is survival. I cannot call it lacking in femininity then.

So, I think I change my initial opinion in this thread. When women become more powerful, men charge them with lack of femininity as a way to dominate them.

I believe there are some societal structures which are associated with femininity, but men and women - at their core - are in fact different.
It stems back from our hunter/gatherer days but our brains are wired totally different. Basically the class just aligns you with this inner core. The program has nothing to do with make up or clothes or anything like that, but it basically making you into a better person.
Many times (since it is a patriarchal society) women are taught to hide are emotions and "act". This program is essentially about being more of yourself.

The creator of the program actually says "A woman is most feminine when she is being herself and sees herself as 'enough'"

I can PM an article of hers to you if you'd be open to it