Article: Why women lose the dating game. Let's Discuss!!

[greight]

Now, this is not an overall problem for me per se because though I'm approaching 30, I still want all or nothing. I'm not afraid of being alone and being a high powered fabulous career woman. I actually am more afraid of marrying a guy who do not meet the standards that I want and being unhappy.

This is how I feel. NOTHING ages a woman faster than a no good man. Folks can keep that.

many of the professional women I know and this includes myself did spend our 20s building our lives but it's not like anyone turned down an incredible guy that was around during that time. many professional women just kept on living their lives, being ambitious, doing their work, while keeping an eye out for a good guy - but no one emerged.

these threads can get tricky because the people who marry first (divorcees included) run here and co sign as if these articles validate their decisions when in all reality...people just have different circumstances and surroundings that will yield different results.

and sometimes these articles tend to cite women on the extreme end of the dating scene with immense lists of what they are looking for when in reality, you will find that women tend to relax their requirements for a mate as they get older and spend more time in the dating scene.

This. End thread.

Lol those men are so pathetic. Anyway It's important for women to position themselves and to still see themselves as the prize..not a desperado that's trying to seal the deal before age 35 because men are sensing this in women and are playing them left and right.

I completely believe this. It's like everyone buys into the idea that when you turn 30, you have officially expired as a woman. Such an American thing.

And riddle me this... what kind of women were these guys trying to get? I've seen even the lowliest of Betas pursue women who were flashy, young, and pretty while they leave the girl next door out in the cold.

 

[Zaynab]

There is just an age where men are more likely to marry and then an age when they will drag their feet. I think if you catch them before 27/28. After that it seems they start feeling themselves, enjoying the single life and playing all these games. Then they get closer to 40 wanting to settle down with 28 year olds.

 

[LiftedUp]

There is just an age where men are more likely to marry and then an age when they will drag their feet. I think if you catch them before 27/28. After that it seems they start feeling themselves, enjoying the single life and playing all these games. Then they get closer to 40 wanting to settle down with 28 year olds.

I don't mind meeting these type of men. But where are they?

 

[LoveisYou]

This is how I feel. NOTHING ages a woman faster than a no good man. Folks can keep that.



This. End thread.



I completely believe this. It's like everyone buys into the idea that when you turn 30, you have officially expired as a woman. Such an American thing.

And riddle me this... what kind of women were these guys trying to get? I've seen even the lowliest of Betas pursue women who were flashy, young, and pretty while they leave the girl next door out in the cold.

So many women drink the stank kool-aid and fall into all sorts of self-deprecating behavior.

I met a woman recently who got married at 25 and divorced at 32, she was convinced that her life was over *insert eye roll.*

.....and um at the 40 year olds wanting to settle down with women my age, um, a lot of them are single for a reason

 

[LaBelleLL]

I don't mind meeting these type of men. But where are they?

.....exactly.....several women here are 28, 29 and professionals (myself included)......I don't see these 40 year olds wanting to settle down....i just see a bunch of married 40 year olds lol

 

[Zaynab]

.....exactly.....several women here are 28, 29 and professionals (myself included)......I don't see these 40 year olds wanting to settle down....i just see a bunch of married 40 year olds lol

I don't mind meeting these type of men. But where are they?

I mean if they don't by 27/28, it seems they push it closer to 40- not that there are a bunch of single 40 year old men out there. Naomi person in the article is 28, the fiancee is 36.

 

[FemmeFatale]

greight you hit the nail on the head! I think I'm one of the few single (as in not married) girls that turned 30 this year that was very excited about it. My cousin turned 32 and you should see how miserable she was, same with my other gf who is 31. The stuff we allow into our psyche is so powerful.

Anyway men (good prospects) are replaceable to me. I will have this mindset until I die, lol.

 

[LiftedUp]

I mean if they don't by 27/28, it seems they push it closer to 40- not that there are a bunch of single 40 year old men out there. Naomi person in the article is 28, the fiancee is 36.

Thanks for clearing that up .

I think I'm one of the few single (as in not married) girls that turned 30 this year that was very excited about it.

I'm trying to get my friends to have a blowout year the year we turn 30. I was thinking about celebrating it year round, going on trips, spa weekends, etc. We are all well-educated professionals, we deserve it!

But everyone's attitude is the opposite, more like a funeral versus a celebration.

I sometimes get scared of not being a worrier when everyone else is worrying.

 

[DarkJoy]

This is all pretty abysmal

I know women who have been single their whole lives as well. They echo a lot of what I hear on the innanets: getting super advanced degress, ladder climbing, men will always be there and when they are ready the man better be over 6'5, 6 figures, blah blah blah. Guess what? They're all in their mid 40s now and still single and babies are now out the questions.

I'm 40. First time single in my life.

I see it's true with the mid 30s. Ya'll know how many men late 30s to mid 40s say I'm the first woman they dated in their age group since their being single? Most dip into the mid 20s pool. They say it's only for one reason (use your imagination). Then, when they are ready for serious they will date their own age group if they dont want kids. If they want kids they stick with the mid 20s. That never seems to work out either since the mid 20s women dont want to settle down with some old arse man.

In the end, to me, it looks liek no one is really getting together with anyone because of their ridculous fantasies and over-blown notion of what they want in the superficial sense. It's all kind of dumb and sad at the same time.

 

[LaBelleLL]

Thanks for clearing that up .



I'm trying to get my friends to have a blowout year the year we turn 30. I was thinking about celebrating it year round, going on trips, spa weekends, etc. We are all well-educated professionals, we deserve it!

But everyone's attitude is the opposite, more like a funeral versus a celebration.

I sometimes get scared of not being a worrier when everyone else is worrying.

this is what i will be doing.

but i'm going to be honest, i do understand both sides of the coin to turning 30. if you have a SO and are turning 30, it's not so bad. of course you'll be ecstatic. why not? if you are totally single, i can totally see how difficult it would be. i do understand someone's emotions behind turning 30 (while being single). no judgement.

 

[LiftedUp]

this is what i will be doing.

but i'm going to be honest, i do understand both sides of the coin to turning 30. if you have a SO and are turning 30, it's not so bad. if you are totally single, i can totally see how difficult it would be. i would understand someone's emotions behind turning 30. no judgement.

I agree but I'm like come on ladies, we've got money now and vacation time, let's do this!

eta: My mother is turning 60 the year I turn 30 so she's my backup plan. Unless (which I suspect), she and my godmothers have similar ideas like I have. They were include me but I don't want to be babysitting 60 y/o women

 

[LaBelleLL]

I agree but I'm like come on ladies, we've got money now and vacation time, let's do this!

oh yeahh def, i hear you! they will come around eventually hopefully.

 

[aribell]

Dalrock has a very particular view of the world. I would read whatever he writes with a critical eye. More than anything, he writes about white people, and for a lot of reasons, the dynamics for black women are different. All of his/their criticisms begin with white feminists in the 60s and female empowerment, and women rejecting marriage and children in order to pursue their independent lives, while the "betas" who post on his site can't find a decent woman to marry or got shafted in a divorce.

I've spent my 20s in school, about to finish now and I can honestly say I was not ready for a serious relationship in my early 20s. And the market of men was dismal anyway. Even the men I knew who were in relationships were not all that. So I guess my question is where are these so-called desirable men? And if women aren't in school, where are they supposed to meet them?

I don't dispute that the article has truth to it, but it doesn't fit all situations.


Honestly this sounds like a bunch of men are bitter that they didn't get the attention from women they wanted in their early 20s and now that they've come into their own, women are throwing themselves at them and they're living their 30s the way they wanted to live their 20s. I'm not hearing these men wanted to settle down and couldn't find a woman to be with.

There was an article over at Single Black Male that talked specifically about this dynamic. A black man admitting that he had all his ducks in a row and plenty of women wanting commitment, but that he was more interested in playing them all because a girl broke his heart in college and he didn't get a lot of attention then. And he admitted that he had no good reason for it.

many of the professional women I know and this includes myself did spend our 20s building our lives but it's not like anyone turned down an incredible guy that was around during that time. many professional women just kept on living their lives, being ambitious, doing their work, while keeping an eye out for a good guy - but no one emerged.

Exactly. These two things are being pitted against one another or viewed as causative when there is no link. At least, I have never seen a woman in real life do this. Most single women I've known, whatever their background or age, have talked openly about wanting to find their husband...even to the point where it can become embarrassing or obsessive.

 

[LoveisYou]

This is all pretty abysmal

I know women who have been single their whole lives as well. They echo a lot of what I hear on the innanets: getting super advanced degress, ladder climbing, men will always be there and when they are ready the man better be over 6'5, 6 figures, blah blah blah. Guess what? They're all in their mid 40s now and still single and babies are now out the questions.

I'm 40. First time single in my life.

I see it's true with the mid 30s. Ya'll know how many men late 30s to mid 40s say I'm the first woman they dated in their age group since their being single? Most dip into the mid 20s pool. They say it's only for one reason (use your imagination). Then, when they are ready for serious they will date their own age group if they dont want kids. If they want kids they stick with the mid 20s. That never seems to work out either since the mid 20s women dont want to settle down with some old arse man.

In the end, to me, it looks liek no one is really getting together with anyone because of their ridculous fantasies and over-blown notion of what they want in the superficial sense. It's all kind of dumb and sad at the same time.

...and the picture of marriages in the U.S. and the rates of infidelity scare me. It just seems scary all around. Honestly,if I didn't have my faith in God...I just don't know.

 

[FemmeFatale]

this is what i will be doing. but i'm going to be honest, i do understand both sides of the coin to turning 30. if you have a SO and are turning 30, it's not so bad. of course you'll be ecstatic. why not? if you are totally single, i can totally see how difficult it would be. i do understand someone's emotions behind turning 30 (while being single). no judgement.

True except my cousin has a boyfriend, an advanced degree, her own place, great career just overall doing very well and she lost 30 lbs! I thought she was being an ingrate, lol.

 

[LaBelleLL]

True except my cousin has a boyfriend, an advanced degree, her own place, great career just overall doing very well and she lost 30 lbs! I thought she was being an ingrate, lol.

i don't know the details but i get that too. how long has she been with the bf? does she want to marry him? i can see it being verrrry frustrating if you are with dude you want to marry and he hasn't yet proposed. esp at 32. wasting your time with dudes is a diff thread entirely anyways.

eta: but i hear you!

 

[Abibi]

Oh well...I'll be alright.

 

[FemmeFatale]

i don't know the details but i get that too. how long has she been with the bf? does she want to marry him? i can see it being verrrry frustrating if you are with dude you want to marry and he hasn't yet proposed. esp at 32. wasting your time with dudes is a diff thread entirely anyways.

6 years off and on and she refuses to take my advice and date other men.

 

[aribell]

This is all pretty abysmal

I know women who have been single their whole lives as well. They echo a lot of what I hear on the innanets: getting super advanced degress, ladder climbing, men will always be there and when they are ready the man better be over 6'5, 6 figures, blah blah blah. Guess what? They're all in their mid 40s now and still single and babies are now out the questions.

I'm 40. First time single in my life.

I see it's true with the mid 30s. Ya'll know how many men late 30s to mid 40s say I'm the first woman they dated in their age group since their being single? Most dip into the mid 20s pool. They say it's only for one reason (use your imagination). Then, when they are ready for serious they will date their own age group if they dont want kids. If they want kids they stick with the mid 20s. That never seems to work out either since the mid 20s women dont want to settle down with some old arse man.

In the end, to me, it looks liek no one is really getting together with anyone because of their ridculous fantasies and over-blown notion of what they want in the superficial sense. It's all kind of dumb and sad at the same time.

1st bold. That is what I have posted on some of those blogs. It really doesn't matter if men prefer much younger women. The younger women don't prefer them. (I believe when polled, women said they prefer a man only 2 years older than themselves). Unless the man is particularly fit and attractive, or successful, if men have put off marriage until their late 30s or early 40s, they will ultimately realize that more likely than not, they are going to end up with a woman in her 30s.

We see the marriage age for men going up as well. So it's not as if all these women are delaying marriage while men are settling down.

2nd bold. I was just thinking this morning that both men and women increasingly are able to live fairly happy and meaningful lives as singles, or get most of what they want (short-term at least) while single, which means that people have higher standards for what they want to get from marriage to make it worthwhile.

 

[LaBelleLL]

6 years off and on and she refuses to take my advice and date other men.

mezanmi.....and yes....if i were in that situation at 32, i'd be thrashing on the floor in sufferance too when you posted that, i knew something was up!

 

[Tamrin]

To me these articles are meant to make women feel bad about their choices and achievements. Many are weak minded enough to fall for it.

#1 rule is : NEVER CHASE AFTER A MAN. No matter what your age, your profession or lack of. It comes off looking one way DESPERATE.

So what they chose to date younger women. Guess what you too can date younger men. Shoot I went younger. As a matter of fact 9 years younger. Then again I was never really the kind of woman who chased men.

Sorry these long winded researched articles are annoying. Thank goodness it was not one on black women .

 

[greight]

greight you hit the nail on the head! I think I'm one of the few single (as in not married) girls that turned 30 this year that was very excited about it. My cousin turned 32 and you should see how miserable she was, same with my other gf who is 31. The stuff we allow into our psyche is so powerful.

Anyway men (good prospects) are replaceable to me. I will have this mindset until I die, lol.

I completely agree. If you see limits, then that's what you will experience.

If these women really want to get married, then they should take the steps necessary to get there instead of feeling bad that they are 30+. Ain't nobody got time for that. Guy dumps or cheats on you? Move on. Not finding the right man in your area? Relocate or pursue online dating. Online dating is not your thing? Expand your social circle and accept all invitations.

Some of the happiest women I've known are 35+ (hell 60+) who live life on their own terms regardless of what society "tells" them.

 

[LaBelleLL]

To me these articles are mean to make women feel bad about their choices and achievements. Many are weak minded enough to fall for it.

#1 rule is : NEVER CHASE AFTER A MAN. No matter what your age, your profession or lack of. It comes off looking one way DESPERATE.

So what they chose to date younger women. Guess what you too can date younger men. Shoot I went younger. As a matter of fact 9 years younger. Then again I was never really the kind of woman who chased men.

Sorry these long winded researched articles are annoying. Thank goodness it was not one on black women .

pretty much. it just slays me and makes me when LHCF people run in here talking to the effect of "yeah that's why i didn't go to school first" or "that's why you're single. your head are in the books!"

like whaaat????

like i know LHCF isn't the best place for support but come on now

 

[FemmeFatale]

mezanmi.....and yes....if i were in that situation at 32, i'd be thrashing on the floor in sufferance too when you posted that, i knew something was up!

I can't with you.

There's a cute single guy in her complex that she went to undergrad with..idk why she keeps ignoring him, smh.

 

[LiftedUp]

Now what I see with other races is that their friends actively set them up. My friend has made is clear that she wants to marry a medical doctor (I would never be so bold lol) and her friends has been setting her up with just that on a regular basis. And these men go all out on their dates.

On that note, I met this guy who is an electrical engineer, single, tall(ish), good looking and very ambitious. I tried setting him up with a couple of my friends and they gave reason after reason why it would not work.

I'm not sure if this goes for everyone in this thread, but is it that black people do not have a blind date culture?

 

[DarkJoy]

I've witnessed this when I was in my 20's. And now in my 30's I see women that fell into this pitfall still single. It's crazy, it's like men are playing some get back game from losing in their 20's and going back to women of that age bracket when they are 30+. I guess they feel like now they are winning, they can relive their younger years. It's really troubling to watch young women go through this.

I've seen this too. The losers are still losers emotionally. Lots of baggage as wel love to say on LHCF but the baggage isnt always kids and debt...

Now what I see with other races is that their friends actively set them up. My friend has made is clear that she wants to marry a medical doctor (I would never be so bold lol) and her friends has been setting her up with just that on a regular basis. And these men go all out on their dates.

On that note, I met this guy who is an electrical engineer, single, tall(ish), good looking and very ambitious. I tried setting him up with a couple of my friends and they gave reason after reason why it would not work.

I'm not sure if this goes for everyone in this thread, but is it that black people do not have a blind date culture?

Curious. What was 'reason after reason'?

 

[LiftedUp]

Curious. What was 'reason after reason'?

He's too Christian, he's Jamaican, his ex-gf looks more Christian than them...

That's what I remember. I think I tuned out the rest

 

[DarkJoy]

^^^Wow. Just what I suspected.

Those are more like excuses because of fantasy-land ideals as opposed to real reasons for not wanting to pursue. Religion notwithstanding (if she's an athiest or Jew, then I could see not wanting a Christian)

Poor guy.

 

[FemmeFatale]

To me these articles are meant to make women feel bad about their choices and achievements. Many are weak minded enough to fall for it. #1 rule is : NEVER CHASE AFTER A MAN. No matter what your age, your profession or lack of. It comes off looking one way DESPERATE. So what they chose to date younger women. Guess what you too can date younger men. Shoot I went younger. As a matter of fact 9 years younger. Then again I was never really the kind of woman who chased men. Sorry these long winded researched articles are annoying. Thank goodness it was not one on black women .

Yesssss to all of this.

 

[LiftedUp]

^^^Wow. Just what I suspected.

Those are more like excuses because of fantasy-land ideals as opposed to real reasons for not wanting to pursue. Religion notwithstanding (if she's an athiest or Jew, then I could see not wanting a Christian)

Poor guy.

The ladies i wanted to introduce him to were Christian themselves so I thought that it would've made a great match since they complain that other men are too secular.

Also his ex-gf was a black woman with features of a black woman. I think as a black woman one would enjoy that.