Article: Why women lose the dating game. Let's Discuss!!

[dannie]

I'm sick of these type of articles. Women are not a commodity that have a fluctuating value like they want us to believe. And I'm tired of having a man being seen as the validation topping on the cake of life. I'll be so happy when young girls grow up in a world where marriage and kids are an option and not an expected requirement/reflection of their worth. To all the women who take these negative articles to heart god bless them because I cant anymore.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Lol those men are so pathetic. Anyway It's important for women to position themselves and to still see themselves as the prize..not a desperado that's trying to seal the deal before age 35 because men are sensing this in women and are playing them left and right.

THIS ALL DAY!
And best believe they brag on it too.

 

[SincerelyJane]

These articles irk me because they portray these old angry immature men as some sort of prize, these men are not the prize! These men are not "good guys" who got passed over, they were passive aggressive assholes in their twenties they will be passive aggressive assholes in their thirties and beyond. They also have no insight into what their issues are, notice they blame the women for everything. They wil carry this entitled attitudes into their relationships, beware!
He'll blame everything he doesn't like about you on the fact that you are female.

And don't get me started on the ageism. So gross. Ugh.

 

[LoveisYou]

Shared the article with friends and one friend responded:

My reaction to this article is that it has always been a "buyers market" for men who want to partner- whether it's for a couple hours or many decades. Articles like this ooze with sexism, which makes it difficult for me to take it seriously. Men go through relationships rapidly, and yet women are supposed to feel guilt for doing so because one guy couldn't compete with his taller/more attractive/smarter/charismatic male counterpart. I am waiting for a dating article/book/author that doesn't pander to sexism often embedded in practices of heterosexual dating and partnering. I'm all for giving a relationship a fair shot, and not calling it quits so easily but from my observations it's often, not always, the males who want out when things don't feel good to them. And rather than this woman pontificating about why the women didn't stick around for her guy's lecture, maybe she should look at herself and her knee-jerk reaction to belittle these women for "leaving once they realized he's not available" (internalized sexism).

All I can say is thank you

 

[DarkJoy]

I agree on both sides of the coin. Lots of BS on both sides to go around. The current theme amongst gen Xers to millenials is that everything is disposable in this world even people. The perfect 'thing' or next upgrade is just around the corner.

 

[FelaShrine]

This entire article is true and I see that it's from Australia so I guess women around the world are having the same issues.

Most of my professional friends fall into this category. Spent their 20's and early 30's in school and building up their careers and now that they are finally ready to settle down are extremely disappointed. They find out that not only are very few desirable men left but by waiting so long, their(the women) value has actually gone down. If I'm a man that wants a family, I will likely choose a woman who is 28 over one that is 38.

I didn't used to be a proponent of getting married young because I thought young people needed to be free and sow their oats, blah blah. But if you meet someone that you're compatible with when you're young, I would say to get married. You are simply not going to have the same pool to choose from when you're older. Men on the other hand, have a bigger pool.

it worked out well for you though Miss avalon. you're in your late 30s and getting married and i bet yours will last longer than those rushing while they're still young. not that there' anything wrong with young couples but it seems these days the older ones are lasting longer.

 

[FelaShrine]

She has been with this guy for six years and is not married? What makes her think he won't dump her soon? six years is more than enough time to know if you are going to marry someone. She isn't winning yet.

yea all i got from that is..you both have phds..whats the hold-up

 

[lux10023]

smdh true--i remember briefly yeah briefly right b4 dh i was dating this african finance guy lets call him mr goldman sachs and he knew i was interested in marriage--anyhoo he dangled the idea of marriage in front of me as if i was some desperate chick--lil did he know he was apart of a rotation--he too wanted to get married but he used it to leverage everything--felt good when i faded to blk and sent him a pic of my engagement ring the following yr when he did the typical random pop-up text--you got me confused because aint nothing desperate about lux!!! lmaoo he was fine though i luv my african men--tis all lmaoo

Lol those men are so pathetic. Anyway It's important for women to position themselves and to still see themselves as the prize..not a desperado that's trying to seal the deal before age 35 because men are sensing this in women and are playing them left and right.

ditto my peeps kept asking me lux why aren't you not worried about getting married--im like ladies im beautiful and successful--im the prize the men will always be there---i truly believe in LOA if you feel doomed to high hell that will turn into your destiny--if you live your life knowing your the prize all will fall into place!

greight you hit the nail on the head! I think I'm one of the few single (as in not married) girls that turned 30 this year that was very excited about it. My cousin turned 32 and you should see how miserable she was, same with my other gf who is 31. The stuff we allow into our psyche is so powerful.

Anyway men (good prospects) are replaceable to me. I will have this mindset until I die, lol.

THANKS IS NOT ENOUGH!!! and furthermore i advise any single lady not to hang around a bunch of doom and gloom chicks--have you worrying about begin single forever--when in fact that is not your reality or will ever be!!!

To me these articles are meant to make women feel bad about their choices and achievements. Many are weak minded enough to fall for it.

#1 rule is : NEVER CHASE AFTER A MAN. No matter what your age, your profession or lack of. It comes off looking one way DESPERATE.

So what they chose to date younger women. Guess what you too can date younger men. Shoot I went younger. As a matter of fact 9 years younger. Then again I was never really the kind of woman who chased men.

Sorry these long winded researched articles are annoying. Thank goodness it was not one on black women .

 

[jeanghrey]

These articles irk me because they portray these old angry immature men as some sort of prize, these men are not the prize! These men are not "good guys" who got passed over, they were passive aggressive assholes in their twenties they will be passive aggressive assholes in their thirties and beyond. They also have no insight into what their issues are, notice they blame the women for everything. They wil carry this entitled attitudes into their relationships, beware!
He'll blame everything he doesn't like about you on the fact that you are female.

And don't get me started on the ageism. So gross. Ugh.

^^ITA, have met guys like this and they're incredibly emotionally stunted and stuck in adolescent mode when it comes to relationships..

 

[caltron]

^^ITA, have met guys like this and they're incredibly emotionally stunted and stuck in adolescent mode when it comes to relationships..

So true. I give a serious sideeye to any guy who's not married or in a serious relationship by 35. When I was dating in my 30's it seemed all of the single guys, never married guys, over 35 were almost always duds. A lot of them were just plain weird or had unresolved mental issues. It never took long to figure out why these guys were still single.

 

[DragonPearl]

Why are men acting like they're doing women a favor by marrying them when studies after studies have shown that married men live significantly longer than their unmarried counterparts? Like 17 years longer!

And also studies show that men married to educated women have lower death rates!

Women need to start countering the tide of male arrogance with articles and interviews that promotes FACTS regarding how marriage is beneficial to men:

Why Married Men Live Longer Than Single Men

.......

 

[LiftedUp]

Why are men acting like they're doing women a favor by marrying them when studies after studies have shown that married men live significantly longer than their unmarried counterparts? Like 17 years longer!

And also studies show that men married to educated women have lower death rates!

Women need to start countering the tide of male arrogance with articles and interview that promotes FACTS:

Why Married Men Live Longer Than Single Men

.......

Plus being married benefits a man career wise.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

post deleted

 

[Always~Wear~Joy]

This is exactly the vibe I get from one of my favorite super celebrity couples. And certain performances of theirs make it troubling for me to watch.

Which couple, if you don't mind sharing

 

[MissC320]

Why are men acting like they're doing women a favor by marrying them when studies after studies have shown that married men live significantly longer than their unmarried counterparts? Like 17 years longer!

And also studies show that men married to educated women have lower death rates!

Women need to start countering the tide of male arrogance with articles and interviews that promotes FACTS regarding how marriage is beneficial to men:

Why Married Men Live Longer Than Single Men

.......

Studies also show that marriage tends to be less beneficial to woman. Childbearing, etc causes women to die sooner then their single counter parts.

 

[MD_Lady]

...''Maybe we need to get over ourselves,'' she writes. The 40-year-old single mother enlisted a team of advisers who helped her realise that while she was conducting her long search for the perfect man - Prince Charming or nobody - her market value had dropped through the floor.

''Our generation of women is constantly told to have high self-esteem, but it seems that the women themselves are at risk of ego-tripping themselves out of romantic connection,'' she writes. She acknowledges she made a mistake not looking for a spouse in her 20s, when she was at her most desirable. She advises thirtysomething women to look for Mr Good Enough before they have even less choice. ''They are with an '8' but they want a '10'. But then suddenly they're 40 and can only get a '5'!''...

She's overcompensating. Hindsight is cool (and we ALL have it), but she's coming dangerously close to telling women that their high-self esteem is keeping them single (OK, maybe she flat out said it).

And, at what point does it stop being about "ego-tripping" and a sense of entitlement and start being a reflection of people flat out not being ready for a serious relationship at a given point in their lives? Mature, healthy relationships are no place for the selfish, lazy, and ambivalent and, if you are that person, you're doing the RIGHT thing by staying single (I don't care what this woman says ).

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Studies also show that marriage tends to be less beneficial to woman. Childbearing, etc causes women to die sooner then their single counter parts.

I actually heard that women who have had children live longer. But marriage itself takes years off a woman's life. I'll try and find some numbers.

 

[DarkJoy]

I actually heard that women who have had children live longer. But marriage itself takes years off a woman's life. I'll try and find some numbers.

Yes. Children make us live longer. It's the husbands that take years off our lives.

 

[ambergirl]

Spent the day listening to accomplished black women talk about building their lives. Feeling renewed! Best advice give out to young black women.

Take more risks

Don't pull back from your dreams or put your life on hold because you're hoping Mr. Right will show up. If he doesn't support your dreams, he's not right.

And you never know where life will lead you. Don't pull back in fear that you won't meet that man...maybe an even better man will result from you living your dreams.

So thankful there are black women out there talking sense to other black women.

 

[Kalani]

These articles irk me because they portray these old angry immature men as some sort of prize, these men are not the prize! These men are not "good guys" who got passed over, they were passive aggressive assholes in their twenties they will be passive aggressive assholes in their thirties and beyond. They also have no insight into what their issues are, notice they blame the women for everything. They wil carry this entitled attitudes into their relationships, beware!
He'll blame everything he doesn't like about you on the fact that you are female.

And don't get me started on the ageism. So gross. Ugh.

I was thinking the same thing but too lazy to type it.

 

[cutiebe2]

I'm 25 and if I had a serious partner I would consider getting married in the next 3 years. I don't have any prospects, no relationship. At 25 I've almost given up on relationships. Maybe I am just in a funk. I just got too tired of the disappointment of not finding someone. And I don't live in a box. I get out and socialize. It's hard at any age.

 

[SwtAnana]

I came across this article piece that uses research from 3,000 interviews that highlights why men wife up certain women:

http://www.theminorityeye.com/why-men-marry-some-women-and-not-others/

Long read but I ran across some very interesting highlights...many that are/were discussed here like:
1.) men want women who take care of their bodies
2.) Men may date younger women but often prefer to marry those closer in age
3.) When asked what attracted them to their fiancees, younger men often site accomplishments while older men (over 40) often mention "niceness"
4.) When men say they aren't ready to get married, it's often because they don't think they have enough money
5.) Women who withhold doing household chores earlier in a relationship get more respect


I found this particularly interesting:
"9: The proposal stage
Most men propose after going out with a woman for 18 months.
If at the end of 22 months, a man has not proposed, the chances that he will start to diminish.
For 3.5 years, the chances diminish gradually. After that, it plunges. After 7 years, your chances are virtually zero. "

There are many conclusions on there that I've seen passed around as advice on this board so while there are many unicorns on here and every situation is different, you have to wonder that if you keep hearing the same things over and over....well....

 

[GoldenRule]

I came across this article piece that uses research from 3,000 interviews that highlights why men wife up certain women:

http://www.theminorityeye.com/why-men-marry-some-women-and-not-others/

Long read but I ran across some very interesting highlights...many that are/were discussed here like:
1.) men want women who take care of their bodies
2.) Men may date younger women but often prefer to marry those closer in age
3.) When asked what attracted them to their fiancees, younger men often site accomplishments while older men (over 40) often mention "niceness"
4.) When men say they aren't ready to get married, it's often because they don't think they have enough money
5.) Women who withhold doing household chores earlier in a relationship get more respect


I found this particularly interesting:
"9: The proposal stage
Most men propose after going out with a woman for 18 months.
If at the end of 22 months, a man has not proposed, the chances that he will start to diminish.
For 3.5 years, the chances diminish gradually. After that, it plunges. After 7 years, your chances are virtually zero. "

There are many conclusions on there that I've seen passed around as advice on this board so while there are many unicorns on here and every situation is different, you have to wonder that if you keep hearing the same things over and over....well....

I actually find most of that to be true with the exception of #3.

I've found a number of our older black men (a large section having spent their younger years on Cell Block D) purposely seek out educated, accomplished women. They don't care if she's "nice". Quite frankly, they don't care if she's nice, young, or whatever's going on with her body. As Forrest Gump would say, "That's about all I have to say about that."

The timeframes are probably on the money. It doesn't take longer than a year or two for a man to know if you're the one he wants to marry or not. Unless you are VERY young (college age)...if he's dragging his feet, probably time to move on along.

Every relationship I've had for the past 5 years has ended due to his insistence on getting married. There ARE men out here who really want to get married. TOO MANY men who want to get married IMO and they're ADAMANT about it. I have no interest in that. I don't want to wake up and see you EVERY day. I do not want to wash your clothes and for danged sure don't want to cook all that f*ing food. I just want someone to go out and have a nice time with, do some traveling, some coloring, hang out on Saturday mornings and giggle and drink coffee. THAT'S IT! They assume ALL women are dating with marriage on their minds and we're NOT.

 

[DarkJoy]

Agreed. I could give a gatdang about getting married (again). Btdt. I just want some good schlong and good dates. Which is why I find these articles amusing and try to see both sides.

 

[Layluh]

This article is funny.

Its' my personal belief that marriage is the best self help book ever written. The things I've learned during this marriage, no book coulda taught me. Just the experience alone is worth gold.

For that reason, is why I think men need marriage more than women. The ability for men to be self-reflective is rare but once they tap into that skill of bettering themselves everyday? Sky is the limit for them. Marriage to me is just a chance for people to better themselves.

Women are always working to be better for themselves, families and others. We may not get it right but at least we try.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I came across this article piece that uses research from 3,000 interviews that highlights why men wife up certain women:

http://www.theminorityeye.com/why-men-marry-some-women-and-not-others/

People are posting this on my FB today. Much of it is common sense. Here's what I found interesting.

1. Men who've been to grad school reach the age of commitment at age 30-36.
(Good news for women like me who have focused on school in my 20s.) I've seen this play out with the married people I know.

2. Men who see marriage as a financial arrangement in which women have a lot to gain are red flags to avoid. (This goes along with men not seeing the value in marriage and the LCHF mantra that women are the prize.)

3. Put your partner's interests above everyone else including friends and family. In successful couples, if a family member insults the woman, 79% of marrying men came to their fiancee's defense. (I always knew that but not everyone agrees with me, IRL and on this board)

4. Men don't think of themselves as dating until 4-6 dates but women consider themselves dating after 2-3 dates