What Can We Learn From Asian Women?

[meesch]

also if you need a class on how to be feminine, you should probably just hang it up. (this is directed at no one poster in particular, but to all women in general.) one day people are going to learn to love themselves... i really believe that, man...

 

[auparavant]

Why don't you post the link in this thread for all? That would be better. Interesting...kinda like finding the goddess in self talks etc. Men and women are different, as are individuals in their approach to life, either sex. It would be interesting to read just how one determines how to be more feminine when it's by default. I'm not saying I'm not open to reading it, just that I'm on guard.

ETA: Hold up, inner core? What's the goal of the class...to get a man or to wield power???

 

[intergalacticartist]

also if you need a class on how to be feminine, you should probably just hang it up. (this is directed at no one poster in particular, but to all women in general.) one day people are going to learn to love themselves... i really believe that, man...

It's all good. No harm, no foul.
I was just tired of my life being the way it was and decided to change it. You may be the type of person that doesn't even need that type of guidance. I wasn't really raised with a feminine figure, so I need all the help I can get
That's what the class actually promotes, self-love

Why don't you post the link in this thread for all? That would be better. Interesting...kinda like finding the goddess in self talks etc. Men and women are different, as are individuals in their approach to life, either sex. It would be interesting to read just how one determines how to be more feminine when it's by default. I'm not saying I'm not open to reading it, just that I'm on guard.

It's actually not a link, it's a PDF that was sent to me. She also sends emails in conjunction. I will look for the best articles and post them


EDIT: I know ya'll are thinking it's from Shanel Cooper-Sykes! lol. It's not her

 

[auparavant]

LOLOL. Get outta my head cuz I was just cracking a joke. But I went googling and there are quite a lot of these. Here's what one had to say about playing the coquette (blech...imho)...
http://theseductivewoman.blogspot.com/2011/03/seduction-secrets-of-coquette.html

Hello dove! The psychological seduction secrets exposed in this course are like a magic formula, and the best 'play hard to get' method on the web.

If you're truly serious about reaching your full potential as a feminine seductress, and about making a man passionately desire you and want you above all else - study the seduction secrets of a coquette (a seduction archetype.)

It will surely become one of your most lucrative skills. The lessons in this course are a literal life changer for the seductress-in-training - they're THAT powerful

 

[intergalacticartist]

Here is what I was speaking about. Turns out it was a link after all
Feel free to look throughout the site @ the other stuff too. I'll read your link in a little while although I think I've read it before. I really take that site with a grain of salt TBH

http://www.thefemininewoman.com/201...inine-self/?awt_l=7oyM2&awt_m=3W8djZaNbQCsALi


It's fine if you all don't agree, just another perspective

 

[divya]

This seems more cultural than anything. To be more clear, there are certain stereotypes that people in the U.S. have placed on AA women and sometimes others of African descent living in the States. When speaking about other cultures, it's often much different.

It seems that certain perceptions discussed here are placed on AA women unnecessarily. This is not denying those with attitude, but it seems to some extent, to be an excuse among some for prejudice and used as an excuse among others for preferences that are usually rooted in other problems. When AA women are offended by it and speak out against it, they are told they are angry. Much of this seems somewhat rooted in race/color issues and to some degree is a misunderstanding of the frustration that many AA may feel. Some of this also has to do with American lifestyles in general.

I feel like femininity and good wife skills/qualities are expected of me as a woman of Caribbean descent, when dealing with Caribbean, African and Latino men in general. If someone assumes that because of my skin color, I must not have certain qualities, that's their ignorance. They do not know my culture or upbringing. It's not that I feel that I can't learn anything from anyone, but I'm honestly just trying to understand what would be so different with Asians.

Honestly, who is "we?"

 

[RedVelvet310]

This seems more cultural than anything. To be more clear, there are certain stereotypes that people in the U.S. have placed on AA women and sometimes others of African descent living in the States. When speaking about other cultures, it's often much different.

It seems that certain perceptions discussed here are placed on AA women unnecessarily. This is not denying those with attitude, but it seems, to some extent, to be an excuse among some for prejudice and used as an excuse among other for preferences that are usually rooted in other problems. When AA women are offended by it and speak out against it, they are told they are angry. Much of this seems somewhat rooted in race/color issues and to some degree is a misunderstanding of the frustration that many AA may feel.

I feel like femininity and good wife skills/qualities are expected of me as a woman of Caribbean descent, when dealing with Caribbean, African and Latino men in general. If someone assumes that because of my skin color, I must not have certain qualities, that's their ignorance. They do not know my culture or upbringing. It's not that I feel that I can't learn anything from anyone, but I'm honestly just trying to understand what would be so different with Asians.

Honestly, who is "we?"

At some point I feel the bolded really has to be addressed on this board. While I'm in no way in support of "putting down" another culture of people.. when I see posts like this:

1. I agree with those who say that we can be softer. I never understood why we seem to value "fierceness" and "side eye" so much. There is nothing really attractive about these looks.

2. The other roadblock we have are the constant barrage of BW ratchetness shown daily on reality TV shows and shows like Maury Povich and Jerry Springer.

Question: When do you ever see an Asian woman showing her arse like that?
Answer: NEVER!

Now, some of you will say that there are white women on those shows too, and you're right, but those ratchet images are balanced by all the other shows in which white women are portrayed in a more balanced light. Unfortunately, we don't have this type of balanced portrayal across the board.

I'm left looking like this:

because the statement does not apply to the black people I know or am around in my country

 

[Anakinsmomma]

I have totally noticed the hardness and maniliness of many black women, even who look super feminine its the attitude the demanor I guess. I think that would be one quality that would benefit us. Also I have noticed that northern asians( chinese, korean, japanese ect) are way more feminine than the south east asians...just my opinion.

Is that you professor Kawasaki???

 

[Anakinsmomma]

On the other hand, some people will go out of their way to see you be mad or get you to roll your eyes so they can label you as an ABL. They'll make political or social comments and then stare at you waiting for it. If you don't buy into it, you are sweet and fun loving, if you do you want to start fights and are too opinionated and fussy.

THIS!!!!!!! I get this at work ALL THE TIME!!!! From coworkers and civilians...

 

[mallysmommy]

I lived in japan for 6 years, my dad was in in the military. I had a lot of japanese friends as well korean. There were also a lot of south east asian women who were married to military guys and one thing i noticed about the south east asian women were that they were loud, ate like dudes and VERYYY agressive. Now I dont have any asian american friends, but the ones I knew in Japan were very feminine but it worked in their favor. Japanese women usually controlled the income in there homes even the housewives..

SophieDulce Hay hay me too! what part? i was in oki 1996-2002

 

[nathansgirl1908]

IMO, Asian women seem to be beating "Becky" at her own game In general, Asian women are considered educated, strong-willed, very eligible marriage partners, etc. I would say black women are just as beautiful, successful, strong, educated, all those things but somehow we get stuck with the "unfeminine" or "mule" (i.e. we can take all manner of ill-treatment) or "difficult" label. I'm sure we've had the model minority discussion around here but how can black women continue to rise above labels and stereotypes? Is it possible? This isn't a "woe is me, I'm black and should hang it up thread." Rather, I'd like a discourse on what can strategies we can learn from others to stay in the game. Let's discuss

That fact that we see ONE Asian woman marry a stingy, ugly, deceitful and rich white man does not mean they are beating white women at their own game or that we can learn anything from them.

 

[newme2003]

I could care less about how they manage to get their man. I've got a damn good black man myself. But I have to say I respect how they and Jewish women get down. They pass on great values to their offspring teaching them how to respect and value themselves. I wish we as a people could consistently pass this on to our offspring. We'd be a lot better off.

 

[FelaShrine]

Is it just me or has something changed within the forum recently? Are certain popular posters on vacation or something? I found this whole thread appalling, but what was even more appalling was that it wasn't until page 6 or so that someone finally pointed out how pathetic everyone sounded. Usually a baiting thread like this will get smacked down by the first page.

Um you dont consider the very first reply to be a shut down?

 

[Bubblingbrownshuga]

i don't really see myself wanting to "learn" from an entire race of women b/c obviously that's ridiculous.

but i know a few asian women who are very driven/ambitious/educated who have ridiculously high standards as to what makes a quality man, and are completely unapologetic of it. women of color are def guilted for wanting what white women expect or have the luxury of not needing (a man with a college degree for example, etc). so in that sense, yeah, i'm down.

but i'm not looking at any collective race/"type" of women to "learn from".

and i hate these threads that basically dissects a group of women based on stereotypes and broad generalizations (i'm incredibly un-angry and i HATE the generalizations that i am b/c i'm a black women. "we" don't need to do anything. speak for yourself). it usually leads insults, derogatory comments, or trying to put one group of women against the other.

Mouthful righ'chea.

We are taught at a young age not to expect much from black men because 'they have it so hard...' as if we don't.

How dare we expect a possible black male suitor to not only treat us fairly BUT present himself well on paper. Even if we treat our male counterparts well AND present excellently on paper.

We are told time and time again (and many times, it's been ingrained in other black women so tough that when they hear their sistas express their desire, they quickly shoot them down) that we can have one, but good luck on having any extras.

On one side of the neck, black women are told they are too picky. Once that black woman settles and the relationship turns dark, we are told 'you had/have low self esteem, that's why you picked a man like that.'

Which one is it?

 

[LadyBugsy]

Place holder

 

[DrC]

we can start by stopping the support and put an end to media foolery like BBW, Love and Hip Hop, Madea and etc. you'd be surprised how much the masses are persuaded by the media. People actually think that ALL (or at least a good portion) black women are like this. and its like one show after another of us in the worst of stereotypes.

thats just my opinion though

I don't understand why people depend on the media to portray us in such a celestial light. Let's start by learning that the media/TV majority of the time is for entertainment purposes to get ratings and money only and do not give a fluck about anybody whether we ban together and sing Kumbaya. Otherwise you'd have less men, women, young teenage girls and boys running around here using EBT/MTV as their digital holy bible.

 

[Maracujá]

About what was being discussed before the thread got derailed: yes perhaps black women in general could be 'nicer' to each other and others, even Sophia Nelson discussed this in her book 'Black woman redefined' but here's the thing though - yes I'm gonna compare, it's what this thread is about after all - I've seen women of other races with attitudes up their a$$, mean as the day is long and guess what? It's doesn't keep them from landing a man. Why the rules suddenly change when it comes to black women is beyond my understanding. People always talking about how other women are 'chipper', like another member said, if we weren't going at it alone and worrying about our children getting killed in the process (Trayvon Martin anyone) then yes, perhaps we would be 'chipper' too. Hell I'd be happier too if I had sex on demand and my body was releasing endorphines on a regular basis.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I'm in another time zone so just catching up on the thread. I can't go through and quote everybody but I appreciate your thoughts

 

[Belle Du Jour]

The bolded from the OP is being ignored. What I gathered is being asked is how do they have one stereotypical perception and we have another even though we are just as qualified for the 'feminine, educated, eligible' label?

Can we do anything to change that as a group? Yes- control the message. Start within our own communities. That to me is what Asians on a whole have done. Take China for example where the communication is very controlled. They are the ones who put the message out there that Asians on a whole are smart, driven and successful. What do the messages we control that reach the entire world say about us?

Individual daily interactions that enlighten others can help but I don't think they're enough. Classy Black Women are Everywhere but may still be seen as the exceptions. I agree we can't change perceptions driven by factors out of our control like racism. But this perception will change when we take every advantage from a position of power.

LOL thanks for pointing this out. I'm not idolizing Asian women. I think black women are AWESOME. I consider myself a student of life and am always trying to strive to be/do better, even if it means learning from others. I don' t think that's a bad thing :shrugs:

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I'm sorry but this is a pathetic thread. I usually don't comment on these, I tend to just roll my eyes and go back to the Entertainment section but this is just ridiculous. Are we seriously trying to analyze why Asian women are better? You all may say this is not what its about but maybe I'm just too feeble minded to see how "deep" and "intellectual" this conversation is.

I never said asian women are better But I knew that that would be the perception even though I explicitely stated that black women are doing great things, yet are still seen in a negative light. Never mind. *sigh*

 

[SophieDulce]

@SophieDulce Hay hay me too! what part? i was in oki 1996-2002

mallysmommy ... HEY girl, I was in misawa from 1991-1997..Great experience. I Like northern japan way more than southern japan, Slower lifestyle. I dont know how it is now though, have not been back since. I remember those 5 feet snow storms that were normal, and we still had to walk to school

 

[DragonPearl]

At some point I feel the bolded really has to be addressed on this board. While I'm in no way in support of "putting down" another culture of people.. when I see posts like this:



I'm left looking like this:

because the statement does not apply to the black people I know or am around in my country

I understand, and my point is that we don't see in the media enough of the black people you know or are around.

 

[meesch]

I never said asian women are better But I knew that that would be the perception even though I explicitely stated that black women are doing great things, yet are still seen in a negative light. Never mind. *sigh*

im not buying. in all honesty i think you should probably really examine why this question occurred to you and why you were so intrigued by it that you publicly asked this forum of black women knowing what the reaction would be.

 

[DragonPearl]

erplexed

You're okay, Belle Du Jour. Not everyone thinks your question is weird or warrants self-dissection.

 

[divya]

I never said asian women are better But I knew that that would be the perception even though I explicitely stated that black women are doing great things, yet are still seen in a negative light. Never mind. *sigh*

That's understood but I just don't see how this isn't really a cultural issue...

 

[meesch]

erplexed

You're okay, Belle Du Jour. Not everyone thinks your question is weird or warrants self-dissection.

i dont think (nor did i say) that her question is weird. i think it's something else (something else that for the sake of not being rude im not going to verbalize in this thread). i think most people in or reading this thread understand exactly why she's asking what she's asking.

 

[DragonPearl]

^^^I guess I am not part of the "most people" crowd then, because I don't see the something else you see.

 

[meesch]

^^^I guess I am not part of the "most people" crowd then, because I don't see the something else you see.

ok? i guess you're not then.

 

[ElizaBlue]

I don't know if I'd classify it as Asian or not, but with this relationship I no longer feel the need nor desire to make a comment on every single thing. When he does something contrary I simple ask myself why it bothers me?

And then more importantly I ask myself what am I doing that may be bothering him and how does he handle it. I can see him pausing when I've been curt or "prone to pointing out". It's funny because I realize how stupid the feeling of annoyance was, I attached to it in the first place.

I've learned to live and let live, because most of all I'm not perfect...why would I expect anyone else to be?

I've also learned to open my mouth and praise him when he does little things (not just big ones) for me, without cause. Imagine my surprise when he told me one day how much easier his day is at work just because he feels so appreciated at home. I never ever thought it mattered so much.

I guess it could be perceived as Asian because I've always thought these women kept their annoyances to themselves, but went over board on the praise they gave their men, for the least little things.

Don't get me wrong I still let him know when I don't like something but these things are greatly weighed before I open my mouth. And even then I temper my comments in a way that doesn't make him feel bad about it.

 

[auparavant]

On the one hand, it can be a stereotype and lumping. However, there ARE noticeable differences, at least, in this city.