What Can We Learn From Asian Women?

[Orchid1992]

SophieDulce

Omg!!! I was born in Misawa!

 

[PinkPeony]

This is true but passive aggression is much more acceptable in American culture than overt aggression is. Black (american) culture usually celebrates keeping it real and appearing invulnerable..

Essentially being genuinely pleasant gets you far in life but if you really need to go in on someone or a situation, perfect the art of being nice-nasty .

That is a seminar I would love to take

 

[MrsJaiDiva]

This thread is a Mess, and some of you Ladies are Lost. Sweet baby Jesus in the manger...the answer to the Op's question can be found in the responses in this thread. We are obviously our own worst enemies. Not the media, not racism...US.

1. Our femininity levels are fine.
2. Just be your authentic self.
3. Have standards, and keep them high.

It's not f'ing HARD! How did Zuck's wife do it? Simple! She knew him from college (They both attended a top notch Univerity...Hint!)...and she was about Her business. She focused on herself...stayed true to herself. She is successful in her own right. And she kept her standards high...he's smart and awkward, but she saw he was doing something with his life. Formula is: Be the Best person you can be + Keep equals or better in your circle = Winning! You don't have to be Asian, White, Mongolian etc. You don't have to be submissive, or dress in a skirt 24/7. You don't even have to smile all day like a dizzy bird. Sheesh!

And FYI...I've dated White guys. They're men, just like any other brand. Take em of the pedestal. Really.

 

[barbiesocialite]

This thread is a Mess, and some of you Ladies are Lost. Sweet baby Jesus in the manger...the answer to the Op's question can be found in the responses in this thread. We are obviously our own worst enemies. Not the media, not racism...US.

1. Our femininity levels are fine.
2. Just be your authentic self.
3. Have standards, and keep them high.

It's not f'ing HARD! How did Zuck's wife do it? Simple! She knew him from college (They both attended a top notch Univerity...Hint!)...and she was about Her business. She focused on herself...stayed true to herself. She is successful in her own right. And she kept her standards high...he's smart and awkward, but she saw he was doing something with his life. Formula is: Be the Best person you can be + Keep equals or better in your circle = Winning! You don't have to be Asian, White, Mongolian etc. You don't have to be submissive, or dress in a skirt 24/7. You don't even have to smile all day like a dizzy bird. Sheesh!

And FYI...I've dated White guys. They're men, just like any other brand. Take em of the pedestal. Really.

I disagree with this post. Esp the part about Zuckerberg's wife

 

[FemmeFatale]

Now we all know that we're not allowed to have the same standards for our men that women of other races have for theirs. We are supposed to work with a brother

 

[MrsJaiDiva]

I disagree with this post. Esp the part about Zuckerberg's wife

Look her up. They knew each other from College, and she focused on herself just as much as him. They got married I believe the day after she graduated...as a Doctor. She has her own, and is doing a lot in her own name.

 

[NeauxOneCurr]

To answer the OP title... no.

 

[TrueToHair]

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[SophieDulce]

@SophieDulce

Omg!!! I was born in Misawa!

Orchid1992 Hey girl!!!!WOW!!!! Small world!!! how long did you live there?

 

[MD_Lady]

Btw, which Asian women are we talking about? I don't think all or even most Asian women in the US are "winning". They just have good PR.

And it begins and ends with this. There are plenty of people who've already decided that BW are hateful and combative, AW are feminine and kind, and are PERFECTLY content to disregard any and all personal experiences that go against their preconceived notions about either group. I'm not going to spend one second of my time trying to change the hearts and minds of ignorant people who insist on believing stereotypes. Instead, I'm going to continue to try and be the best MD_Lady I can be and present a tube of Carmex and my backside to those who refuse to see me as anything other than a stereotype.

 

[Orchid1992]

SophieDulce[/USER];16332553]Orchid1992 Hey girl!!!!WOW!!!! Small world!!! how long did you live there?

only 2 years...so from birth to 2 years of age (1992-1994). But my parents have such fond memories of the place. Afterwards, we moved to Hawaii.

I always wish we stayed longer, so that I would remember Japan and be fluent in Japanese. I'm proficient now though...

 

[CurlyMoo]

That would be easy to do if the Koreans didn't have a cold hard lock on the supplies. I know where to outsource BSS products and supplies but to get it at the same prices they do is near impossible. Koreans do business with Koreans.

80% of the stuff that's sold in a Korean BSS is garbage. I don't even shop there anymore, unless its to pick up a plastic bottle. But I've been getting that from random dollar stores.

 

[CurlyMoo]

One thing I have noticed about Asian women is that totally embrace their femininity. But they tend to act like they can't do anything, while they are actually manipulating everyone around them and getting others to do the dirty work.

 

[CurlyMoo]

@mallysmommy now u know that is NOT going to happen lol. too many of us enjoy being the butt of the joke.
I don't understand how people have blogs that entertain this mess on their RSS feed... how they watch those shows... all that stuff gives me heart burn. I don't get it. Its not enjoyable.

It's call social engineering. The world has been educated on Black Americans and Black America is eating it up and excepted the title. Like the N word!

 

[SurferBabe]

I could care less about how they manage to get their man. I've got a damn good black man myself. But I have to say I respect how they and Jewish women get down. They pass on great values to their offspring teaching them how to respect and value themselves. I wish we as a people could consistently pass this on to our offspring. We'd be a lot better off.

It is interesting that you bring up Jewish women who are in no way, shape, or form considered "feminine" by society's standards. My fiance is Jewish and I can definitely say that the women rule their households with an iron fist. A Jewish man will not only have his life controlled by his mother, but also by his wife. They are certainly not comparable to Asian women in how society views them--yet their communities are full of wealthy, educated individuals and I'm sure their marriage rates are high and divorce rates low.

Of course I think a lot of this has to do with the value placed on Jewish women. The religion/culture is one that holds women in much higher regard than what we see in our own. Since a child is Jewish through the mother, a Jewish woman has a very important standing in society. This is something that works to their advantage.

 

[CurlyMoo]

This. I agree. We need to take back control of our hair care. Black hair care is a huge money making industry & that money needs to be funneled back into the black community.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

Don't think we lost control. We were never in control. We should know our hair better than anyone but we don't. We keep using subpar products that are sold in the BBS. We don't need to sell half of that stuff. Our stores should be different. Actually cater to promoting healthy hair with good products.

 

[CurlyMoo]

It is interesting that you bring up Jewish women who are in no way, shape, or form considered "feminine" by society's standards. My fiance is Jewish and I can definitely say that the women rule their households with an iron fist. A Jewish man will not only have his life controlled by his mother, but also by his wife. They are certainly not comparable to Asian women in how society views them--yet their communities are full of wealthy, educated individuals and I'm sure their marriage rates are high and divorce rates low.

Of course I think a lot of this has to do with the value placed on Jewish women. The religion/culture is one that holds women in much higher regard than what we see in our own. Since a child is Jewish through the mother, a Jewish woman has a very important standing in society. This is something that works to their advantage.

Given that you are married to a Jewish man you know that they are very much for their own people. Will support each other to the exclusion of others.

Those women don't accept social restrictions on how a woman should be. They see themselves as Jewish women first!. They have an organized culture. The problem with Black American women is that we are living within a dysfunctional sub-culture. It's not our own, it was created by the European and we are now living and trying to raise families in a culture that does not support nor uplift us.

We keep comparing ourselves to Asian, White, Indian women instead of looking from within. Because as a people we are lost. We even take on the European view of ourselves, we talk in the 3rd person as if we aren't even Black.

What the European doesn't want us to do is to realize that these other women don't compare. We are descendants of the original people made in Gods image. We are the prototype. But we treat ourselves like we are the knockoff.

 

[chocolat79]

The more I think about this- I really think this is a ridiculous supposition/question OP (Not the thread itself but the proposition) this is why:
1. We are comparing apples and pears - you cannot expect the children of slaves who have been denigrated by a society that kept them enslaved and actively discouraged the formation of the strong bonds they needed to be anchored into society with what are in effect either recent economic migrants or the first generation children of those economic migrants. In many cases these migrants are of a different class to the negatively stereotyped black women that I assume this thread is discussing and have had more positive reinforcement and protection from their respective socities, families and the males in their lives eg asians are notorious for having a strong patriarchal society where women are protected by men.

2. Blk woman HAVE to be strong in this country because for many years they have been at the bottom of the social and economic rung and have effectively been left to be both mother and father to their children starting from slavery to today- this very strength is what has allowed them to prosper, we have not had the luxury of playing coy and docile because there was simply no white knight to save us. Without the strength of blk women our society and this country would be in a much worse place.

3. I believe that we need to change our own perceptions of our beauty, strength and demeanor before we can expect outsiders/society to see our own beauty or even the beauty in our strength. If blk women loved ourselves more instead of trying to assimilate and pander to what society decries as beautiful, soon the world would see it. Instead we are too busy trying to copy their straight hair, loose our curves so we can fit their ideal, lighten our skin or avoid the sun so we can look closer to them - emphasise what is close to them so we can appear more exotic etc. When we as blk women recognize our own value we will stop putting up with men that do not. Yes the men play a part too but many times its also the mothers decrying how unattractive dark skin is, chasing men who will produce good hair babies etc.

4. I agree with the poster that said the stereotype is mostly African american blk women - on the whole african women/brazilian women etc are not viewed as aggressive. In my own country I have seen YT men leave their wives/families/societies for african women multiple times or say that they prefer african women to their own - why? because they view them as more pleasant, docile, less aggressive than their own. This is imo more to be with education and societal response to the growing emancipation of the modern women than anything specific to african american women. Eg an african woman in the scenario i described is happy to cook and clean and not question her man, especially as she is wholly dependent on him economically. I think this is more to do with the fact that african american women on the whole are more educated and independent than other black women so of course they will be seen as more threatening and aggressive to men.

To me, the bold answers the question the most succinctly. How many times do we get compliments from WP about our hair whereas other BP will try to bring us down because of it? It's really about loving the totality of ourselves and being unapologetic about it.

Also, as Southernbella. said, we could definitely stand to be more softer. There's always a way to get your point across without being so forthright or being nasty or being mean, etc. Of course, some women not having fathers there to take the brunt of that edge off doesn't help at all. For the Black community, many of our problems are the results of other ones that are beyond our control in lots of cases. So we end up battling with nature vs. nurture in some ways. It's the same reason why a woman can look absolutely beautiful and still not be feminine. Femininity is a mind-set, a quality. So if there are other factors that negatively affect that innate quality, that quality gets overshadowed.

 

[PinkPeony]

And it begins and ends with this. There are plenty of people who've already decided that BW are hateful and combative, AW are feminine and kind, and are PERFECTLY content to disregard any and all personal experiences that go against their preconceived notions about either group. I'm not going to spend one second of my time trying to change the hearts and minds of ignorant people who insist on believing stereotypes. Instead, I'm going to continue to try and be the best MD_Lady I can be and present a tube of Carmex and my backside to those who refuse to see me as anything other than a stereotype.

but let people tell it WE are our worst enemies not this whole s*7$*y system set up and run to keep us in our place

 

[MissJ]

Well to be perfectly honest, Serena is definitely not built like a typical woman. She's definitely masculine-looking to me

I wish people would stop saying black women are big. We're not big. There are fat ones, but the average black woman in the world is slim!! The majority of black women in the world are just as slender as European women, if not smaller.

It's like when Caster Semenya was deemed masculine and South Africa's sports minister came out saying it was racist since she's built like a black woman. NO she's not!!
Really, we don't do ourselves any favors when we insist that the average black woman is built like a tank.

Are you Ethiopian, by any chance?

 

[MissJ]

PinkPeony, that's exactly what I meant. In other parts of the world, the stereotypes of black women are actually not the same.
As an Ethiopian woman, the stereotypes towards me, even from AA/Caribbean men, are very different than the stereotypes I see towards AA women. And it's not all roses either. Being put in a box sucks - it's hard to be yourself and be accepted as such, when you are being pushed to fit into a stereotype.

Okay, you just answered my question. I knew a girl in college named Fasika, and she was Ethiopian.

 

[TrueToHair]

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[0live0il]

Yes it irks me to hear stuff that's said about black women... but if you know the stereotype doesn't fit you, just KIM.

 

[TrueToHair]

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[DragonPearl]

It is interesting that you bring up Jewish women who are in no way, shape, or form considered "feminine" by society's standards. My fiance is Jewish and I can definitely say that the women rule their households with an iron fist. A Jewish man will not only have his life controlled by his mother, but also by his wife. They are certainly not comparable to Asian women in how society views them--yet their communities are full of wealthy, educated individuals and I'm sure their marriage rates are high and divorce rates low.

Of course I think a lot of this has to do with the value placed on Jewish women. The religion/culture is one that holds women in much higher regard than what we see in our own. Since a child is Jewish through the mother, a Jewish woman has a very important standing in society. This is something that works to their advantage.

That is so true! Most of the Jewish women I have known are outspoken in their relationships and in most matters! However, you do not see a barrage of loud, uncouth, foulmouthed jewish women being constantly unleashed in the media, you don't see them on Maury and Jerry fighting with their baby daddy or the other woman. Jewish men sometimes make jokes about Jewish mothers and jewish wives, but no outright denigration of them.

 

[MonPetite]

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[Southernbella.]

And on that note, maybe the one thing we can do is honor and promote our ancestors and/or those who came before. Instead of ignoring their accomplishments and acting like black women in American never did ish. It's like, how quickly do some of us forget? Why don't you honor and sustain those who came before and look to them for a little inspiration? Maybe these women you so want to be like decided to hold on to their positive images instead of looking all sad outside.

Anyway, for anyone who needs inspiration, the following pics. Even though I get frustrated because no matter how many positive image, there really is a thread like this every other week. Oh well.

Ita. Thats why in my first post, I made it clear that my thoughts have nothing to do with asian women. We have historical models to emulate; why would we want to look to anywhere else for the blueprint? We need to be better versions of who we are, because who we are as AA women is pretty damn great.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

 

[fasika]

I already guessed she was Ethiopian, too. One of my Habesha friends expresses the same sentiments about American women and dress/femininity. I still don't think it's a racial thing as much as a nationality thing. The average American woman is not going to put on full make up and curlers to take their kids to school, but you'd see that easily in a Latin country (as long as the woman had enough money).

It's not just about American women btw. The dress culture in the US affects all of us, including us immigrants. Most of my female relatives complain they've let themselves go since moving to the US since it's such a casual culture. When we're in Addis, locals can tell which ones are on vaca from the US and which ones from Europe just by our dress . And ask any Ethiopian you'll meet - the weeks before our trip back, we shop like mad people so that we won't look so unstylish when we return, so that's a double lol

 

[MonPetite]

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[UmSumayyah]

I thought about this thread earlier today. I saw a woman of Asian descent come out of the customer service area at a local supermarket (she is an employee). Bleach blond hair with major black roots cut into a punk style. Petite, slightly chunky. Black slacks, vest, cuff bracelet, swaggering like a dude.