What Can We Learn From Asian Women?

[SurferBabe]

Asian-Americans, Jewish-Americans, Arab-Americans, etc... have one thing in common--when they couldn't make it in their home countries, they left. THAT is the fundamental difference. How can we really compare ourselves to immigrants? If a group of the brightest and most promising African-Americans would have left this country decades ago, we would have become the "Asians" of whatever nation we happened upon. The issue is that America is the land of opportunity, and these groups lucked out that they could come in as immigrants to this nation and present some of the most ambitious members forward as representatives of their community.

Their reason for being here is superficial (absolutely nothing wrong with that). African-Americans have so much history invested into this country and are way more physically and emotionally connected to this nation than immigrant groups will ever be, yet many immigrant groups still get more respect. I know there are a few small communities of African-American expats, but the numbers just don't compare. So instead of pointing out why Asian women have such great press and can snag a rich white man why not consider a very telling difference between them and us...

If tomorrow Jim Crow came back and along with blacks, Asians received the same amount of discrimination, I bet they would pack up and go elsewhere while we would remain here marching and singing STILL trying to convince America to love us.

 

[doll-baby]

Not a d@mn thing... I just left the bubble sisters thread !

 

[RegaLady]

Given that you are married to a Jewish man you know that they are very much for their own people. Will support each other to the exclusion of others.

Those women don't accept social restrictions on how a woman should be. They see themselves as Jewish women first!. They have an organized culture. The problem with Black American women is that we are living within a dysfunctional sub-culture. It's not our own, it was created by the European and we are now living and trying to raise families in a culture that does not support nor uplift us.

We keep comparing ourselves to Asian, White, Indian women instead of looking from within. Because as a people we are lost. We even take on the European view of ourselves, we talk in the 3rd person as if we aren't even Black.

What the European doesn't want us to do is to realize that these other women don't compare. We are descendants of the original people made in Gods image. We are the prototype. But we treat ourselves like we are the knockoff.

Once again! DEEP!!!

 

[Gin&Tonic]

Wonder how everyone feels about this thread? Had me thinking.

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=630033

Again, I understand if it's about methods and philosophy, but I do hope we're not putting people on a pedestal who don't even respect us.

They are not on a pedestal. They are being observed .

 

[Gin&Tonic]

Asian-Americans, Jewish-Americans, Arab-Americans, etc... have one thing in common--when they couldn't make it in their home countries, they left. THAT is the fundamental difference. How can we really compare ourselves to immigrants? If a group of the brightest and most promising African-Americans would have left this country decades ago, we would have become the "Asians" of whatever nation we happened upon. The issue is that America is the land of opportunity, and these groups lucked out that they could come in as immigrants to this nation and present some of the most ambitious members forward as representatives of their community.

Their reason for being here is superficial (absolutely nothing wrong with that). African-Americans have so much history invested into this country and are way more physically and emotionally connected to this nation than immigrant groups will ever be, yet many immigrant groups still get more respect. I know there are a few small communities of African-American expats, but the numbers just don't compare. So instead of pointing out why Asian women have such great press and can snag a rich white man why not consider a very telling difference between them and us...

If tomorrow Jim Crow came back and along with blacks, Asians received the same amount of discrimination, I bet they would pack up and go elsewhere while we would remain here marching and singing STILL trying to convince America to love us.

Ok I fold! Excellent post.

 

[mallysmommy]

If tomorrow Jim Crow came back and along with blacks, Asians received the same amount of discrimination, I bet they would pack up and go elsewhere while we would remain here marching and singing STILL trying to convince America to love us.[/QUOTE]


Damn they should print this on bumper sticker or something. i would post it on my fb but my asian friends might take it the wrong way....oh well

 

[*SkolarStar*]

I've seen thiis thread when it was posted and walked right on out. Not this again. The first step anyone can do is to stop looking for validation from a group who gives no fukc about you.

 

[SkySurfer]

Now I DO agree with that! I can tell the difference in mannerisms when I visit other parts of the world.

But you know what is funny? I think I would say that in general we as Americans are probably one of the most SMILELY bunch of society people in general though...

I think the only culture that might beat us might be some of those in African countries.

When I go overseas to some countries in Europe,etc, I notice that we tend to laugh more and smile more brightly than most others in other cultures. Germany, France, the Islands, etc. Now, of course...it COULD be that we're also on VACATION so that could probably be the reason why we're so smiley lol , but in general I can spot other Fellow Americans overseas because we're usually smiling more in general.

We tend to stand out in other cultures imo.

Of course, this could just be what I'VE personally experienced lol

I will agree with this. *Generalisation ahead ALERT* Americans are SO smiley. I was seriously taken aback when I went to America, wondering what it is they put in the water. I did like it though, people were happy to talk to other strangers and were quite approachable. In comparison (where I live in London anyway) it's quite a lot colder (in every way -_-).

 

[DragonPearl]

Since there is now another thread to satisfy those who have issues with this particular thread, perhaps we can now share without interference.

Okay, one thing I have learned from Asian women and maybe it can be expanded to Asian males as well is that most of the times, actions speak louder than words. While attending school a few years ago, a white teacher made a comment in class that Asians have more difficulty learning a particular subject (medical terminology). She didn't expound on it, but I think she made her claim based on linguistic differences. The Asians in the class were offended, but said nothing, they didn't verbally challenge the teacher or anything. They said nothing. Well, they talked among themselves and resolved to show the teacher she was wrong. I was privy to their plot because one of them was a close friend. They took the material and studied it more than everyone else, and at the end of the semester, ALL of them without exception got A and A+ and the teacher had to revise her theory.

 

[lonelysky]

Since there is now another thread to satisfy those who have issues with this particular thread, perhaps we can now share without interference.

Okay, one thing I have learned from Asian women and maybe it can be expanded to Asian males as well is that most of the times, actions speak louder than words. While attending school a few years ago, a white teacher made a comment in class that Asians have more difficulty learning a particular subject (medical terminology). She didn't expound on it, but I think she made her claim based on linguistic differences. The Asians in the class were offended, but said nothing, they didn't verbally challenge the teacher or anything. They said nothing. Well, they talked among themselves and resolved to show the teacher she was wrong. I was privy to their plot because one of them was a close friend. They took the material and studied it more than everyone else, and at the end of the semester, ALL of them without exception got A and A+ and the teacher had to revise her theory.

That's deep. I'm not so much into the whole "let's compare ourselves to other minorities" and the "let's care about what whites think of us" or "let's not give a flip what anyone thinks of us" mindsets, but there is something to be said about this example here.

When is the last time any of us have banded together and said, "we're not going to take this racist crap off anyone. We're gonna make a concerted effort to prove these fools wrong," instead if getting mad, playing the race card, and STILL proving the haters right.

That prof had no business saying that, and I might have had something to say about it to somebody, but at the end of the day, those dudes didn't resort to histrionics, they got er done and that's commendable.

We go hard on these Innanets

 

[DragonPearl]

^^^ What I got is that as a group, they don't believe in debating, arguing or persuading someone of their worth or capabilities. They believed in showing THROUGH THEIR ACTIONS that you are wrong. Actions truly speak louder than words, and this is something I try to remind myself of in every day life because I can spend a lot of time arguing and debating and it can be a waste of time.

 

[divya]

Asian-Americans, Jewish-Americans, Arab-Americans, etc... have one thing in common--when they couldn't make it in their home countries, they left. THAT is the fundamental difference. How can we really compare ourselves to immigrants? If a group of the brightest and most promising African-Americans would have left this country decades ago, we would have become the "Asians" of whatever nation we happened upon. The issue is that America is the land of opportunity, and these groups lucked out that they could come in as immigrants to this nation and present some of the most ambitious members forward as representatives of their community.

Their reason for being here is superficial (absolutely nothing wrong with that). African-Americans have so much history invested into this country and are way more physically and emotionally connected to this nation than immigrant groups will ever be, yet many immigrant groups still get more respect. I know there are a few small communities of African-American expats, but the numbers just don't compare. So instead of pointing out why Asian women have such great press and can snag a rich white man why not consider a very telling difference between them and us...

If tomorrow Jim Crow came back and along with blacks, Asians received the same amount of discrimination, I bet they would pack up and go elsewhere while we would remain here marching and singing STILL trying to convince America to love us.

Not necessarily. Who is really to say that they couldn't make it in their own countries? This certainly applies to plenty immigrants but for others, this is not the case. For some, they just so greater opportunities here, but it is not that they would not or could not have made it. There are immigrants who come here for all sorts of reasons. Shoot, my father would have gone back home, but then he met my mother.

I do understand the thrust of your post, but that's not really the most accurate portrayal of others.

 

[DrC]

This thread needs to die

 

[Allandra]

My advice has nothing to do with Asian women, but in general, I think bw could be softer/sweeter. I used to have a terrible attitude and while it didnt keep me from having a man, Im sure it rendered me unattractive at times.

Im a lot softer now and I know that's one of the traits dh found attractive. I also have a much easier time attracting friends and getting opportunities.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

I agree.

. . .

 

[bosswitch]

 

[Zaynab]

My advice has nothing to do with Asian women, but in general, I think bw could be softer/sweeter. I used to have a terrible attitude and while it didnt keep me from having a man, Im sure it rendered me unattractive at times.

Im a lot softer now and I know that's one of the traits dh found attractive. I also have a much easier time attracting friends and getting opportunities.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

So sorry I missed out on this thread but thanks for tagging me. This would have been my answer Southernbella.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Asian women IME don't deal with dealbreakers in men. Got a baby? Bye. Ya poor? Bye. My family won't like you? Let me not waste my time. You are not at least half-way to achieving your goals? NEXT!

Now, I know many people will say, "I know so-and-so and she has 4 kids by 4 men. She gets abused. Blah, blah, blah!" Of course! No group is exempt from drama. Like I said, IME, Asian women usually deal with top-notch men avoiding much of the undesirable situations many women deal with.

Even my white girlfriend told me she wouldn't have married my ex-husband. She told me quite simply, "Why get involved with a man that isn't everything he needs to be?"

This Asian chick I know is going through what I’m going through. I’m kind of acting off of faith in the dating game but she has it down to a science. She:

-Dates more than one person at a time. She goes on about 3 dates a day. If one dude can’t meet up she calls another.
-Of course she never pays for dates. She is the prize.
-She ONLY dates wealthy men. No money no date. Period. Ain’t no working with a brother. I’ll work with you when you’re paid.
-She stays busy with hobbies. This gives her more to talk about on dates.
-When dudes ask about her ex she talks about not her ex husband but an ex or a mde up person that treated her well or how she wants to be treated. She never talks about her past. She never tells a new dude what she put up with with the last dude because essentially you’re teaching him how to treat you bad too.

 

[MizAvalon]

This Asian chick I know is going through what I’m going through. I’m kind of acting off of faith in the dating game but she has it down to a science. She:

-Dates more than one person at a time. She goes on about 3 dates a day. If one dude can’t meet up she calls another.
-Of course she never pays for dates. She is the prize.
-She ONLY dates wealthy men. No money no date. Period. Ain’t no working with a brother. I’ll work with you when you’re paid.
-She stays busy with hobbies. This gives her more to talk about on dates.
-When dudes ask about her ex she talks about not her ex husband but an ex or a mde up person that treated her well or how she wants to be treated. She never talks about her past. She never tells a new dude what she put up with with the last dude because essentially you’re teaching him how to treat you bad too.

She's not playing and I love it!

How does she manage to have 3 dates a day though? Does she just meet them for a quick coffee?

 

[PrissiSippi]

She's not playing and I love it!

How does she manage to have 3 dates a day though? Does she just meet them for a quick coffee?

Yup and if the convo is dry she seeetly asks aww honey are you tired. When they say yeahhhh I had such a long day working or doing blah blah to explain for dry conversation she says I totally understand. Just call me up when you have more energy I understand and asks for her food to go (and puts it on his ticket) and leaves the place.

 

[PrissiSippi]

She also told me I need stricter boundaries. DH is not allowed to enter her house period. He gives her the baby outside and bye bye. No need to come inside and mess up her feng shui.

Recently I was a little bothered. DH proceeded to have a 30 minute convo with me on mother’s day. He NEVER said happy mtver’s Day or acknowledged me or bought me a gift. If he wasn’t in the house this wouldn’t have time to occur. I’ll take that advice from now on.

 

[MizAvalon]

Yup and if the convo is dry she seeetly asks aww honey are you tired. When they say yeahhhh I had such a long day working or doing blah blah to explain for dry conversation she says I totally understand. Just call me up when you have more energy I understand and asks for her food to go (and puts it on his ticket) and leaves the place.

 

[Bun Mistress]

I am not sure I even want to dip a toe into these waters but hey whats the worst that could happen? I could just get banned.

I read a book years ago that I occasionly go back to (didn't write it not affliated, but getting paid for this endorsement.)

It is called the Geisha secret. I don't remmeber where I heard about it from but it is the secrets to the geisha's allure if you will. I will summarized there are Rituals
1 - Make yourself uniquely Beautiful
2- Embrace your feminity
3- demonstrate Subtle sex appeal
4- Embody elegance
5- Exhibit Intelligence and accomplishment
6- Exercise Humility in everything that you do
7- Act with kindness
8- Perferm thoughtful acts
9- be the prize that is pursued
10- Wait to give yourself to a man
11- Be at ease in all of your endeavors
12- show your apprecoation
13- Be compassionate
14- be deliberate in your communication
15- be attentive at key moments
16- deeply connect to a man
17- allow a man to embrace is maleness
18- be a dynamic hostess
20- key a men intirgued

It is a good read. if you are interested in the topic.

 

[RossBoss]

I am not sure I even want to dip a toe into these waters but hey whats the worst that could happen? I could just get banned.

I read a book years ago that I occasionly go back to (didn't write it not affliated, but getting paid for this endorsement.)

It is called the Geisha secret. I don't remmeber where I heard about it from but it is the secrets to the geisha's allure if you will. I will summarized there are Rituals
1 - Make yourself uniquely Beautiful
2- Embrace your feminity
3- demonstrate Subtle sex appeal
4- Embody elegance
5- Exhibit Intelligence and accomplishment
6- Exercise Humility in everything that you do
7- Act with kindness
8- Perferm thoughtful acts
9- be the prize that is pursued
10- Wait to give yourself to a man
11- Be at ease in all of your endeavors
12- show your apprecoation
13- Be compassionate
14- be deliberate in your communication
15- be attentive at key moments
16- deeply connect to a man
17- allow a man to embrace is maleness
18- be a dynamic hostess
20- key a men intirgued

It is a good read. if you are interested in the topic.

These are no brainers.

 

[PrissiSippi]

These are no brainers.

Not for all! Like deeply connect to a man. What does that even mean lol? What does it look like.

This has me wanting to read the book!

 

[Bun Mistress]

I mean are they though? How many discussions are on this very board that touch on question or have as a topic one of the things spoken about in this book?

 

[caribeandiva]

When dudes ask about her ex she talks about not her ex husband but an ex or a mde up person that treated her well or how she wants to be treated. She never talks about her past. She never tells a new dude what she put up with with the last dude because essentially you’re teaching him how to treat you bad too.

That’s genius!

 

[caribeandiva]

I am not sure I even want to dip a toe into these waters but hey whats the worst that could happen? I could just get banned.

I read a book years ago that I occasionly go back to (didn't write it not affliated, but getting paid for this endorsement.)

It is called the Geisha secret. I don't remmeber where I heard about it from but it is the secrets to the geisha's allure if you will. I will summarized there are Rituals
1 - Make yourself uniquely Beautiful
2- Embrace your feminity
3- demonstrate Subtle sex appeal
4- Embody elegance
5- Exhibit Intelligence and accomplishment
6- Exercise Humility in everything that you do
7- Act with kindness
8- Perferm thoughtful acts
9- be the prize that is pursued
10- Wait to give yourself to a man
11- Be at ease in all of your endeavors
12- show your apprecoation
13- Be compassionate
14- be deliberate in your communication
15- be attentive at key moments
16- deeply connect to a man
17- allow a man to embrace is maleness
18- be a dynamic hostess
20- key a men intirgued

It is a good read. if you are interested in the topic.

That book was mentioned in the Sensuality and femininity thread. I think there was even a pdf floating around somewhere. Good stuff!

 

[caribeandiva]

This thread was bumped at just the right time. My Asian coworker just secured the bag over the weekend. She’s 29 or 30. He’s younger than her. Been together for a year. Our desks are next to each other so we talk a lot about relationships. I was impressed with her mindset when it comes to dating because she thinks like I do! She’s got good boundaries, has a rotation, told him exactly what she wanted, said she wouldn’t wait for him if he gets deployed in the military, etc... I’m so excited for her! Her ring is gorgeous! She showed it to him when they first started dating and he came through with it.