This Thread Is For the Healing Hearts....

I so want to be over this mess. . . I'm not going to pretend that I'm not still hurt over the whole sordid mess. I just want this to be a sordid memory. That's the advantage of dealing with other breakups, you know that this too shall pass. :)

I am so waiting for the "passing" to pass and be gone!!!
 
hey ladies,

just found this thread. and i too am going thru some crazyness...my ex for ab 2 years got someone pregnant. and its been ab two months since we had spoken last. well over the past weekend my frenz and I had a drunken moment and dey basically called him. i was crying and he heard me and came over bc he owes me alot of money. well basically he brought me some money. we talked for ab an hour and i asked him why some things went down and wat went wrong and all of tat such. seeing him just made all the feelings come back. well i just dont get this. i no nothing has changed bc the baby is still coming but i mean i no it sounds dumm but i was willing to work on things cuz i cared. he basically treated me like a random person as if two years didnt mean anyting. so it seems like he has another fling going without da babymomma knowing. and i just told him i wanted to hang cuz these past couple mnths being by myself allowed me to c tat we could possibly be friends but he aint really trying. i no he thinks tat we might end up doing things and i migt get emotionally attached but idk. anywho i really feel tat we separated due to my weight and hym not being attracted to me nemore but dang. i also find it funny how he was able to cheat on me but is not willing to on dis fling i noo stupid of me 2 even thnk:nono: i no everyone tells me its not u its him but why does it feel other wise. juss eariler now hes saying he dont wanna stop talking 2 me den does othher wise and im like wtf .....ughh:wallbash: well i write this cuz i no u ladies listen and arent quick to judge and dis really helps me out.
 
LadyCee said:
hey ladies,

just found this thread. and i too am going thru some crazyness...my ex for ab 2 years got someone pregnant. and its been ab two months since we had spoken last. well over the past weekend my frenz and I had a drunken moment and dey basically called him. i was crying and he heard me and came over bc he owes me alot of money. well basically he brought me some money. we talked for ab an hour and i asked him why some things went down and wat went wrong and all of tat such. seeing him just made all the feelings come back. well i just dont get this. i no nothing has changed bc the baby is still coming but i mean i no it sounds dumm but i was willing to work on things cuz i cared. he basically treated me like a random person as if two years didnt mean anyting. so it seems like he has another fling going without da babymomma knowing. and i just told him i wanted to hang cuz these past couple mnths being by myself allowed me to c tat we could possibly be friends but he aint really trying. i no he thinks tat we might end up doing things and i migt get emotionally attached but idk. anywho i really feel tat we separated due to my weight and hym not being attracted to me nemore but dang. i also find it funny how he was able to cheat on me but is not willing to on dis fling i noo stupid of me 2 even thnk:nono: i no everyone tells me its not u its him but why does it feel other wise. juss eariler now hes saying he dont wanna stop talking 2 me den does othher wise and im like wtf .....ughh:wallbash: well i write this cuz i no u ladies listen and arent quick to judge and dis really helps me out.
Click to expand...

:sad: I'm sorry. I know what you mean when you say it feels like it's your fault but logically it just doesnt make sense that it could be. I am going through something and I keep blaming myself but really I shouldn't. We live and learn. Hopefully you can find the strength to move on. Hopefully I can too. :perplexed
 
I'm SO glad for this thread... I broke up with my boyfriend today. The story is... We were together in person, then went to LDR status when he moved away... I was planning to move in with him next month, but two or so months before the move he started talking roommates. I told him I wasn't comfortable with that, and long story short he chose to live with his best friend instead of living with me. I was going to find someone else in the area to live with, but in the end I decided that if I was going to move to a different state to be with him, then the least he could do was live with me... and if he wasn't going to do that, then I wasn't going to bother moving.

So... yeah. It hurts a lot; we were together four years and he's been my best friend even longer. It's going to be SO weird knowing I'll never be with him in person again... I think that makes it all the more painful. I can't imagine life without him at this point. Sigh.
 
Whatever your goin through, always envision that guy you fantasize about meeting

you will find him!!!!


It works for me EVERY TIME


Whatever you've been through (believe me i've been through it all) it will get better.

The thing ive learnt is how important principles are. have your rules, let the man know, and stick to them. If he crosses the line - have a meeting. We become so wary in love, that many of us can become uptight, unnapproachable rigid people. Be open yet firm

And dont think about walking down the aisle with every new man you get - thats not the right way to think

Enjoy the NOW

i always say (if my friends ask) that my man will do for now...an its not to be rude, read it slower....he will do for now meaning for the stage i'm at, my mate is suitable for this present time.

Alot of us still get burnt waiting for men to "change"

men can change...SUBTLEY..take that how you want...

Ive realised the only way for me to go forward is cut off my ex...otherwise he is like a dangling...just ready to pop up once a week with some crap about LOVE ME! pssshhh

Move on and date others, dont hide away, heal yourself for a few weeks, months be with YOU have salt baths with candle and wine n chocolate, meditate, but it is not healthy to dwell and cry for years over some fool who came into your life for a few years and messed you up. the longer they are in your mind, the longer they are messing you up

Being a woman means being strong, psychologically, do what you have to do, and HEAL move ON....there are men out there who will DO for NOW! :yep:
 
LadyCee said:
hey ladies,

just found this thread. and i too am going thru some crazyness...my ex for ab 2 years got someone pregnant. and its been ab two months since we had spoken last. well over the past weekend my frenz and I had a drunken moment and dey basically called him. i was crying and he heard me and came over bc he owes me alot of money. well basically he brought me some money. we talked for ab an hour and i asked him why some things went down and wat went wrong and all of tat such. seeing him just made all the feelings come back. well i just dont get this. i no nothing has changed bc the baby is still coming but i mean i no it sounds dumm but i was willing to work on things cuz i cared. he basically treated me like a random person as if two years didnt mean anyting. so it seems like he has another fling going without da babymomma knowing. and i just told him i wanted to hang cuz these past couple mnths being by myself allowed me to c tat we could possibly be friends but he aint really trying. i no he thinks tat we might end up doing things and i migt get emotionally attached but idk. anywho i really feel tat we separated due to my weight and hym not being attracted to me nemore but dang. i also find it funny how he was able to cheat on me but is not willing to on dis fling i noo stupid of me 2 even thnk:nono: i no everyone tells me its not u its him but why does it feel other wise. juss eariler now hes saying he dont wanna stop talking 2 me den does othher wise and im like wtf .....ughh:wallbash: well i write this cuz i no u ladies listen and arent quick to judge and dis really helps me out.
Click to expand...

I can imagine how that stings

But you have to cut him off....just for a while...oh and 1st priority is you, so forget about the money for now - dont use it as an excuse or anything during this time (even though that doesnt seem to be the thing bothering you right now - when you begin to heal trust me that will be number ONE!!!!!)

Whenever i go through a time of healing, i ALWAYS have a tonic bath, with candles and soothing music (no lyrics!!!) whether thats some kinda drum healing music, or chanting...you need to clean your mind and get back that pride. He really shouldnt have come over - he heard you crying and took advantage of your weakness, tried to come over like a night-in-shining-armour just to make you feel "neglected" as your thinking - he wont cheat on her with me - etc. Get those thoughts out your head for one. He doesnt need to come over to your personal space - you have things to do, you have block out times and days - if he wants to see you to give you money or to talk - he meust arrange something in advance at a public place

ie. resturant, cafe etc.

If you feel that your weight affects YOU as a person and you willingly want to lose weight, then thats easily done, lose the weight you want...FOR YOUR happiness ... enough to get back your copnfidence, cos i dont think your insecure, but this man broke you down and made you feel insecure...

find YOU again, not i nthe hope of winning him back, but in the hope of winning you back...as this happens, you wont feel sensitive and may start to feel ANGER..genuine anger that lasts for days and weeks...this is good - you are moving up.

you have to stop yourself having random outbursts, express your anger in another way.

start dressing "real nice" to normal places like shopping, wear simple yet pretty makeup that suits your skin, think of a time when everybody was like WOOOOWWW you look nice, try to emulate it again

this will lead to dates

and this will erase you ex out your mind - for a while

do not DOOO NOTTTT bragg to your ex, or anything, if he asks, say ur seeing somebody and THATS IT - remember, block him out from certain areas of you
cos right now he has an all-access pass

dont call him for nothing, or contact(text/pm/email) let him call you

and if you think its weight, well him babymother will grow bigger so...dont always blame something YOU have control over - maybe he ISNT FOR YOU

he has moved on with his life, and so should you

It isnt always about looks and appearance - you can be the hottest girl in town and still get burnt!

good luck x
 
tanx everyone i have to force this into my head even tho i do try its juss so frustrating u kno u get so us to a person and then r afaird to try again i mean i dont want to get to no a person again juss to get my heart broken again i got so comfortable i want him miserable ahhhh:sad:
 
Had to bump this...
and say thanks to all the ladies that posted their realness up in here..
It has helped me...
Will come back later and post my story...

I love this site....
 
MochaWisdom said:
Had to bump this...
and say thanks to all the ladies that posted their realness up in here..
It has helped me...
Will come back later and post my story...

I love this site....
Click to expand...

I saw that you were the last one to post and immediately came in to see what the deal was.

This is a great thread, I'm glad you found it helpful.

We're ready to listen when you're ready to talk. :yep:
 
Great thread....my last ex I would say was my hardest break up....also one of my biggest and greatest lessons in love and life thus far in life.....that whole relationship propelled me forward far faster than I could of ever imagined and having to let go of it was one of my most challenging life experiences......We had a great relationship, a few psychological mental challenges, but overall great....and I didn't really just all out completely love him with nothing else on top of it until after we broke up....and to be able to release, express and feel that love was so exhilirating that I felt like I was taken to new heights...not only in unconditional love for myself but for like everybody...it was such a spiritual evolution that it trumped all the hurt and pain I felt after breaking up.....and I completely understand him and his fears and insecurities and the idea that me and him are on different journeys in life.....He's always been honest, knows what his issues are and I realize that if Im not the one who helps him grow then I want him to be able to find himself in whatever way he has too...and if its without me, then its without me

The first week we broke up I played a certain playlist of songs all about...

he's not good enuff
I've had enough
he ain't no good song

And I realized I didn't like being upset and hurt, and also realizing that he could of easily been selfish, lied to me to keep me around, tell me what i wanted to hear just to be talking out the side of his neck and he wasn't a no good dude and even though he fought love off with a stick he showed it in so many ways no matter how much he didn't want to give into it....and no matter how mad I wanted to be it didn't take away the feelings of love I just felt for him

I made a new playlist with more spiritual uplifting songs.....and the song that really got me through the first few months that I played literally everyday was India Irie
Heart of the Matter

I cried whenever I felt like it and the good thing is me and him are still cool....He is my heart and I will never stop loving him.....

And I've learned to surrender to my feelings and release them....there is no use in fighting them, hiding them, pretending they don't exist when they do.....the times I feel n e sort of sadness or yearning....I instantly surrender to them and release them out....and it seems n e time im ever in that mode I get the right daily emails, or hear the right words from a person, the right song comes on to remind me that I've learned how to really love and be prepared for the next chapter of my life

I took about year off from dating...the first time ever since I was a teenager that I didn't have a strong male or males in my life .....except my best male friend teaching and learning tantric sex with me :)...that was great....

I wrote also wrote all the time and wrote a song that I sent to him as well

Finally
Im ready see
to completely set you free
let you be
who you be
and not let it affect me
I really need
time for me
Im bout ready
to spread these wings
always knew
I'd have to leave
continue on
my own journey

Without you my love I know it will be tough
on my heart, on my soul, I stay prayin above
Cuz I know that if I stay, it will be too rough
It seems no matter what
I know this aint enough

so

Im movin on
I cried all the tears Ima cry for you
I tried everything to prove my love was true
and I realize that you don't want the same
so now Im gone
I appreciate everything we went through
I know truly in my heart that without you
I wouldn't be the woman I am today

What we had
What we were
It was so spectacular
So different
So special
could of been so beautiful
no Im not dillusional
not even confused at all
love can't grow
love can't show
when love is blocked
behind a wall

Without you my love, I know it will be tough
but in my heart , in my soul I know I can't give up
I know I have to trust
I know no matter what
I will find another us

so

Im movin on
I cried all the tears Ima cry for you
I tried everything to prove my love was true
and I realize that you don't want the same
so now Im gone
I appreciate everything we went through
I know truly in my heart that without you
I wouldn't be the woman I am today

Life is learning
I will take from us
a lesson in love
Im only better because
of
you

One of the hardest things I've went through I think turned out to be one of the best turning points in my life....and I can't feel n e sort of hatred or anger towards him even if I tried....and believe me, I've tried from time to time.....:)

I know breaking up and losing someone can suck super duper ass and I tried to wallow and I just couldn't...it was like I was being forced to see what was going on...I meditated alot, I prayed all the time and I just talked to my source and went deep within and all the answers I needed always came to me....and the time I took for myself with myselfl afterwards to work on myself and peel back layer after layer of myself getting to the core of who I really am and what Im really about is the best time I've spent in my life thus far......

I encourage you beautiful ladies to look at yourselves and the people in your lives and pull out of it any positive's you can that propel you forward in life and even the people who hurt you or do you wrong may have a hand in lighting up your path to your divine self
 
Last edited:
I finally talked to my fiance and tonight I realized that he is not capable of loving me the way I need him to. He is so emotionally disconnected that if he doesn't agree with the cause, then my emotion is invalid because it is "predicated on a falacy". He uses that to justify his saying cold things to me, he even told me that he is neutral towards our relationship and that he hasnt been happy since almost July (even though he proposed to me just last month). He has never apologized for anything in our relationship, he thinks I am responsible for all of our discord. He is emotionally pushing me away because he isn't "happy", failing to realize that adult relationships are more than happiness and butterflies (especially since we are long distance). That is how I knew for sure that he had issues. I am torn to pieces. It hurts so bad. I can hardly breathe and I am loosing weight everyday. He is a therapist...I wish that he could overcome this because he really is the man I closed my eyes and dreamt of. Things were going so well. I still hope that we can get therapy to sort thru this all, but I don't know what good it will do. I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.
 
tiara76 said:
Great thread....my last ex I would say was my hardest break up....also one of my biggest and greatest lessons in love and life thus far in life.....that whole relationship propelled me forward far faster than I could of ever imagined and having to let go of it was one of my most challenging life experiences......We had a great relationship, a few psychological mental challenges, but overall great....and I didn't really just all out completely love him with nothing else on top of it until after we broke up....and to be able to release, express and feel that love was so exhilirating that I felt like I was taken to new heights...not only in unconditional love for myself but for like everybody...it was such a spiritual evolution that it trumped all the hurt and pain I felt after breaking up.....and I completely understand him and his fears and insecurities and the idea that me and him are on different journeys in life.....He's always been honest, knows what his issues are and I realize that if Im not the one who helps him grow then I want him to be able to find himself in whatever way he has too...and if its without me, then its without me

The first week we broke up I played a certain playlist of songs all about...

he's not good enuff
I've had enough
he ain't no good song

And I realized I didn't like being upset and hurt, and also realizing that he could of easily been selfish, lied to me to keep me around, tell me what i wanted to hear just to be talking out the side of his neck and he wasn't a no good dude and even though he fought love off with a stick he showed it in so many ways no matter how much he didn't want to give into it....and no matter how mad I wanted to be it didn't take away the feelings of love I just felt for him

I made a new playlist with more spiritual uplifting songs.....and the song that really got me through the first few months that I played literally everyday was India Irie
Heart of the Matter

I cried whenever I felt like it and the good thing is me and him are still cool....He is my heart and I will never stop loving him.....

And I've learned to surrender to my feelings and release them....there is no use in fighting them, hiding them, pretending they don't exist when they do.....the times I feel n e sort of sadness or yearning....I instantly surrender to them and release them out....and it seems n e time im ever in that mode I get the right daily emails, or hear the right words from a person, the right song comes on to remind me that I've learned how to really love and be prepared for the next chapter of my life

I took about year off from dating...the first time ever since I was a teenager that I didn't have a strong male or males in my life .....except my best male friend teaching and learning tantric sex with me :)...that was great....

I wrote also wrote all the time and wrote a song that I sent to him as well

Finally
Im ready see
to completely set you free
let you be
who you be
and not let it affect me
I really need
time for me
Im bout ready
to spread these wings
always knew
I'd have to leave
continue on
my own journey

Without you my love I know it will be tough
on my heart, on my soul, I stay prayin above
Cuz I know that if I stay, it will be too rough
It seems no matter what
I know this aint enough

so

Im movin on
I cried all the tears Ima cry for you
I tried everything to prove my love was true
and I realize that you don't want the same
so now Im gone
I appreciate everything we went through
I know truly in my heart that without you
I wouldn't be the woman I am today

What we had
What we were
It was so spectacular
So different
So special
could of been so beautiful
no Im not dillusional
not even confused at all
love can't grow
love can't show
when love is blocked
behind a wall

Without you my love, I know it will be tough
but in my heart , in my soul I know I can't give up
I know I have to trust
I know no matter what
I will find another us

so

Im movin on
I cried all the tears Ima cry for you
I tried everything to prove my love was true
and I realize that you don't want the same
so now Im gone
I appreciate everything we went through
I know truly in my heart that without you
I wouldn't be the woman I am today

Life is learning
I will take from us
a lesson in love
Im only better because
of
you

One of the hardest things I've went through I think turned out to be one of the best turning points in my life....and I can't feel n e sort of hatred or anger towards him even if I tried....and believe me, I've tried from time to time.....:)

I know breaking up and losing someone can suck super duper *** and I tried to wallow and I just couldn't...it was like I was being forced to see what was going on...I meditated alot, I prayed all the time and I just talked to my source and went deep within and all the answers I needed always came to me....and the time I took for myself with myselfl afterwards to work on myself and peel back layer after layer of myself getting to the core of who I really am and what Im really about is the best time I've spent in my life thus far......

I encourage you beautiful ladies to look at yourselves and the people in your lives and pull out of it any positive's you can that propel you forward in life and even the people who hurt you or do you wrong may have a hand in lighting up your path to your divine self
Click to expand...

wow. This is exactly where I am with my former fiance. We mutally called it quits a few days after election day. We have still been chillin. He invites me over and we watch movies and we have slept together. It weird because it seems so much better than when we dated. He has been honest as well about his limitations in loving me cause of past baggage etc. Although he came be an extreme *******. I love him and will always love him. We will be friends.

I do realize for myself that I have to move on. I have been open to accepting advances from men, and I'm mostly enjoying myself and being 24. I know I can't get back with him ( plus my brothers expressed they would be very disappointed if I did...brothers know best), and I accept and allow myself to feel my sadness, anger and greif so I can heal.

I do feel empowered and liberated, and I learned so much about myself from that relationship. I'm happy once being alone, but I'm not lonely. I have friends, family, and coworkers.

But Tiara that song, word for word is exactly how I feel.

LHCF I haven't been on here for like 2 months, I'm so happy I found this thread. It's so what I needed this morning. Ladies we'll be okay. The first step to healing is loving oneself and realizing God brings people into your life for a reason, and sometimes for a season. Take the time to reflect on the relationship, but also don't blame yourself...both people contribute to a relationship not lasting.. Mostly, it's him..lol

God is Good. so let go and let GOD...amd enjoy being a women. Kick on some heals... go out and enjoy your feminity.
 
..mhm

bumping cause Divine and a lot of ladies dropped alott of knowledge in here.:yep:
and it helps me with what im going thro....*:nono:not sharing yet, im waiting to see how this mess pans out first:ohwell:
 
I'm sitting here wondering why did it take 2 years for me to stand up for my self. They say it takes twice as long as the amount of time you were with someone to get over them, and maybe that is true, because it has been two years since we broke up.

This road isn't over because I've gone 6 months without talking to him. BUT I know that it can be done. It's been a full month since I cut off FULL contact with my two exes who emotionally drained and hurt me.

Everything about them wasn't bad though. My ex that I was very much in love with told me that I was too needy. (He was tryna have sex with me, and I said no) He then told me he was tired of supporting me mentally orally and supportively everday. It seemed like everyday I needed a pep talk. I looked around, and that was very much true. I always need someone to talk to. I feel alone ALL the time. I struggle with some problem such as family, school, work ALL the time, so I'm constantly looking ofr answers.

Because of this, in 2009 I gotta get strict about focusing on the positive. I have to focus on not telling my bizz to the whole world, and handling stuff by myself. I think this is my year. This is my year for the metamorphosis of my inner beauty.
 
MzLady78 said:
I just really wanna get over it. I hate being on this emotional rollercoaster. One day, I feel totally ready to move on. The next, I'm a basketcase. It's so draining, especially when I know he ain't thinking about me.
Click to expand...


Hugs Mz. Lady, this is how it is when getting over a breakup. Remember that time heals all wounds and in the future you will be soooo happy that you didn't marry him or stay with him any longer than you did. Keep that in mind
 
This thread is so helpful.

I was up most of the night crying, hyperventilating and calling out to God about the college sweetheart. He's seeing someone new, and even though it may not be that serious, it hurts because I'd been holding onto him for years. I'm okay now. It's weird...I have a peace about the whole relationship that I haven't felt in a LONG time. I think this is truly a wrap.

Divine, MzLady and tiara...please continue to drop words of wisdom. I am getting on by the grace of God. He is so comforting.
 
yup. i actually walked to his house 2 am and called him till he woke up and i went in so i could talk to him.

i still have my doubts and lack of trust. i went and got the mail and he left a 6 page letter of his life story, his demons, his ex's, and me. It threw me for a loop cause now im more confused. I just dont know right now.
 
Divine Inspiration said:
MzTami, you're such a sweetheart for starting this thread. :kiss:
Click to expand...

ITA ^^:yep::yep:

I found this thread right on time... My SO and I broke up this past monday....I moved out of my parents home when i was 19 and moved right in with him and we have been together every since... I never had to take care of myself or pay any bills and my SO worked so hard to keep the bills paid as well as pay for my dreams...well something in 2009 just hit me it kinda came from no where and I had this urge to prove to myself that i can take care of myself...I feel like I dont know me...I know him inside and out but what about me :perplexed I feel like I dont have anything to bring to the table...so i moved out and we "gave each other space" for a while. He is sooooooooooooo hardworking and a go getter! He never had anything handed to him in life so that really makes him work so hard..He is perfect and I pray that when i get myself together he will still be there:yep:
 
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